by Lucy Lennox
Doc and Grandpa came with me to ooh and ahh over the fancy clothes at the custom boutique, but they’d declined the invitation to attend the coronation themselves, claiming they’d rather stay back in their pajamas and eat some of the pastries they’d picked up at a nearby bakery. Otto hadn’t come with us to Monaco, preferring instead to sneak off somewhere in Spain to visit friends on leave from a naval base there.
Once back at the palace, Hen dropped me off in what appeared to be a formal music room for royal etiquette lessons. As soon as I entered, I met Jeanette, the woman teaching us, as well as two fellow students, Eleanor and Sabine. It turned out that Sabine taught art history in Paris and had heard about my presentation at the symposium from a colleague.
“I didn’t know you had a connection to the royal family, Felix! What a lovely surprise. Wait until you see the palace all decorated for the event. It’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen before,” Sabine said after we met one another.
Both Sabine and Eleanor were close friends of the royal family and told me that there was no such thing as too much preparation for an event of that nature. Sabine wasn’t able to stop gushing.
“It took me ages to learn the rules about how to properly greet a royal person and the order in which people are to be seated at dinner. Not to mention the basics of table place settings and—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” I said with my hand up. “I’m already way past overwhelmed and bordering on slightly panicked. And I’m just a spectator.”
Her slender hand reached for mine. “It’s going to be okay, Felix. But you at least need to meet the prince while you’re here. He’s gorgeous and funny. You’ll love him. Just remember to call him ‘Your Royal Highness’ or ‘sir’ since it’s a formal event.”
My eyes jerked around, frantically searching for an exit or at the very least a men’s room. The very idea of calling Lio, my Lio, “sir” made me want to hurl or at least cackle maniacally with laughter. But this was no joke. He actually was His Royal Highness, soon to be His Majesty.
Sabine continued gushing about royal manners.
“Do not extend your hand for a handshake. If he extends his to you, you may shake it, but don’t forget to remove your dress gloves first.” She must have noticed me on the verge of losing my lunch because she smiled to reassure me. “Don’t worry, he’s super nice, so even if you mess up, I’m sure he won’t hold it against you.”
“You know him?” I’d coughed to try and cover my squeaky voice, but Sabine had been too far gone with her swoony crush-on-the-prince face to notice.
“We’re dating.”
I stood there staring at the beautiful woman in front of me while my heart winged its way out of my chest and fell with a splat on the intricate inlaid flooring.
“You’re…” I tried to clear my throat. “You’re dating Prince Lio?”
She blushed prettily and looked at her clasped hands held gracefully in front of her. “Well, it’s not official yet, but…”
I wondered if my abhorrence of the media included the comprehensive coverage that would surely follow the cold-blooded murder of a lovely art history professor in the music room of the royal palace in Monaco.
“Oh. That’s… oh. Good for you.” I thought I might choke on the words. “How exciting that must be. To be dating a prince, I mean. I can’t even imagine… He must be very special.”
The hours since seeing Lio the night before had already been spent in a perpetual state of nausea and second-guessing. I’d wanted to fall into him and get lost in his body for the rest of the night. But I’d known it was impossible. He was clearly well on his way to having the stand-up, presentable life he’d been raised for, and I had to admit part of me admired him for his family loyalty and sense of responsibility to his country and its traditions.
Of course, the selfish part of me wanted to claw at my chest in the town square and scream to the entire country that it was all bullshit pomp and circumstance obscuring the real Lio. The man who needed true love, not the fairy-tale fake love, and who needed to live a life with meaning regardless of what others thought.
Would he have that with Sabine?
I had to get out of my head and focus on what I was doing. I turned to the other woman in the room. She’d been introduced to me as Eleanor. I wasn’t sure what her role was, so I made a joke to break the tension I felt.
“And you? Are you also dating a royal?”
Silence fell like ghostly fog around the room.
Oh god, I groaned to myself when I realized exactly who Eleanor was. Lio had never told me the name of the woman his father had dallied with, but I noticed her slight baby bump when she turned to face me.
After a brief pause of surprise, she raised an eyebrow at me. “I guess you could say that. What about you, Felix? Are you dating a royal?”
I shook my head violently and stammered my way through the remainder of the class like an idiot.
I had to admit both Eleanor and Sabine were beautiful, smart, charming and capable. Either one of them would make an amazing queen, which sucked for me. I’d wanted to hate them. I’d resented the hell out of Eleanor contributing to the reason the throne was foisted on Lio so soon, and of course I wanted to hate Sabine for getting the happy ever after with the man I thought of as my very own Prince Charming. But, try as I might, I couldn’t hate these two complex and sincere women.
As I said my polite thanks to the instructor and my two companions, I left the music room to go on to another appointment at the salon with my thoughts reeling. The next thing I knew, Grandpa was trying to get my attention.
“Are you listening to me, Felix?”
