by Rien Reigns
“That sounds an awful lot like assuming.”
“And to me it sounds like you still being an ass.”
-ping
The sun was too damn bright, the wind a little too breezy, and the dirt too damn dusty. I gathered my spit and extracted the grit that had accumulated in my mouth during the conversation. Together, the forces of nature were all ganging up on my temperament. That pinging of gunfire that incessantly kept knocking at our door wasn’t helping either.
I sat there in the dirt trying to formulate a plan to get us out of this situation. I hated getting dirty, at least in the literal sense. Whoever these assholes were, they were going to pay.
“Hey,” Thrass said. “Didn’t you bring that monster of metal with us, or were you just happy to see me?” He added a little wink.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Yeah, actually I would.”
I couldn’t for the life of me get a handle on him. One minute he was throwing around his own sexual innuendos, and the next, rejecting mine.
I shook my head. “Well, if you really want to know, I did bring it, but it’s still in the pod. If you’d be a dear and fetch it for me.”
-ping
“Ha! And risk these little pleasure sensors?” Thrass said, holding up his callused hands. “I don’t think so.” He kissed them and tucked them under his armpits as if to protect them. He then gave me a defiant hurtful frown. “Why don’t you get it?”
I thought of making a comment, but couldn’t think of something quick and funny to say so instead I kicked the dirt in frustration.
“Don’t you have any other guns?” Thrass asked.
I reached down, unholstered my Glock 55, and handed it to Thrass.
Thrass looked at me with a surprised expression. “You trust me with this?”
“We’re partners aren’t we? Besides, you shoot me, you die.”
“How do you know I’m not suicidal? Death by reaper.”
“Do you want the gun or not?” I asked, reaching out my hand to take it back.
-ping
Thrass pressed the black metal dealer of death to his chest. “No take backs.” Sadistically, he caressed it as if it were a cat. “I’ll cherish it for all of my days. I think I’ll call her Betsy.”
I shook my head. “I don’t give a shit what you do with it, or what you call it, so long as it’s after we get out of this. Right now, I want you to shoot over the escape pod at whoever the fuck is shooting at us. Also, if you put a bullet between their eyes, I’ll pay your premiums for life.”
“Fucking hell yeah.”
-ping
Thrass ducked down, rolled over onto his stomach so that he was facing the pod, and slowly slid the gun just over the top. He fired a random shot in the general direction of the attackers.
That should show them we aren’t completely helpless, and make them think twice before getting too close, I thought.
Looking around at our surroundings to see what I could use to our advantage, there wasn’t much. Nothing but barren land for as far as the eye could see. The only vegetation was a bunch of small shrubs spread out to give the dirt a little decoration. Neither of the bushes was big enough to conceal a person though, and they definitely weren’t thick enough to stop speeding composite.
I really wished I knew how many of them there were.
And then I received an epiphany.
“Kali, lock on to all Chronos within radius.”
‹I detect five Chronos within my perimeter besides Mr. Thrass and yourself.›
“Can you tell me who, and where the fuck they are?”
‹Their identities are being blocked. As for their positions, there is the individual who you saw in the mirror. He is still in the same position. The other four have divided in to teams of two and are approaching from the sides, trying to flank your position.›
“Well, that’s something at least.”
Having another epiphany, I pulled out my cube, expanded it, then retrieved my aɪs and put them on.
“Kali, sync my cubes camera to my aɪs.”
‹Synced.›
Ever so carefully, I eased the side of the cube that had the camera lens over the edge of the pod. It worked. I was seeing what the camera was picking up. Unfortunately, all I saw was more of the same shit landscape. I couldn’t see any of our attackers from the cubes current position.
“Hate to interrupt, but I’m out of bullets,” Thrass informed me.
I reached down at my side and removed the three extra clips I had. “Here. Try not to use them up so quickly. You’re just supposed to be holding them off until I can get a handle on the situation.”
“Sure thang pahtnah,” he said.
I resumed what I was doing.
“Kali, guide me in locating these assholes.”
After a few seconds of instructions and shifting angles, I locked on to one of the shit heads.
“Give me the gun,” I said.
“But-”
“Now!”
He handed me the weapon with the look of a child who just got his favorite toy taken away.
“You’re going to give it back though, right?”
I pointed the spitting end of the gun at him. “Could you be serious for one fucking minute?”
He put his palms up. “Sorry, humor is my stress mechanism. Wasn’t that in my psych profile?”
10…9…8…7…I counted, attempting to keep my calm so that I could aim correctly.
When I returned my focus I had to search again for my target. When I found the man, I slowly raised the barrel of the gun and aimed it in what years of mandatory weapon proficiency training instinctively said was the correct trajectory, and fired.
Through the aɪs I watched the bullet bury itself in the man’s head, causing the man to fall over, dead. I hadn’t meant to kill him, just incapacitate him.
-ping –ping –ping, came the call from the fallen man’s brethren.
‹There are now only four assailants.›
“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about,” I said.
“What are you talking about?”
“I killed one, but we’re outnumbered and we don’t have time to keep playing this game of who has the most ammo.”
“So now what?” he asked.
