by Abbi Glines
“We’ll come inside and eat some with you,” I told her before standing up.
“I need some cobbler,” Scarlet agreed.
I walked over to my mom, wrapped my arms around her and said, “I love you,” swallowing the emotion in my throat, and pushing back the tears what were threatening to come.
She gave me a quick squeeze, kissed my cheek and replied, “I love you more, princess. Never forget that.” That had always been her response whenever I told her I loved her.
Asher Sutton
I HADN’T SEEN or spoken to Steel in two days. I knew Bray had told him everything that Momma told us. He let me know that Steel knew the truth about Dixie and the letters, and once I got my emotions under control, I had planned on going to Dixie and telling her everything. It was the only thing I’d been able to think about. But then I realized it wasn’t my place to tell her. Steel had proposed to Dixie. Momma had been sure to remind me of that.
I waited for something to happen, but Steel never came to find me. I was getting tired of waiting on him to do something.
He’d left early this morning to go mend the south fence. Bray said it was Steel’s turn to pull wire when I asked where he was during breakfast. I had to talk to Steel because I wanted to go to Dixie, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t free to do that. The idea that I could hold her, that I could love her freely again was taunting me. The way I felt about her wasn’t wrong or messed up, it was allowed. I was allowed to worship Dixie, to tell her that she owned my soul, that she was everything to me.
But I was waiting on my own little brother to do . . . something . . . anything.
When I got down to the barn, I could see the farm truck headed toward me, knowing Steel was in it. The posts and wire he hadn’t needed were clanking around in the bed, the diesel engine rumbling to an idle, then to a stop behind the barn. Steel climbed from the truck and slammed the door without looking at me. The anger on his face wasn’t what I’d been expecting to find. I hadn’t done anything to piss him off. He was the one who’d hurt Dixie.
“What?” I asked, forcing him to look at me and meeting his glare.
He let out a hard laugh. “What,” he repeated, “I’m waiting on you to tell me you’re going to see Dixie today. That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? To tell me you’re going to talk to her. To warn me you’re about to swoop in and give her what she wants. What she’s wanted all her life.” He pulled off his work gloves and threw them down on the ground. “What the fuck do I do with that? I can’t compete. So go get her, Asher. Go fucking take her away from me.” He then spun and stalked toward the barn.
Steel loved her, maybe not the way I did, but he loved her all the same. And I loved him, he was my little brother and I’d always been there whenever he needed me. I’d taught him how to throw a football. Where to hit a baseball on the barrel of your bat. How to tackle with your head across.
I loved Dixie. But my lost chance with her. Steel was there for her when she needed someone to comfort her after I’d walked away from her without a word. I didn’t deserve her. Steel was the better man. Deep in my heart, I knew that as I called his name and he stopped. He turned just before entering the barn. The anger in his eyes was now gone, replaced by the kind of pain that further cemented my decision.
“What,” he replied, “what, Asher?”
“Go get her! She was yours until now. She hasn’t been mine in a long time. I’ve lived three years believing what I had with her was wrong and disgusting. You only lived that hell for a day. Your love for her is still pure. It’s you she needs right now, not me. I’m pretty sure I’m broken beyond repair and won’t ever be whole again.”
The tension in Steel’s shoulders loosened, his eyes then becoming those of a worried brother. “You’re not broken. You’re a good man, Asher. A great one if you ask me.”
He was wrong, but he loved me. His love was special, exactly the kind of love I wanted for Dixie. She wouldn’t ever be faced with the dark demons that had taken over my life, demons I wasn’t sure would ever go away. Finding out the truth didn’t magically fix me. It freed me, but it didn’t fix me. That required something I wasn’t willing to take—Dixie’s love. I couldn’t have it. It would never be mine again.
“Thanks,” I told him, “but I’ll be leaving next month. She needs a man who’ll be here for her. One who will show her the sunshine every damn day. I have too much darkness in my soul to give Dixie the light she deserves.”
