by Pamela Ann
I was hurt, sad, and feeling beyond rejected at that point. It was pathetic and childish, however I couldn’t help how I was reacting. I wanted more out of this, it seemed. The thought of going to his room with this Naomi woman in there would be too much for me. I just couldn’t risk it, could I?
“If I’m too busy, could you at least drop it off here before you leave town?” It was the best solution. It was for the best…
“If you like.”
“Thank you, Hunter.” I murmured, lifting my gaze to meet his. In that instant, I felt a pang of longing so extreme I was almost left in tears, one I knew I had to cut off. “Goodbye.” I spun around and left him there.
Even though I was somewhere in the kitchen clearing my head, I knew the moment he left because my heart went back to its normal beat once more.
Chapter 30
The second the clock hit eight that night, I immediately left the café. This was a first for me. Usually, I would wait around and hang out with one of the girls, but right then… Right then, it was different. Because, after his visit, I had never been the same.
The stroll I took from work to my new home used to be a fun thing for me. Breezing through the streets as I smelt the fresh, salty air, and experience the crowd that hung nearby usually made me smile and whistle. However, that night... Again, it was different.
“Ana,” someone called my name from the other side of the street.
Stopping, I spun around to find Hunter crossing as the cars passed by, honking at him and yelling obscene words, yet he didn’t even crack a word at them. Only when he reached me did I notice the thick, brown envelope he was carrying.
“I’m dropping this off as promised,” he said, rushing the words out, breathless. “And this—” he said before shocking me with a harsh kiss, kissing me thoroughly. “I can’t leave without tasting your lips for the last time.”
God, it was just as I had remembered, but how could he dare do this?
“I’m not yours. I’m not your anything. You can’t just kiss me whenever you feel like it.” My anger was getting the best of me even though I tried to hide it. Jealousy was a bitch. I had learned as much today.
“Don’t you think I know that?” His raised voice surprised me. Apparently, he had a lot to say. “I was too confident. It’s my fault for believing there was something here, that you’d at least wait for me before you moved on. But it didn’t even take you that long to be with your neighbor.”
“What are you talking about?” I tensed, scowling. “How’d you know about Logan?”
“I had someone check you out after I realized you’d been in San Diego for three days and the duffel bag hadn’t moved an inch.”
“You did what?” I screeched so loudly the people passing us gave me a nasty look, but I was past caring. “Why? Why would you do that? I was safe…”
“I needed to make sure that you were. I had to know because I couldn’t leave then. There was so much going on that I had to wait until I could come after you.”
My heart warmed then broke all over again when I realized that maybe it was his guilt talking again. “It wasn’t your fault. You don’t have to feel responsible for me, Hunter. I’m doing okay,” I persisted. “I’m fine. I am—I’m doing fine.”
“I know. I know, Ana…” He sounded pained. “I kept telling myself that you are… And I see that you are, but I still can’t help wanting you for myself. I’m all sorts of fucked up because I told myself I would leave you be once I saw you great and happy… But I can’t seem to walk away. I just had to see you again before I left you for good.”
He felt it, yet he was leaving again?
“Why? Why didn’t you tell me any of this? I’ve spent my entire afternoon—DAMN YOU!” I was screaming, about to cry, then the next thing I knew, I was jumping on him, kissing him like there were no people passing around us. I didn’t care, either. I wanted him just as much as he did me.
After what seemed like an eternity, our lips parted and we stared at each other, seeing the same yet different this time around.
“Does that mean you’re mine now?” he whispered before cupping my face towards him. “‘Cause you can’t kiss me like that and boot me out of your life, Ana.” He kissed me once. Twice. Three times. Before I laughed at his cuteness. “You wouldn’t want me for an enemy. I won’t leave you alone—ever.”
“You’re an idiot. I’ve wanted you for so long and too much, Hunter. There hasn’t been a day that passed that I didn’t think of you.”
“Good to hear I wasn’t the only one.”
“You weren’t.”
“Does that mean you’re mine now?” he asked again.
“We’ll see, shall we? You still have a long way to go, buddy,” I teased yet meaning the words as well. I was new to these things, and although I wanted him like crazy, he and I still needed to build trust before we could go any further.
“I know,” he said with all seriousness. “Your place or mine? We need to talk.”
“My place.” It was the closest, and I was dying to see where his thoughts were at. Sure, we were attracted to each other, but everyone knew that wasn’t enough to survive a relationship.
Walking hand in hand, we arrived in my apartment without seeing any of the girls, as a result we immediately headed straight to my room.
Before the door was shut, Hunter headed straight into it without ado. “I want you. This thing…” He pointed at me then back at himself again. “I want this, Ana.”
I did, too, but shit.
“You live in Seattle… and my home is here now.”
His eyes didn’t waver. “I can move here, too. Fuck. Maybe it’s time to change my game and go legit.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Maybe it’s time to quit and start making clean money. I already have a lot of businesses anyway. Maybe I could just take a break and drive you around. I won’t mind that.”
