He winced. In seeking to protect her, he had lost her trust.
‘I want to be with you and our son. I am willing to try, but I have to do this first. I am used to operating on my own.’
‘The last time you asked for permission to do something first, you were gone for seven years.’
‘It won’t be that long. I’ve taken all the steps necessary. The king did give me permission to return to Jaarlshiem. Until my uncle chose his move, I couldn’t counter him.’ He forced a smile, but knew it wouldn’t fool her. ‘I am an excellent tafl player. You know that. I mean to win.’
Her eyes turned sad. ‘You should have said something when you first suspected.’
‘What could you have done?’ He put his hands on her shoulders. ‘I know what I am doing. It has been my life for the past six years. Let me prove to you that I am worthy.’
She shrugged off his hands and her eyes flashed. ‘You leave for Sand at first light. You won’t be here to put things right.’
‘Everyone is prepared.’ He struggled to understand her hurt. He knew what he was doing. He would return as soon as he could. ‘You’ll be safe here.’
‘Sometimes safety is an illusion. You showed me that with Rurik.’ She dipped her head and he could only see the crown of braids. ‘I thought Rurik was safe with Gudrun and look what happened.’
‘Like you, I’d give my life for our son.’
Her mouth became an O.
‘Valdar wanted me in chains, but I suspect he gave me the option for the sake of our son and you,’ Ash continued. ‘I suppose I should be grateful that he likes my son. It would not do for him to see his father escorted out in chains.’
‘Valdar isn’t like that. He is your friend.’ Her hand played with the chain on her waist. ‘It is why we first became close. He was able to tell Rurik stories about you.’
‘He was my friend once, but he fell in love with my wife. He’ll take pleasure in seeing me humiliated. It is why my uncle persuaded the king that he was the perfect man for the job. Why he wasn’t at court that morning. He is my uncle’s man now.’
‘Will your uncle win if no one pleads for you?’ Kara began to pace the hall. Her skirt swished, revealing her trim ankles, but Ash admired the steel in her backbone more.
‘My uncle will have put it about that I am a Viken spy.’
She stopped mid-stride. ‘Are you a spy?’
‘I was a sell-sword who fights in the open, not a spy who hides in the shadows. I certainly never betrayed my country. I never preyed on Raumerike ships and I would never do so.’
He waited, willing her to understand.
‘I believe you, my husband.’
Tension rushed from Ash’s shoulders. Kara believed him. She had claimed him. He gathered her in his arms. ‘It is a start.’
A tiny frown creased her forehead. ‘Can you prove it?’
‘Should it come to it, I believe I can. My men will vouch for me.’
‘Who would believe the word of a sell-sword? Everyone knows they will say anything for money.’ She stuffed her hand in her mouth. ‘That sounds dreadful, Ash. But you need others to support you. You can’t do this alone.’
‘My uncle will overreach. He needs a small push, but he will do it.’
‘Would you give up your man if it turns out your uncle is correct and your ship did attack?’
Ash considered Helgi. His oarsman was cautious to the point of inaction. He only attacked if he knew he had superior numbers. The ship had barely enough men to get upriver. Ash had made sure of it. They had not been the aggressors. He knew this in his gut. ‘It would go against Helgi the Short’s nature to attack.’
‘That isn’t what I asked! Would you be the one to strike him dead if he turns against you? The king is sure to ask you. Hesitating will only give credence to our enemies.’
He tilted his head. ‘Our? Since when did my enemies become yours? A man doesn’t abandon his friends or the men who trust him, Kara. Helgi did not do this.’
‘Not even to save himself?’
‘Especially not then. I’ll prove Helgi’s innocence and my own, as well.’
‘Attacking you through this ship means Rurik’s inheritance is in jeopardy. I can’t allow that to happen. Promise me you won’t put your friend above our son.’
A pang went through Ash. He wanted to be more important than Rurik. He shook his head in disbelief. When had he started to be jealous of his son? He wanted Kara to trust him.
