“Maybe I do want him.”
He shook his head, but offered a smile. “I wouldn’t have a rodent in my house.”
She gave a frustrated yelp, glaring at him. “Cats are not rodents! Where did you study biology?”
He was grateful to see a hint of teasing replace the pain that had been in her eyes. Good to see some of her spunkiness back. Maybe she was just lonely. He’d be more than content to be a listening ear. “Okay. Maybe I was harsh with the rodent comment.” He shot her an impish grin. “I meant varmint.”
“Varmint? Varmint?” Her blond hair bounced as she tilted her head, frowning comically. “Now there’s a hillbilly word if I ever heard one.”
“Hey! Who you calling a hillbilly?”
She shrugged. “If the shoe… er, clodhopper fits…”
He roared with laughter and she seemed to derive great pleasure from that.
But a minute later he cocked his head and studied her. “You don’t much like living in this little town, do you?”
The smile faded from her face as quickly as it had appeared. “I don’t have much choice, Reed.”
“What’s stopping you from going back to Chicago?” He regretted the words the minute they were out of his mouth. His question sounded cruel in retrospect.
She turned back to the strands of braided wire filament, twisting several together with far more tension than necessary.
He waited for a long minute. Silence. “Olivia?”
“What?” Her voice was a whisper.
“I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have pried.”
She waved him off. “Don’t worry about it.” That sorrowful glaze was back in her eyes.
“Something’s wrong. Is there anything I can do? I’m sorry…”
To his horror, she burst into tears.
Without thinking, Reed slid from the tall stool he’d been perched on and crossed the studio in three long strides. Before he could think about the implications of his actions, he put an arm around her shoulder, pulling her to him. “What is it, Olivia? What’s the matter?”
She shook her head against him, but she didn’t try to pull away.
“Come on. You can talk to me. Maybe I can help.”
“No,” she sobbed. “I can’t. I can’t.” She struggled free from his awkward embrace, knocking over the coil of picture wire.
Reed caught it and set it upright. “Olivia, please…I—”
But she was halfway across the room. She took the three steps to the kitchen in one stride and seconds later he heard the front door slam.
He started to go after her, but remembering how Kristina had been, he decided it would only make things worse. He was worried about her, but he’d give her some time. Maybe it was just a hormone thing.
Still, the emptiness he felt after she’d gone from the room revealed the truth. He’d barely known her for a month, but he was falling hard for Olivia Cline.
Chapter 15
Olivia drove away from Reed’s house trembling, praying she wouldn’t have a wreck. She could scarcely see through the curtain of tears that seeped from beneath her eyelids. But she had to get away.
Her head swam remembering how she’d felt in Reed Vincent’s arms. So warm and safe and—no! Stop. It was wrong to be thinking this way. She never should have let him touch her. She knew he didn’t mean anything by it. He was only trying to be a friend. But the way it made her feel— It was wrong. She was married— No. Of course not. Derek was gone. But she was in mourning. She had no right to be feeling the things she was feeling. Longing for someone to talk to, someone to share her secret with.
This was too much to bear alone. She simply couldn’t hold things in another minute. But it couldn’t be Reed. That she knew. Not the way he made her feel.
The sun ducked behind a cloud and Olivia pulled onto a side street and parked the car in front of a derelict building.
She rummaged in her purse for her cell phone, and dialed Jayne’s number.
A childish voice sing-songed a greeting. “Dodge residence. This is Jeffrey speaking.”
“Hi, buddy. Is your mommy home?”
“She can’t come to the phone right now. Who is this?”
Olivia swallowed back a panicked sob. But then she heard Jayne’s voice come faintly over the line. “Jeffrey! Who are you talking to? That’s not polite. Hello? Are you there?”
“Jayne?”
“Olivia! How are you? Are you in town?”
“No…I’m in Missouri. Do you…can you talk?”
“Sure. What’s going on? You don’t sound too good.”
