by Lisa Cassidy
“Okay.” He dropped the matter reluctantly.
“Is the king safe? And Cayr?”
Garan nodded. “The Blue Guard combed the palace and allowed them back in yesterday. The guard on the palace has been increased significantly and the army is on alert.”
Alyx yawned and forced herself to eat another bite of porridge even though she wasn’t overly hungry.
“It’s bad, isn’t it, what happened?” she asked. “Skirmishes in the disputed area are one thing, but this was a direct attack on the king of Rionn in his own home.”
Her father opened his mouth to reply, but hesitated. “I was going to say that it was nothing for you to worry about, but I think I’ve lied to you enough. Yes, it’s bad.”
Pleased that he wasn’t trying to brush her off again, Alyx was encouraged to ask another question. “What will the king do?”
“We can’t afford war. Shivasa is too big and their army much stronger than ours. At the same time, we can’t do nothing or it will be seen as weakness, almost an invitation to invade. A solution needs to be found that asserts our strength without provoking war.”
Alyx nodded. “That will be your job, I imagine. It’s what the Taliath did, isn’t it? Find diplomatic solutions to things?”
“Yes, it was.” He hesitated again. “Your friends helped save my life, Aly-girl, and the king’s. Could you tell me something about what they did?”
“Right.” She couldn’t hide the note of bitterness in her voice. “The friends I’ve been too busy cavorting about with.”
“I’m sorry. I was worried about you, and as a result, I was too harsh.”
“No, you were right,” she said. “About me wasting my time, that is. You were wrong to suggest that my friends are not good enough for me.”
He smiled. “So tell me about what they did the other night?”
Alyx thought for a second. “Tarrick can launch concussion balls, it’s pretty impressive. Dawn is a telepath, she can hear peoples’ thoughts and communicate mind-to-mind. Finn is a healer.”
“What about you? When we argued before the ball, I saw your arms light up.” He gave her a wistful smile. “Your mother’s power was the same colour.”
Alyx opened her mouth to respond with the truth, but after everything that had happened, she felt too uncertain to be honest.
“I don’t have much of a talent really. DarkSkull isn’t missing out by me not going back.”
“You know that your friends have left?” he asked gently.
Alyx nodded. “Dawn woke me to say goodbye.”
“You’re still angry at me.”
Alyx studied his handsome face, the one thing that had always been a reassurance and comfort to her. “When I was at DarkSkull, all I wanted was to come home. I missed you so much, and Cayr too. But I came back to find out that the home I’d been carrying with me was all an illusion. I feel so... unsteady, Papa. There’s nothing solid for me to hold onto. I love you, but what you did makes me doubt.”
“I had good reason for it, Aly-girl, and I hope in time you can trust that,” he said. “But I also understand how hard it must be for you. I spoke to the king yesterday. I’m going to be working here at home for the next couple of weeks. It means I will be here, if you want to talk.”
“Thanks.”
He returned to his breakfast. “I wasn’t trying to be cruel when I said I thought you were spending too much time with Tarrick and the twins. Will you tell me more about them?”
“I guess the most important thing to tell you is that they saved my life, more than once.”
Garan’s face darkened. “I’m not going to like hearing this story, am I?”
“No, you’re not.” Alyx paused. “It wasn’t just them, either. Ladan was there for me. I had no idea why, but he tried so hard to keep me safe.”
“He always was very protective of you.”
“He was?” She looked up.
Garan offered a smile that was equal parts sadness and joy. “You trailed around after him everywhere, but he never got annoyed, even though he was four years older. It was almost as painful watching the two of you being separated as it was parting from your mother.”
“You loved her very much.” She could see it on his face.
“I did.”
Alyx hesitated. “She took my memories, didn’t she?”
He sighed. “She thought you would be safer if you didn’t remember. I thought you would be happier if you didn’t remember her and Ladan. Then when I heard she’d died... what I’d told you became true, so I thought it safer left alone, especially when I was unable to find Ladan.”
