by S. Cruz
I ran some cold water on a washcloth and wiped her tear stained face. “Bailey, I told you how my life was. I know I never went into details, but I was honest,” I said. I tried to explain that I never meant for her to know the dark side of my life. I never wanted to do anything to break her trust in me, but all I saw at that moment was the sad face of the woman I loved.
“But what if I’m not enough for you?” she said, looking up at me. I stepped back; I couldn’t believe that she doubted herself. Instead of lashing out at me, she internalized it all on herself. My sweet, unselfish angel was worried about me. I didn’t deserve her; that was true, but damn if I didn’t want her more than anything.
“Honey, you’ll always be enough for me, always!” I said, wiping away tears as they fell. I gave her a sweet kiss. I think I needed it more than she did, just to make sure I still could claim those sweet lips. Then she threw me for a loop when she asked me, “What about the kink?”
“Oh my God, how did I get so lucky to find you?” I said, pushing her hair out of her face. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me! If I want kink, I’ll teach you,” I said, meaning every word.
“Really?” she asked.
“Really, sweetheart; I’m so in love with you. I hate being away from you more than ten minutes,” I smiled at her.
My hands were shaking; I was afraid I was going to lose it. I swallowed back my fear. I had to distance myself for a few minutes to regain my composure.
“I’ll wait outside for you to get ready, OK?” I asked. She nodded, and I left the room, blowing out a frustrated breath as I closed the door behind me.
I put my shaky hands in my pockets as I faced the reason for Bailey’s meltdown.
I was so pissed at her. She just sat on the bed looking innocent, swinging her feet back and forth, and looking at me with big, blue eyes.
“Shelly, just go,” I growled, pacing back and forth, needing her gone so I could come to terms with my own meltdown.
“Oh, OK, is she going to be all right?” she asked.
“I don’t know; I’m going to wait here for her. I’m so fucking pissed at you and Scott right now. Maybe you should consider thinking before you open your big fucking mouth,” I said rather harshly to her. The look I gave her had her shrinking back away from me.
“Jesse, I’m sorry. I was joking; it just slipped out” she said.
“Well, your joke backfired, didn’t it? She didn’t find it very funny, and neither do I,” I growled.
She put her head down. I knew she felt bad, but damn it, she needed a filter on her mouth sometimes. So did my best friend!
“Jesse, I know you love her, and she loves you. It’ll all work out; you’ll see,” she said, opening the door.
“I do love her; never doubt that. She’s very important to me, and I’m going to do everything I can to get her to move to Arizona once she’s done with school,” I said, making it perfectly clear what my intentions were.
“I didn’t mean to hurt her; she’s like my sister. I love her too!” she said, looking contrite.
I just glared at her, biting my tongue to keep from going off on her.
“I’m going now,” she said, backing out the door.
I heard the hair dryer running. I collapsed on the chair, praying that she would forgive me. I put my head down and tried to wrap my mind around what just happened. A thousand words were flying through my mind. I had to find some paper and get them down before I forgot just how I felt at this moment.
My hands were shaking, and my heart was racing; this helpless feeling I’d never experienced before. Seeing the woman I loved so crushed because of me was a new sensation; I’d never given a crap about what a woman thought before.
“My life in songs,” I whispered with a chuckle at the meaning behind every word I’d written to date. I knew I had to come clean to her sometime, but I had to make damn sure she was mine first. Neither of us had been in love before, and she was leaving in two days to go back to her life.
Fuck, so was I.
I didn’t know if I could really resist the sexy women out there. I knew right now with her, I felt I could. But when I had a couple beers in me, my cock took over my mind, and I just came along for the ride.