“I’m not good.”
“Oh, sweetie. What’s wrong?
“I’m pregnant, Jayne.”
Jayne’s gasp of horror told her that things really were as bad as she feared. Until she realized that Jayne had misunderstood.
“It’s Derek’s baby, Jayne. But I just found out. I’m probably four months along—maybe more. You know how messed up my system has always been. I didn’t even think about it until…well, you know what that’s like.”
Jayne’s voice was thick with concern. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I have no idea.” She slumped against the steering wheel. Her little flip phone suddenly felt like a rock in her hand.
“How can I help?”
“I don’t know, Jayne. I don’t know why I even called. I just…I had to talk to somebody.”
“Oh, of course you did! I’m so sorry. Is there…is there anybody there? Have you gotten to know anyone yet?” She answered her own question. “Probably not well enough to talk about something like this, huh?”
Olivia nodded into the phone. “Not exactly. There’re a few people from church who’ve been friendly, but they were more Derek’s friends than mine.”
“Oh, but if they knew Derek, I know they’d help you if they could. Are you still in the house?”
“I am, but I don’t know how long I can keep up with the mortgage. It’s over fifteen hundred dollars a month. I’m making twelve dollars an hour, Jayne, and Derek’s check is nearly gone.”
“Have you called Elizabeth? Maybe they’re hiring again and—”
“She doesn’t have anything. Even if she did, I wouldn’t be any better off in the city than I am here. I’m having a baby, Jayne.” Her voice climbed a crescendo of fear and frustration. “I’m sorry… It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”
“Olivia, stop. It’s not a bother. I’d do anything to help. You know that. Do you need some money? We don’t have much, but maybe we could give you a loan…get you through the next couple months…”
She sighed. “That’s sweet of you, Jayne. I know you’d help if you could. I don’t even know why I called. I’m just feeling a little desperate.”
“You sound like you’ve made up your mind to have the baby.”
“You know how I feel about that.” She’d wondered when Jayne would get to that. They’d disagreed sharply on the subject in the past.
“I’m just saying that if there was ever a time when people would understand—”
“No, Jayne. That’s not an option for me. It just isn’t.”
“Okay. I respect that. And you’ll keep the baby?”
Olivia closed her eyes and chewed her lower lip. She could never end the pregnancy, but she had begun to entertain the idea of giving the baby up for adoption. It might be the best for everyone. She had nothing to offer a child. She wasn’t sure she would even have a place to live once November rolled around, let alone a job. And she’d be a single parent. It was no way for a child to start life.
But every time she tried to imagine placing a baby—her baby, Derek’s baby—in another woman’s arms, she shut down. She didn’t know if she could do it. Frightened as she was by the prospect of becoming a mother, there was something terrifying about thinking of giving up the rights to this child forever. What if she found later that she couldn’t have any more children?
&nbs
p; Jayne cleared her throat softly and Olivia shook herself back to the present. “I need to go, Jayne. I…I’ll keep in touch. And I do appreciate your offer to help. I’ll think about it. You’ll let me know if you hear of anything opening up there?”
“Of course I will. You take care of yourself now, okay?”
“I will.”
The cellular connection went silent and Olivia sat staring at her flip phone for a long minute.
Finally, she drove home. But as soon as she’d parked the car, she went straight to the kitchen and rummaged in the drawer beneath the telephone for the thin Hanover Falls phone directory. Derek had scratched some telephone numbers in the back—people from work and church.
She ran her finger down the list until she came to Michael Meredith’s number. Michael and Claire had been the first ones to reach out to her. She’d felt comfortable with Claire, and Olivia remembered that the couple had known Derek. Somehow that seemed important to her right now. She lifted the phone from its hook and punched in the number.
The burr started on the other end and she frantically pressed the keypad, disconnecting the call. She’d missed church more often than she’d attended after those first few weeks. Claire Meredith would probably barely remember her. And even if she did, she wouldn’t be interested in playing counselor to some stranger.