Steel stood there staring at me. Finally, he nodded in agreement. “Okay,” he replied. “I do love her, you know.”
“I know,” I quietly assured him.
He wiped his hands on his jeans, then flashed a small smile, before jogging down to his truck. Watching him go wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do.
The barn door opened and I glanced back to see Dallas standing there wearing nothing but a pair of white shorts and a set of boxing gloves. I hadn’t known anyone was inside the barn. Dallas was just staring at me.
“I love all my brothers, but just to clarify, Asher, you’re the best one of them. We all know it. Even Steel.” Dallas spoke, giving me a sad smile. He then lifted his chin toward the inside of the barn. “Come on in and beat the shit out of that heavy bag. I just finished and I’m about to lift weights. The bag is all yours if you want it.”
Hitting something sounded really fucking good. I walked up to the barn as Dallas pulled his gloves off and slapped me in the stomach with them. “Here you go, old man,” he teased.
I grabbed the gloves and felt a genuine grin tug at my lips for the first time in a really long while. “This old man could beat your ass.”
Dallas chuckled and pointed at himself, before flexing his impressive arms. “Dude, you looked at me lately? I’m a beast,” he replied. “A monster.”
In return I laughed, really laughed, all the muscles one used to do that finally coming to life again. They’d lain unused for years.
“Yes, you are, little brother. Both a beast and a monster,” I said. The surprised expression on Dallas’s face was quickly replaced by a big grin of his own.
Steel Sutton
While pulling onto the dirt road that connected our driveway with Dixie’s, I noticed Bray’s truck parked in the field. Slowing down, I checked to see if he needed anything. But when I saw a red head and a pair of tits rising and falling like the sea, I shook my head grinning and kept driving toward Dixie’s house. In broad daylight, the bastard had a girl out there, fucking away without a care. Dude was crazy. My brother was nuts.
Dixie and me hadn’t had sex. We’d been together now for eleven months. It was my longest stint of celibacy since I was fifteen and Brenda Vickers first showed me her eighteen-year-old tits, then how good it felt to slide my dick into a hot, wet pussy. Sex became as important as oxygen to me. But then I’d fallen in love with Dixie and waiting on her becoming even more important. Turning down willing women wasn’t easy sometimes, but Dixie was worth the wait. She was better than a meaningless night with some easy lay. Dixie was worth it all.
Seeing Bray getting some made me a little jealous. I was tired of masturbating. But what he had was cheap and would be over soon. I had something more with Dixie, something worth the sacrifice, and the long wait that went along with it.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw Dixie’s Jeep parked outside, so I hurried to her door. I didn’t want to wait any longer. For two days, Dixie hadn’t called or texted me. I was so damn sure that Asher would come and take her away from me anyway, so I didn’t try to contact her either. I believed Dixie loved me. She’d told me she loved me, but then again, I wasn’t sure she loved me as much as Asher. Their history was longer than ours, longer and more complicated. I always felt like second fiddle to him. But now that he wasn’t planning on coming for her, she would be mine again.
The front door opened and Dixie stepped outside wearing a pair of cutoff jeans and a plaid shirt that was tied in a knot, her stomach visible for an inch or two. My heart began
beating rapidly. She was barefoot and looked exactly like every southern boy’s fantasy. Any boy’s fantasy. “Hey,” she said with the tiniest of smiles. She didn’t look like she was hurting. None of the pain I’d seen in her eyes two days back was there anymore. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. I didn’t want her hurting, but I also hoped she loved me enough to hurt from our break-up.
“How are you?” I asked, searching her face.
She shrugged. “Good. Better. I talked to my daddy.”
The way she said “my daddy” with relief in her voice told me her father had cleared the air of the lies that we all had believed.
“So you know the truth, then?” I asked.
She frowned. Blew through her lips. “Yeah, but it isn’t what Asher thinks.”
I nodded. “We know. Momma told us.”
Dixie’s eyes went wide and she glanced toward our house. “Oh, really, when?”
“Two mornings ago. I would’ve been here sooner, but we all kinda needed some time . . . to deal . . . you know?”
