by S. K Munt
‘Fuck,’ he said softly. ‘You’re… you’re a piece of work, you know that?’ He pushed off the wall and hit the stop button, and Leigh’s eyes widened. ‘Don’t freak- I just need a minute, and your floor is next.’
‘But if Bruce sees-’
‘Fuck.’ Ryan hit the number 12 again and took her arm, waiting for the elevator to lift and then sink. There was a hiss sound followed by the ping and then they were in a corridor again. He steered her out into it and then whirled on her, pushing her hair over her shoulder, and feeling resentful to know that he was dropping her off at her door- so she could make herself look even more delicious for someone else! ‘Okay so I get what you’re saying. But if you’re so protective of yourself, why go out with Bruce at all?’
‘Because he knows the score, and was determined to take me out anyway. I mean, I date- I’m hardly going to find a guy I want to marry without getting out there- and I love fooling around… I just don’t do anything to risk getting myself pregnant.’ She poked him in the chest. ‘Which means not being locked in confined spaces with you. Lord, you should feel my heart…’
Ryan groaned, imagining what his heart would do if he actually pressed his palm against the snug crevasse at the neckline of her red top. For a tiny girl, her cups were running over. ‘Leigh…!’
‘Sorry.’ She smiled winningly. ‘But you’re beautiful; live with it. Bruce is a cutie and a sweetie, but he’s not going to ruin me for my wedding night unless he has some major tricks up his sleeve that I’m unaware of.’
‘But, if you like me- enough for me to jeopardise your values anyway- why haven’t you asked me out on a date?’ Ryan asked, a little miffed.
Leigh smiled sadly. ‘Why haven’t you asked me out?’ She stepped up to him and touched his jaw gently. ‘Ryan… you killed yourself over another girl.’ Ryan’s heart clenched hard, but he dropped his eyes and bore the pain in silence. ‘Which means you must have loved her very, very deeply, right? I mean, you used the word soul-mate, based on a wisp of a dream!’ When he looked up again, her eyes were brilliantly green with regretful understanding. ‘If you wanted to date me, you’d know it- and we both know that you don’t.’
Ryan was finding it hard to speak. ‘I really like you,’ he got out. ‘You’re pretty great and, well, the idea of you going out with Bruce-’
‘Probably is bugging you a tenth of how I’d feel, if I went out with you and knew that deep down, you were wishing you were with someone else.’ Leigh’s hand fell from his face as she retreated. ‘Besides, I’m sort of in love with somebody as well.’
Ryan was amazed at the way her confession winded him. ‘You are?’
Leigh nodded. ‘I think so, as much as I’m capable of loving someone so far out of my league, yeah. And like you- it’s the unrequited kind. Only unlike you, there’s not a chance in hell that he and I are ever going to be together, because he’s meant for someone else.’
Ryan rubbed at his eyes, thinking that a guy would have to be crazy to want a girl more than Leigh, but then groaned when he realised that yes, that was him. He liked Leigh, but he barely knew her- not the way he sensed that he knew ‘his’ Kylie. He didn’t want to date a girl who he knew was hanging out for a serious relationship that would lead to the exchange of vows- and he wouldn’t until he had his memory back.
So… what? Does that mean I don’t even get to try to fall in love with someone else? Is my heart going to stay as hidden from my present, as my memory is? What’s going to become of me? What if my memory never comes back? Or what if it does, and I realise that I jumped because I couldn’t live without her- and jump again?
‘I know you’re hearing me,’ Leigh said softly. ‘If we even attempted to date, we’d both be pretending, and I spend enough time keeping my imagination company as it is.’ She sighed. ‘This date with Bruce, it’s a chance for me to get out of my head and actually experience something you know? Put a chapter in my own story. Would I love a Ryan one instead? Hell yeah. But if I fall for you and you hurt me, I’ll never forgive either of us.’
Ryan looked up at her feeling truly, truly sad, and sort of hating on her for being too smart and wise for both of their own goods’. He still wanted her, possibly more now that he knew that she was untouched, but the fact that she had managed to stay that way out of respect and consideration, not only for her parents but herself- made her untouchable. Someone to be awed, not pawed, and he was ashamed of himself for just assuming that a lusty-eyed look from a girl meant that she’d eventually fall over with her legs open. When had he become so jaded?
