Finding Forever

by Christina C Jones

  “Hi stranger,” she said, tossing her phone onto her desk as she ended the call. She didn’t seem inclined to offer more of a greeting than that, so I pulled her into my arms for a hug, but she shied away when I tried to kiss her.

  “You’re upset with me about something…” I sat down on the edge of her desk, using my grip on her hand to pull her close. “What’s going on?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing. I just… I haven’t had an easy week, and I’ve missed you.”

  “So… you act like you aren’t happy to see me?”

  Pushing out a heavy sigh, she slipped her hand from mine to cross her arms. “It’s silly, I know, but… I guess I didn’t realize how busy you were. We only see each other maybe twice a week now, and at first it was every other day.”

  “It won’t always be like this,” I insisted, standing up. “I’m just working on something big right now, and it’s demanding a lot of my time. After this, I’ll actually have more time, because we’re hiring more people for corporate, and I can start sitting around on my ass, being at the garage more… being with you more. It’s temporary.”

  “You promise?”

  I wrapped Maya in my arms, placing a kiss against her forehead. “Yes, I promise. I know we’re still… figuring each other out, but you have to know I want to make you happy. In fact… I got you something.” I pulled the box from the inside pocket of my jacket and placed it into her hands, waiting to see her reaction when I opened it.

  Instead of the excitement I expected, her jaw clenched, and she pressed her lips together in a tight smile. After staring at them for a moment, she spoke. “Avery… these are beautiful. They must have cost a lot of money.”

  “It’s no big,” I shrugged, confused by her reaction. It was as if she was mad that I was trying to do something nice. “I know I haven’t been available, and I wanted to try to make up for it.”

  She gave a dry chuckle. “Make up for not being available. Right.” She closed the box, tossing it onto her desk with the same indifference she had given her cell phone. “Thanks, Avery. I have to get back to work now, okay?”

  Mental note: don’t buy anymore fucking jewelry.

  “Yeah, I’ll let you get back to it. Do you want to have dinner or something tonight when you leave?” I asked, hoping to bring us back out of the awkward feeling that had settled over the room.

  “Actually, I think I’ll take a rain check. I’m pretty tired already, so when I get off tonight, I think I’m gonna get some sleep.”

  But… you said you misse— whatever.

  “Okay. Maybe this weekend then.”

  “Maybe.”

  I got the hell out of there. I don’t know what was going on, but one thing I wasn’t about to do was try to drag anything out of her. I was doing the best I knew how, and if that wasn’t enough, or was a problem… it was hers, not mine.

  The next few days passed in a blur of more meetings and paperwork, but on Friday, I boarded my flight from California to Dallas with 25 more Ignition locations in four new states, and the open door to start selling franchises. I was exhausted, but the effort had been more than worth it, and now, as I had told Maya, I could sit back and relax, and let my corporate team do the work. I was sick of wearing suits.

  When I touched down in Dallas, my thoughts immediately went to Maya. Since that day at the restaurant, she’d been withdrawn, and not very responsive to my attempts to reach out. I made the — admittedly risky— decision to stop by her house, knowing she was usually home, showered, and preparing to go to bed at this time. I considered stopping to get something for her, but her reaction to my last gift was still etched into my mind, so I nixed that, and a few minutes later, I was pulling into her driveway.

  “What, did you forget something?” She opened the door with a smile I hadn’t seen from her in nearly two weeks, but it dropped from her face when she realized it was me. “Oh. Avery… what are you doing here?”

  I lifted an eyebrow. “I just got back in town, so I wanted to come and see you… did you have company or something?”

  “My mom just left,” she said, tightening the belt of her robe around her waist. “And I was getting ready to get in the shower when the bell rang, I thought it was her coming back.”

  “Okay… can I come in?”

  Her eyes widened, and she glanced around behind her before pulling open the door to let me in. “Yeah… come on in, I guess.”

  You guess?