The jangle of the phone startled her. Michael Meredith’s name was on the caller ID. Oh no. She hadn’t hung up in time and now they were calling to see what she wanted. Her throat constricted.
She let it ring half a dozen times before she picked up the handset. “Hello?”
“Olivia? This is Claire Meredith.” Olivia could picture the pretty redhead on the other end. She had a voice that matched her cheery disposition. “I saw your number on our caller ID. I was up to my ears in laundry and must not have heard the phone until the last ring. It looked like you just called a minute ago though…” Her voice trailed off in a question.
“Oh, it’s okay…” She scrambled to think what to say, but Claire beat her to the punch.
“I was just thinking about you Sunday. Michael and I have missed seeing you in church. I’ve been wondering if you’d like to come over for coffee some morning. I’d love to visit…if you have time.”
Olivia was surprised by the uncertainty in Claire’s voice. Almost as if she was as afraid of being rejected as Olivia was. “I’d like that.” She blurted out what amounted to an acceptance before she could think of an excuse to decline Claire’s invitation.
“Oh, that’s great. How about tomorrow? Katherine only has a half day of school, so I’ll have to pick her up at noon, but if you could come around nine or so, we’d have plenty of time to visit.”
Reed had asked her to go to one of the galleries in St. Louis tomorrow, and she didn’t dare cancel, as tempting as it was. She’d forgotten how much she liked Claire. “I wish I could, Claire, but I have to work in the morning. I guess maybe you didn’t hear that I got that job with Reed Vincent…you know, the artist. I usually get off around two o’clock though.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful! No, I hadn’t heard. Well, maybe we can find an afternoon that works. I’ll see if I can arrange a play date for Katherine or else we won’t get a word in edgewise. Is everything going okay?”
Olivia’s throat constricted and she swallowed back sudden tears. She tried to answer, but she was afraid her voice would give her away.
“Olivia? Are you there? Is…is everything okay?”
“It’s been kind of a rough week.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m sure it’s not easy. You must miss Derek terribly. I can’t even imagine…”
“It…it’s not just that, Claire.” She took a deep breath. “I just found out that…I’m pregnant.”
Silence, then a thready sigh. “Oh, Olivia. Do you know yet how far—?”
“I’m about four months along…I think. They’ll do a sonogram at my next visit. But I just found out for sure yesterday. Derek…he wanted kids so badly.”
“I don’t even know what to say,” Claire’s voice came out in a whisper. “Such wonderful news, but how sad that Derek won’t—” Her voice broke.
That opened the floodgates for Olivia, and for a long minute only the sound of their tears filled the line.
“Oh, Olivia.” Claire finally said. “Is anybody there for you? Do you have someone to talk to?”
She sniffed back the tears and tried to compose herself, but she couldn’t do more than shake her head into the phone.
“I’m coming over.” Claire’s voice held determination. “You should not have to be alone at a time like this. You’re still in the same house, right? On Glenwillow?”
“Yes,” she managed to squeak.
“I’ll be right there.”
Suddenly Olivia found her voice, but the phone went dead in spite of her feeble protests.
Her gaze panned the house. Things were a mess. She’d barely unpacked a box since she’d arrived. But she didn’t care. All she felt was tremendous relief that she could finally share this terrible burden with someone—someone who believed that this baby was wonderful news. It was a foreign idea to her, but remembering the inflection in Claire’s voice when she’d said it, a spark lit in Olivia, and she felt hopeful for the first time in a very long while.
Chapter 16
Olivia was waiting on the front porch steps when Claire pulled into the driveway. Olivia had worried that she might have Katherine with her, but she was alone. It would have been awkward to share what she needed to with the little girl there.
The sun was warm on the painted porch floor, but before she could invite Claire in, the young woman plopped down beside Olivia on the steps and put an arm around her shoulder like they’d been friends forever. The sun played off Claire’s apricot colored hair and set a halo behind her. Indeed, she seemed like an angel, come to Olivia’s rescue.
