by Rae Daniel
“Make me puke. You are not going to be ‘that girl’ are you? The one who celebrates their one, two, and three month anniversary?”
My mouth nearly hits the floor in comedic fashion before I guff, “I would if we were together, ya nasty slut.”
“Oh right, my bad. We’ll figure it all out. Lets meet at The Diner across the street from here at seven. Easy peasy.”
“Done.”
Heading back towards my car, I think about the time we decided to meet tonight. I’m a little freaked out to be close to the hospital at seven, as that will greatly increase the chances of me running into Jim. My luck can’t be that bad.
Trekking back to my car I make a thousand left and right turns that I get lost a bit. I pretend to stop to check out the hospital map when I’m really catching my breath. Just as I start to move again I spot Jim on his way in. He doesn’t see me, thankfully. However, I notice that he is on his phone with a huge smile on his face.
Glad to see that he’s as miserable as I am. The fucker.
Looking a bit longer, I start to think, maybe he doesn’t look that good. He has bags under his eyes and a few days more growth to his beard. Usually he keeps it trimmed short, but today it’s looking pretty shaggy.
Without meaning to, I catch the tail end of his conversation.
“Yeah, yeah sweetie, I’ll meet you tonight...No, don’t worry about it, I’ll cancel my plans.”
Sweetie? Plans? Sweetie?
“I promise. I’ll be there. No worries. Now I’ve got to go. Love you.”
My heart hits the floor. He loves ‘Sweetie’. Whoever the fuck she is. I didn’t think that I could feel any worse than I do right now.
I’m gonna puke.
Why does my stomach always revolt when I think about never seeing this guy again? It’s got to be the stress. I have to get out of here.
Just as I make up my mind to get the heck out of Dodge I turn around and run right into a fake five foot tall tree. I am so startled that I shout out, thinking that someone is trying to mug me. My arms flail all over the place before I feel a warm hand on my elbow, steadying me and turning me around.
“Anne? What are you doing here?”
It’s Jim. He’s staring at me with confusion, compassion and something else in his features that I can’t and don’t want to name.
Please don’t be laughing at me.
His gaze is roaming all over my face, as if he’s looking for something that might have changed in the last few weeks. He moves his hand from my elbow and is cupping my shoulders with both hands now, as if to hold me in place from bolting. He’s right, I want to run like the wind but I know I must face this, if only to prove to myself that I can see him and act like an adult. But, I really do want to run screaming.
Finally composing myself, I look into his eyes and almost melt. It’s feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen his face and I am a sucker for it. My stupid heart doesn’t remember that not thirty seconds ago he was telling ‘Sweetie’ on the phone that he loved her.
I look down at the ground to try and break the spell, muttering, “I was just visiting Renee.”
“Oh, I thought maybe you had come here to speak to me.”
The ego on this guy.
“No, you’ve made it perfectly clear that you don’t want to see me or talk to me. I’ll just leave you be. Enjoy your date tonight with ‘Sweetie’!”
At that jab, I make a mad dash for the elevator tapping into the need to run if only a little bit. Thankfully, the elevator door closes right as I get in, making it to where he isn’t able to stop me. I hear him call out my name several times, but nothing more. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand the confusion that has come between us, and I can’t waste any more energy on it if he has already moved on. I will just have to move on too...hopefully not directly into a fake plant again.
Thankfully the elevator is empty as I crumple into the corner and cry.
Love sucks.
Perfect time to realize that I love him.
Jim
Fuck.
There couldn’t have been a worse conversation for her to listen in on. I’m sure it sounded horrible from her end. I can’t even imagine what she must be feeling.
At the same time that my heart is aching my brain says, “Serves her right.” I’ve heard an even more heart breaking conversation between her and Ben. Remembering that, I realize that I shouldn’t care if she thinks I’ve already moved on.