‘I want the truth, Kara. If Helgi has disobeyed my direct orders, then I will be the one to draw a sword and strike his head from his shoulders. But a man should be deemed innocent until proven guilty. I will defend him until I have proof otherwise.’ He hoped Kara believed it. If he couldn’t convince Kara, what chance did he have of convincing the king?
Silently he prayed to any god who might be listening that he would be able to prove it and he would not be the one to end Helgi’s life. He owed Helgi far too many debts. ‘If he has betrayed me, I will not hesitate. I haven’t in the past. Let me go.’
‘To do what? Leave and not come back?’
‘To fight for us both.’ He lifted her chin so he could stare directly into her eyes.
She slammed her fists together. ‘I will return with you. You owe me this, Ash.’
He stared at her, dumbfounded. Hadn’t Kara listened to a word he had said? He had made arrangements for her. ‘You can stay here, safe and unmolested. No one will doubt Rurik’s claim to this place. I will make sure of it. It will be better for you to look after Rurik here.’
‘Rurik goes to Sand, as well. We all go or none of us goes.’
He stared at her open-mouthed. ‘You are going to risk Rurik in Sand? Why? He is safest here!’
‘He will be safer with you than being left here, and there is no one I will leave him with, not after what happened the last time. There, I’ve given you an excuse if anyone asks, but I want us to be together as a family. We face this together. United against the world.’
Ash gulped hard. Kara wanted to come with him. Once, he’d longed to hear those words. Now they made it worse. This wasn’t about proving his worth as a warrior, but saving his family. He had to outthink his uncle and he couldn’t do that if he was worried about Kara and Rurik. Here at Jaarlshiem he could leave enough men to protect them. In Sand anything could happen to them.
For the past seven years, he had only had himself to worry about and now he was terrified for Kara and Rurik. He wanted to be able to protect them, not just because he had a duty towards them but because he cared about them.
‘Your offer is unexpected.’ He ran his hand through his hair, wondering how he could stop her without destroying this new fragile bond that had grown between them in the last few days. And he selfishly wanted her there with him, which was wrong. If he was truly the man he wanted to be, he’d make her stay where she was safe.
‘Unexpected or unwelcome?’ she asked sharply.
‘I’m used to being on my own. Worrying about myself and no one else. I have everything under control.’
She slipped her hand through his arm. ‘You are not on your own any longer.’
Ash’s stomach knotted. Her saying that made it worse. The walls pressed in on him, making it difficult to breathe. He had planned everything. Kara was supposed to want to stay out of harm’s way. She wasn’t supposed to volunteer to come with him. ‘It could be a trap. My uncle might try to harm you or Rurik to get at me. Think of how that will make me feel.’
‘You proclaimed that everything was in hand.’ Her mouth turned mulish. ‘If it is safe enough for you, it is safe enough for Rurik.’
‘It is different for me. I know the risks. You can stay here. I will leave my men to guard you.’ He ran his hand down the length of her arm. ‘I want to know you are safe. Do
this for me.’
Her lashes swept down, hiding her expression. ‘You asked for the opportunity to show me that you have changed. I will give you that opportunity. Will you let me come and bring Rurik?’
Ash brushed his lips against hers and tried to dispel his sudden sense of panic. He wasn’t a better man. He was a selfish one who would take every opportunity to be with his wife and child. The fact tore at his insides. ‘After this afternoon, I’ve no wish to let you go.’
‘Then you agree. I’ll come.’
‘How can I stop you?’ He bowed his head. The walls of the hall seemed to bear down on him, reminding him of his duty and how he’d failed before. Far more was at stake this time. There would be no second chance to get it right. ‘I need to see my men and make sure all is ready, including a cart for you and Rurik.’
* * *
Kara paced her chamber. She had retired for the night after she had given up waiting for Ash to return from his making arrangements for their departure. Her mind spun with all the worries about the future. Ash was going again and she had no guarantee when he might return. Or if. And had he truly meant his words about becoming a farmer? Or had that been a sop?