  I couldn’t help frowning a little as I wondered what was up with the weird vibe Maya had going on. “So… I think you’ll be happy to know we signed the deal today. It’s all done, the first Ignition shops on the West Coast will open in a little over a year.”

  “Oh, okay. That’s great Avery!” She managed a smile, and pulled me into a lackluster hug.

  “Did you start wearing a new perfume or something?” I asked, after breathing her in as I always did when we embraced.

  She immediately stiffened in my arms. “What?”

  “You smell different,” I explained. “Not your usual perfume. This one is… interesting.”

  “Oh.” She pulled away from me. “Well, like I said, I was getting in the shower, so…”

  “Maybe I should join you? I think we need to do a little reconnecting.” Cupping her chin, I tilted her head back intending to kiss her, but again, she pulled away.

  “I don’t think so, Avery. Actually, you should probably go. It’s not okay for you to pop up at my house unannounced like this.”

  What?

  “Maya… you showed up at my door insanely early three Saturdays in a row last month for ‘surprise pancakes’, and I didn’t have a problem, but this is a problem for you? Are you serious right now?” I chuckled at Maya’s dumbfounded expression, but she quickly recovered.

  “Well maybe I shouldn’t have been doing that either. It was too much. This is too much. The earrings, the other jewelry, it was too much. You’re smothering me!”

  Again, What?

  My face contorted into a scowl. “Maya, a few days ago you were complaining about us not spending enough time together, how the hell am I smothering you now?”

  “I’m telling you how I feel. This is all… moving way too fast, and it’s getting more serious than I’m comfortable with for someone I’ve only known for three months. It’s overwhelming.”

  “Then say that. How was I supposed to know you were feeling like that when you’re telling me you wish I were around more? Where is this coming from?”

  She shook her head, tucking her hands in at her sides. “I… I don’t know. I know it’s sudden, but its how I feel. Maybe we should take a step back, and move a little slower with this.”

  Yeah, maybe so.

  “Whatever, Maya.” I turned toward the door to leave, but she caught me by the arm.

  “Avery… please don’t be angry with me. You don’t have to go. I’m gonna jump in the sho—”

  I held up a hand to stop her. “No, I do have to go. I just got off a plane, I don’t feel like arguing with you. We’ll talk another time.” I shrugged away from her touch and left, still wondering what the hell had happened when I pulled into my parking space at home thirty minutes later. Is this what Tori was talking about when she said that sometimes chemistry and compatibility couldn’t force two people to work? Because one thing I wasn’t going to deal with was a relationship where things were constantly hot and cold. One week we’re at Pier 1 looking at table settings “just for fun” and two weeks later, stopping by to see her after being out of town was smothering her. That didn’t make any sense.

  Through Tori, I’d met and dated seven different women who were supposedly ‘perfect’ for me. The first six didn’t work, and at this point, number seven was going downhill fast. Maybe she was on to something with her little ‘meant to be single’ mantra, because if this was the type of stuff I was going to have to put up with… I wasn’t.

  This was bullshit.

  — Tori —

  This
is beautiful.

  Whenever I came to visit Renee’s San Diego home, after eating excessive amounts of whatever her husband, Eric, pulled off the grill, I inevitably ended up on the balcony of the guest room. The ocean view always brought me a sense of peace, and with all of the other recent adjustments to my life, it felt more serene than usual. Last year, I didn’t make it down to see her because I was so wrapped up in things with Rafael, but never again. I would always make time for my friend, as she always made her way to Dallas to see me.

  “I thought I’d find you out here.” I smiled at Renee as she stepped out onto the balcony with me and slipped an arm around my waist. “Mel is already passed out after eating all of that food.”

  I dropped my head onto her shoulder as I laughed. “I don’t know where she puts it all, but she certainly does put it away.”

  After a few quiet moments, Renee gave me a little squeeze. “Okay, so talk. Tell me what’s going on with you.”

  “Going on how?”