Not being with Anne over the last few weeks has been gut wrenching. I didn’t realize how ingrained in my everyday life she had become. It’s almost as if everything that I think, say, and do needs to goes through her too. When it doesn’t, I feel a bit disconnected. I’ve also never felt more alone than I have during the time that we’ve been apart. That’s an even more unsettling part. I hadn’t been in a serious relationship with someone for quite a while before she came barging into my life. In the past, I was okay with being alone and never actually felt alone. It wasn’t until her spark of life came and went out of my life that I felt the loneliness quite as acutely.
I’ve got to stop being a pansy and end it. That’s probably what my brain is waiting for, closure. As hard as it sounds, I’ve got to let her know what I heard. Then I can let her go fully...into another man’s arms.
Fuck, I want to punch something.
The thought of having her in another man’s arms makes me break out into a cold sweat. Picturing her with Ben, or any other man, is too much to bear. I shove that thought aside and get ready for work. I’ve got to clear my head somewhat if I am going to be worth a shit.
Chapter Twelve: The Diner
Anne
Finally seven rolls around, and I head back out to meet Renee at The Diner. She is not running late this time. We actually walk in together and grab a booth seat not far from the front door.
The Diner is just that, a diner. Classic in design. On the outside it is bright and shiny like most diners are, while on the inside it has this great homey feel to it. It’s been expanded over the years. Instead of ten to fifteen table tops, it has close to forty plus a nice bar area. But the front is your typical diner layout of the original tabletops. We’ve been here several times for drinks after Renee’s shift.
“I was wondering when I was going to see you again.”
Not sure who that is I turn to look at Brian from anesthesiology. Hot as hell, Brian.
Sigh.
I have been crushing on this man for years, but he’s always been involved with someone, making it to where the timing has never been quite right. At least that’s what I tell myself. Maybe he’s just never been interested. Nevertheless, I smile up at him and ask him to join us.
Much to my surprise, Brian sits on my side of the booth, sliding in rather close. The booths are the original to the diner and are not that big to begin with. Add on top of that Brian’s height, which clocks in around six foot two, and you’ve got a tight squeeze. He’s not nearly as built as Jim is, but he’s got the classic broad shoulders and trim waist in addition to dark hair and beautiful eyes the color of chocolate. Not the beautiful blue that Jim has.
Damn it, snap out of it. No Jim thoughts!
Shaking my head a bit, I look over to Renee. She’s checking her phone frantically. Looking back to Brian I notice that he has now strategically placed his left arm around my shoulders. I’m sure only to be more comfortable. He does have wide shoulders even if he is slimmer in build. I can’t really blame him. This booth is getting smaller by the minute, though.
“I’m very glad that I ran into you ladies tonight.”
Renee is still checking her phone which prompts me to step and answer. Clearing my throat I look from the table to him. “Oh yeah, why’s that?”
“Well, Rita and I split up a few months ago and I’ve been a bit of a hermit ever since. I’m glad to see someone who can easily put a smile on my face.” He looks directly at me when he says this. I gulp down whatever saliva that I have in my throat and l
ook around for the waitress. I need a drink. Now. Just then Renee’s phone rings and she shoots up out of her seat leaving me alone with Brian.
“Anne, order a Zinfandel for me. I’ve got to take this.”
Before I can ask her what brand, she’s up and out of her seat. Watching her make a hasty exit I turn my head slightly, only to find Brian staring at me.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“I’m glad I got a moment alone with you. I’ve been wanting to ask you something for a long time.”
I am sure that Brian sees me visibly swallow in a nervous reaction again. He is gorgeous, don’t get me wrong. I have no idea if he is going to ask be out. I had been dreaming of it for years, but my heart is still filled with nothing but Jim. Until I get some sort of closure, I can’t move forward at all. If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t know if I could move forward that soon, even if we had closure at this point.
Damn, Fate is a cruel bitch!