I turned my head and focused on him. He was in the stylist’s chair next to me at the salon. Arthur had herded us there for a haircut and shave, mumbling something to the stylist that sounded suspiciously like “eyebrow wax.” At this point, I was beyond caring. Whatever he wanted was fine with me. I’d begun a silent countdown in my head until our return flight home. I needed to keep reminding myself this was all a weird time out of time, that my real life waited for me back in Texas.
“I’m listening, Grandpa. What is it?”
“I met your young man last night.”
I began to swivel my head to him, but the stylist’s strong hands held my head in place.
“You did?” I asked in surprise. “When? Where? What did he say?”
Grandpa paused for a moment, and I noticed Doc watching him from his seat on the other side of Grandpa.
“I like him, Felix. He’s a good man.”
“Yeah,” I agreed quietly. “He is.”
“That doesn’t mean I agree with what he’s doing, mind you.”
“No, sir,” I said automatically.
“But I’m not so sure he agrees with it either. He seemed awfully torn up inside,” Grandpa said gently. “I can tell he cares about you very much.”
“Mm,” I mumbled, when what I really wanted to say was pfft.
“I ran into him in the hallway. I couldn’t sleep, and apparently, neither could he.”
“Mm,” I said again, thinking about Lio restless in a bed, thrashing in the sheets and frustrated. I remembered miles of Lio skin, warm and sleep-scented in bed with me at Gadleigh. The memory of his naked body washed over me with such clarity, it left me feeling tight-skinned and antsy.
“Felix?”
“Huh?”
Grandpa’s smile was devilish, and I could see Doc chortling out of the edge of my vision.
“Is your mind wandering, son? Care to share?”
“Shut up,” I muttered. “At least now you know how freakishly good-looking he is.”
Doc’s laugh was boisterous, booming his joy throughout the small salon and making the stylists snicker. I couldn’t help my own smile even while sending up a mental thanks for Arthur’s recent departure to grab us some hot drinks from a nearby cafe.
Once we were done at the salon, we returned to our guest suite to relax.
> Or so I thought.
Chapter 35
Lio
Felix was avoiding me.
I’d tried to get him to introduce me to his family the night before, but was rejected. I’d tried joining him for breakfast, but found he’d gotten up and out the door early to be primped by Hen’s minions. I’d even been hoping to meet him somewhere for lunch, but Hen had informed me he was at some damned spa being pampered with massages and whatnot. I didn’t find out until later that it was actually Arthur taking care of them and making sure they had everything they needed not to feel out of place at the events the following day and night.
By the time Jon did as I’d asked and informed me of Felix’s return to the palace, I was vibrating in my office chair. I needed to see him with my own eyes again, even if only for a minute.
I’d just finished the press briefing and didn’t have anything else important on my schedule until it was time for the rehearsals that evening. Sabine would be joining me to go over her role as my date for the ball. Thinking of her reminded me that I needed to talk to Felix about her, but what exactly was I going to say?
Yes, we’re dating because, if I can’t have you, what does it matter?
Don’t worry, baby. When I kiss her good night, I pretend it’s your soft lips instead of hers.
I was sure those would go over really well with him. It wasn’t exactly like he and I were in a relationship, one in which either of us could expect fidelity. We’d already agreed there was no future there, but was that what I really wanted? Could I really do that—live my entire life without loving the person I truly wanted to be with?
Fuck.
I bolted out of my office in the direction of the guest wing when I almost ran right over my mother.
“Mom!” I blurted. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
“Lior, I came to talk to you for a few minutes before things great crazy around here this evening.”
“Sure. What is it?”
She looked from me to our surroundings in the very public palace corridor before gesturing me back toward the privacy of my office. I tried not to clench my teeth at the frustration of being thwarted yet again at seeing Felix.
Once we were seated on the sofa, she turned to me with concern.
“I was trying to keep this from you because I didn’t want you to get hurt, but I’m afraid you’re going to find out anyway. Sabine has… ah… been spending time with a gentleman, and I’ve just learned he’ll be at tomorrow’s events.”
I had a feeling I knew where this was going, and I had a hard time holding back a smirk.
“Oh really? Who is it?”
“An American friend of hers named Felix Wilde. She had the audacity to use him as her dance partner in the lessons with Jeanette,” she sniffed. “Ungrateful thing.”
“There’s nothing between them, Mom. Felix is gay,” I said, hoping to put her mind at ease that she could safely put Sabine back on her princess pedestal.
“Oh thank god. You should have seen them dancing together. He’s a very nice-looking young man, you know, but now that you mention it…” She trailed off.
“Now that I mention it…”
“I guess I can see how he’s gay. He’s kind of pretty in a way,” she said.
“Mother, you cannot tell someone is gay just by looking at them. There are plenty of pretty men who are straight as an arrow, believe me.”
Her eyes narrowed at me. “Is that right, Lior? I don’t even want to know how you know such a thing. I’ve heard the rumors about you and Ignatius. I hope for your sake that nonsense is out of your system now that you have Sabine and are taking the throne. Surely you understand you can’t get away with that playboy act any longer. You need to settle down and consider starting a family for the sake of this monarchy. You’ll need an heir.”