After giving a soft knock, Ash entered the room. ‘Valdar and his men are bedded down. Safe and secure. And all arrangements are in hand. We leave at first light.’
‘Was it that difficult?’
‘It took some doing.’ Ash ran his hand through his hair. ‘He doesn’t know you are coming yet.’
She stared at him. ‘If you hope to use your power of persuasions with me, I will warn you my mind is made up. I am going.’
He shook his head. ‘I know enough about you not to try that. Less chance of objections from Valdar. I wanted to spend tonight with you, rather than countering his arguments. I had to show him the fortifications so that he could test you would be properly guarded.’
‘Then he is not entirely your uncle’s creature.’
‘You have a point, Kara. You are far more than a pretty face.’
Kara frowned at the way the warmth curled about her insides at his hooded look. She wasn’t going to fall into bed with him, just yet. She wanted to make sure he understood her terms first. ‘I’m sure Valdar will see the necessity and he would far rather I travelled with him and you, instead of making the journey on my own.’
‘Stubborn. Just the way I like you.’ He moved closer. ‘Do I have to provoke another fight before you will kiss me?’
‘I’m finished with fighting you.’
He lifted her chin. ‘You will see, Kara, I will prove I’m worthy of you. A few short weeks and we will return.’
Her heart panged. The echo of seven years ago rang loudly in his words.
‘It will take as long as it takes.’ Her voice trembled on the last word. She screwed her eyes up tightly, silently cursing. ‘I know that, Ash. I have accepted it.’
She hoped he believed it more than she did.
‘I’ve stopped thinking about the future, Kara. I want to live in the here and now.’ He smoothed the hair off her forehead and her entire body tingled with an acute awareness of him and what they had shared earlier.
She wanted that sharing again, that feeling of closeness.
‘Can you do that?’ he rasped, gently tugging at her earlobe. Little flames licked at her inner core, igniting her senses in a way that only Ash could. It amazed her that she could feel so alive. Like a moth drawn to a flame, she found the movement of his mouth impossible to resist.
She knew it was impossible to explain her feelings for him in words, but she could allow her body to speak.
‘I will try.’ She looped her arms about his neck. ‘Enough thinking for tonight, I want to feel.’
Chapter Fourteen
The early morning mist rising from the lake hung in the valley. Ash glanced up at the hall looming behind. He’d left Kara sleeping. Nothing had felt right between them when he’d made love to her last night—far too frantic and forced, as if they both knew that he might not ever get another chance.
Lying next to her afterwards, he had struggled to breathe and knew he had to escape the airless room. His leg had throbbed, making sleep impossible. He had given her naked shoulder one last kiss and slipped away.
He had dressed quickly and started towards the lake, intending to swim and loosen the knots in his leg. When he reached the tuntreet with its now-naked spreading branches, he sank down to his knees and buried his face in his hands. Somehow he had to find a way to keep the people he loved safe.
Coming home was supposed to be simple. But every time he turned around, he saw other ways in which he could never measure up. A dull pain formed behind his eyes.
‘Here I find you, Ash.’ Valdar’s cold tone rang out across the lake, causing several geese to rise up. ‘Thinking of leaving? Or making a stand here? Or are you praying to the gods for a swift and merciful release?’
Ash slowly rose and faced the man who had once been his friend. ‘I gave you my word. I will be going to Sand. Voluntarily and not in chains or with my feet dragging. My men have their orders. They will obey them. It should be enough.’
‘Does that bother you?’
‘Not in the slightest.’ Ash inclined his head. He wondered briefly how many battles Valdar had fought or if he ever felt uncertain or afraid. If he failed, Kara would need a strong arm.
Ash pressed his lips together. Now was the right time to begin his move and see if he could separate Valdar from his uncle.
‘Kara intends to take Rurik to Sand. Will you allow her to travel with us or will she be forced to travel on her own?’ He looked the man in the eye. ‘I need to know how to deploy my men.’
