by Pamela Ann
“Oh.” Had I known, I wouldn’t have taken so long.
Why was he looking at me that way, as if he was reassessing me or something? Had he been watching me this whole time? The question somehow made me worry, though I wasn’t sure why.
“We can go to bed if you want.”
“I’ll wait until you’re done with…” He cleared his throat, his eyes landing on the rose before flickering back into my eyes. “That.”
His awkwardness brought a tiny slip of a smile into my face. “Here,” I murmured as I stepped closer to meet him and placed the puny bud a hairsbreadth from his nose. “What do you smell?”
“A rose.” He looked at me with his nose still buried into its silkiness. “I smell a rose.”
“Just a rose?”
He paused, looking deeply into me—the kind of look that made me feel uncomfortable and my insides churn from its power. From its pull.
“I smell beauty,” he rasped out.
Taking the bud away from his face, I directly replaced it with mine. “It’s more than that to me… I smell innocence. The untouched. The unsullied. It’s fresh and crisp… and really beautiful.” I paused as I wondered what he thought of me at this moment, speaking so passionately about a mere budding flower. “My mom loved roses, you see.”
He nodded, as if understanding me. “You miss her.” He didn’t question, simply stated an obvious fact.
“Everyday. I think of her… wishing that, sometimes, she—” I caught myself before finishing the sentence, shrugging at my stupid thoughts. “We should head to bed. I don’t want Doug to wait—he hates waiting.”
“You were wishing what?”
Nothing.
“Nothing,” I reiterated what my mind had blurted out.
He cleared his throat before giving me a funny look. “Do you love him?”
Ha. That question was rather odd given the situation, but of course he wouldn’t have a clue about that. “I used to.” Which was the honest truth. I had loved him… until he’d killed it with his monstrosity. “Why? Why do you ask?”
“Just out of curiosity.”
Right…
I wondered what else he was curious about.
Chapter 17
Sleep never came and the morning arrived too soon. It didn’t surprise me Hunter was back to his standoffish attitude the moment he opened his eyes and greeted me with a dry good morning. I knew this was part of the deal, however I couldn’t help feeling hurt from his immediate distance when it had only been last night he had given me the most intense, most powerful orgasms I’d had to date—not that I’d had many. He was so keen on my own sexual needs, he consistently made sure I came first before he did. He was similar to Doug, yet they were polar opposites in certain aspects.
Still, I felt used, which was hilarious really because that was why I was here to begin with. To be fucked. To be used and abused. Although, I had never felt used by him until this moment.
My emotions couldn’t be helped. The highs and lows, not to mention the blows, I had encountered for days on end might be the culprit behind my confusing emotions. Hunter’s rejection somehow sharpened the blade that was stuck in my gut. I felt like trash, just something to be immediately disposed of after my expiration date had come.
This was all business for the men, and I had to live with that. There was nothing to do. Well, not really. I was merely playing a role. An act. Yet when I was in Hunter’s bed, I wasn’t acting. It was all me. If intense sex made me this way, I had to learn how to put a barrier between my feelings because this was dangerous ground. Furthermore, I couldn’t risk getting more hurt than I already was. These men weren’t normal like how Logan was, and I had to remind myself that Hunter wasn’t a good guy. He was a drug dealer. A guy who got paid in sex when one of his men owed or stole money from him. God only knew what else they did…
Just as Hunter had mentioned the night before, Doug came right after I had toast for breakfast. He honked a few times, unconcerned about whether the neighbors might have been disturbed by the loud noise.
Putting my plate and butter knife into the sink, I stopped myself from sighing loudly as I walked past Hunter eating a bagel and drinking his coffee. Since I hadn’t brought anything, I didn’t have to pack. I was ready to go out when I took a quick side-long glance at myself. Sure enough, I was still the same, but slimmer somehow. My eyes had immense sadness in them—more apparent than before.
