by Coe Booth
“So, talk to me. Is your father out yet? You seen him?”
Damn.
“Ty?”
“I don’t really know nothing right now.” I don’t know what else to tell her. Jasmine know how I feel ’bout my pops.
Matter of fact, her and Cal the only ones that know that I actually thought ’bout going to see the man when he was at some halfway house back in March. And ’bout how I changed my mind at the last minute. After that, I never went to see him even though he was right there in Queens.
Then in April, Regg told me my pops got sent back to Rikers ’cause he did something he wasn’t s’posed to. I never found out what it was, just that it was enough for his ass to be sent back up to finish out the rest of his time. Which was alright with me ’cause then I ain’t hafta think ’bout if I was gonna go see him or not. ’Cause one thing I don’t do is go to no jail to see nobody.
Jasmine know all that. Me and her is tight like that.
“Well, let me know the second you hear from him, okay?”
“Yeah, a’ight,” I say, then go, “I can’t hardly hear you no more. This signal getting weak or something. I’ma call you back after I get off the train.”
“Okay. But don’t forget because I have to talk to you about the party.”
“I ain’t gonna forget. Bye.” I end the call, kinda mad. I don’t get it. Why everybody keep talkin’ ’bout my pops today?
THREE
I don’t call Jasmine back after I get off the train at 174th. I just wanna walk and not deal with nothing or nobody. I just wanna get to that camp and see Troy and let him know I ain’t forget ’bout him or nothing. I told him when I was leaving and how long I was gonna be gone for, but still, twelve days is a long time for a kid. And even though I know the money I made DJing them parties is gonna help me buy him some new clothes and shit for school, he ain’t gonna understand that ’cause he only eight.
Course, Troy new foster mother s’posed to be the one to buy him clothes, but she ain’t gonna get him nothing good. She only do what the city pay her to do and that’s it. That’s why I gotta keep looking out for him myself, make sure he alright.
That’s how my pops raised me.
Not that my pops used to go ’round telling me “do this” or “do that.” He ain’t hafta. I knew what to do by watching him, seeing how he handled his shit, and then doing what he did. That’s how come I knew what I had to do when he was sent up last year. ’Cause I seen how he did it.
I ain’t saying I did it all that good or nothing, ’cause I know I fucked up. And that’s the thing. I know he gonna be the first person to tell me that when me and him come face-to-face. And I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t need to hear it. I been telling myself the same thing since Troy got tooken away by ACS and put in the system. Nothing my pops say could make me feel worse.
By the time I get to Southern Boulevard it’s after five, but them kids is still running ’round buckwild in the yard outside the community center where the camp is at. They all wearing they red camp T-shirts so they musta went on some trip or something. I’m walking by the gate trying to find Troy, but he ain’t running ’round with them other kids. He standing by hisself on the side of the building, playing in the dirt. And I’m like, what’s up with that?
I come into the yard, and when he see me, he run over to me, going, “Ty! Ty!” He fast too. He get to me in two seconds and wrap his arms ’round my waist real tight. And he don’t let go neither.
I start laughing. “You killin’ me, Troy.”
“You back!” He mad happy and I ain’t gonna front. Me and him is feeling the same way.
“You like a boa constrictor,” I tell him. “You trying to squeeze me ’til my eyeballs pop out and I can’t breath no more?”
That get him to let go, only to start laughing. “I’m a snake!” he say. “I wanna get me a tattoo that got a snake on it and it’s gonna be big and right here.” He point to his arm. “Ty, can you make me a tattoo?”
“Nah,” I say, “but I’ma call you Snake. But only if you cool enough to be called Snake.”
“I am cool!” He walk ’round in a circle flexing what he think is biceps, like he a man. Tough. All I know is he lookin’ crazy stupid.
’Cross the yard, one of Troy counselors, this dude James, call out to me, “What up, Ty?” like me and him is friends or something.