Probably after the fourth time last month when a girl fell open with lusty eyes and open legs...
Ryan swallowed back those equally unsatisfying memories. ‘So… that’s why you just ran off this afternoon?’
‘Sort of.’ Leigh cringed. ‘That and, people don’t usually yell at me...’
Ryan was certain that she meant that. Even now that she’d made his temper blaze and blood boil, she was just so sweet and vulnerable-looking that it made him want to shield her, just in case a fly buzzed down the hall and tried to land on her or something. ‘I have a bad temper, and I took it the wrong way. Which now I see, I had no right to do.’ He pointed to the toffee apple. ‘Hence that.’
‘And I appreciate it. But if I don’t go get changed now and rush downstairs, you’re going to cost Bruce a lot of money, and I’m going to be very, very embarrassed, yet again.’
Ryan smirked at her. ‘You think he’s worried?’
‘I’m not the only one with eyes.’ Leigh pulled her key out of her pocket. ‘So sod off, okay?’
‘Hang on-’ Ryan felt that panic rise inside him again. ‘What about the friend thing? I meant it when I said that I was confused Leigh, but I’d still love to hang out- and I really, really feel like I need some moral support to get through this book.’
Leigh sighed, but when she glanced at him over her shoulder, she was smiling indulgently. ‘You get down to the lobby and make a point of being dressed and gentleman-like, and I’ll give you my blessing to call me via the hotel so we can arrange a time to hang out, okay?’
Ryan could feel his grin spread through him. Friends meant staying in contact- friends meant that she might still be there, even across the ocean, when he got his memories back.
Friends meant that he could stare at her again, breathe her in and at least, take her home in his mind if nothing else for the rest of the week. ‘I’ll call you later,’ he promised her, beginning to retreat. ‘Enjoy your prom date, Miss Harlequin Romance.’
‘Enjoy jerking off to my memory, Five Second Bob.’
‘Ouch!’ Ryan laughed as he hit the elevator call button again, throwing back his head and bracing his stomach. He didn’t give her the satisfaction of turning to look at her when he said: ‘And speaking of ouch- your memory kept me going for at least two hours last night, you sexy librarian you...’
Her room door slammed in response and Ryan pouted, thinking that maybe she’d actually gotten the last word with her obvious dismissal- until he heard the latch lock catch after it. He grinned, knowing she was doing that to keep herself in- and not him out.
‘Friends, huh?’ he asked of the elevator doors. Then, the doors opened and his own jubilant face greeted him. Ryan sucked in a surprised breath, for the happiness radiating across his features was so unfamiliar that once again, he barely recognised himself.
Only this time, he liked it- a lot, and he didn’t feel lost at all.
Eleven
Leigh
The date was everything it had promised to be from the moment Leigh had looked up and spotted the Limo positioned perfectly behind the well-dressed gentleman waiting for her; the limousine purred as sleek and smooth as a panther, her companion was almost ruthlessly attentive, the champagne was sweet, the view glorious, and the food in the restaurant divine, even though the portions were a little bit on the pretentiously-small side… it was all perfect. Romantic; the fantasies of several novels all- flicking by like pages tur
ned by lonely housewives.
But as she watched the lighted falls tumble like a cascade of moonlight-brushed watercolours beyond the panoramic windows of the Skylon tower, Leigh realised that she’d never been so desperate to be ‘anywhere but here’ before in her life. Her traitorous feet itched to fly across the floor, out the door and carry her to wherever Ryan was, and because she would not allow herself to budge, the foot of the leg that she had crossed on top of the other, bobbed restlessly under the table. She was glad for that movement though, because the restaurant was freezing and her dress skimpy so the jiggling was keeping her blood circulating. She wanted to put her coat back on, but no one else was wearing a coat. Then again, no one else was wearing a dress either!
I can’t believe that Ryan almost kissed me! I can’t believe he wants to enough to stop my elevator like that! Why? Because I’m here? Did I look that cute in the red? Or is this just stray dog behaviour?