  “Girl, please,” she said, pulling me over to the outdoor sofa. “You know what I’m talking about. In the last six months, you’ve gotten divorced, sold your business, put your house on the market, and gave up on love… it sounds like a mid life crisis, but you’re not quite old enough for that yet. Now that I’ve got you in person, I need you to tell me what the hell is going on.”

  Pushing out a heavy breath, I propped my elbows on my legs, and rested my chin against my hands. “I… don’t know. I don’t know, Ren. I would love to blame Rafael and the divorce for putting all of this in motion, but really… I wasn’t happy before that.”

  “Well, duh.” Renee rolled her eyes, pushing her thick veil of honey-blonde locs over her shoulder.

  “You knew?”

  “I sensed it. I mean, you’ve told me bits and pieces of what’s been going on with you, but we’ve been friends for years, I can tell when you’re holding back. I want the real deal.”

  I let out a little chuckle. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. You’ve always been able to read me.”

  “Right. So… explain. Lay it all out there for me.”

  “Okay. It’s like…” I sat back again, with a heavy sigh. “You know I’m one of those sappy people who loves love. So it was natural for me to help people find it, but at the same time… man, I wanted it for myself so bad, and it wasn’t happening. For years, you know? There I was, Tori Kennedy, matchmaker who couldn’t find a man. So I said okay, forget this, I’m going to stop looking. Then one of my clients became a widow, and talking to her about the love she had for him made me feel like I was missing out. Then… along came Rafael, and I said okay, let’s give it one more try. Ren, I gave Rafael everything I had, tried to be the perfect — secret— wife of a celebrity, and you see how that shit went. So it was back to the decision to just be single.”

  Renee nodded, then gave me a smile. “So you went to the Maldives with the intention of having yourself a little island fling, then going back to Dallas to work yourself to death while you pretended to be happy being single?”

  “Well, I didn’t intend to have a fling… me and Avery just kinda happened. But the rest is pretty accurate.”

  “Dummy. Did you think that was going to work? You were gonna ignore your pain away?”

  “Well, once I met Avery and that body… the plan became to sex the pain away,” I laughed. “But I realize now, that was another mistake. It’s the same thing I tried to do with Rafael, and I ended up marrying… and divorcing him.”

  “And Avery?”

  I groaned, closing my eyes. “Avery… threw me off course.”

  “Dick got your mind gone, huh?”

  I laughed, playfully slapping her on the knee. “No. I mean… don’t get me wrong, it was amazing, but the connection that I felt to him had nothing to do with that. It was like I felt compelled to be close to him, and I thought I could use it to my advantage, have my little one-night-stand, and move on. But the next morning… I didn’t want to leave.”

  “But then he acted a damn fool.”

  “Right. Then, he acted a damn fool and I couldn’t get away fast enough. So I went back to my plan. I was working, and I was busy, and I was… numb.” I stopped to brush a handful of hair away from my face. “Then along came Des, asking me to work with him, to find him a woman.”

  Renee jerked her head back, lifting an eyebrow at me. “So… Des doesn’t know?”

  “Des does not know,” I confirmed. “She never would have asked me to work with him if she did. But, I decided to do her that favor, and Avery and I hashed out our little differences so we could work together. But, I didn’t know the connection we’d had in the Maldives was going to pick right back up, and man… every minute of time I spent with him made it more intense.”

  “I told you it was a bad idea, Tee. I could tell there was more to you and him than you were letting on.”

  I shrugged, tracing the tribal pattern of my dress with my fingers. “There was more to it than I knew. It started becoming somewhat hard for me to send him out on those dates, when he was making it clear he wanted to spend time with me. I knew I should keep my distance, but again… it was as if I had to be around him. And then after Chicago, I realized—”

  “That you were falling in love with him.”

