That makes me angry. Finally, I am opening up sexually and enjoying how Gage makes me feel. Loving the freedom to explore what some people may think are sexual taboos. Things that only feel natural for me to do with Gage.
And I know we had only barely gotten started.
As I lie in bed thinking of him, my body cannot help but react. He holds a strong and powerful presence over me that it is not only physical. There is more.
Emotional. Mental.
Gage is so damn multifaceted, I’m pretty sure I’ve not seen all of his sides. I definitely have not seen the side of him I saw in that video.
I close my eyes, willing those images out of my head.
After several hours of worry and heartache, I sleep, and manage to stay that way for most of Sunday, until I wake, and decide to turn on my cell phone.
****
Emma, this is Gage. Before you click off this message, please listen. I’m calling because I know you are upset. I am upset too. But there are some things I want you to know.
Amanda will not bother you any longer. I have taken care of that. There is no need for you to worry about her.
I am sorry you saw the video footage. I didn’t know she had it. She doesn’t have it any longer, nor does she have the pictures of you and me. I want to talk to you about the video when you are ready. I would like a chance to discuss, tell you what was going on, and about this complicated relationship Amanda and I had, that is now over.
I am hoping you will agree to see me at least once more. On your terms, whenever, wherever, you want. Please know that this is a difficult call for me to make. I have never in my life asked a woman for anything. I’ve always told women what I wanted, and how things worked, and I usually got my way.
Not now. Emma, you are spinning me out of control.
Hell, you probably don’t want to have anything to do with me. I’ve stepped over the lines, especially with investigating things in your past. All I can say is that I did it because I wanted to understand you a little more. Anyway…I’m sorry.
The ball is in your court, Emma. Take your time to think about it. Please don’t leave Montana until we have talked. I’ll be working from the ranch this week to give you space. Give us both space. I’ll be here doing a lot of soul-searching, myself. Thinking.
Thinking of you…
I hope you have a good week at work. Take care, Emma. Please call me. I…
The message trails off. I play it five times before I turn the phone off again, then sink back into my pillows and close my eyes, letting the sound of Gage’s voice wash over me. Tears sting my eyelids and suddenly, I am exhausted. Turning onto my side, I wad my pillow into a ball and let sleep take me.
****
My heels click on the parquet floor Monday morning as I make my way from my office to Chad’s. I decide it’s business as usual for me this morning. Mostly, I can’t bear to stay another day inside that apartment, and I am not going to let this Amanda person, or Gage, rule my life. By wallowing in self-pity in my bed all day, I am giving the power over to them.
Not doing that.
Besides, I have a job and no matter whether I got it out of Gage’s manipulation of people, or not, I’m doing it. I think I can be good at this job, and so I will.
I approach Chad’s desk in the outer office in front of Gage’s. He glances up, sees me, and then frowns a little.
“Good morning, Ms. Emma.”
“Morning, Chad!” I smile as I approach. “You may be busy now, but at some point today can we discuss this final draft of the policy? I also want to check in with you about how you think the meeting went Friday afternoon.”
Chad scoots back in his chair. “I think it went fine!” He is grinning again now. “Everyone got out of here just fine Friday evening without setting off any alarms. I made sure I was the last one to leave.” He points to a chair. “Why don’t you sit, Ms. Emma?”
I glance to the chair angled by his desk and sit. We are facing each other now, and it feels a little more intimate. “I’m so glad it all worked out. Did you have to stay very late?”
He waves a hand. “Oh no. It was Friday. Everybody was ready to get out of here.”
I understand that and think back to my own Friday evening.
“Something wrong?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Oh, no. Was just thinking. So, should we set up a time today to debrief? Also, do you have a copy of the current WestInn Corporate Policy Manual? I was not able to find one in Christina’s office. I’m sure she’s filed it away somewhere, but if I could get another one….”
“Of course.” Chad rises and heads toward the windows where a bank of low cabinets stands. He pulls out a drawer and rifles through it. I let my gaze drift toward Gage’s office doors. I know he said in his voice mail he was working at the ranch this week, but I have to wonder if he might have changed his mind. Was he here right now?
“Here you go, Ms. Emma.”
I take it and set it on my lap. “Chad, you can just call me Emma.” I grin up at him. I stand up and Chad gives me a hug, his cheek pressing against mine.
“I like you. But I prefer to call you Ms. Emma, because you remind me of a proper lady who needs to be addressed accordingly.” He pulls back and smiles, still grasping my arms right above the elbow. Then, he adds, “Ms. Emma, how are you doing?”
I give him a puzzled look. “I don’t know what you mean.”
He steps a little closer. “Ms. Emma, I have been with Mr. Parker for a long time. I know his every mood, and generally, he doesn’t have to say a word to me. I don’t know anything, really, for certain, other than the fact he’s not coming into the office this week, and that he gave me very specific instructions that have to do with you.”
Alarm bells went off in my head. “Such as?”
“He only said one thing, Ms. Emma. To make sure you were safe.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, and if you didn’t show up to work, to call him.”
I bite my lip. “And since you know him so well, what do you think all of that means, Chad?”