Leigh kept fidgeting with the neck of her black dress, having to consciously remind herself not to pull out her watch and check the time. It didn’t matter what time it was, because she was as determined to keep as much distance from Ryan as possible now that she knew that she was palatable to him on some level, but thanks to his innate sexiness, the date with Bruce had been over before it had begun and she didn’t think that she could take much more of his attention before she screamed in frustration: ‘Stop talking! I need to go home and touch myself and if you bring up your ex’s name one more time, I’m going to vomit up that teeny tiny steak!’
Once they’d paid the cheque and Leigh had heard every single Paisley anecdote she figured Bruce had, she was exhausted and ready to call an end to a very cliché evening and go home and settle in with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate. But as Bruce extended his hand to her, he grinned and said: ‘Ready for part two of the date, Miss Dallas-Hone?’
Leigh was not, but: ‘Sure,’ was her polite answer, knowing that she was going to be going back to her room with a blog entry about Skylon tower and sweet Canadian boys, if nothing else.
*
Ryan tried to go out and enjoy himself after he parted ways with Leigh, but her voice kept looping in his mind like a song stuck in his head and by the time he settled in at a karaoke bar, he’d turned down three drink offers but had bought himself six. He ended up so foggy that his favourite waitress, Phoebe, had to come over to his booth and pull a lit cigarette out of her mouth, reminding him that it was illegal to smoke anywhere in Niagara Falls, let alone inside a building.
Ryan’s mind caught on that fact, causing him consternation. He stared at the dark rum in his glass and the extinguished parliament in his calloused fingers, wondering why he had urges to drink dark rum when almost everyone around him opted for Bacardi, and smoke wherever he was, even though it had been illegal to do so in Niagara since he’d come to. Were they Australian habits? Did that mean he’d been old enough to drink and smoke when he’d lived there? That was pause for thought- it meant that he couldn’t have lived in North America for more than a few years.
Ryan was still chewing over that when he felt the eyes on him. He turned and saw that an incredibly hot brunette wearing a chic leather dress was eyeing him off from her seat in the booth next to him.
Hmm, frank interest and wild dark hair- love it!
‘Bonjour,’ her voice was a purr, only just audible over the music. ‘Voulez-vous vous asseoir avec moi, plutôt que seul?’ she said, asking him if he’d like to sit with her, rather than alone.
‘Oui, merci.’ Smiling, Ryan finished his drink and moved to her booth, knowing that if he was going to keep his new friend, he had to make another one- fast. Hopefully the kind who was on holiday, and didn’t give a shit about what his name was.
*
Though taking Marietta back to her hotel room and doing ungodly things to her had seemed like such a simple, natural mission when she’d first put the offer out there, by the time Ryan made it to her hotel room door, his libido had encountered more obstacles than Indiana Jones in the temple of doom.
For starters, she spoke broken English like it was shattered English, and with pep. It had sounded adorable back at the bar but as she’d draped herself over him in the backseat of the cab crying out: ‘Take me Ryan. Take me big boy!’ It had been all he could do not to laugh. It also didn’t help that the cab driver had been snickering the whole time.
When Marietta had announced drunkenly (and loudly) that she didn’t have any protection, Ryan had asked the cab driver to stop by the TGI Fridays car park so that he could fetch his duffel bag. It had condoms in it, but as he’d looked through the bag after he’d gotten it, double-checking that he had the condoms and his spearmint gum (for her, not him as her breath had tasted rusty from beer) he’d found ‘the’ book and the sight of the cover had sobered him almost as much as her breath had.
Then, had come the final straw. The cab had pulled up in front of Marietta’s hotel- that had happened to be the exact same hotel he’d already spent too much time in over the previous day. The receptionist had eyeballed him (no doubt, Bruce had warned her not to let him in) but though he’d kind of hoped that she would prohibit him from entering, she’d sighed and looked the other way.
Marietta had slapped her tongue against his the whole way up an elevator and had pressed the wrong floor twice, trying to strip Ryan then and there. It was exhausting- she was gorgeous, all right, but she was too full on, too loud, too everything. It was less like meeting an exotic stranger in a smoky bar in one of the most romantic cities in the world, and more like he’d been cast as an extra in a badly sub-titled, cheap European porn movie starring a loud cheerleader and a terrified musician. And when he’d caught sight of her going at him in the polished glass of the elevator cab, his intestines had tightened in knots.