“You had no idea he was so close?”
“I wish I had.”
He meant it, Alyx could see it in his face. “I want to know what happened to her. I don’t know why, but it feels important to know.”
Garan sighed. “Much like you, Aly-girl, I didn’t want knowledge. I just wanted to forget the pain.”
Alyx reached out to touch his hand in acknowledgement of that. After a moment he spoke again. “We need to talk about Cayr, too.”
Alyx looked down at her bowl. “I know. I’ve been a fool.”
His hand came out to cover hers and squeeze gently. “I understand what it feels like to love someone.”
She looked up at him, frowning slightly. “That’s just it. Maybe I don’t, yet.”
“You will.” He smiled gently. “I know you will.”
In the days that followed, Alyx experienced a strange, disjointed feeling that she couldn’t quite shake. She missed her friends from DarkSkull, feeling their absence more keenly than she’d ever imagined she would.
Cayr called at the house daily but she refused to see him. She loved him, that wasn’t in doubt, but she needed to sort out how she felt about what he’d done before she could speak to him again. She knew, logically, that kissing another girl wasn’t an unforgivable offence, and she believed him when he’d told her it happened only the once. Still, her feelings couldn’t seem to forgive as easily as her mind did, and Alyx continued to wrestle with herself.
A week after Tarrick and the twins’ departure, the nightmares returned. They were darker and more terrifying than ever, dragging her down a dark tunnel filled with horror. Each time, just as she was about to reach the end, she would either snap awake bathed in sweat, or segue into a memory dream of the warrior she’d killed dying in front of her.
Her father noticed the change when she started looking tired and drawn, and asked her about it.
“It’s just… memories, that’s all. Nightmares.”
“You know I’m here if you want to talk about it?”
“I know,” she whispered. “It’s just, I can’t quite put it into words.”
Alyx wasn’t the only one looking increasingly tired. Her father’s shoulders sagged every time he thought Alyx wasn’t looking, and whenever he smiled at her, it didn’t quite reach his eyes. The aura of worry that had hung around him before she left for DarkSkull only deepened as the days passed.
“Is Rionn in trouble, Papa?” she asked him bluntly one day.
“Not yet, Aly-girl. Not yet.”
On some days, she went riding alone on Tingo. This always helped relax her, the easy rhythm of his gallop along the sandy beach, or through the emerald green forest.
As hard as she tried, Alyx no longer fit into her old life. A brief return to lessons at the palace had her screaming inwardly in irritation at the gaggle of young nobles fawning over either herself or Jenna. Watching Jenna’s simpering smiles and coy hair tosses led to Alyx leaving the room half way through the lesson, Luden gaping after her.
What she’d once enjoyed, exclaiming over dresses and silks, now seemed tedious and unimportant. Even worse, she simply didn’t care whether Lissa’s pink dress clashed with the orange ribbons in her hair, no matter how much she wanted or tried to.
She went looking for her father late one evening, and heard him in his study, speaking with two men.
&n
bsp; “We need to send more reinforcements north to the disputed area.” Alyx recognised Garan’s deep voice.
“Lord-Mage Casovar says that is unnecessary, that we already have the men we need on the northern border.”
“Lord Casovar is not a military general.” Her father’s voice was sharp.
“Neither are you, Lord Egalion.” This was said politely, but firmly. “The king trusts Lord-Mage Casovar’s assessment, as do his generals.”
“Come next spring, the Shiven could throw everything they have at us,” Garan said. “And we’re not going to be prepared for that.”
“You’re suggesting there’s going to be full-scale invasion? Lord Egalion, there’s no precedent to suggest that…”
“They just staged an attack on the palace!” Garan snapped. “As far as I’m concerned, that’s evidence enough to suggest we should be taking their threat more seriously. We should be requesting assistance from Zandia and Tregaya.”