“Sure, what’s up? Everything okay?” I avoid all eye contact with him while I pretend to look for our waitress, trying not to encourage him. If he’s asking me out I’ve got to let him down gently, smoothly, without hurting his feelings.
“Yeah, everything is fine. I was hoping to run into you here tonight. I saw you earlier at the hospital but didn’t get a chance to catch up with you. I was wondering if we could go out for drinks sometime this weekend?”
“She’s busy.”
Startled I nearly jump out of my seat while raising my head sharply to find Jim sliding into Renee’s seat. Brian’s hand slowly moves from behind my back to lightly cup my shoulder. Clearly trying to make a claim of some sort. “I think the lady can speak for herself, Jim.”
Jim is staring a hole into Brian’s hand before he calmly looks at Brian. “She can, and she will. When she does she’s going to tell you she’s busy.”
Brian looks over to me with a ‘what’s-with-this-guy’ look on his face and I just sigh. Jim is right. I was going to turn him down but in a much nicer way.
I slowly exhale and lean in, covering Brian’s right hand. I see Jim visibly tense up, but I ignore it. He can’t be hot and cold like this with me. I deserve to be treated better.
“Brian, thank you for the offer but to be honest, Jim and I have been seeing each other off and on for a bit now. We’re currently off, but I can’t in all good conscience go out for drinks with anyone when I’m in a bit of a relationship limbo.”
“We’re not in limbo, Anne. You’re mine.”
Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean.
I count to five while I ignore Jim’s comments and continue to look at Brian. “I thank you again, but I can’t.”
Brian looks between me and Jim, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “If you ever get sick of this neanderthal, just give me a call.” With that, Brian brings my hand to his mouth, giving my knuckles a light kiss. “You’re a great gal, Anne. You deserve someone to treat you right. I’d like to try to be that man, if I can get the chance.”
I hear Jim growl from deep in his chest. “Not on your life, fucker.”
Brian chuckles a bit and thankfully ignores his little comment as he turns to me. “Goodnight, Anne. Take care.”
“Night, Brian.”
As I watch Brian retreat, I feel Jim watching me. I cannot bear to look at him right now, after the shit he pulled. I am about to say something right as someone comes up to our table. I let out a breath of air I didn’t know I was holding, thankful to have Renee as my backup. Except, it’s not Renee.
“Jim, are you coming? The waitress has our table ready.”
I look up, only to see the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen in my life. She has a gorgeous smile with long blonde hair. They must have met on VikingDates.com or something. They both have those strong Nordic features while she has plump red lips to go along with her perfectly flawless alabaster skin. This must be ‘Sweetie’. I am beyond confused and I want to crumble into a hole to cry for days. He just basically peed on me in front of Brian. How can he do that while he is on a date?
Shoot me now.
“Who the fuck are you?”
Renee. God I love that bitch.
Jim stands up and starts to turn his date toward their table. He then puts his hand on the lower back of Ms. Nordic Queen while muttering, “We were just leaving.”
I turn my head away without saying anything, staring outside the window. This is the first time that I’ve seen him in three weeks, not counting the hospital run in, and it could not have gone any worse.
Renee scoots into the booth beside me and quietly offers her support, “Fuck him. Let's head over to O’Malley’s and get a car bomb.”
Slightly laughing I shake my head as we start to make our way outside. I’ve had too many nights with car bombs in my past. The hangover the next day is definitely not worth it. “I think I’ll just head home Ren. Thanks anyway, though.”
She looks at me with concern etched in her eyes as we stop walking on the sidewalk. “Do you want me to come over? We could have a sleepover, paint our nails and strip down to our undies for a pillow fight.”
“Holy fuck, did you just say ‘strip down to our undies for a pillow fight’? I’m there!”
We burst out laughing. Apparently, Renee said that loud enough for some passersby to hear and got quite the reaction out of them. It’s just what I needed to lift some of the fog that is now hanging over my head.
As we continue to walk down the sidewalk I let her down easy. “No, I’m good. I’m just gonna go home and crash.”
