by Kira Barker
And, of course, before I could process any of that, I came again, barely managing to mumble that phrase as I was coming down from that high.
Simon took pity on me for the moment and shut off the vibrator, holding it casually, pointed downward, next to his thigh. I sagged into my bonds, barely noticing how perfectly balanced the different anchor points were so that I couldn’t lose my footing or twist the knee of my elevated leg as there wasn’t enough slack in the ropes for that. Panting heavily, I stared at the floor in front of me, unable to focus on anything.
Then his hands were on my cheeks—both, so he must have put the wand down—turning my face up gently until I was staring into his eyes again.
“Do you understand that? The only thing I want you to think about, or worry about, is how far you want to push yourself, or how amazing something we haven’t yet done feels, nothing else. There is no right or wrong in here except for what we decide on.”
It didn’t go unnoticed by me that now he’d switched from the more authoritative “I” to the inclusive “we,” but the message was still the same.
“I don’t know—“ I started, then had to gasp for air because my heart was racing too hard to make do with the oxygen from a single inhale to let me talk. “I’m trying. I really am—“
“You don’t have to,” he amended, his voice completely void of the chastisement that I still expected. “Just do. Live in the moment. Stop worrying. Seriously. By now you’ve screwed up just enough to realize that screwing up isn’t the end of the world. You can easily tough out the punishment I deal out, and afterward we can talk about everything. If it is an actual problem for either of us, we can switch course and adjust what we do until it fits again. I don’t mind you being a foul-mouthed, strong-willed, often stubborn mule every step of the way, with a tendency to also surge ahead and dive into the pool instead of just dipping in your toes. That’s you. I admire that about you, I love that about you. Because it’s you. It’s entirely up to me to deal with it and adjust my expectations and reactions accordingly. For me, you are perfect just the way you are.”
In a different context, those words would have likely screwed with my head, heart, and feelings, but right then what they actually accomplished was bring on a deep-set kind of ease. They made me smile, then break out into a grin, one that was mirrored on his face.
“Okay,” was what I finally managed to get out between pants.
Simon’s smile morphed into a wry twist, but I guessed he realized that was about the extent of my verbal capability. Leaning into me, he partly supported my weight, making the ropes press a little less into my flesh, while the sheer closeness of his body felt good in an entirely different way. When he kissed me now it was gentler, slower, but no less intense than before. And if his words had already been balm to my soul, his touch only intensified that effect, making me feel as if I was floating on clouds for the moment.
“Was this your intention?” I asked, breathing a little easier now that my body was calming down, too. “To make me so stupid from coming over and over again that I wouldn’t be able to think and you could get under my skin easier?”
His snort was a gentle one, but his relaxed smile got more devious again already.
“No, that was just a lucky opportunity I felt like exploiting.”
Laughing softly under my breath, I closed my eyes for a moment before I gathered my wits.
“So what is your intention, really? You never explained that part. You actually never really explain anything!”
“I’d rather demonstrate,” he replied, then reached down to pick up the wand again. He critically eyed it as if expecting it for lint, then pushed it right back between my pussy lips and turned it on. “But if you need to know, the lesson for today is forced orgasms.”
That sounded so absurd that I couldn’t hold back a laugh, but that might just have been a by-product of the amazing sensation that thing created.
“Yeah, because I’m such an unwilling recipient of your attention.”
He shrugged, unperturbed by my bravado.
“You are now. Let’s see how things look in, oh, say, twenty minutes.”
I just couldn’t hold back my laugh, even though I knew it would have been better to swallow it.
“Bring it on!”
And as I said the words and saw that glint in his eyes resurface, I just knew that I’d doomed myself.
It didn’t actually take him twenty minutes, but closer to ten, to make me want to hit myself—not that I could, with my wrists still tied securely behind my back. Because now that he obviously felt himself challenged, Simon stepped up his game, quickly proving that I was, in every way, completely helpless and at his mercy. No longer teasing, he used first two, then three of his fingers to fuck me while he continued to torment my clit with the vibrator, not halting or slowing down when I came again. And again. And that sixth—or was it the seventh… I’d completely lost the ability to count by then—orgasm didn’t feel like the others anymore. It was still great—more than great, really, mind-blowing was a much better description—but I simply wouldn’t crash down again. And he just increased his speed and intensity, pushing me yet higher and higher. And when I thought I couldn’t stand it anymore, he stopped, but only to pluck the clover clamps from my nipples—which hurt so bad it made me cry out. And come. Actually come from the pain—and then he was whipping me. My thighs, my tits, my stomach, my pussy—every single stroke making my skin explode with sensation, but I couldn’t even say whether it was pain, or pleasure, or both. Then it was his fingers and the vibe again, a torture way worse than the flogger had been, but also so much sweeter. He switched things up, using the wand against my entrance now and his fingers on my clit, the difference enough to increase the level of insanity one more notch.
