by K. C. Lynn
A fucking minister raped and killed my seven-year-old sister because it was supposedly God’s fucking will!
Tears begin to stream down my face and my heart breaks for the little girl who never got a chance at life, for the little boy who lost his sister, and for the man that clearly still hurts so much. But most of all, my heart shatters that this is the way our time together has ended, because I know I will never see him again. A sharp pain slices through my chest and my tears flow faster. Why does it feel like I just lost something I never even had?
CHAPTER 4
Cade
The next night I walk up the familiar trail I didn’t think I would ever step foot on again, and look up at the dreary sky that’s about to dump rain any second.
“Watch her not even be here,” I mutter to no one. Hell, what am I saying? Of course she will be, only because of the kid though, not for me. And I don’t blame her. My chest constricts with guilt when I think about the way I lost it on her last night. I still can’t believe I told her about my sister. What is it about her that fucks with my judgment?
I know I shouldn’t come back, but after finding the kid I want to let her know that he is okay. And, if I’m being honest, I also want to see her one more time. I leave tomorrow, and for some reason the thought of not seeing her again has my heart pounding with fucking panic.
It pisses me off that after years of nothing but numbness some redheaded, country girl had to come along and fuck with my dark world. A girl who stands for everything I loathe, yet her smile is all I see every time I close my eyes. One whose presence I constantly ache to be around, when usually, I yearn only for solitude. Whose voice I crave to hear, when I normally crave nothing but silence. A girl I have no business feeling any of this shit for because I will only ruin her. She lives in a world of light and I was long ago swallowed by darkness.
I think about the way she ran up to me last night and threw herself at me… I was so scared something happened to you, you’re never late. Other than Sawyer and Jaxson, I have no one in my life who cares if I live or die. Which is exactly how I like it, and even though her affection completely surprised me and made me uncomfortable, it had also shifted something in my chest. Something I didn’t think I was capable of feeling anymore.
Then I had to go fucking spaz on her and tell her that her dad should be locked up. Jesus, I still can’t believe I said that. Even if I do hate the guy for what he is and everything he stands for, I shouldn’t have said that to her. I shake my head, getting pissed at myself again. Just tell her about the kid, say your piece and get the fuck out of there.
As soon as I walk into the clearing and see her, I come to a sudden stop. She looks nothing like the girl I’ve come to see in the past week. Instead of strumming her guitar with a beautiful smile, she sits with her back against the tree and her arms wrapped around her knees. Her head is turned to the side, facing away from me, and by the gentle shake of her shoulders I can tell she’s crying. My guilt escalates at seeing her like this, but it’s a good reminder of why it’s best to stay away from her after this.
A gust of wind kicks up as I start over to her, and I notice she’s in a dress and cowgirl boots again. Not really great attire for the weather. I also notice she doesn’t have her guitar.
Not wanting to scare her, I purposely make noise as I approach. Her head snaps in my direction, and my heart fucking swells painfully when her wet, green eyes collide with mine.
She wipes her wet cheeks with the back of her hand. “I’m surprised to see you. I thought you left,” she whispers sadly.
I clear my suddenly tight throat and sit down beside her. “Actually, I leave tomorrow but I wanted to come tell you that I found the kid.”
She sits up hopefully. “You found Aadil? Is he okay?”
“Yeah, he seemed to be. I found him at uh… a place where his mom works.” I decide not to share with her that he was at a bar/whorehouse. “He said he was going to try and come tomorrow night to see you.”
She lets out a relieved breath. “Thank God he’s all right. I was going to go and look for him tomorrow if he didn’t come tonight.”
Panic pounds through every vein in my body after she says that. “Not a good idea, Red. You could end up making things worse for the both of you if you go looking for him. Just stay here. He will come to you when he can.”
She watches me silently for a moment, her sad eyes doing shit to my chest that I didn’t think was possible up until a week ago. “Okay. I’ll wait here for him. Thank you for coming and telling me.”