“Lord-Mage Casovar doesn’t think that’s necessary. The ambassador assured us the attack was unauthorised and conducted by a rogue element of—”
“I’m starting to think your younger son has more brains than you do, Lord Caverlock,” Garan cut him off in disgust.
Alyx’s head came up in surprise as she realised one of the men her father was talking to was Dashan’s father. She crept closer to the doorway, wanting to hear more.
“Dashan is nothing but a wastrel, as you well know. I received another formal rebuke from his captain last week for behaviour unbecoming a soldier. Thank goodness my eldest is showing promise.”
The two men shared a laugh and Alyx sensed the tension in the room lighten a touch. They chatted a little more, then footsteps alerted her to their departure. Deciding to speak to her father another time, Alyx disappeared back upstairs to her room.
She stopped dead just inside the door at the sight of Dashan Caverlock sitting on her windowsill, one long leg swinging down from the ledge.
“If my father caught you in my bedroom like this, he’d have you arrested,” she told him, closing her door.
“I’m not quite in your bedroom.” He grinned. “And your father knows very well I’d have about as much chance at seducing you as a cockroach would.”
“This is true.” She cocked her head. “What brings you here?”
He shrugged, picking at a piece of invisible lint on his cuff. “I heard you were out of it for a few days after the attack. And... well, I heard what happened at the ball with Cayr.”
“If he sent you here to talk to me, I want you to leave right now,” Alyx said.
“Whoa!” Dashan raised both hands. “He doesn’t know I’m here, I promise you.”
“I don’t want to talk about Cayr.”
“Fine.”
“So why are you here?”
“I haven’t seen you since the attack on the palace.”
She frowned at him in annoyance. “So?”
“I was bored and thought to amuse myself this evening by annoying you.” He smiled with a self-satisfied air.
“Go on then.” Alyx sighed and sat on the end of her bed, bending down to take her boots off.
“Are you going to keep undressing? I have to warn you if you are, I’m not looking away.”
“You’ve seen me naked before.” She glanced up at him. “What’s the big deal?”
“Yes, I’ve seen you naked when we were ten and swimming in the rock pools,” he said. “However, you are now seventeen, and if I may say so, extremely well formed. As a lusty and attractive young male, I may have a different reaction to seeing you naked.”
“You think so, huh?” She rolled her eyes. “Useless flattery will get you nowhere with me, Dash. Why are you here?”
“Other than to see you naked?” he asked innocently.
“Go away, Dash.”
“All right, I came to see if you were okay.” He sighed. “I know Cayr’s not around for you to talk you, and although I’m a poor substitute, I thought I’d come and offer my services as a confidant.”
She looked up at him, surprised at the honesty in his brown eyes. “That’s sweet. Thanks.”
“Well, you know me. I’ve got a heart of gold underneath this extremely good-looking exterior.” He grinned. “I never liked that Jenna girl, anyway.”
“You didn’t, huh.”
“Her father’s even worse. I don’t trust the man as far as I could throw him.”
“Oh. Has a time come when we actually agree on something?”
His eyes widened. “It can’t be.”
Alyx laughed. “Astonishing.”
“You all right, kitten?”
Alyx mock-scowled at him; one of his favourite ways of irritating her was to come up with annoying pet names. Since going to DarkSkull she’d heard the ‘mage-girl’ moniker quite a bit, but tonight he had resorted to one of his old favourites.
“I’m okay. How about you?”
“Right as rain,” he said with false cheer.
“That’s not true,” she said, steadily meeting his gaze. He returned her look for a moment before glancing away.
“I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that.”
“Well, you know… same goes.”
“I’m sorry, you’ll have to speak in full sentences if you want me to understand you.”
“Something’s wrong with you,” she said evenly. “Even if you refuse to admit it. So, you said you came here in case I wanted to talk. The same applies for you. You were right the other night. I should have made more of an effort to see you.”
A slow smile spread over his face. “Are you being nice to me, mage-girl?”
“You’re quickly making me regret it.”
He grinned. “I’d love to stay and chat further, but I’d best be going. Don’t want your father stumbling across me.”