The other man’s lip curled. ‘The Lady Kara is supposed to remain here. Is this one of your mad ideas?’
‘Far from it. It’s Kara’s. I wish you better luck than I had at persuading her to stay.’
Valdar’s eyes widened. ‘And you are letting her go?’
‘Rurik has never been to Sand before.’ Ash bent down and pretended to be examining various pebbles, but in reality he was aware of every movement Valdar made. ‘It seemed like an opportune moment to give in to my lady’s desire for this to happen.’
‘The Lady Kara wanted this?’ Valdar’s hand went to his sword. ‘I took you for many things, Hringson, but not a liar. The Lady Kara would never suggest such a thing. She keeps Rurik here on this estate. She fears for his life.’
‘She means to travel with Rurik whether I wish it or not. We quarrelled about it, but I lost.’ Ash waited, willing Valdar to understand what he was asking. ‘I want her kept safe whatever happens. Will you give me your pledge?’
Valdar pursed his lips. ‘Willingly. The quarrel is with you and your ship, rather than with the Lady Kara. Harald Haraldson was quite clear on that point—the Lady Kara should stay on the estate. He gave me his pledge.’
A tiny fillip of satisfaction filled Ash. His uncle didn’t want Kara there. Or rather he worried about Valdar supporting his cause if he attacked Kara as well as Ash. And he’d seen the respect she commanded. Kara had been right. She needed to go. He needed her by his side.
‘And you believe my uncle’s pledges on this matter?’
Valdar bowed his head. ‘You don’t.’
Ash held out his hand. ‘If anything happens, get her and Rurik back here. My men can do the rest.’
‘You love her.’
‘I think we both love her.’
‘Obviously.’ Valdar started towards the hall, stopped and turned with a frown. ‘How did you do it? You are gone for seven years and she falls immediately for you. What is so much better about you?’
‘Not immediately and I have no idea,’ Ash said quietly. ‘She wants what is best for her son. She has always done so.’
Valdar
nodded. ‘Yes, Kara Olofdottar refused to look at me until I started paying attention to the boy. He is a pleasant boy, but he talks a lot and is not very strong. I have serious doubts about him ever becoming a warrior. I said as much to your father.’
Ash’s shoulders relaxed slightly. ‘There is more to being a warrior than brute strength. Give him time. He’ll make a fine and cunning one.’
‘It is good, then, that you returned home.’
Ash picked up a pebble and tossed it out into the lake where it made ever-expanding circles. ‘I like to think so.’
Valdar did the same. ‘You always were a lucky bastard, Hringson.’
Ash rubbed the back of his neck. The dull ache in his head began to throb with increased intensity. ‘They say you make your own luck, but now I have hope.’
‘The Lady Kara is a beautiful woman, even if she is colder than a statue. Or I thought she was until I saw her at the wedding. She possesses a fire when she is around you. You can see it in the way she moves. You make her alive.’
Ash pressed his hands against his trousers. Once he’d have crowed about her responsiveness to him, but now he knew it was private.
‘It is more than her physical appearance.’ Ash gave a wry smile. ‘I underestimated her for years. Now I’m learning her true strengths. What she has done to Jaarlshiem has been nothing short of amazing. And Rurik is a boy to be proud of. He will inherit an estate worthy of its name. I only hope I haven’t left it too late.’
Valdar stroked his chin and stared off into the lake where the faint glimmer of sunrise turned the lake’s surface to a pale pink. ‘What will happen when she goes to Sand? Will you be able to hold this estate?’
Ash gave him a sharp glance. ‘Whose man are you?’
‘I would have been Lady Kara’s until you returned.’ Valdar inclined his head. ‘But I carry her in my heart. Should anything happen to you, you must not worry about your family. How many men do you want?’
Ash released his breath. He had won a small victory. ‘I’m leaving my men here to guard Jaarlshiem in my absence. Saxi owes me several life debts. He’ll hold this place until his last breath. Get her here and he will do the rest.’
Return of the Viking Warrior Page 21