Now that was insane. Him drive me around? Was he pulling my leg?
“Slow down a little. I don’t want you to go crazy on this. Think about it. I’m not going anywhere, Hunter.” I slowly met him halfway, pulling his face close to mine. “I’ll be here when you’re ready, but I don’t want you to rush. Think it through. Give it time before you quit. I don’t want you to regret anything, especially something as big as this.” Even though his line of work was illegal, it still didn’t change the fact that he was good to me. He had a good heart, which was all I cared about at that moment. The rest was just the gray area.
He looked torn, but I knew my words had gotten through to him. “You promise to wait? No Logan and shit?”
My, my, was he jealous? That made me smile.
“Logan is a friend, but yes, I promise. Just you, Hunter.” I sealed my vow with a kiss on his lips. “Naomi. Explain that to me please.”
“Real estate agent. I wanted to look at places to buy so I could be near you.”
Whoa. “You’ve already gone that far?”
He made a face. “I’m crazy about you, woman. What’d you think?”
Jesus. I like this new craziness. But too much was on the line for me.
“I want you, but would it offend you to take this slow? I know we started in the oddest way possible, but I want to know you—the man here.” I tapped his chest. “I’ve gotten intimate with the rest of you, but not here.”
“We’ll take it however you want, baby.” He kissed my forehead as he hugged me with both arms. “You deserve to sit back and slow things down a bit. I’m sorry if I sprung this out of nowhere, but I just can’t help it. You drove me insane the moment I heard you had moved in with a man.”
“Seriously?”
“Hey, facts are facts,” he teased, making me giggle for the first time.
I rolled my eyes before he picked me up and carried me to bed where we made out almost naked when he opened up about the past….
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here fast enough. After leaving you in the hospital, I knew I just
couldn’t let him go without seeing him again.”
He was talking about Doug, and for the first time, hearing his name didn’t frighten me any longer. It was a unbelievable feeling to realize as I waited for him to continue his story.
“I went straight to him, asked the people that had him to give me a day because I needed more information from him when, in fact, all I wanted was answers as to why he had treated you the way he had. I couldn’t even touch you in the hospital without feeling this powerful rage build inside me because he fucking put you there, Ana.
“The sick fuck kept on making me angry. He wouldn’t answer me until I chopped off both of his pinkies, and what came out of his mouth made me lose my shit some more.” He shook his head, as if he still couldn’t believe it.
These were the same questions I had asked myself before when the abuse had started. Therefore, my curiosity got the better of me. “What did he say?”
“He said he wanted to keep the haunted look in your eyes, like when he saw you for the first time. When he saw it going away, he knew he had to do something… because he thought you were beautiful just the way you were.”
What a twisted, chilling thing to say. How could a person think like that, let alone the teenager he had been when I first met him?
“I wanted to kill him, but his life wasn’t mine to take. He pissed a lot of people off when he started dealing with the Mexican cartels. Luck was on my side when an old friend started poking around him. Apparently, a bigger fish wanted him…”
Bigger fish?
I gazed at him questioningly. “What are you? Are you like a cop or something?”
That made him laugh so hard he had big tears in his eyes. “I wouldn’t stretch it that far.” He sobered up a little from his giggle fit. “I do a lot of bad things, so sometimes I even it out by doing something good. I know it doesn’t count as much, but at least I try, you know?”
“So you’re an informant?”
“Something like that.”
Huh. Who would’ve thought? I sure as heck hadn’t seen that one coming. People did surprise you, one way or the other.
“Ana?”
I rolled to him, seeing him like I was it was for the first time again.
“Take your time to find yourself. I don’t mind waiting as long as you find your way back to me at the end of the journey.”
He was going to stick to his word, and I certainly wasn’t going anywhere. Maybe we could really make this work. God, I hoped so.
“That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve heard all my life, and you bet your ass I’ll be coming back to you.”
“Thank you, Jesus.”
I playfully punched him as I rolled over, onto his chest. “I want to enjoy my new life, being surrounded with work and newfound friends and working on conquering my phobias and addictions. If you could stay and be patient with me, that would really make me happy.”
He tensed, cupping my chin so he could see my eyes clearly. “Addictions?”
“Drugs.”
“And what else? You said it with an s. What are the others?”
Quick to get that hint, wasn’t he…?
“Sex…” I whispered it without shame. “I’m addicted to sex.”
He stilled, giving me that hurtful look. “I thought you said you were friends with Logan.”
“We are…” I trailed off. “I haven’t had sex with anyone… but my vibrator…”
His immediate relief came with a loud laugh. “Ahhhhh. I love the sound of that. I love kinkiness, you know that, babes.”
“I’m being serious…”
He nuzzled my neck before biting it hard. “Tell me all about this sex addiction of yours…”
Seriously? Like I’ll ever tell the truth about what I’ve been really doing and thinking as I touched myself… I thought wickedly.