She turned her eyes back to me. The sudden sadness in them made me want to kick myself. Why did I tell her I’d known for two days without coming to her? How stupid was that of me?
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, “so sorry.”
She forced a smile and shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I also knew and didn’t come to you. I just . . .” she paused and nervously swallowed. “Never mind. I’m not making sense. It’s been a crazy few days, I guess.”
“Yeah, it has,” I agreed. I then reached out to take her hand in mine. “But I never stopped loving you. I loved you even when I thought it was wrong. I couldn’t turn that off.”
She drew inward, tensed, her gaze flicking back toward my house again. I knew then that this was about Asher. She was waiting on him, which was what I should’ve expected. I should’ve known this would happen. He was the one she’d lost and never gotten over. It was written all over her face.
“I waited on him,” I told her. “He’s the reason I didn’t come until now. I was giving him a chance to come to you. But he came to me this morning and told me to come see you. Not to make you wait. That I loved you more than he ever could and you deserved that. Not him.”
The pain in her eyes intensified and I wanted to roar at the unfairness. Why did Dixie have to do this to me? I’d waited on her, been faithful to her because I loved her and wanted it to work. Why did she have to want him more? He’d sent me. He’d let her go.
I was here. He wasn’t.
“Oh,” she said, unable to look up. She studied her hands instead.
Just a fucking “oh.”
“Dixie, do you still want this? Us?” I asked, willing her to at least look at me. To give me something, any damn thing.
Finally, she raised her gaze and asked, “Steel, do you want this?”
Did she even have to ask? “More than anything, Dixie.”
She didn’t respond right away. Instead, she waited a few moments, before releasing the softest of sighs. “Okay, yes, I want this, too.”
Relief washed over me. I wanted to pound my chest. I’d won. Dixie was mine. Dixie Monroe was the most gorgeous woman I’d ever laid eyes on and she’d chosen me over my brother.
“I’ll make you happy, Dixie. Baby, I swear.”
She nodded, took a step toward me, laying her head on my chest. This was what I’d needed. What I wanted more than anything else. I could do without sex until she was ready. Just knowing that one day Dixie Monroe would share my bed made everything better. For now.
Dixie Monroe
THE FOLLOWING WEEK, I saw Steel every day. But I never saw Asher. Not once. His truck was parked outside by the pump house, but when I came by, he never came around. I didn’t ask and Steel didn’t mention it. I felt like Steel was waiting on me to ask, and if I did, I would’ve failed some test of sorts.
Scarlet said to let go of the past, but I didn’t know how to do that. Asher was more than just my past. He was a part of me. He owned a piece of my heart, possibly the biggest one of them all. You couldn’t just ignore that because people told you to do so. Even if he didn’t fight for us to be together, my heart didn’t care, and the pain I felt from knowing that was unbearable still.
He still had the power to make me drop everything and go running to him with a crook of his finger. He still had that much hold over me. Though, it felt as if he were gone again. Scarlet said she’d seen him two days ago working in the barn with Bray doing some renovations. He was laughing and seemed less preoccupied than he’d been in the past three years. I was glad he wasn’t living with the darkness that had eaten at him for so long. But I missed him. I wanted to see him like this. See the old Asher again.
“Damn, he’s at it again,” Steel muttered, drawing me from my thoughts. I turned to look what he was frowning at. I saw the back of Brent’s head and the familiar red curls belonging to my best friend in the back of Bray’s truck. I shook my head. Did they think parking out there was an actual hiding place?
“I swear, Bray can’t get a full day of work in without getting him some.”
I began to tell Steel it wasn’t Bray, that it was Brent, but I stopped and looked again, squinting over the field. The sun and distance made it hard to see. That was definitely Scarlet’s red hair. I would have known it anywhere. And that had to be Brent. She was attracted to Bray, but she wouldn’t . . . actually sleep with him. She wouldn’t. Would she?