“Night, Dash.”
“Night, kitten.” He winked at her before gracefully swinging himself out of the window.
After what she’d overheard, Alyx decided to try attending lessons at the palace again. She wanted to know more about the threat posed by the Shiven.
She’d had another nightmare, and so was already in a bad mood as she waited for Luden to come. She missed Cayr badly, wanted to see him, yet was still furious with him at the same time. The sight of Jenna entering the room, laughing and giggling with Luden, soured her mood even further.
Jenna shot Alyx a sickly-sweet smile and sat down nearby. Other girls arranged themselves in a cooing flock around her. Clearly Alyx’s popularity had dwindled. That she cared less about her fall in social standing than she did about what was worrying her father made Alyx realise how much things had changed. How much she’d changed. For now, she pushed the realisation away, not wanting to deal with it.
After asking them to quiet down, Luden launched into a lesson on geography. She listened carefully as he talked about Alistriem and its surroundings, then moved onto Rionn’s borders, and which countries shared borders. At this, Alyx raised a hand.
“Could you point out on the map where the Shiven are building up their presence, sir?”
He was taken aback. “There’s really no need for you to know that sort of thing, Lady Egalion.”
“I would like to know,” she insisted.
Luden sighed, and briefly pointed out three different areas along the northern border of the disputed area.
“And where are our fixed encampments?” she asked.
“Lady Egalion, I must protest. I’m hardly a general.”
“You must know something, sir.”
He let out a long-suffering sigh, then started pointing at small towns on the southern border of the disputed area. Alyx watched avidly, matching those up in her mind’s eye with where he’d said the Shiven forces were. Something about it wasn’t quite right, and Alyx frowned as she tried to place it. Jenna caught the look.
“Why, Lady Egalion, it’s hardly respectable for you to be worrying about where our troop emplacements are. What would yo
ur father think?”
The girls around her tittered, and Alyx tried very hard not to roll her eyes. When had she become the one everyone ostracized in class?
“I’m sure my father would be very happy to have a daughter with a brain, Lady Casovar.”
“And what do you propose to do with this information?” Jenna chuckled prettily. “Start giving orders to the army?”
It was the girl’s triumphant expression that set Alyx off.
“I very well might have to, Lady Casovar, seeing as your father seems to think it’s a bad idea to reinforce the lines.”
Jenna’s sweet expression vanished. “My father doesn’t listen to exaggerated warnings from lords prone to paranoia.”
“I certainly hope that’s not a reference to my father, who is more experienced, powerful and intelligent than Lord-Mage Casovar will ever be.”
“Is that right?” Jenna asked coldly, coming to her feet.
Alyx rose too. “Yes, that’s right.”
“And you feel comfortable saying something like that in public because you’re higher ranked than I am, or because you think you’re better than me?”
Alyx leaned close. “Both.”
“You talk tough, but do nothing to back it up,” Jenna sneered. “You’re just a spoiled rich girl hiding behind her father’s coat-tails. What are you going to do if there is a war? Hide in that mansion of yours, protected by Daddy’s guards? Face it, Alyx, you’re an embarrassment to everybody. Even your friends don’t want to see you anymore!”
Alyx stared at her furiously, inches away from slapping the girl, and having barely enough self-control to stop herself. In a way, Jenna was right.
No. She wasn’t.
Alyx stepped closer, raising her right arm, showing the girl the bright green mage light her anger had triggered. “With one flick of my fingers, I could singe that lovely hair of yours to cinders. Are you going to stop me?”
Jenna swallowed, fear flashing in her blue eyes. The room had fallen silent around them. Even Luden seemed unsure what to do.
“I’m nobody’s embarrassment, Jenna Casovar,” Alyx said. “I’m a mage.”
The fear deepened in Jenna’s eyes, and a moment later she stepped away, conceding the battle of wills. Alyx smiled, leaning closer so that only Jenna could hear the words she spoke.