Then—finally—a moment of respite where it was just the ropes digging into me where I more hung in them than they restrained me, a moment to catch my breath. I felt like weeping with gratitude because it was finally over—until he grabbed my hips from behind and thrust his hard cock into me, making the live wire my body had become light up all over again. It felt so good that I thought I came right then again, but it was almost impossible to say. But he was reaching parts of me that had so far remained untouched, hitting my cervix just enough to stimulate, not to hurt, stretching me just right, rubbing against the plug just so. It felt so different to just be fucked, without anything buzzing away, without anything forcing a reaction out of me, that it felt even better than it normally did.
Yet, because he was a bastard, Simon wasn’t content with my clearly blissed-out, but now more relaxed state. No, he had to pull out the plug, shove his cock up my ass instead, and press the fucking wand against my vagina just so that it felt as if the impossibly large head was penetrating me.
The physical sensation was enough to make me dissolve in ecstasy, but it was the mental kick of it that shoved me right into the realm of orgiastic oblivion.
Best. Fucking. Thing. Ever.
Simon must have come, but I really couldn’t say when, or where. I wasn’t even sure where I was anymore. I barely felt it when the strain in my leg lessened as he removed the ropes that had previously held it up, or when he gently eased me down onto the floor. I was vaguely aware that I wasn’t restrained anymore, and maybe could have used my hands once they came free, but I felt absolutely no drive to do so. Just lying there was nice. Him gathering me close in his arms was even better. As for the rest—all the sweat and other bodily fluids, and whatnot—I really didn’t care. I noticed that he tried to ask me something, but all I managed in reply was a contented hum. He just squeezed me tighter and held me, happy to give me the time I needed to become myself again.
Of all the crazy things we’d done so far, this felt like the most out-there experience—and all with just one stupid sex toy that way more women had in their nightstand drawer than all the other paraphernalia littering the room. But then it was starting to dawn on me that the real trigger was the monste
r resting behind my eyes and between my ears, and with just the right incentive, not much else was needed to get me going.
Awareness returned gradually, and I couldn’t say I was too happy about that. Just remaining as an incoherent puddle of goo would have been nice for a little longer. Then I wouldn’t have had to reflect on what had happened. Or wonder how that made me feel. Or mentally shake my head at my own idiocy for even feeling the need for either.
Simon noticed, of course, while he slowly removed the remaining rope from around my body.
“Welcome back to the land of the living.”
I studied him silently for longer than probably needed, but I didn’t really feel like talking yet.
“If I tell anyone about this, they’re not going to believe me,” I finally said.
Simon flashed me a brief grin, then bundled up the rope and threw it in the vague direction of the door.
“Then don’t. This isn’t a competition where you have to prove anything to anyone, or one-up each other. I had a great time, as did you, so why bother with making something of it that it doesn’t need to be? Unless you have any complaints, or suggestions for next time.”
I tried to sit up, but when my legs didn’t obey, I slouched back against Simon, happy when he tightened his grip and pulled me closer.
“Yeah, maybe let’s not do that again too soon, or I’m afraid I’ll never return to being a functional human being again,” I ground out, sounding not half as grumpy as I’d intended to.
Simon’s laugh was answer enough. Bastard. I’d really have to think of a better word for him inside my head if he continued to pull stunts like this one.
“Why not? You have no idea just how much fun it is for me to completely strip away all your defenses and just watch you come, over and over again,” he whispered into my ear.
“One of these days I’m going to demand payback,” I protested. “No idea how I’ll do that. Probably ask Beth.” As much as she’d intimidated me before, suddenly the idea of teaming up with her to make Simon lose his cool just one single time so I could be the one who did the gentle gloating afterward sounded like the idea of the century.
“Whenever you want,” he agreed surprisingly easily, but then I hadn’t really expected him to protest. Just not give in with no resistance. Then again, he sounded about as content and mellow as I felt.
Silence settled like a warm blanket over us while he continued to idly stroke my arm. I wondered briefly if I should ask him to help me up and stagger downstairs, but I really didn’t want to. Even with the AC now working at full speed, it was cozy up here, and I had no reason to want to move. Jack might have been strong enough to just pick me up and carry me downstairs, but I didn’t want to suggest that with Simon. Breaking our necks on the stairs would have put a crimp in my style.
“Do you want to talk about what happened now, or later?” he asked eventually.
My thoughts immediately snagged to what had really pushed me over the edge that last time, and although I felt vaguely like I should have blushed, I was so far beyond caring that I simply didn’t. If anything, the fact that Simon was able to just disconnect the worrying part of my brain from the rest for a while was worth so much… as if the entire experience wasn’t already great enough.
“You mean in general, or that last bit…“ I let that hang between us, but shifted slightly until I could glance up at his face hovering behind and above me.
His smile turned lopsided at that.
“You do have a few triggers that I’m always wondering whether you’re ready to explore, but far be it from me to push you into confronting them.”
That made me snort, but also lick my lips. I had no idea why I even hesitated. It wasn’t like anything I could have said would have taken him aback, or likely even surprised him. My eyes still snagged, unbidden, to his hand idly splayed across my stomach, then over to the swing in the other corner of the room.