He squeezes my elbows. “I know exactly what it means. He’s trying to distance himself as much as he can, but he needs to know you are okay—and here. Look,” Chad shifts his stance and looks me more closely in the eyes, “the man…he’s different but not unlike a lot of dominant men I know. They think they do not have emotions, but they do. And when those emotions smack them dead in the face, they don’t know what to do with them. Gage is trying to work through those emotions right now. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I do know this: don’t leave here until you’ve both given yourselves time to process whatever it is. And Ms. Emma, if you need advice on understanding a dominant male, or being a submissive, let me know. I can help.”
I hadn’t intended to get into anything personal with Chad because I just want to clear my head with work. “So, I’m wondering when you have some time on your schedule that we could debrief. It doesn’t have to be today.”
Chad holds my gaze for a few seconds then looks away. “Of course.” He steps to his desk and flips through the planner on his desk. “My schedule is really pretty tight for a few days. Mr. Parker wants me to run some things out to the ranch for him this afternoon, so I’ll be gone most of the day. I’m in a training all day on Tuesday. It looks like Wednesday at ten o’clock in the morning is my first opening.”
“Great. Let’s schedule it for then.” And that gives me more time to settle in. Think.
He glances up and grins. “Perfect. I’ll send you an electronic meeting request.”
I nod and hesitate before leaving. Chad leans over his desk scrolling through his computer calendar. “Chad?”
He stands and looks at me. I give him a hug. “Thank you.”
****
As it turns out, Chad calls in sick on Wednesday. He leaves a voice mail and reschedules for Thursday. Okay with me. I’ve had a quiet week of reflection and hard work, digging into the co
rporate policies so I can understand and explain them. I had two meetings with the health insurance reps because open enrollment will be upon us before we know it. An employee left the company, and I had to conduct an exit interview. Without Chad here, I winged it with another woman from HR by my side. Next week a new batch of front desk recruits, destined for the Jackson Hole facility, arrive for training, and I am anticipating a half a day at the minimum to get ready for that.
No rest for the weary. Or wicked. What have you.
Evenings I spend alone, with Chinese or pizza delivery and mindless, stupid reality television shows. Once in a while, I’ve wandered in and out of some of the BDSM websites Gage told me about. Then I back out thinking, Why bother?
I think of Gage all too often and miss him like crazy, but I am trying to be a grown-up girl about this and just move on. I contemplate the sanity of staying in Billings, but it’s a job and I have bills to pay. Relocating somewhere else right now would be costly. I can wait it out, maybe start looking for work down the road, and move when the timing is a little better.
At least that’s what I tell myself. There is a part of me that just does not want to leave Montana. Yet.
Thursday morning I head to the gym before work, craving a hard workout because I’ve been remiss in exercising all week. I have a day of meetings and sitting behind my desk ahead of me and I’m ready to burn off some calories.
I bump into Candy turning the corner. “Emma! I haven’t seen you in forever. How are you?”
“I’m good. Heading to the treadmill. You?”
“Oh yes. I’ve been such a slug lately.”
“Me, too.”
We find a couple of treadmills side by side and both start off with a slow, then more brisk walk.
“So, how is the new job working out? Ever see that guy?” Emphasis on guy. She turns and winks.
I glance off behind her. “Well, yeah, I see him but…” I shrug, leaving my response hanging.
“Any regrets? Wish you had said yes to him?”
My gaze skitters off hers then. “No. I’m good.” I shrug again and grin, then kick up the speed. For the next twenty minutes, I focus on the screen in front of me. I’m not good, of course, but I’ll be damned if I’ll get into a conversation about it.
The morning news rolls by without sound, as I didn’t bring my headphones. But in my mind I am playing through scenes of last week. Gage and me in his office. In his bed. At the restaurants.
I shake off the images but the feeling of loss remains. I miss him. I miss the way we are together. But it’s over, and I need to remember that. It’s for the best. For my best interest. Keeping one foot in front of the other, I run hard, pushing those thoughts to the back of my mind. I can feel perspiration running down my back. My arms glisten with sweat.
I hit the machine to slow the pace, and Candy does the same. I glance her way, out of breath. She’s watching something behind my head.
She nudges me. “Speak of the devil.”
I turn in the direction Candy was looking, and I see Gage walk through the door. His gaze catches mine, and I nearly trip on the moving belt. I jump to straddle it and put my feet on the sides. As I catch my breath, he crosses the room and steps up beside me.
“Hello, Emma.”
I swallow, still breathing hard. “Mr. Parker.”
“How are you?”
“I’m well, thank you.”
“Did you get my message the other day?”
I can feel Candy’s stare on my back. “Yes. Yes I did. Thank you.”
He nods. “Good. I just wanted to make sure.” He looks past me then to Candy and tips his head. Then after one last glance at me, he turns and heads off to somewhere else in the gym. I have no clue where because everything behind my eyes is now spinning.
“Emma, are you okay?” Candy shakes me.
“Yeah.” I jump off the treadmill and bend at the waist. “I just need to catch my breath. I’m fine.”
I’m not fine. I’m a mess. And I need Gage Parker to make things right, as impossible as that sounds.