Pressing my lips together, I pushed myself to head out of the bedroom before standing in the hallway, taking a second to wonder if I should say goodbye or just walk out of the door. Shaking my head, I took a sharp right turn towards the kitchen and strode towards Hunter who was engrossed with his phone, scrolling through his messages. I stopped a few feet away, hoping he’d notice me, but after a minute of waiting, I knew I had to do something to get his attention.
I was wired with nerves and tension, but instead of retracing my steps, I blatantly cleared my throat before croaking out his name. “Hunter—” I sought his eyes as they blankly stared back at me. “Doug is outside…” He still hadn’t said a thing, which only added to my awkwardness. “I’m gonna go now.”
Blank expression. A curt nod. Then back to his phone.
I stood there for another few seconds, fighting the need not to hurl something at him for not saying anything at all. But another honk from outside alerted me to get moving, or else I would have more trouble on my hands.
Clearing my head, I went back to where I had come from and slowly slipped out of the house.
Doug’s truck hummed at the entrance of the driveway while the very man himself tapped on the steering wheel, donning his sunglasses. Walking towards him, I barely made it to the door before Doug started to terrorize me again.
“Get the fuck in—why’re you walkin’ so slow? Had so much dick that you’re almost crippled? Fuck! Let’s go, Ana!”
I shot him a stony glare before opening the door and sliding inside the truck. The smell of weed and sweat annihilated my nostrils the moment I shut the door. Placing my bag on the floor, I stared at it as I swallowed the anxiety-attack that was about to surface because I had Hunter’s phone buried inside my bag. The hiding place was only temporary. I would have to find a spot in the house he wouldn’t notice immediately. Doug cared less about the house, but living with him had taught me he could be sneaky and wouldn’t stop at anything if he was suspicious over something. Therefore I had to find the perfect place. The question was, where?
As expected, Doug never said thank you or hey, Ana, thanks for looking out for me. It was stupid since the bastard had pushed this on me. I mean, he could at least be kind… Then again, that was wishful thinking.
The drive back to Seattle was quiet. That was, until we were about five minutes away from the house and Doug chose to break the silence.
“I have a couple of friends staying over for a few days. You better not give them attitude or else you won’t like what happens next.”
A couple of friends?
“From your school?” I cautiously asked, dreading it already.
“Nah.” He shook his head. “They’re new, so you better treat ‘em right.”
What? Like cook them breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Was I to be a housemaid now, too? Fuck.
“Fine,” I finally managed to say instead of cussing him out. “When are they arriving?” I asked as calmly as possible.
“Tonight.”
Great, I thought acidly as the house came into view. The mere sight of it made me want to vomit and runaway as far as I could, but I needed that ten grand. I could only pray Hunter would get everything he needed in less than a month because, if this went on for far longer than that, I wasn’t sure how cohesive my thinking would be. After all the drugs I’d been taking and how badly I craved it most of the time, especially during sex, I knew time was ticking away until I’d hold myself captive in this prison because I’d be too drugged up, too messed up to care.
The thought of ecstasy alrea
dy got my body humming as I glanced towards the house next door while Doug parked and killed the engine.
Where was Logan? Was he home? A friendly face right about this second couldn’t have hurt.
Hiding my disappointment, I took my bag and jumped out of the vehicle.
Sometimes, I wondered what Logan really knew about my life here. It was the way he spoke to me sometimes, as if he wanted to say something yet held himself back. It was odd. And I wanted to know why.
Chapter 18
“This is Dwayne, Sean, and his chick, Kori,” Doug vaguely introduced the newcomers as I stood against the fridge, forgetting I was meant to get something to drink.
Dwayne was Latino, Sean was black, and Kori was Asian. Not only did they reek of weed, but they could also use a shower. They didn’t look all that clean to me. What was Doug doing hanging out with people like these? Sure his “crew,” whom I had met at the cabin, were all druggies, I’m assuming, but they looked far cleaner and well-groomed compared to these three lowlifes.
“Say hi, bitch!” Doug directed a hate-filled glare at me, prompting me to open my mouth and play nice.