-ping
“We need to get to the big gun without losing digits in the process. Maybe if we can dig underneath the pod just enough to get it to start rolling our way, we’ll be able to reach in and grab it.”
“So what are we waiting for?” he said.
“One of us still needs to keep them at bay.”
“Let me guess, you?” Thrass said, disappointed.
“I thought you weren’t a gun type of guy?”
He shrugged. “People change.”
“In a matter of minutes?”
“Shit happens.”
“We don’t have time for this.” Reluctantly, I handed the gun back to him.
He gave me one of those sadistic little smiles that reminded me of a kid who liked to play with matches and do nasty things to furry little creatures. It made me second guess my choice in words and affiliation.
Still, at least he was on my side.
I removed the aɪs and handed them over along with the cube. Now I imagined that I looked like the one who had just lost his favorite toy.
“What am I supposed to do with these?” he asked.
“Same thing that I was doing. Use them to try and see our attackers.”
He gave me a look of ‘yeah, right’, but put the aɪs on anyway and resumed keeping the dogs at bay.
I started digging the sand out from underneath the pod. Within a minute, sweat was beading down my face. A few drops found their way into one of my eyes before I could wipe them away. It stung like hell. Like a wasp had landed in my eye. I cursed the blazing sun and how hot it was already.
-ping
That was the last straw.
I licked the salt at the corner of my mouth a
nd began digging with a new found frenzy. I was going to make that pinging noise stop, even if it killed me. Though preferably that wouldn’t be the cause.
“I’ve only got a few bullets left and I can’t see shit,” Thrass said.
“Forget it, help me dig.”
The pod was beginning to roll back. All we needed was just a couple more seconds of digging and we’d be able to reach in and grab the Magnum Maelstrom. Then I’d rain hell down on those assholes who’d made me leave my climate controlled interrogation pod.
-ping
I grabbed the Glock from Thrass’s hands and fired a shot in response.
-bang
Something big hit the other side of the pod.
We kept digging. The pod rolled back, exposing the open hatch.
I fired the remaining bullets in the direction Kali indicated for good measure. Just a few more seconds and it’d be over.
Reaching into the pod I placed my hand around the custom molded grip of the Magnum Maelstrom, and raised the monster of a weapon to the sky. In the distance I saw a storm was brewing. I felt a sadistic smile of my own overtake my face.
-Boom
I was blown backwards. My ears rang from the concussive blow while a white flash of light blinded me. The sensory overload was too much for my nervous system, rendering me unconscious.
8: Myth & Legends Bloodline
According to Kali’s chronometer, I awoke eight seconds later. I was grateful that it hadn’t lasted long, but the fact it happened at all wasn’t good.
When I opened my eyes I found I was a couple meters from where I’d been. So was Thrass, who was still unconscious. When I got knocked out the shock collar had been activated.
I crawled to him and removed the collar. Something I figured I should have done sooner. If I couldn’t trust the man who was supposed to be my new partner, who could I trust?
Kali kicked in and informed me that I hadn’t fired the Maelstrom. We’d been hit with an Overloader before I pulled the trigger.
I searched the area for the Maelstrom and saw it lying on the ground next to the pod. I started to get up to go retrieve it, but the nerves to my legs were still rebooting. So, I crawled, like an insect whose legs had been plucked off by a sadistic child.
As I pulled myself along in the dirt towards it, I heard Thrass moan as he awoke. At the moment though I was more concerned with getting the gun. I was sure he was fine, even though he had suffered a concussion already. And, getting knocked out again so quickly probably wasn’t the best thing.
I was just over a meter away from the weapon when my legs started to go through the symptoms of paraesthesia. The tingling sensation of a thousand pin pricks accompanied by severe cramping was so excruciating, I couldn’t continue. Clenching my jaw, I flipped over onto my back and started to massage my legs vigorously, trying to get the nerves to return to normal.
“What the fuck happened?” Thrass asked.
Through gritted teeth I said, “Have a good nap?”
“Get back to me in an hour. So, did we smoke the bastards?”
“No such luck, Jackass,” a gravelly voice said from behind me.
It wasn’t a voice I recognized, so I had Kali run it through the Vocal-Register Database.
“It’s Jackson, you asshole,” Thrass said, emphasizing ass.
His response was met with a round of laughter from our assailants. It was apparent that whoever our attackers were, they were there for my newfound partner.
I twisted to see the origin of the voices. There were three men. They were all carrying lightning rods and handguns. The one who’d spoken had a longshot slung over his shoulder.
“Friends of yours?” I asked, looking at Thrass.
My legs were returning to normal so I pushed myself up onto my knees. The man closest to me rushed forward and shoved his rod into my ribs.
I groaned and put a hand to where I’d been shocked. My side felt as if I’d been kicked by a bull. Not that I knew what that actually felt like.
“No sudden movements,” the man said with the voice of an angel, which surprised me.
What’s a guy with a voice like that doing grunt work for? I wondered. He should be serenading the soundwaves instead.
‹“Kali, analyze the voices of anyone who speaks. I want to know who these mother fuckers are.”›
I held up my hands. “I’m sure you’ve already run a weapons scan, and I’m positive it came up clean. So how about we ease off a bit, fellas?”