I shook my head, so unsure of myself. I’d made a lot of bold statements to her, meaning every word at the time, but could I really stick to them? I knew in my heart I wanted to be faithful to Bailey, but was I being completely honest with myself? I was a playboy— hell, I loved being a playboy. Did I even have it in me to change? I wasn’t like John; God, how many times had I busted on him about being faithful to Natalie? I knew I loved Bailey, and sex with her was so meaningful. But the thrill of the dark side, the women eager to please me with whatever I wanted, was going to be difficult. My life had been turned upside down by this girl, and I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle it.
She came out of the bathroom a little red around the eyes but stunning nonetheless. She gave me a slight smile as I reached for her hand, that connection I desperately needed. She took my hand in hers, and I took that as a good sign. I kissed her, holding her close for a couple minutes.
I didn’t know what to say to her as we walked; the silence between us had me unnerved. She made a sound, and I thought she’d started crying again. I stopped to turn her around, only to realize that she was laughing.
“What the fuck, woman!” I said, watching her hold her stomach as she giggled uncontrollably. She couldn’t speak, she was laughing so hard. The more we walked, the harder she laughed, until I had to know. “Bailey, what’s so funny?” I asked. She finally confessed that Shelly had offered to have a threesome with her.
“What?”
I figured it was her friend’s twisted way of making Bailey not feel so left out. Apparently Bailey thought it was funny. Suddenly I was worried that Bailey would take her friend up on the offer! After all the sex we’d had, she might want to experiment. She knew that I had an extensive sexual past; maybe now it was her turn. Panic set in. How could I say anything? I didn’t have the right. She was entitled to experiment with her sexuality if she wanted to, but it would fucking kill me if I knew.
Right then I knew how she felt! I squeezed her hand and pulled her in for a kiss. “Please don’t take her up on that offer!” I asked. “I know I don’t have any right to say that to you, sweetheart, but at least wait until I’m gone. I don’t share!” I said, feeling like a hypocrite because I fucking did share women in the past. But I didn’t feel anything for any of them, so in my twisted mind, it didn’t count.
When we finally got to our table, I glared at Shelly, making her cringe. Bailey was still smiling, so I decided to be proactive and poke fun at the little instigator about her offer. I was going to have some fun with this information Bailey had just shared with me. I’d give her a taste of her own medicine. Payback’s a bitch!
First I gave her my famous come-and-get-me look with raised eyebrows and an air kiss. She turned four shades of red. Gotcha!
“Soooo…Shelly, I heard you made quite the interesting offer to Bailey earlier,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows. I was glad that Bailey could laugh about it now as she realized what I was doing. I held her hand while I teased her friend. Shelly was bright red but didn’t say a word. Scott looked at me and then at her. But she just blew it off as girl talk, making Bailey giggle. I squeezed her hand, knowing I’d made her friend uncomfortable. Apparently there wasn’t complete disclosure on Shelly’s part, because Scott had no idea what the hell was going on.
I looked at Scott with my head down. He knew I was mad at him but didn’t know why. I would be having a conversation with my friend, but not here. I’d kick his ass in private. He could confess all he wanted to his girlfriend, but leave me out of it.
If I wanted Bailey to know the details of my sordid past, I’d be the one to tell her when the time was right. I wasn’t proud of myself, and when she found out how fucked up I was, she might run for the hills.
I
let the issue drop, and Bailey began to relax, which helped me relax as we enjoyed our breakfast. John was watching the whole pick-on-Shelly scene with a curious look on his face. When he started to ask me what was going on, I just held up my hand and gave him the not-now head shake; he got the message. John was a very wise man and a good friend to all of us. He knew my history and had helped me out of some very sticky situations in the past. I knew he’d never say anything to ruin my relationship with Bailey; he’d been like a surrogate father to me.
I didn’t pick on Shelly anymore, because I knew Scott had something special planned for her this morning. I’d been with him when he went shopping. I knew what he was about to do. It was a nice gesture, but not my style. Scott reached under the table and pulled out the small, black box and set it in front of Shelly. All the chatter at our table stopped as we watched her reaction when she noticed it. Her eyes were as wide as her big mouth. She turned to look at Scott, who was red in the face. “Open it,” he said, smiling at her. It was obvious that a ring was in the box.