“Chillin’,” I say back. He alright. He let me come by the camp and see Troy when I wanna, even though he know Troy foster mother don’t want me spending no time with him. She only want me seeing him at the agency, but I can’t stand going to them visits.
“Why you ain’t playing with them other kids?” I ask Troy.
He shrug.
“You s’posed to be having fun at camp.”
“I am.” But he don’t look like he is.
“What’s up?” I ask him. “How you doing?”
He shrug again. “I don’t know.”
“How Ms. Woods treating you?”
Instead of answering me, he just pull on my shirt and say, “Come here.”
He bring me over by this cardboard box that got all kinda balls and shit in there. He take out a football and me and him go over to the other side of the yard, away from them other kids, and throw the ball back and forth for a while. I try to call out plays, tell him where to run and where to stop and turn for the ball, but he don’t be paying me no attention. He just runnin’ ’round outta control, yelling, “Right here, right here,” but he don’t never stop moving long enough to catch the ball.
After a while I tell him I’m tired just so I can get him to talk and find out what he got on his mind. Troy like that. He get too hyper sometimes and you gotta play with him, burn off some of his energy, before he can slow down and tell you what he wanna say. Me and him go over to a bench and I spin the football in my hand, waiting for him to talk. When he do, he say, “I don’t wanna be at Ms. Woods house no more. It’s too boring. I wanna go back to Ms. Reed house and play with Tiffany and Brian again.”
“Yeah, I know, Troy, but—”
“I don’t like Ms. Woods,” he say, kinda whispering now. “She make me go to church with her and it take all day. It’s not fair.”
“They don’t do nothing fun for the kids at that church?”
He shake his head. “I said it’s boring, right? I wanna go back home. Now.”
“I know,” I tell him. “But it’s gonna take a while. You gotta be a big man, okay?”
He look down at the ground and nod his head. “Okay.”
Every time me and him have this conversation I know I ain’t telling him what he wanna hear. He want me to say that we gonna get to go back home and everything gonna be the way it was before our pops got locked up. But I ain’t gonna lie to the kid.
Truth is, we don’t got no home for him to go back to. My moms is living in this little studio apartment on top of a Mexican take-out place on 136th Street, and I been staying with Cal and them. Our whole family is all over the place. And Troy stuck where he at.
Matter of fact, I ain’t even telling him that our pops is out, ’cause Troy gonna start thinking he getting outta foster care tomorrow, and it don’t work like that. I don’t want him thinking our pops gonna be the one to come back and fix everything for him when I been the one by his side this whole time.
Troy look so sad, I stand up and grab him ’round the waist and snatch him up off the bench like I’m a wrestler or something. Then I act like I’m slamming him on the hard ground, but don’t hurt him or nothing. He start laughing. “I’m a snake,” he say, wrapping his legs ’round my ankles, trying to trip me.
After a while I let him bring me down, and he go, “The boa constrictor wins!” I laugh with him, and I can tell he ain’t thinking ’bout his situation no more. A couple kids from the camp come over to see what’s going on and Troy tell them, “I’m a snake. Wanna bet I am?”
It’s 5:25 now and I’ma hafta leave before Ms. Woods get here. Before I go, I put my ar
ms ’round Troy shoulder and tell him, “You gonna be a’ight ’cause I’ma make sure you are. You know that, right?”
He nod, and I know he upset I’m leaving, but he used to it now.
“You be good,” I tell him. “Don’t worry ’bout nothing.”
“Okay.”
“Now go play with them other kids.” I don’t move ’til I see him run over to the other side of the yard where some kids is chasing each other ’round. It don’t take him long to get into the action neither.
I’m on my way back to the train when my cell beep. It’s Jasmine texting me. u didnt call me back where r u?
Damn. Forgot ’bout her. I text her back and next thing I know we gonna meet at McDonald’s over by Tremont in twenty minutes. She said she wanna see me, and no matter what, I can never say no to that girl. And she know it.