She almost cried again at the warmth of her new friend’s arm draped over her shoulder like a favorite sweater. It had been so long since she’d felt the gentle touch of another—
She stopped in mid-thought, remembering Reed’s embrace. But that had been fraught with too many conflicting emotions and too much guilt. She didn’t know Reed well enough to accept his comforting hugs, and besides, he was her boss.
Claire clicked her tongue in a soothing rhythm, much the way she probably comforted Katherine when she skinned her knee or lost a favorite doll. Olivia felt the tension go out of her shoulders.
“So what can I do?”
“I don’t even know what I’m going to do, Claire, let alone tell anyone else how they can help.”
“Do you have family who can help?”
She shook her head. “Derek and I were both pretty much alone in the world. Maybe that’s what drew us to each other in the first place.”
“I understand. I lost my grandmother a few years ago. She was my last living relative.” Sadness glazed her eyes briefly, but then she smiled. “Katherine’s named after Nana.”
“Oh, how special. I never knew my grandparents.” She forced cheer into her voice. “Katherine is adorable. She looks so much like you.”
A grin lit Claire’s delicate features. “She’s our joy. She’s a little bit spoiled. I’m not ashamed to admit it. But we love her like crazy. She needs a brother or sister to share the limelight with, I think. We’ve been trying for a couple years, but…” She shrugged.
Olivia gave a wry smile and pointedly looked down at her still-flat belly. “I’ll trade you places.”
Claire gave a little gasp. “Oh. I didn’t even think of that. Oh, my.”
“Funny how God works, don’t you think? I’ve been trying to understand how in the world He could let this happen to me, and frankly, wishing it weren’t true. And here you sit wishing just the opposite.”
Claire shook her head. “I know. There are an awful lot of things that don’t make sense in this world. But I have a feeling we’ll see things from a much different perspective someday.”
“You mean heaven?”
“Well, that too, but also just getting older and looking back on life. Seeing how far God has brought me, all He’s led me through.” The sadness returned to her eyes. “Michael and I went through some pretty rough things when we first fell in love. Things that didn’t make any sense at all…”
She glanced up with a soft smile. “It all worked itself out. In fact, God knew what he was doing all along. We just couldn’t see it at the time. I sometimes think He does that on purpose, just to keep us dependent on Him.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t much like that part of His plan.”
“Oh, but Olivia, when you hold that baby in your arms, I really think it’ll all make sense.”
She sighed. “You really think so?”
“I’d be willing to bet the farm on it.” She giggled and clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh, wait…the sermon Sunday was about gambling. Let me rephrase that.”
Olivia smiled. “I hope you’re right, Claire. But it’s a little hard to see from where I’m sitting right now.”
“I understand. Let’s just take one day at a time. What do you need today?”
The plural of Claire’s “let’s” warmed Olivia’s heart and suddenly she didn’t feel quite so alone in the world.
“Today? Today I need a friend.”
Claire grinned and snapped a sharp salute. “Reporting for duty.”
Reed pulled out of the car wash and flicked on the wipers, watching the last of the beaded water sluice off the windshield. The dashboard of the Ford Escape was dusty, but he didn’t have time to do anything about that now.
His appointment with the gallery owner was in less than an hour, and he still had to figure out where Olivia lived.
She’d come in at the usual time yesterday morning, apologizing for running out the day before. She hadn’t volunteered any more than that, but she seemed to be all right. He hadn’t wanted to push it. They’d have a long ride in the car together today. Maybe he’d ask her about it.
He swiped at the dust on the instrument panel. Why had he never noticed how badly in need of a good detailing his vehicle was? He ripped a tissue from the almost-empty box on the console and tried to get the worst of the grime off. He only succeeded in making cloudy trails through the dust. Well, she’d just have to overlook the dirt.
Insight Page 10