“I’m not stupid. I know why you have that thing in here,” I told him, shifting a little more. “I’m not that naive. Anymore.”
“You really think it has just one use?” he chided me gently.
“Of course not, but I’m really not sure I’m quite ready to tell you that I’d like to try fisting in the future. And just because an idea gets me off doesn’t mean that the reality of it can hold a candle to the wank fantasy.”
His smile deepened, just as I’d known it would.
“Because so far you’ve been disappointed by so many things.”
I shrugged.
“I didn’t expect that stupid magic wand to literally drive me insane.”
“Figuratively,” he corrected me. I stuck my tongue out at him, then laughed when he leaned down to suck it into his mouth or something, but my head and shoulder were in the way.
“Besides, I’m not sure that’s something I want to consider because of Jack,” I objected, knowing full well that it would likely ruin the mood, but with my head still swimming with ideas and everything seeming like I should tackle it right away, a reality check was direly needed.
Immediately, Simon’s face darkened.
“Exactly why does that manwhore’s opinion count up here? I normally refrain from reminding him of the fact that it was likely just luck that he hasn’t turned himself into a walking, talking collection of sexually transmitted diseases, but he’s the last one whose opinion of anything sex related you should worry about.”
His words grated, even though I knew that they were true.
“Should not, but can’t you understand that, just maybe, I don’t want anyone to associate my vagina with words like ‘sloppy’ and ‘loose’? And we both know that he’s going to crack a stupid joke sooner or later, and I’d rather nip that in the bud from the start.”
I thought I’d seen Simon mad at Jack before—I’d been wrong. There was actual disgust on his face now, and although I could tell that he was trying hard to rein in his features and not let me see any of it, likely also to make sure that none of that was directed at me, it still made my stomach sink to new lows. Talk about destroying the mood. I knew I should just have kept my trap shut.
“Do I really need to explain to you how this works? You’re the one who has studied medicine. Even if you’d rather cut people open than deliver babies, they can’t have let you get away without mentioning kegel exercises in passing,” he ground out.
“Projecting your anger on me does wonders for making me want to trust you with anything, you know?” I replied, not even trying to hold back my own ire.
Guilt replaced most of his anger, but I was already pushing away from him, not wanting to see any more of it. The damage was done, although I was more annoyed with myself than him.
“Erin, wait—“ he started, but by then I’d managed to make it onto all fours, then got up on shaky legs.
“Don’t. Just don’t,” I said and started staggering toward the door. Anger put steel in my spine, and by the time I was at the first step, I felt more like an adult human than a newborn foal. I made it safely down and into the bathroom, yet before I could close the door of the shower, Simon pushed in after me, ending with me pressed against the cool tiles of the wall with him crowding me. The look on his face was unreadable, but the panic in his eyes was obvious enough.
“I know that you have a tendency for running away from uncomfortable things, but I’m not going to let you this time.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I pressed out, then tried to physically shove him back but it would have been easier to move a mountain. And his shoulders felt incredibly good under my fingers, firm and strong and warm, and I suddenly realized how close he really was, and all I wanted to do was to pull his head down so I could devour him with my mouth and chase all my doubt and anger away… but I knew that I couldn’t, because the emotions right now clawing their way up from the deep recesses of my mind where I’d locked them away weren’t anything I knew he’d respond to in kind. Physically, yes, but that was not the kind of connection I nee
ded. Craved. And couldn’t have, because he simply wasn’t feeling that way about me as I did about him.
Looking away, I forced myself to remove my hands, then quickly turned on the shower when I felt tears burn not just in my throat, but also my eyes. Cold water hit me like a slap, warming immediately and doing nothing to cool off my temper.
I was not going to lose it. I was not going to break down and start crying like a little girl. I didn’t even understand why I suddenly got so damn emotional, but the last thing I needed was for Simon to realize what was going on inside of me.
“Just leave me alone,” I answered low under my breath, hoping that this way I’d be able to keep emotion out of my voice.
“Erin, please—“ he begged, but I shook my head, still staring at everything but at him.
“Do I actually need to use my safeword? Because don’t think I won’t,” I said, a little surprised that I actually meant it. Not that I was sure he’d take me seriously as we weren’t exactly playing anymore, but the sentiment seemed to translate, as Simon only hesitated a moment before he stepped back out of the shower, leaving me to myself.
Because that was exactly what I wanted, wasn’t it?
Chapter 12
I went to bed straight after making it out of the shower, not sure whether I should have felt relieved or sad that Simon wasn’t still hovering outside, ready to accost me. I’d had to wait for a good ten minutes for him to leave the room before. Rationally speaking, I knew that I was making no sense and should have just tracked him down and talked with him, but I just couldn’t. I was still strung high but also exhausted, my emotions all over the place, and for this talk—if we would ever even have it—I needed to be at the peak of my intellectual performance.
It took me forever to fall asleep, of course, but he didn’t even duck into the bedroom to get fresh clothes. Soon the banging and opening and closing of doors outside ceased as he must have retreated to his computer.