“Hi,” I managed to squeak out before the trio brought their gazes to me, checking me out. Not for a second did I like how they scrutinized the way I looked, either. The two men were explicitly eyeing me like I was going to be their dinner while Kori, the girlfriend, seemed to do the same. It made it more uncomfortable for me, yet Doug didn’t seem to mind. I wished he could protect me even from their stares, but he wasn’t that overprotective. Heck, he’d even probably trade me for something more valuable to him if it came down to it. He was beyond shitty like that.
Much to my relief, I was glad the exchange, though awkward, didn’t last long, and they went straight into the living room where I heard whistles and them cheering Doug on with “you the shit, son.”
I awkwardly stood in my spot, contemplating what to do while I listened to them talk. I wasn’t sure what Doug expected of me. Did he want me to hover around in case they got hungry, or should I make myself scarce and go to my room and hide? I hated being in this position, where I had to doubt every move I made.
He was so wishy-washy I was afraid to piss him off. With one wrong move, he could pop off like pistol at a shooting range. He had instilled fear in me perfectly. I admitted I wasn’t crippled with it, but I was terrified of it.
Had it only been about two weeks since Bill had left? It certainly felt like it had been ages ago. Everyday had been a different problem. I was terrified to sleep and wake up for another tomorrow, one that didn’t seem to look any brighter. Each day that passed had gotten worse, how much worse could it get? Even though I asked that, deep down, I was aware it was going to get much worse from here. Doug was so wrapped up in drugs as well as his cohorts and the mix that, with his already drugged up, twisted mind, one could only imagine the list of things that could go wrong.
Moreover, his friends sure didn’t help calm my worries. In fact, it simply got worst. I wasn’t sure how, but they spelled bad news.
Blowing out calming breaths, I started to move, contemplating if I should do some cleaning or go upstairs and hide the cellphone. I had tucked my weekend bag inside the closet, but I somehow felt like it wasn’t safe enough, like I needed to find a place where Doug would never rummage through. However, going upstairs this instant with his friends here, accompanied by his foul mood, left me no choice other than to stay visible for a time.
For about ten minutes, I loaded the dishwasher with the plates and utensils that were piled in the sink. Even before, Doug hated to do any cleaning. It was always Mom and I doing the chores while he reluctantly did a little mowing or throwing out the garbage, which only occurred about once every three months. My mother always spoiled him, always gave him whatever he wanted because he was such a kiss ass and Mom bought it, thinking he was such an angel.
I was about on my way towards the hallway to go outside to get the mail when Doug yelled out my name, making me halt mid-stride as I cringed and grated my teeth together in revulsion. Forcing myself to spin around and face him, I somehow looked at him without giving off much of the hate brewing effortlessly within me.
“Yeah?”
“Where you goin’, babe?”
Frowning, I stared at him, confused. Less than an hour ago I was bitch and now he called me babe? He sure was fucked in the head.
“I was on my way out to get the mail.” Because God only knew how exhausting it must be to get it everyday, always complaining that it was too hot or he wasn’t feeling too well. Seriously. Mail was a small chore, and he couldn’t even do that.
“But I want to spend some time with you,” he murmured, smiling before he came closer, took my face with both of his hands, and stuck his tongue down my throat. He then thrust into my lower body as if we were having sex before he started groaning and moaning against me. “I’ve missed you around here. Did you miss me at all?”
Fuck. Please… I hoped he wasn’t implying he was going to take me anytime soon because, after the kind of sex I’d had with Hunter, being taken by Doug would only make it more apparent I was his victim. I just couldn’t fathom, nor did I have the energy, to console myself mentally. I needed a break—even if only for a night. However, answering Doug’s inquiry honestly was out of the question. Again. Lying was my own shield. Apart from numbing myself with a good dose of drugs, I had nothing.
“I did miss you, Doug, but I’m tired…” Please not today or tonight, I silently pleaded with my eyes, but he didn’t seem to hear me, just like all the other times.