FOUR
I get to the McDonald’s first. Even though I ain’t really hungry after the pizza, I buy two fries and two sodas anyway. Dollar Menu all the way. Then I grab a table and wait for Jasmine to get here.
When she walk in the door, damn, she look good. For a couple seconds, I just watch her looking ’round the place for me, then I stand up so she can see me. She smile and practically run over to my table, and a second later, we hugging. Real close. I know for a fact that all the guys up in here, and probably a couple of the females, is jealous that a girl like Jasmine is here for me. Make me feel good.
She smile up at me. “Notice anything different about me?”
I look at her body first ’cause that’s the kinda guy I am, and ’cause she got a body that’s slamming and I like looking at it. She Puerto Rican, but she got a ass bigger than most sistahs I know. It ain’t no joke. I mean, no guy could look at it without they mind thinking up the most nastiest thoughts. And she got big titties and everything.
Everything look the way it always did. Good. Then I look at her face. Jasmine pretty with long hair. Back when we first met, she used to have acne and shit, but her skin ain’t even that bad no more. I shake my head. “Nah, what’s different ’bout you?”
“I can’t believe you don’t see it.”
She smile bigger, and now I get it. “Your braces. When you get them off?”
“Wednesday.”
“Cool.” Okay, I gotta admit, my mind start thinking them thoughts again. Ever since I knew Jasmine, she had all that metal shit in her mouth, but now she look even sexier than before, if that’s possible. And now she could do things she couldn’t before. For real. But, nah, it ain’t like me and her is together or nothing. I gotta get them thoughts outta my head. “Why you get them off so fast?”
She shrug. “I thought I was going to the orthodontist for just like a regular appointment, but Emiliano went in the doctor’s office and talked to him for a while, and next thing I knew I was getting them off. I think Emil wanted to surprise me and have them off before my party.”
“You look good,” I tell her.
We sit down, so close our bodies is touching. Jasmine drink some of the Coke I got for her, then she lean over and kiss me on the lips. “I missed you,” she say.
“Missed you too.” I kiss her again, and it feel different now without them things on her teeth. Better.
Me and her been talking on the phone and texting a lot this summer, but I ain’t seen her for ’bout three, four weeks. She been real busy at the restaurant, and I been trying to make money myself. The last time I seen her, she asked me to DJ at her Sweet Sixteen party and course I said yeah.
We keep kissing, but they only them friend kinda kisses. I ain’t gonna lie though, I got my hand on her thigh. I can’t help it. It’s hard to keep my hands to myself ’round her.
When I’m with Jasmine I always feel good. She wasn’t never my girl, but we spent a lot of time together when we was both living at that shelter. Yeah, we did a lot of stuff, but we never took it all the way, even though I coulda. But she was going through a lot of shit back then, and I ain’t wanna be another dude that was only looking to screw her and that’s it. I don’t know. Maybe we just wasn’t s’posed to be together or something.
Anyway, back then I was only thinking ’bout Novisha. Couldn’t get her out my mind. I ain’t had no place for nobody else. I ain’t know she was playin’ me the whole time.
Jasmine take a bite outta a fry and feed me the other half. We do this for a while, just eating, but she ain’t saying nothing. Which is weird, ’specially when she the one that was like, I wanna talk to you.
“How you doing?” I ask her, putting my arm ’round her.
She lean her head on my shoulder, her long hair falling all over me. “Better,” she say, but it don’t sound all that believable.
“You sure? ’Cause the last time I seen you, you was—”
“I know. But I’m better now. Still sad and pissed off ’bout what happened to Joanny, but—” She shake her head. “Me too.”
A couple days before the end of school in June, Jasmine friend was shot and killed by some bullet that wasn’t even meant for her. Crazy thing is Jasmine was right there when it happened, right in front of this gyro place ’round the corner from our school. That bullet coulda ended up in Jasmine, and she know it.
I put my arm ’round her tighter.
“I missed you,” she say again. “Don’t go nowhere no more.”
“Nah. I ain’t.”