Shelly gasped with her hand over her mouth. “Scott, what is this?”
She turned to him with tears in her eyes. He’d bought her a gold ring with a sapphire stone.
“It’s a promise ring. I promise to love you even when we’re apart,” he said, kissing her. Shelly swallowed back what I suspect was a big, wailing cry and wiped her tears as she took the ring out of the box and placed it on her finger. In typical Shelly fashion, she dove into his chest, giving him a big kiss that nearly knocked him out of his chair. He chuckled and held on to her. She looked so damn cute, but I knew firsthand that wasn’t the case—poor schmuck, he had a lot to learn about his girlfriend.
“Scott, it’s beautiful,” she said, admiring the ring. “Bailey isn’t it beautiful, my favorite stone, sapphire?” she said, turning her hand toward her friend.
“Yes, it’s beautiful, Shell,” Bailey said. “You did good, Scott.” He nodded with a smile as he held Shelly to his chest. I could tell he was choked up.
“Congratulations,” John said, smiling at them.
“Yeah, man, nice gesture,” Keith said.
“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Bailey said, watching them.
“Here’s my promise right here,” I said, touching her necklace.
“I know,” she smiled.
“Bailey, I’ll love you every minute of every day. And when I give you a ring, it won’t be a promise ring; it’ll be a wedding ring,” I whispered to her. Her body straightened as she sucked in a deep breath.
She turned to look at me with those incredible brown eyes. I kissed her knuckles and smiled at her, meaning every word I’d just said.
Shelly was holding up her hand as everyone made a fuss over her ring. Bailey never took her hand off her heart necklace when she got up to hug her friend. Apparently all was forgiven at that moment, but I hadn’t forgotten anything and meant to have an up-close and personal with Scott.
My gift was original, straight from my heart. Not that Scott’s ring wasn’t a sign of his love for Shelly, but mine had special meaning. It represented the first time I’d laid eyes on Bailey and how much she changed me, I hoped. She’d captured my heart. My muse, my girlfriend, my love.
I couldn’t wait to tell my mother and sister about this incredible girl I’d fallen in love with. They were convinced that I’d never find a woman that would hold my attention for more than a few hours. They knew me very well; my sister worked with me every summer. She saw how the women fell all over me and heard all the sobs as I broke their hearts. I was a cad and damn proud of it.
My sister fell in love with one of her coworkers and settled into married life. That was not for me; I even banged one of her bridesmaids the day of her wedding. The girl came back with her dress ripped and her hair all messed up—my sister was pissed.
I just blew her off and flirted my way through all the single women at the reception. I didn’t care and continued on affairs with my coworkers more than once. The next day I’d come into work and ignore them and move on to my next victim. If my father didn’t own the company, I’m sure I would have been fired. There was an endless amount of pussy around me, at work, at school, and in the bars. How could a red-blooded man resist? They offered, and I accepted.
When I got home, I planned on springing the news about my girlfriend to my family, and I had these incredible pictures to show them. I was sure they wouldn’t believe me, but the proof was right there in living color, showing how beautiful Bailey was and how happy we were and how much in love we looked. One of my favorites was a silhouette of us against one of the amazing sunsets. Her hair was windblown, just like when I first saw her, and our heads were bent just before we were about to kiss. My arms were around her body. She had a short dress on, so her long legs were visible, and her arms were around my shoulders.
It was breathtaking; Shelly captured the moment perfectly. There was no doubt when you looked at that picture that we were in love. Shelly was very talented with the camera; she’d been capturing every moment of our cruise, and for that I was thankful.
When I got home and Bailey was no longer around, I’d have those incredible pictures to look at when I composed my songs, remembering how happy we were. I had to give it to blondie; she was truly a gifted photographer. I thought about suggesting that she use the camera more instead of her mouth, which seemed to get her into trouble all the time.