“Hunter must’ve beat your pussy up good, but lemme have you one time, then we’re good for tonight.”
Was he offering a deal? I blinked at him a few times, hoping he was serious. Once tonight was better than three. Furthermore, knowing how he usually went on during nighttime, this deal was the best he’d ever offer.
“Just once?” I asked nervously, saying a small prayer for whoever gave him the birth control pills.
The last thing I needed was to get pregnant. If that ever happened, I was almost sure I’d take my own life. It was wrong, but the idea alone of Doug’s seed being bred into my body—a small version of his scathing, warped sense of thinking being born inside me—I just couldn’t let it happen. This man didn’t deserve a gift as precious as that. He deserved the wrath from Hell. He deserved death, done by my own hands. The kind of death where I could jab the knife all over his body, take out his eyes first before I cut up his balls, and slowly kill him with small incisions from head to foot while I rejoiced in his curdling screams then granted him his final breath with a swift stab directly into his heart. My dreams varied, but this particular one stood out well. Thinking of babies brought the ugly scenario to the forefront of my thoughts. As I’d repeated before, a baby wasn’t an option. Ever.
“Once,” Doug repeated as he took hold of my hand and tugged me towards the living room area where I could hear his friends. They were all drinking beer and watching the football game on the screen until we arrived. The second we entered, all three pairs of eyes were on me.
Uncomfortable, I looked elsewhere, noting the bags of white powder that were in small, clear, rectangular bags while a big pile of some dried up, foul smelling thing sat on the other side of the table. Behind the bagged piles, there was a large bag containing small tablets in a rainbow of colors. If I hadn’t known better, I’d think they were Sweet Tart candies.
“This is my future wifey, Ana.” Doug wrapped an arm around my neck and kissed my forehead, making my frown deeper than before.
“He talked about you all night,” the guy named Dwayne interjected before Kori got up and left the room, returning with five bottles of beer. She handed them out to each person before handing me the last one.
“Congratulations! You got a real stud that could fuck a girl good, Ana.” Kori winked at me before taking a sip then took a seat right next to Sean.
I wasn’t sure I had heard her right, and if I had, w
ell, what Doug did was not my business. He could do as he pleased. And as for marriage, over my fucking dead body! I wasn’t going to be tied to him. I fucking wouldn’t!
My mind kept yelling and protesting as I took a large gulp of the offending beer. I almost spat it out before common sense took over and made me force myself to swallow. Squirming, I heard laughs before I was about to put it on the coffee table, but Doug stopped me with a firm hold on my arm, making me almost wince from pain.
“Finish that up—” His eyes looked deadly before the sides of it crinkled to a smile. “Let’s go sit. You can sit on my lap while you finish up your beer.” He guided us both towards the leather couch, opposing the three, taking a seat and then tugging me on his lap.
“Keep drinking, baby.” He clinked his bottle with mine. Reluctantly doing as he asked, I chugged the bottle with my eyes closed, hoping I’d finish it off without drawing a breath, although luck ran out when I was about a quarter a way from finishing the entire drink and I came up for air, coughing and choking, as I tried to heave air in and out of my lungs.
From the corner of my eye, I saw something glisten, but before I could see what it was, I felt Doug take my hair and then I felt a needle prick my skin before penetrating deeply into my vein. He had injected his drug of preference into my bloodstream.
I suddenly felt weak, my breathing in short gasps as I closed my eyes and felt the immediate euphoric rush it gave me. The heavy dread—the heaviness in my chest—all vanished in a heartbeat. I felt good, really good.
“See, she’s a good girl, isn’t she?” I heard Doug murmur to his friends. I then felt his hands pull my shorts down then my underwear, but I was too high in my feel-good state to even protest. In my mind, I couldn’t care less what he did to me, as long as he kept me in this amazing world he had just given me.
Roughly, he situated me on top of him before I felt him shove his penis inside my limp body. His heavy grunts and groans next to my ear made this ringing echo, amplifying everything he did.