I nod and an awkward silence settles over us. Another gust of wind kicks up, reminding me I don’t have much time with her. I try to find the right words for an apology but she beats me to it.
“I’m sorry about yesterday, Cade. I did not intend for our conversation to end up the way it did. I shouldn’t have pried.”
Well fuck, that makes me feel even more like shit. I avoid looking at her and instead keep my gaze on the trees in the distance. “It’s fine. Clearly it’s a sensitive subject for me and it always will be, but I shouldn’t have exploded like that.” I know it’s a shitty apology but I’m not great at apologizing.
“I’m so sorry about your sister,” she adds quietly.
I clench my jaw at the pain that slices though my chest. “I don’t want to talk about it, Red. Just let it go.”
She begins to apologize again when a loud crack of thunder sounds through the air and the sky opens up. Fast and heavy rainfall immediately soaks us.
“I guess that’s our cue.” I stand and offer her my hand.
She places her small, soft one in mine and allows me to pull her up. Her white dress is already soaked through and plastered against her body like second skin. I curse my dick for growing hard at the sight and hope she doesn’t notice.
Looking up at me, her seductive green eyes shine bright with a longing that matches my own. But they are also filled with questions, asking me for things I know I can’t give her, but fuck do I wish I could.
Before I do something stupid, I pull her to me and lean into her ear so she can hear me over the rain. “Be safe, Red.” Then planting a hard kiss on her forehead, I turn around and get the fuck out of there. The entire time I walk away from her I have an ache in my chest I haven’t felt since I was fifteen years old.
*
Faith
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I can’t believe I am doing this. I swipe my soaking wet hair out of my eyes and fight my way through the heavy rainfall as I try to find Cade’s camp. Please, God, don’t let me get into trouble… or shot at.
My teeth chatter, making me wish I would have gone back to camp for dry clothes and an umbrella first. I have no idea if I’m going the right way. I can only guess based on the little information he shared with me, on where he was stationed, and the direction he walked from when he came to see me.
I realize that walking around in the pouring rain looking for a naval base is probably not smart. But ever since Cade walked away I haven’t been able to get this sick feeling out of the pit of my stomach. The feeling that I was making a huge mistake by letting him go. I know the kind of man he is and what he believes. I know he does not do more than one night. But something tells me that having one night with him will be better than not having him at all.
I still can’t believe he came back tonight. I was so sure he had left and that I would never see him again. I walked around all day with a heavy heart, feeling like I lost something I never had. Then as I sat in that field tonight, remembering our nights together, the regret I felt about how it all ended became too much to bear. I was crying, lost in my grief, when suddenly he was there… my dark angel. That has to be a sign, right? Yes, I know it. I can feel it deep inside of me. Please, God, let me find him.
As soon as my mind speaks the words, I come up to a camp, I’m assuming is his. A chain-link fence lines acres of land that houses a bunch of small buildings. A helicopter sits off in the distance along with a few Army vehicles. An
American flag stands tall and flaps wildly in the storm. The outside is completely deserted. I begin walking around the fence, wondering if there is even a way in, when I slam into a hard body.
“Shit!” Large hands grab my shoulders to help steady me.
Looking up, my eyes go wide at the incredibly attractive, soaking wet man in front of me. His eyes roam over me with blatant appreciation and I feel my face heat with the realization that I’m wearing a white dress that is completely soaked. I’m praying that my white bra and panties lessen the indecency.
He gives me a charming smile that I bet girls drop their panties for in a heartbeat. “Well what do we have here? You lost, Country?”
I swallow nervously and brush my hair out of my face. “Um, I’m looking for Cade Walker,” I yell to be heard over the storm. “Do you know him by a chance?”
Recognition flashes in his dark green eyes and I instantly know he does. His gaze latches onto the heavy metal cross that’s hanging around my neck, and his eyes narrow in suspicion. My teeth begin to chatter uncontrollably as I wait for his answer. “How do you know Cade?”
