by Jaden Wilkes
“I’m not sure. Our lease is up at the end of the month and I don’t know if I can afford to keep the apartment. Naomi is heading to Prince Rupert for the summer.”
“Have you thought about staying here and working?” he asked.
“I have, but even at minimum wage, I can’t do it.”
“Have you thought about moving in with me?”
She blushed and admitted “Yes, I have. I was kind of hoping you’d ask me.”
“Well, consider this me asking you. It’s just over the summer, right? We can throw your stuff into storage and you can move back in with Naomi when she gets back...unless we want to stay living together that is. What do you think?” he asked.
Sarah hesitated for half a second and said “I think that would be perfect. You’ll have to answer the phone with a high pitched voice though, if my parents call.”
“I think I can handle them, parents love me,” he assured her. I hope mine do, she thought. This is the right thing, this is where I belong, Sarah convinced herself. I can’t leave him, I don’t think I’d survive being away for that long. She felt a warm glow surrounding them and couldn’t wait to get him home and strip him naked.
*****
Sarah was quiet during the drive back to her place. She didn’t know if it was the afterglow of their newfound commitment to one another, or if she was worrying about not going to France. She hoped Nic and Naomi were home, Sarah couldn’t wait to show them the ring and tell them their plans. What about France? What about everything I’ve ever wanted?
“There was one funny thing about this summer though,” Sarah blurted. She couldn’t keep it in any longer, she was wavering again. Maybe he’d be ok with it.
“What’s that?” he asked, glancing at her.
“Well, I was thinking about going to France.”
“What would you be doing in France?”
“I was asked to be a lab assistant for a Neandertal excavation in Provence,” she said. “It’s an incredible opportunity actually, especially for a first year student.”
“How long have you known about this?” he asked.
“Well, a little while now. I got my passport done, you should see what a creeper I look like. It’s awful,” she said, maybe a little too fast. She felt nervous and defiant.
“So you’ve known long enough to get your passport and you didn’t tell me?” he said, staring straight ahead. She could see his hands tightening on the wheel.
“Yes, I was worried about how you’d react.”
“Why would I react badly if my girlfriend gets an awesome opportunity? What aren’t you telling me Sarah?”
“Nothing, it’s just two or three months and I’d be back, ready to start school.”
“I’ve dealt with a junkie for years, remember that. I know when people aren’t telling the truth. What else is there to this? What are you not telling me?”
“Well, Adam is going to be running the dig,” she confessed, waiting for his reaction. She could see his hands tightening harder on the wheel and his face was an unreadable mask.
He breathed in and exhaled slowly then said “You’re not going then.”
“What do you mean? Was that a question?”
“No, it is a statement. You. Are. Not. Going.”
“What if I want to go?” Sarah was suddenly full of defiance, she felt like she was arguing with her mom back home, being punished unfairly for wanting something that would better her future.
“You’re not going. Not with that man, there’s only one reason he would invite you along,” he said and pulled into the parking lot of her apartment building.
“Oh, ok. and what would that be?” Sarah asked, failing to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.
“He obviously wants to get you to France to fuck you again,” Tyr sneered. He parked the Jeep, turned it off and looked at her. “Do you think that slimy fucking bastard has any other reason?”
“Did it ever occur to you that he thinks I’m talented and have potential?”
“I think you’re talented and know you have potential,” he said in a calm voice. “But that asshole just wants to corner you somewhere so you’re vulnerable and he can fuck you. Again. Don’t you remember what he did to you?”
“Eric said you would probably think that, but it’s because you’re biased by your relationship with me. He also told me to give you a chance, but I knew you’d be unreasonable about this!” she yelled, surprising herself with the force in her voice.
Tyr turned slowly, locked eyes with her and said “Eric? So now there’s Eric? The guy I tried to forget when I saw you rubbing yourself on him in Prince Rupert? That Eric?”
“Yes, that Eric. And I wasn’t rubbing myself on anyone except for you. He’s a friend, that’s it. So you’re ok with my lesbian best friend but I’m not allowed to have one friend with a dick? That doesn’t fucking make sense!” she yelled again. “This is why I didn’t tell you, I knew you’d act like a jealous ass!”