We finished our breakfast in high spirits, laughing and talking as good friends do. The guys were teasing Scott, who was still three shades of red as he held Shelly tight. I knew Bailey was happy for her friend, but I was happy knowing that my friend fell for her friend. This made the thought of getting them to relocate after college that much more possible.
Things were going in the right direction. It was a bittersweet moment my friend and I shared; both of us fell in love on this cruise.
Nineteen
Bailey
“OK, everyone meet at two o’clock today for the last rehearsal. Bailey, Shelly, I’ll see you later,” John said, leaving the table after breakfast.
“OK, see you later, John,” I said, smiling at him. He was so authoritative when he was in his manager mode. It must have been hard to be friends and party with them, but also keep them in line when it came to business. I admired him and knew that every man in that group also admired and respected him. I couldn’t wait to meet Natalie; she must have been one hell of a beautiful woman. I’d seen the women on this ship all looking at John—he was strong and muscular, with the dark good looks that all women love. All the men in the band were handsome, and I’d become very fond of every one of them. But Jesse was by far the most handsome man I’d ever seen. Women couldn’t keep their hands off him, and I knew this was going to be a problem for me if we wound up together.
Jesse said and did all the right things, but I still had my doubts that he’d truly change when we weren’t together anymore. So much temptation out there for a man in his profession. I wondered how long he’d be able to resist before slipping back into his old ways, with such a high sex drive and all those beautiful women falling all over him. As the months went by, he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise to be faithful; I just knew it. After all, he was a virile man, and I couldn’t expect him to become celibate. But I had to finish college; my mother was looking forward to seeing me graduate. I had to keep my promise to her and just hope that Jesse would still be mine by the time I graduated..
My mother had always been in my corner against my father and sister, taking the heat for me when my father became angry. I couldn’t let her down; this was too important to her. She wanted me to have a secure future and not have to rely on a man. I think the life she’d had to live with my father had a profound effect on her; she wanted a better life for me. I knew she wasn’t happy, but she stuck it out for her children. I vowed I’d never marry a man I didn’t love completely. She felt she had to marry him because she got pregnant with me. My mother never complained, just lived her life
taking care of my father and her kids. But it was obvious my father resented her and me because of it.
Shelly was flying high after breakfast, constantly looking at her promise ring. I let her revel in her happiness, knowing exactly how she felt after I got my necklace. The sentiment was not lost on me, and I was happy for her.
“You told Jesse what I said, didn’t you?” she asked as we walked on deck after breakfast.
“It kinda slipped out; you should understand that.” I threw her words back in her face.
“Yeah, but I never expected him to call me on it. Damn, Bailey, that was embarrassing; Scott was sitting right there,” she said.
“Well, it was your idea. When I thought about it, I burst out laughing. Of course, Jesse was curious about what I was laughing about after I’d been crying my eyes out just minutes before,” I said.
“I want to take some more pictures,” she said, pulling her camera out of her purse. Just like that, our conversation was over. She turned to capture the guys walking behind us. Keith and Liza had their arms around each other. Scott and Jesse were talking about music, both smiling as they walked, looking so happy. I backed up and tucked myself under Jesse’s arm just as she snapped a couple pictures. He grinned; showing off his dimples, and took my chin in his hand for a kiss. God, I’d miss these random moments of pure bliss.
We stood at the railing looking out to sea, watching the seagulls diving into the water for fish. The morning sun shone brightly over the ocean. I nestled into Jesse’s chest, breathing in his spicy scent. My hair was flying in the wind and blocking my view as I tried to stare into the eyes of my boyfriend. He pushed my hair out of my face to give me a sensual kiss.
“I love you, Bailey,” he said, smiling at me.
“Will you tell me that every day when you’re gone?” I asked.
“Of course I will, every day, sweetheart,” he said, folding me into his arms.