“Umm, well, the last week we have been meeting in the evenings and…”
“Whoa, wait!” He puts his hand up interrupting me. “You’re the place he has been going to every night?” I nod timidly and start to worry I am getting him into trouble.
“Un-fucking-believable,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “Yeah, Country, I know him. I tell you what, see that building over there?” I nod at where he points. “Go to the third door on the right. That’s his room.” He pulls me over to an opening in the gate and helps me in.
“Thank you,” I yell back at him, hoping he hears me over the rain.
As I start jogging in the direction he pointed out, he yells, “Tell him not to worry about the Admiral, that Sawyer will take care of it.”
Sawyer… I smile with relief, knowing it was his friend I was talking to. Once I make it to Cade’s door, I put my hand on my stomach and try to calm the giant butterflies that are dancing in my tummy. Crap, I still have no idea what I’m going to say. ‘Hey. I know we don’t really know each other that well, but I have this crazy attraction to you and I want to lose my virginity to you.’ Oh god, what am I thinking? This is such a bad idea. Bad, bad idea.
No! I can do this… Squaring my shoulders, I gather all the confidence I can muster and knock.
My heart pounds wildly in my chest and I swear I’m about to throw up. I wring out my soaking wet hair, needing to do something with my trembling hands. The longer it takes for him to answer, the more I seriously start to consider making a run for it. But as soon as the thought emerges the door swings open, and any thought I have (rational or otherwise) flies right out the window.
Holy mother of god. A shirtless Cade fills the entryway, wearing nothing but a pair of black athletic pants and a towel draped around his neck that catches drops of water from his rain-soaked hair. My eyes briefly take in swirling black ink that wraps around the most powerful body I have ever seen, just before landing on metal… Oh my god, nipple rings…
“Faith?”
My eyes snap to his stunned face and I gasp in surprise when I’m suddenly yanked into the room with force.
Cade sticks his head out the door and looks both ways to see if anyone saw me before closing it. Turning around, he gapes at me in shock. “What the fuck are you doing here? How did you find me?”
“Ummm… well… I…” Chewing my thumbnail nervously, I begin to pace the small space back and forth, not knowing how to say what I need to. Stopping, I walk a little closer to him and throw my hands up. “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing.” He stares at me like I’ve lost my mind and I’m not so sure he’s wrong.
Shaking my head, I gather my thoughts and take a leap of faith. “All I know is, since the moment you walked away from me tonight I feel sick. Like I’ve lost something I never had. I know it sounds crazy and I know you’re not the kind of guy who does the whole girlfriend thing. But I also know if I let you go without knowing what it’s like to feel you inside of me then I will regret it for the rest of my life. I know we barely know each other, and I’m probably really creeping you out right now. So if I am, feel free to stop me and…
My words are cut off with a surprised gasp when I’m lifted off my feet and slammed against the wall. I barely have time to register what’s happened before his mouth lands on mine.
Oh god.
His lips are warm, firm and demanding. It takes me no time to respond. Wrapping my legs around his lean waist, I thread my fingers in his dark hair and grip the wet strands tightly before kissing him back like I have been dying to do, since the day I first laid eyes on him. His groan vibrates against my lips and his tongue slips into my mouth. Warmth explodes through my body, spreading right to the tips of my fingers and toes. My heart skips a beat and time stands still. Our tongues slide together in perfect harmony, and even though it’s all new, it feels like we have been doing it our whole lives. It feels right. At this exact moment I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am having ‘the kiss’. The one I’ve been waiting for my whole life. One I will remember forever.
Minutes, seconds, hours… I have no idea how much time passes when he pulls back. Inhaling lungfuls of much needed air I slowly open my eyes, and collide with his fierce gaze. “Do you hear that, Walker?” I whisper with a smile.