  A fluttering sensation began in my stomach as I considered that statement. Finally, with my chin resting in my hands, I turned to her and responded. “No. Not love… I don’t think we know each other well enough for love, but at the same time, love doesn’t feel like a strong enough word. Whatever it is, it’s as if it lingers between us, telling me I want him around, and I want him to touch me. And when I do get around him, I feel energized, and I’m so wrapped up in being there that nothing else matters. And the sex… my God, it’s nothing like I’ve experienced with anybody else. It’s not just a sexual experience with him, it’s… euphoric. So it’s not love… it’s deeper than that.”

  “Or…,” Renee said, leaning forward to place a hand on my shoulder. “This is the first time you’ve experienced real, profound love. The things you described… Tee, that’s love. How is it you can recognize it in your clients, but can’t in yourself?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know… I guess it’s just… different to experience it for yourself.”

  “True. So… what makes you send the man you love into the arms of another woman?”

  My mouth went dry as I let out a huff of air. “Resignation. Avery was looking for somebody who could give him a relationship, and later down the line, become his wife, maybe have kids. I had to accept that no matter how I felt about him, it would be completely selfish of me to pursue something with him, knowing I couldn’t give him what he needed. I put him with somebody who could.”

  There was silence between us for a moment until Renee let out a bark of laughter. I looked at her, confused as she continued to giggle, then responded. “Is that the story you’re telling yourself? Girl, please. Don’t act as if hooking him up with Maya was all about doing something for him. It was selfish! You’ve never had a relationship work out, so you were scared to give this one a chance. As soon as you realized what was happening, your ass ran.”

  “Well, I… damn. I guess… you’re kinda right.”

  She lifted an eyebrow at me. “I know. But… what are you gonna do now?”

  I shrugged. “He’s happy. I’m not gonna interfere with that, so what else can I do other than try to get over it?”

  So that’s what I did, I tried to get over it. In the short term, that meant having a blast in San Diego with my sister and friend. We saw the seals in La Jolla, went clubbing, and ate Mexican food until I thought I would pop. I let them drag me to a hookah bar, we went sailing, and biking, and we people-watched at Oceanside Pier. On our last night, we found ourselves on the beach, building a bonfire in one of the fire pits.

  Renee snuggled in close to her husband, giggling at something he was whispering in her ear. Melanie had found herself a young tender who l
ooked like he belonged in an ad for Aeropostale, and I… I felt eyes on me from a distance. I looked up, staring along the beach until finally, my gaze landed on the culprit. Our eyes locked, and I watched as he continued his approach, stopping to speak to Renee and slap hands with Eric before sauntering toward me, looking every bit as sexy as he always had.

  “Tori Kennedy. Girl, you get finer every time I see you,” he said, pulling me into a warm, tight hug as he lowered himself onto the sand beside me.

  I laughed, squealing a little at the end when he playfully lifted me off the ground. “You say the same thing every time I see you, Brandon.”

  Brandon Jensen was good friends with Renee’s husband, Eric. We met at one of their get-togethers when I was down for my yearly visit, and since then, Brandon always made it a point to spend as much time as he could shamelessly flirting with me. I wasn’t blind, so of course I’d noticed that he was incredibly handsome, with creamy caramel skin, heavy lidded eyes, an impeccable smile, and my personal weakness — great facial hair. It also didn’t hurt that underneath his tee shirt, there was a body that he’d constructed masterfully in the gym, covered in gorgeous tattoos. Yes, Brandon was certainly a remarkable sight

  “I missed seeing your pretty face last year. Ren said you didn’t come down?”

  I shook my head. “No, I wasn’t here last year. However, I’ve been in Cali for almost a week. I was very surprised when you didn’t stick your head in the door as soon as I arrived.”

  “I was working, Beautiful. I was actually in your neck of the woods, consulting on an acquisition and merger for a friend of mine. I sure hate I’ve missed spending some extra time with you. Eric texted me, told me you guys were down here at the beach.” He was staring so hard, with such open admiration in his eyes it made me blush. He smirked at me, putting his dimples on full display. “If its okay with you, I’m gonna be bold for a second, and —”