“So how many men do you have in your life? It’s nice I found this out now, before we got any further,” he growled and looked away from her. His face was a mix of rage and pain. Sarah felt horrible for betraying him, but I haven’t done anything wrong.
“I don’t have anyone but you. I know other men, but you are the only one I want. Can you not see that? There is no room in my life for anyone else Tyr, you are my everything! It’s because of your love that I’m even thinking about going. You’ve given me the confidence to say yes to the things I know will help my future, our future” she said, then looked directly at him. He wasn’t looking at her, he had completely shut himself away and this made her feel sick but she needed to press on. She thought for a moment about what she needed to say and finally whispered “That’s what scares me though, that you have become my everything. I fought so hard to get away from my family and I’m terrified I’ll lose myself in you. I think I need to do this Tyr, please, I am begging you, support my decision.”
He still refused to look at her, he didn’t reply so she unbuckled her seat belt and slid towards the passenger door. “Don’t do this to me, don’t cut me out like this just because I want to follow my dream. I need you to support me. Don’t do this to us,” she begged.
He slowly turned and looked at her, his face grim and fiercely set. “This is all you Sarah, I’m not doing anything. You know what you have to do, our future is in your hands. I never thought you’d end up being just like everyone else, every other person who-” he broke it off and turned back to face forward, his knuckles white and his jaw clenching. “You know what I need? I need to go now, I need to let you figure your shit out.”
Sarah refused to let him see her cry, she needed to give herself that amount of dignity and control. She worked hard to push down the storm of tears and sobs that were building up inside of her, threatening to turn her into an uncontrolled mess. She composed herself and deliberately said “I love you Tyr, I don’t need to figure anything out. I want to be with you but I want to go to France. If you really loved me you wouldn’t make me choose.” With that she opened the door, jumped out, closed it softly and walked to the apartment. She heard him drive away but refused to turn around. She fought the urge to chase him, to go running after him and beg him to forget about France.
By the time she got to the door her vision was blurred with the first of many tears to come. She fumbled with the lock, her hands shaking, and walked into the lobby. She made it as far as the naugahyde seat next to the fake plants and collapsed, her head in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. She sat like that for a few minutes, sounding like a wounded animal, unable to stop even though she hated the thought of being seen like this, so messy and out of control. She dug around for a tissue in her purse and found a napkin from lunch with Tyr a couple of weeks ago. He had drawn a little stick figure dirty cartoon of him taking her from behind. She laughed, then started to sob again and had no choice but to wipe her face with it. She wanted to get to her apartment, but didn’t know if her legs
would support her yet.
“Are you ok?” a man’s voice interrupted her misery, she looked up. It was the elderly Asian man, her neighbor. She tried to smile but her face crumbled into tears again.
He walked towards her and rubbed her shoulder awkwardly. “Is this about the boy I see you with all the time?” His voice was kind and sincere, Sarah nodded yes and sniffled.
“Well, I wouldn’t worry about it then. You’re young and pretty, and there are plenty of fish in the sea.”
Sarah looked up at him and sniffled again. “But I don’t want fish though, I want him.”
He laughed, his gentle eyes crinkling at the edges where he wore the lines of his years.
“Then you’ll have to chase after him,” he said with resolve. “You know, people say love is like falling, but I’ve never thought of it like that. True love is like drowning, but it won’t last unless you remember how to swim.”
Sarah thought about this for a moment, blinked a few times and felt her eyes starting to dry. She looked up at him, smiled and said “thank you, I know what I need to do now.”
*****
To Be Continued in Book Two, “Like Drowning”.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty One
Chapter Twenty Two
Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Four
Chapter Twenty Five
Chapter Twenty Six
Chapter Twenty Seven
Chapter Twenty Eight
Chapter Twenty Nine
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty One
Chapter Twenty Two
Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Four
Chapter Twenty Five
Chapter Twenty Six
Chapter Twenty Seven
Chapter Twenty Eight
Chapter Twenty Nine