The man with the gravelly voice gave a nod, and the man with the voice of an angel put his rod away.
“Much obliged,” I said with a smile.
The third man, who up until that point had remained largely unimportant, locked eyes on what I’d been going for.
“Whatta we got here?” he said. His voice was nothing special.
I was surprised they were using their own unadulterated voices. Whoever they were, they weren’t afraid of being identified in that way, or they were complete morons. Either way, it didn’t look good. Reckless idiots could be far more dangerous than intelligent assholes. You could generally get a better grasp on the later, the former, however, were too damn unpredictable.
Before I, or the man in charge, could say or do anything the third man picked up the Maelstrom. Kali automatically instructed the Maelstrom to electrify itself. I could just barely see the blue spider web of energy creep across the man’s face before he fell to the ground, dead.
Two down, I thought. The odds were looking better and better.
“Both of you, on your feet. Nice and slow,” Gravel voice said.
I was more than happy to do so. As I stood I pretended to be brushing the sand and dirt from my jacket. I was actually subtly slipping my hand in the vault and grabbing the condensed shock collar from my pocket. Being in its condensed form it was easy to conceal.
It felt good to be standing after spending so much time on my knees. Which was something I wasn’t used to, unless of course it was in regards to giving sexual satisfaction, but more times than not, I was on the receiving end.
“Pretty piece of hardware you got there, pal,” Gravel voice said. He leaned over just a little to get a better look at the Maelstrom, but knowing better, didn’t touch it.
“Is that a thunder-gun with lightning-strike?” Angel voice asked enthusiastically.
“I know this hardware isn’t yours, Jackass,” Gravel said, “So who’s your friend with the pretty piece of metal?”
I looked at Thrass. Saw fear in his eyes, induced by the men. That was disconcerting.
I needed to show them, and Thrass, that I was the one to fear, and that they didn’t phase me one bit.
I coughed. “I am right here you know. If you want to know who I am, you could just ask me.”
“I know who you are, you’re a dead man if you’re not careful,” Angel said, which was funny coming from a voice such as his.
I couldn’t hold back the chuckle.
“I can plainly see that you don’t. I’m an Inquisitor, you dumb fucks.”
Gravel laughed. “Of course you are, and I’m the fucking Easter Bunny. Oh, and my partner here is the Tooth Fairy.”
I started to brush my jacket back to expose my badge, but before I could, Angel whipped out his rod faster than a rattlesnake striking, and caught me in the ribs again. The shock knocked me back. I managed to remain standing, but just barely. Getting struck by a lightning rod wasn’t as bad as an Overloader, but it still wasn’t pleasant.
‹“Kali, set a Priority One recall to get a new vault made that’s even more shock proof. This guy is going to jolt me to death.”›
‹Recall set. Just so you are aware, the likelihood of you dying from a lightning rod is negligible.›
‹“Says the one who doesn’t fucking feel the pain.”›
I righted myself. “It’s so good to finally meet you two,” I said, extending my hand with the collar.
Gravel Bunny and Angel Fairy raised their rods instead.
They got both rods on me now, I thought. For Satan’s sake, make a move Thrass.
He remained motionless next to me.
“You know,” I continued, trying to keep their attention. “I keep telling Santa Claus that we really need to have a family reunion of the Myths & Legends bloodline. There’s just so many of us now that I can’t keep track of all the relatives anymore.”
“Who’s your friend, Jackass?” Gravel Bunny asked. “He’s got a bigger mouth than you.”
“You know what,” Thrass finally said. “Come to think of it, I don’t actually know.”
“The name’s Reaper. Grim Reaper,” I said with a smirk that was now feeling familiar.
“You just don’t quit, do you?” Gravel said.
Out of the corner of my eye I caught a tiny flicker of light in Thrass’s hand.
Come on partner, I thought. I see that piece of mirror you managed to pick up, and sooner or later, so will they. Make your move already. I can’t keep these guys distracted all day.
It would have been easier if Thrass had Huginn and Muninn as well, that way I could have shared my thoughts with him over the C-link. But there was no use wishing for what wasn’t the case.
“Ok, you got me,” I said. “My name’s Rex Jester, you know, the comedian. You might have heard of me? Our mutual friend here was looking to make a career change. We were just discussing the terms of his apprenticeship when you fellas so rudely interrupted.”
This time my solar plexus had the pleasure of becoming introduced to the lightning rod. The shock caused my thoracic diaphragm to spasm, making it difficult to breathe.
“Now that’s funny,” Angel Fairy said, leaning down to gloat over me.
Now, Thrass! I thought.
Like a coiled up rattlesnake myself, I sprung upward, knocking the rod away. As I did so I pushed the button on the contracted shock collar. It expanded becoming full sized. It found its new home wrapped around the man’s neck.
Thrass finally took the hint, and while his captor was distracted by my actions, leapt towards Gravel Bunny, tackling him to the ground. He started pummeling the man. Then I watched as he took the shard of broken mirror and began savagely sawing the man’s neck, cutting back-and-forth, back-and-forth.
Gravel’s gun was on the ground next to the dying man. I went for it.