“You want burgers for lunch or seafood? I’m good with either, starved through the gut,” Steel said, snapping my gaze from Bray’s truck. He didn’t seem to notice that was Scarlet and until I knew what was going on, I wouldn’t point that out to him.
“Uh . . . seafood is good,” I replied.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and sent Scarlet a hopeful text: Please tell me that was Brent? She’d know what I meant.
“Another reason I love you. We think alike. Let’s go,” Steel said, turning and laughing. I smiled back at him, but the words wouldn’t come. Telling Steel I loved him seemed wrong, especially now. I wasn’t sure if I loved him like he loved me. Steel was good to me. Would’ve fought for me. I had to keep reminding myself of that daily.
I listened to Steel talk about the barn and all the renovations they were going to do. I didn’t even wince when he said Asher’s name, complaining that Asher was getting a job this summer working for Denver Watson, at the local Feed and Seed. He didn’t understand why Asher couldn’t help them work the family farm. I wanted to tell him that Asher knew they needed more money and the only way to get that was to work for someone else.
Instead, I asked, “What does your momma think?”
He rolled his eyes. “Momma thinks Asher hung the moon. You know that. She’s so glad he’s home for the summer, she’ll agree with whatever he does.”
“Or maybe she knows that Asher could make more to help pay the bills by working for someone else.” Arguing with Steel was one thing. Defending Asher was another entirely. I knew it and I did it anyway. It was as if I couldn’t control my mouth. I said those words without being able to stop them from pouring out.
“You seem real sure that Asher knows what’s best.” There was a sourness in his tone and I didn’t blame him for it. Everything was still raw and new between us.
“I was just thinking is all. Not my business. I’m sorry. I don’t know what your bills are or how much the farm makes for you all. You do. It’s not my business.”
He was quiet for a moment and I wondered if I’d said the wrong thing yet again. This was going to be difficult for a while. Maybe forever. Could I do this? Was this even fair to Steel?
He admitted, “I don’t know what the farm brings in,” and he didn’t seem proud of that fact either.
“Oh,” was all I said.
We rode in silence to the only seafood place in town. I fidgeted my hands and kept my gaze out the window like I’d never been here before. Part of me hoped to see Bray out there somewhere on the street. To assur
e me it hadn’t been him in the truck. I really wanted to know that it wasn’t. Then suddenly Steel said, “Asher does. And Bray. They help Momma with the finances. Asher did it until he left. Momma does most of it now, but Asher was so good at math she had him start helping when he turned seventeen. When he left for college, she let Bray step in. Someone had to step in. Bray was the best choice.”
He didn’t have to admit this to me. This was another thing about Steel to love and respect. He was honest, didn’t lie to make himself look better, but even that couldn’t change my heart. I wished it could. Even when my heart should’ve lied, it didn’t.
“They’re older,” I replied simply to comfort him.
He nodded. “Yeah, but I care more about the place. Making it a real working farm. Turning more than just enough to pay the bills. I want to see it thrive. Give Momma some extra to put back into it. You know what I mean?”
I tilted my chin, but didn’t say any more. Instead, my eyes suddenly found Asher. Like they always seemed to do. He was walking out of the hardware store with Hannah Watson stepping beside him. She was talking and smiling brightly, her face turning to gesture as they strolled, while Asher listened and took it all in. The small lift at the corners of his lips meant Hannah was making him truly smile, and Asher was liking whatever she was saying. Until this moment, I’d always liked Hannah. She was beautiful, smart and nice. But now I hoped she tripped over her pretty blue sandals and fell flat on her face. Or for a truck to hit her in the street. What was happening to me?
“Asher moved on that fast enough. The boss’s daughter is already hanging on his arm. Not sure Denver was expecting that.”
Why did Asher need another job anyway? That was silly. I suddenly agreed with Steel. There was no point in him working elsewhere with so much to do on their oen farm. Especially if it meant he was going to be around Hannah all the time. Wasn’t she supposed to be off at school? Why was she traipsing the streets with Asher? Drooling and looking all pretty?