****
At ten o’clock that morning, Chad shows up to my office door for our meeting. He steps inside, and I close the door behind him. I’ve had a couple of hours to settle my nerves after seeing Gage, however brief it was, to the point where I think I might be able to think, and speak, rationally.
“Have a seat, Chad.” I return to my chair behind the desk. “Are you feeling better?”
He nods. “I am. Must have been a touch of a twenty-four hour thing.”
I grimace. “Ugh. Doesn’t sound pleasant.”
We sit for a minute and I contemplate where I want to go next. Chad inches forward and sets his planner and a folder on the desk. “Ms. Emma…”
“Is Gage here?” I realize I’ve just called him Gage and I should have called him Mr. Parker in front of staff. But this is Chad, and well….
Chad looks at me. “Yes, he came in early. There is some urgent business he has to tend to. He’ll likely be heading out to the Phoenix location today or tomorrow.”
Something stabs at my heart. He’s leaving? “Oh?”
“Yes. Ms. Emma?”
“Yes?”
“There is time though, for the two of you to—”
“Talk?”
He nods, and then sighs. “He’s a hard, difficult man, but I’ve never seen any woman bring him to his knees like you have, Ms. Emma.”
I can feel my heart pounding in my ears. “I’m just not sure after what I saw…after what he did…that I can….”
Chad eased forward in his seat. “Ms. Emma, if I could speak frankly….”
“Please.”
“Mr. Parker is a man who needs to be in control, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to have a mind of your own or keep your independence. I understand he is my boss, my supervisor, and what he says goes. In many ways, I am submissive to him here at the office. I cater to his needs. I get him what he wants. I make sure he is pleased. In return, he pays me a hearty sum of money, provides me with a wealth of security, and has given me a place in life that I would not have had otherwise. Before I came to work for Gage Parker, I was lost in so many ways. As unlikely as it seems that the burly, Alpha, and domineering Gage Parker would be the perfect boss for a small, submissive gay man, like myself—especially in Montana—it’s a partnership that works. I can only say good things about him. He takes care of what is his.”
I listen and he continues. “The important thing is that he and I understand each other. We have come to terms. I have learned when he knee-jerks and makes decisions, and tells me to carry them out, to wait. Because invariably he will change his mind. He doesn’t get upset with me but appreciates it when I’m his safety net.
“But I’m talking too much. What I really want to say is this, Ms. Emma. Gage Parker has changed in the past couple of weeks. I don’t know if you are fearful of being submissive to him, or not, but I can tell you for a fact he would never, ever harm you—physically, emotionally, or mentally. You need to know that.”
I think a moment. “I’m actually not worried about that so much,” I tell Chad. “What I’m worried about more than anything is being enough for him. After all of his sexual experiences of the past, how can I measure up? And when I am not enough, then what? Is it over?”
Chad reaches for my hand and smiles. “Don’t you understand, Emma? What he’s had in the past was not what he really needed. It’s what he thought he needed. What he needs is what you have already given him—and could give more of in the future. What only you can give him. He’s just been a little misguided in his adult life because of some things that happened to him growing up.”
“He wouldn’t talk to me about his younger years.”
“No. He doesn’t. But maybe you should ask him about that, too. But listen—make no mistake, Emma. He is, and will always be, a Dom, no matter what. Even if he tells you he’s not, or he is changing. He craves the control and always will. Sometimes tha
t includes control of the mind and spirit, as well as control of the body. But as a submissive, I can tell you with certainty, the power really and truly lies with you and me. Submissives are the ones who make the ultimate decision to hand over their power to someone else. And when we do, there is a sensational amount of freedom that comes with that.”
I let Chad’s words sink in and realize just how powerful they are. “I honestly understand what you are saying, Chad.”
He smiles. “I knew you would.”
My desk phone rings as I am thinking about that. I glance at the Caller ID. “It’s Gage,” I whisper.
“Answer it,” he says, rising.
I do as he slips out the door. “Hello, Gage.”
“Hi, Emma.”
“Could we talk?” I ask.
He pauses, as if he’s surprised at my suggestion. “My office or yours?”
“Yours.”
Another pause. “I’ll be waiting, Emma.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Gage paced the distance between the windows and sofa, certain he had worn a path into the hard wood floor. He glanced at his watch. Fifteen minutes had passed since he had spoken with Emma. He expected her to come right away.
Had she changed her mind? Certainly not.
He wrung his hands. Nervous. He was fucking nervous.
He wanted to call her and bark through the phone for her to get in here now.
No. No. That was the old Gage. He was turning a new leaf. Right?
His speakerphone buzzed, and he jogged back to his desk, slapping at the phone. “Yes.”
“Ms. Emma Lavender to see you, sir,” Chad said.
“Please see her in.”
Gage’s insides were quaking. The double doors clicked and opened. Emma walked through wearing a low-cut white top with a black sweater, and the same pretty pink skirt she wore the first day they met. The day he had brought her up to his office and told her he wanted to fuck her.
How ballsy of him.
The only time she’d looked prettier was when she was in his bed, flushed with the aftermath of sex and with his scent all over her.
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