I hear what she saying, but I can tell when she got something on her mind, something she ain’t all that happy ’bout. First Troy, now Jasmine. It’s like everybody got problems today or something. “Talk to me,” I say. “What’s the matter?”
She sigh. “It’s Reyna. I want her to come to my party, but every time I call her cell, there’s no answer and she never calls me back. I think something’s wrong, but I’m not sure. The last time I seen her was in April and she only came by to get her summer clothes. I know she wouldn’t miss my birthday, but how do I know something didn’t happen to her?”
Reyna is Jasmine big sister. She, like, twenty or twenty-two or something. “You know where she live at?”
“I’m not sure. I got an address for her in New Jersey, but how do I even know if she still lives there when she won’t call me back?”
“She know how to take care of herself,” I say. “She pro’ly a’ight. Maybe she busy or got a new man that’s taking up all her time. You know how that go.” I’m trying to cheer her up, but it ain’t working. “She pro’ly all in love and not even thinking to call you back.”
“I just wanna make sure she’s at my party. If she’s not there …” She shake her head. “I don’t understand her or what she’s doing. All she does is party and hang out all the time. It’s stupid.”
“She still young though. Wait. She gonna get it together after a while.”
Personally, I don’t know why I’m defending Reyna when she was the one that left Jasmine alone at the shelter with no money in the first place. I don’t even get why Jasmine want her sister at her party. But I don’t be forgiving people all that easy. Probably got that from my pops too.
While Jasmine finish her fries and mines, I start thinking ’bout her party and how much I hafta do before it. I been using my pops DJ equipment to make money while he was locked up, but he out now and he probably ain’t gonna want me using his shit no more. Only thing is, that equipment is mad expensive, and I ain’t got the kinda money to go out and buy everything I need. And I only got two weeks to try and put the rest of the money together or I don’t know what I’ma do.
Truth is, all this time I been living with Cal and them, I coulda been using my money to buy my own equipment so I could keep making money after my pops take back his shit. I coulda had everything I need by now, no problem. But, nah, instead, all I was doing was buying stupid shit and having fun.
After a while, Jasmine look up at me. “So, your father got out today? When you think he’s gonna call you?”
“Pro’ly when he feel like it.”
“You happy he’s out? I can�
�t tell what you feeling.”
“I don’t know,” I tell her. “What I’m s’posed to be feeling?”
She shake her head. “Why don’t guys ever know what they feel?”
I don’t got no answer to that one.
We don’t say nothing for a couple seconds. Then she go, “Sooo, you ready for school to start? You read any of those books from the list?”
Damn, talk ’bout changing the subject. She ain’t even good at it. “Nah, I ain’t trying to think ’bout school right now.” Jasmine don’t know that she the only reason I even went to that school. I was thinking she needed me to look out for her ’specially ’cause she had just moved in with Emiliano, this forty-something-year-old man that used to go out with her sister before they broke up.
Emiliano told Jasmine if she moved into his place, he would take care of her, but meanwhile, he into her, like it don’t matter how old he is compared to her. Every couple of days at school I would ask her if he tried anything with her, and she kept on saying no, no, but still the whole situation pissed me the fuck off. Still do.
Yeah, Emiliano do a good job making sure Jasmine going to school and doing what she gotta do. She don’t got no moms or pops, and Reyna somewhere doing her own thing, but still, I know Emil just using Jasmine fucked-up situation to get what he want, even if he do be taking his time getting it.
“Emil keeps getting on my case,” Jasmine say, “telling me not to wait ’til the last minute to start reading, but those books are so long.”
“I ain’t even look at that list.”
“You have to. We’re gonna get a test the first week of school.” She shake her head. “This summer was so boring and slow. I can’t wait for school to start.”
That’s ’cause when she there, everybody know and like her. It’s a alternative school, and I gotta admit, it’s way better than the last school I went to. Still, I ain’t go to school every day and fucked up most of them classes. I had too much on my mind to think ’bout school.