If only she knew how close I was to wanting to dedicate myself to one person and one person only for the rest of my life.
“I understand. It is not my intention to bring more scandal to this house, I can assure you,” I said coldly. “So spare me the lectures, please.”
She sniffed and looked away with a melodramatic sigh. “You know I just want you to be happy, Lior.”
I noticed she was deriving great enjoyment out of using my new moniker.
“Do you, Mom? What if my being happy required something that upset the apple cart? What if it meant I’d have to shake some things up around here?”
She thought for a moment before responding, her pale hands smoothing out the navy wool of her skirt out of habit. “If you’d asked me that six months ago, Lio, I might have given you a different answer. But after trying to keep up appearances since your father announced our divorce and we had to start holding our breath waiting for the dirty secret to come out… well, I can understand how difficult it is to pretend you’re okay while the whole world is watching. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it. Surely the people of this country can handle the reality of a royal affair without the world crashing down around us. Maybe we don’t give our citizens enough credit.”
Her words stuck with me long after I kissed her cheek and escorted her back to the residence entrance. I made my way toward the guest wing feeling lighter than I’d felt since leaving Gadleigh.
If even my mother could admit that the people of Liorland could handle scandal, then maybe they could handle a gay king. It wasn’t something I could spring on them right away, of course, but it was something I could at least consider down the road.
I needed to stop stringing Sabine along. It wasn’t fair to offer her half a life. I wasn’t sure it would have ever gotten that far between us, but realizing I couldn’t live my entire life without a true love connection brought home the realization that I couldn’t ask that of her either.
When I got to the Wildes’ suite, a man I hadn’t seen before answered the door.
“May I help you?” he asked.
“You must be Dr. Wilde,” I said, holding out my hand to shake. “I’m Lio. Felix has told me so much about you.”
Doc’s face broke into a pleasant smile as he greeted me.
“Felix,” he called over his shoulder. “Someone here to see you.”
The other Mr. Wilde popped his head out of another room and gave me a wave. “Nice to see you, Lio. Well done on the charity announcement. I just saw it on television. Your foundation seems to be doing good work with children.”
“Thank you, sir. I’m looking forward to getting more involved. Felix encouraged me to use my upcoming role to do good things in the world.”
“That kid is pretty smart,” Doc said with a wink. “We must have done something right.”
“You did quite a few things right,” I said in agreement. “He’s a good man.”
Felix walked out, and I could tell by the flush coloring his neck and cheeks that he’d heard our words of praise.
“Hi,” I said, suddenly unsure of what I wanted to tell him.
“Hey.”
Awkward.
“Can we… uh, can we talk?” My eyes lifted to his beautiful face. “Oh. You look really nice. Did you get a haircut?”
He patted his hair self-consciously. “Yes. Your lord and master frog-marched me down to the little town and forced some man named Milo to do intimate things to my personal style,” he muttered. “Your valet is a bossy little thing. At first I thought it was your sister’s doing, but now I’m not so sure.”
I laughed. “I think you’re right.” I shortened the distance between us and ran my fingers through his newly shorn hair. “I miss your waves,” I murmured.
Felix shuddered a little under my touch, and I realized how close we were standing. I turned back to see if Doc and Grandpa Wilde had noticed, but they were gone.
“Want to sit down in my room?” Felix asked.
We entered his room and closed the door behind us. I wanted to pull him into my arms once we were alone, but Felix’s body language was screaming at me to stay away. His arms were crossed in front of
his chest, and the skin around his lips was tight.
“Are you okay? I’m sorry about Arthur dragging you around today,” I began.
“It’s fine. I just felt… I don’t know. Weird. Out of place. I’m not sure what I’m doing here since you and I can’t really be together. I don’t really understand how to support you, you know? What can I do to help you relax?”
Of course my stupid, lusty brain zinged in a million dirty directions, but I knew that wasn’t what he’d meant.
“I couldn’t sleep last night,” I admitted.
“I know. Grandpa told me. I’m sorry.”
The concern in his face made me feel warm inside. He cared about how I’d slept and how I was dealing with everything in my life right now.
I cleared my throat. “Is there… is there any chance you’d let me take a nap in here for a couple of hours? With you, I mean?”
His eyes widened.
“No,” I rushed to add. “Nothing like that. Actual sleep, Fee. I’m really tired, and tonight’s going to be a late night followed by an insane day tomorrow.”
Felix’s face softened, and he gestured toward the bed in the center of the room. It was made up with the most luxurious bedding the palace offered, and the idea of curling up in that bed with Felix’s body next to mine was irresistible. The palace around me could burn for all I cared, as long as I could nap in that fucking bed with this kind and beautiful man.
I kicked off my shoes and slipped off my tie and dress shirt before stripping down to my undershirt and boxer briefs. I carefully laid my clothes over a nearby chair so they wouldn’t wrinkle. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Felix do the same with his sweater and khaki pants.
By the time I slid between the cool crisp sheets, I was trembling with the need to touch him.