“Okay. If you change your mind let me know.”
“I will. Love you, honey.”
“Love you.”
Jim
Seeing Brian with his arm wrapped around Anne had me seething with jealousy. Thinking back on it now, I realize how close I was to almost losing my cool and punching the asshole in the face. Anne and I might not be talking right now, but we’ve not broken up. While I don’t want to ever see her with another man touching her, I certainly don’t want to see one touching her when we are technically still involved.
Before I know it, I leave Kaitlyn’s side and march right over to Anne’s table. She hasn’t seen me yet and I don’t care if I shock the hell out of her. She’s mine. Just as I get up to them I hear that tool, Brian ask her out.
“She’s busy.”
I have no idea what exactly he is asking her to do but it doesn’t matter. She’s never going any place with another man as long as there is a breath in my body. I realize that I don’t even care about her conversation with Ben. He’s immaterial to me at this point, and I need to start fighting for what is mine. She hasn’t fully come out and told me that she has feelings for that douche and until she does, she’s mine. Seeing Brian try and put the moves on her only cements my feelings more.
I again make it clear that she is mine when I hear Brian say, “If you ever get sick of this neanderthal just give me a call.” I then watch in abject horror as he brings her hand to his lips and kisses her knuckles. “You’re a great gal, Anne. You deserve someone to treat you right. I’d like to try to be that man if I can get the chance.”
I see absolute red. I try to control all of it but a growl escapes my lips that I cannot hold in. They are lucky the full extent of my anger didn’t come out because I was half tempted to rip his hand off for even touching, let alone kissing, what is mine.
Shaking my head I return to the present. Kaitlyn has sat down at our table and is looking over the menu. Seemingly oblivious to what just transpired.
She looks up at me and sighs. “You’re going to go after her, aren’t you?”
“I have to. I’m sorry to bail on you.”
She gives me a side eye roll and plays with the tip of her wine glass, rubbing the rim with her index finger. “Yeah, yeah. Go on. Get out of here.”
I jump up and give her a kiss on the cheek.
“I love you, honey. Rain check.”
I hear her snort as I t
urn and run for the exit. I don’t know how far Anne has gotten but I have to find her. Immediately.
As I leave the restaurant I frantically look left and right, finally spotting Renee chatting with some surgical residents. I know she is about to castrate me, but I don’t care. I have to find her.
Before I can even begin to ask her where Anne is she basically shouts, “You have some fucking nerve!”
“I know Renee, and I deserve every last one of your insults, but I don’t care any more if Ben is in love with her. She’s not said a word about being in love with him. If that’s the case, I have to fight for her until she finally puts the dagger in my heart and tells me that there is no chance.”
Renee’s face completely pales as she stumbles back a step. I fear that she is going to pass out on me but thankfully she steadies herself by turning and placing her hands on the closest car hood.
“Ben is in love with her?”
“That’s what I overheard when I went over a couple weeks ago.”
“She mentioned that Ben came over to talk to her, but thinking back on it now, she never mentioned what he was talking about. Is that why you have been avoiding her for weeks?”
I don’t answer as I stare at her honestly. Seeing the implication in my eyes Renee stands up straight, places one hand on her forehead and dramatically blows out a shaky breath while the other hand rests on her hip. She almost seems pissed but I can’t tell. I don’t really know Renee that well.
“Please, just tell me where I can find her. I have to talk to her.”
Renee starts to rub her temples with both of her hands as she mumbles, “I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t have to do anything. Just give me a hint and I’ll take it from here. She has to know how I feel before things go too far between her and Ben.”
She now looks me dead in the eye and says, “Well, I’m not a fan of love triangles. For everyone's sake, go to her. She went home.”
I engulf her in a huge hug and I swear I feel her body shake with a slight sob. Not having much time to examine her reaction I turn and start to run. Shouting over my shoulder, “Thank you, Renee. Thank you!”