Hunter and I came to an understanding, and it was a promise we made for ourselves: no matter what happened, we’d always find our way back. We were still trying to comprehend these intense, profound feelings we had for each other, and I was glad we were learning it together.
It was not a surprise, but a gift.
Even though I had gone through a hellacious ordeal, I had been given a second chance to start over, and I wanted to do it right. In some twisted way, I was proud I was coming out of my comfort zone and really stepping into embracing life. Back in the day, the mere thought alone would have terrified me , however that was in the past.
My future was a whole different matter.
Chapter 31
Two months later…
It was my first day of class; subsequently I had woken up early. I made sure I had all textbooks, pens, paper, calculators, and whatever else I could think of in my backpack. Then, freshly showered and all set to go, I was out the door at eight in the morning in order to be on time for my eight-thirty class.
I was in such a hurry I didn’t see it and almost tripped over it. There was a vase full of flowers—budding pink flowers, to be precise. There was a card attached to it. Plucking it up with a smile, I read it, thinking how lucky I was to have Hunter in my life.
Today is another milestone. You’ll have millions more to remember.
Never stop dreaming, Ana.
There was no way I could stop myself from dreaming because Hunter had been acting all perfect, and I couldn’t help falling deeper for him as the days passed by. He and Logan had become friends, too, yet they weren’t crazy enough to hangout without me because they’d end up fighting about who was better at what.
Bill sent me a copy of mom’s insurance policy attached with a lawyer’s number, stating that I needed to contact him. There was also a letter with only I’m sorry for disappointing you and your mother in it and nothing more. I knew he was sorry and I was too. The situation was unfortunate but again, he couldn’t have known that his child was an evil man.
Life was just how I had pictured it, though I still got my daily nightmares. I was optimistic about the future ahead even with a long road ahead of me. There was still a lot of healing and coming to terms with what had happened with Doug and all that havoc he had brought into my life.
What happened with me sometimes ended up in the news and most of the world got to hear it, but most of the time, these things stayed in the dark with victims terrorized over their own fears to the point they kept themselves silent, thinking it was safer for them, for everyone. I was one of those victims, hoping my silence would make it go away, hoping I could forget it one day. However, thinking that way only made me fool myself because I knew the truth every time I looked in the mirror every morning.
I had to learn accept it…
To deal with it…
To live with the nightmares that haunted me, and embrace that it had shaped me into the woman I was—scarred, beaten, and a much better fighter than I had been before everything had ever happened.
Sometimes, I walked home from school or from work and would still get paranoid Doug might be following me, or that someone was out there lurking and would get me any second. Usually, I would brace myself and start running as fast as I could, hoping to outrun them, and I would go in into my apartment, looking like I had lost my mind—because maybe I had… In some ways, I had lost something. I had lost a lot. I had external and internal scars to prove it.
I had been raped, abused, drugged, traumatized from the terrorizing attack that had taken my father from me, and then I was stabbed in the back by someone I had trusted. The world wasn’t a happy place; I knew that firsthand. Even though I had all these horrific things happen to me, however, the prospect of having a future blossomed something inside me. It was as if a light had come upon me and left something inside my heart, illuminating hope and newfound purpose to keep battling my demons on a daily basis.
Every day was a fight. Moreover, maybe it was a fight I’d battle for the rest of my life until I was dead and cold, buried six-feet below the earth’s surface.
But I knew one thing: I got to dictate this
fight, and I wouldn’t let it overrun how I lived my life.
It was my battle—my rules.
"Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality that guarantees all the others." ~ Winston Churchill
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More books by Pamela Ann
The Torn Series Order:
Scornfully Yours
Scornfully Hers
Frayed
Blasphemous
Undeniably Yours
Scorned
Fixated On You
Christmas With You
Unveiled November 19
Crushed TBA
Damaged TBA
The Chasing Series:
Chasing Beautiful
Chasing Imperfection
Chasing Paradise
Chasing Forever (Lucy & Toby)
Chasing Mrs. Knightly: Epilogue Coming August 4
Lily’s Mistake
Loving Drake
Loving Lily Coming July 17
British Billionaires Series:
Falling For My Husband (Callum & Stella)
Falling For Ava (Reiss & Ava) FALL 2014
Formula Men Series:
Monza Luca di Medici October 27
Nice Jacques Bertrand TBA
Barcelona Andrès Franco TBA
Pieces: A Duet:
Pieces of You & Me
Pieces Of Us
Havoc (Dark Erotica)
The Encounter Trilogy
Bartered
Unleashed
Vanquished
*** Upcoming Stand-Alone Novels ***
My Summer in Venice Coming 2014
Breaking My Vows TBA 2014
Call Me Crazy
The Nut Job
For more about Pamela Ann and her upcoming releases, follow her through Facebook, Twitter and her blog.
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