His eyes narrow in confusion. “Hear what?”
“Silence.”
Recognition registers in his eyes, knowing what I’m saying. “That’s because it is silent, Red. We are the only two here.” I burst out laughing and a smile tugs at his lips.
“Shhh. Don’t ruin the moment, just go with it,” I whisper teasingly before attacking his sexy mouth again.
With a low growl, he grips my wet hair with one hand and wraps it around his fist, ending my control. I whimper against his mouth and begin to grind myself against him, desperately craving more of him.
All too soon he’s pulling away again. “Shit! What the fuck are we doing, Red?”
My eyes snap open at the torment in his voice, and even though his eyes blaze with an undeniable need, I also see a war rage in their depths. Our chests heave rapidly for breath as he waits for me to answer. “I’m hoping we are about to do something that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since meeting you.”
His jaw flexes as he stares at me with hesitancy and questions. I know what he’s going to ask before he even says it. “Have you ever done this before, Faith?”
My cheeks heat embarrassingly and I take a moment to respond. I softly shake my head and my answer seems to escalate whatever battle he has going on inside of him. “I meant what I said, Cade. I know where you stand and I don’t expect any promises.”
“That’s just it. Why the hell not? Why do you want to give yourself to some fucked-up asshole who can’t give you promises? Is this really how you want your first time to be?”
Knowing I have nothing left to lose, I decide to opt for the truth and pour my heart out to him. “I’m still a virgin because I haven’t met anyone yet that I’ve wanted to do this with… until now. I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear this but it’s the truth. I’ve never felt this way about someone before and, if I’m being completely honest right now, I’m absolutely terrified I never will again. Which is why if one night is all I can have from you, then I will take it. Because I know having you for one night will be better than not having you at all.”
His breathing speeds up and I swear I can hear his teeth grind with restraint. He shakes his head before dropping it to my shoulder, fighting with whatever internal struggle he has going on.
Holding him close, I kiss the side of his face and keep my lips close to his ear, “Tell me that you don’t feel this, Cade. Tell me you don’t want this just as much as me.”
“Jesus, of course I want you. I want you more than my next fucking breath.”
“Then take me. I’m right here.�
� He shakes his head again. “What are you so afraid of?” I feel him tense but I keep him close and will him to talk to me.
“I’m not scared.”
“Then what is it? Talk to me, please.”
“I don’t know how to fucking do this, all right!” he snaps, before bringing his turbulent gaze to mine. “I told you I fuck, that’s all I know, and you deserve more than that, you fucking deserve more than me.”
My heart clenches painfully at his tortured admission. “I don’t want you to be someone you’re not. I just want you, no matter what way that is.” His only response is to stare at me, and I finally realize this is not going to happen.
Swallowing back my disappointment, I let out a defeated breath and gently rest my forehead on his. “Okay. It’s okay.” I’m not sure if those words are for him or me. “I want you more than you will ever know, but I won’t beg. The last thing I want is for you to regret any of this in the morning. It would kill me.” My voice cracks with emotion and my eyes fall closed when I feel the sting of tears coming on.
“Jesus, Faith, it’s not me who’s going to regret this in the morning, it’s you.” I shake my head, not knowing what else I can say to make him realize how much I want this… how much I want him. “You know what? Fuck it!”
My eyes snap open, and I’m just about to ask what he means when I’m tossed on the small single bed, that can surprisingly accommodate a man his size. Once again I have no time to register what’s happening before he’s on top of me, his hard body crushing me into the mattress as he takes my mouth in a searing kiss.
Sweet victory washes over me and heat reignites in my body. I wrap my arms and legs around his powerful body and trap him to me; scared he will pull back again if I don’t.
He tears his mouth away again, but this time it’s to trail hot, wet kisses down my neck. “Say it again, Red,” he mumbles against my skin. “Tell me you’re sure about this.”
“I’m sure,” I assure him breathlessly. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”