Is this who I am? Who I was? What a train wreck! Taking home a girl because I can’t have the one I want? Fuck. If you can see me brown-eyed girl, look away, please.
He ended it at her door, blaming the booze- blaming the cab driver’s erratic steering- clutching at every excuse he could to cover up the fact that Marietta had gone from appealing to repellent in under quarter of an hour. She begged, she offered to rub his belly- she even pulled up her dress to show him that she wasn’t wearing any underwear, but it had done nothing for him and by the time she’d slammed the door, he’d been way more embarrassed for her than he had been for himself.
Nameless, faceless, breathless and shameless...
Feeling like the most useless person on the face of the planet, Ryan had taken the stairwell- all six flights- back down to the foyer, wondering if he should walk the five kilometres back to his house, or just walk back to his car and crash in there for the night, saving himself the trouble of fetching it in the morning. But just as he opened the foyer door, he saw the lights of the limousine, and heard the voices coming from the elevator doors beside him.
‘Are you sure that I can’t see you to your room?’ Bruce sounded drunk and whiny. ‘Please? I promised you that I’d act like a gentleman, didn’t I?’
‘You’ve been on your best behaviour…’ Leigh said softly. ‘But I’d feel a lot more comfortable if we ended the evening here.’
The sound of Leigh’s soft, Australian accent eased something inside Ryan, and his body slumped against the wall sleepily.
Bruce sighed. ‘So, does that mean that asking for a second date is a waste of my time?’
‘Do you want a second date, really? Bruce, you talk about your ex girlfriend and awful lot-’
‘I’m over her,’ Bruce said firmly, his voice hard. ‘It’s just that she’s the only serious girlfriend I’ve ever had, and it’s hard to separate in a town this small, you know?’
Ryan knew- that was precisely why he hadn’t shown too much interest in anyone specific. He also knew that Paisley was a flirt who seemed to get off on making Bruce jealous.
‘I don’t know…can I think about it?’
‘Of course,’ Bruce sounded like his u
sual, collected self again. ‘But I swear to you Leigh that if you say yes- I’ll take you wherever you want to go- we’ll wear jeans and sneakers and eat burgers until we can’t move, and there’ll be no additional third parties honing in- even if I have to take you to Montreal to pull that off. And I can pull that off you know- I’m the go-to guy around here, the eye of the falls. What would you like to do? Get to the parts of the falls tourists don’t get to see? Find the places where Monroe filmed? Your wish is quite literally my command.’
Leigh laughed, and Ryan’s heart sank. She wasn’t considering it, was she? Ryan wanted to be friends with her, but that was going to be impossible if Bruce continued to buzz around the honey pot!
‘You’re that clued in, huh?’
‘Like a gangster boss, bay-bay.’
Leigh laughed again, and it was one of the sexiest sounds Ryan had ever heard.
Friends! Friends, friends, FRIENDS!
‘Okay, I’ll do you a deal. If you can find out some very important information for me- the top secret kind- I’ll go on a second date with you.’
Ryan almost groaned, but Bruce didn’t hesitate.
‘Name it.’
‘I came here to experience a favourite book of mine, and I know for a fact that the author lives somewhere nearby- but she’s impossible to find. In fact, she’s hiding from her fans- her angrier fans and that’s not me. I would LOVE to talk to her and-’
‘Kathryn Praser, right?’ Bruce asked smartly, and Ryan’s jaw fell open.
‘R-right…’ Leigh sounded taken aback. ‘How did you know that? Have you read The Hardest Fall?’
Bruce made a raspberry sound. ‘Um no, that’s a chick book, eh?’ He laughed at whatever face Leigh had made at him. ‘I know her name because you’re probably the seventh person to ask me to find her.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘Yep. And I know where she lives- I can tell you where she lives, but it’s a waste of your time going there, trust me. The reports I’ve had back are that not even the curtains in her house move when people show up- and people show up day in day out, so she’s more or less a shut in.’
