by Coe Booth
I text Jasmine. u happy wit the party?
While I’m waiting for her to text back, I drag my ass to the shower. After I’m dressed and looking good, I knock on Cal door to see if he alright. “You up?”
“I’m out here,” Cal call to me from the living room and there he at, chilling on the couch. He still look like shit, face all cut up and stitches over his eye, but he outta bed. Got his leg up on some pillows and he drinking orange juice outta the container and watching Greg play some shit on the PlayStation. Least Greg ain’t screaming at nobody on the fucking microphone. Probably too early for that shit.
“I thought you wasn’t never gonna get out that bed,” I say to Cal.
“Can’t keep me down,” he go. “You know that.”
“You feeling a’ight?”
“Everything hurt like hell. Them pills ain’t even working no more.”
“Then give ’em to me.” I laugh.
“Fuck you, Ty.” He try to laugh too, but damn, I can tell laughing make everything hurt more.
“Watch this,” Greg say, and me and Cal watch him steer his Humvee over these real steep mountains with all kinda folks shooting at him and shit. He just ’bout to make it ’cross this bridge when some kinda bomb or something go off and his truck fly off the edge, like two thousand feet down, and explode into fire when it hit the rocks at the bottom. “Shit. Fuck,” Greg go. “Them dudes is vicious motherfuckers. Would blow they own mothers up, asshole bastards.”
Me and Cal laugh. Personally, I can’t believe how into video games Greg is. He take them serious. He sweating and shit.
“Help me up,” Cal say. “I need to get in the shower. You know you funky when you smell your own ass.”
“You sure you ready? I don’t want you to fall in the tub and then I gotta drag your naked ass outta there.”
“Nah, no way, man. Just let me drown if that happen.”
Me and him still laughing. “You stupid,” I tell him.
“Just help me up.”
It take a while to get Cal down the hall to the bathroom, but when I get him in there, he say he got it, so I leave but tell him not to lock the door in case I gotta save his life or something. Dude do kinda stink, so I let him do his thing.
I go back to my room ’cause I forgot my cell there, and when I check it, there still ain’t no answer from Jasmine. She probably too busy having fun with that wild girl to think ’bout me.
I’m still in my room when the doorbell ring. A second later, Greg yell out, “Ty.” I actually know what he gonna say before he say it. “Your pops is here.”
Shit.
I take a deep breath, a couple of them as a matter of fact, before walking back down the hall. I know. This is gonna be bad.
“Where the key?” my pops say before I even get down the hall good.
I look him dead in the eye. “What? You lost your key or something?”
He stare back at me. “Don’t lie to me, Tyrell. Don’t disrespect me like that.”
“Like what? I don’t know what you talking ’bout.” I throw my arms open real wide and go, “What, you wanna search me or something?”
But nothing I’m doing faze him for a second. He get right in my face and say, “Ty, I don’t want to embarrass you in front of your friend.”
I look over at Greg, who got the game on pause for a change, watching us. Only thing, I can’t tell if he look like he ready to jump in and help me fight if my pops attack me, or if he ’bout to cut and run.
My pops still in my face and I don’t know what he ’bout to do. But he stay calm and say, “I rented the equipment to somebody for Friday night. Yesterday morning—”
“Who you rent it to?”
“Dante. You got a problem with that?”
I wanna say, “Yeah, I do.” But I don’t ’cause I don’t want him asking me no questions ’bout Dante. I’ma listen to Regg on this one. So I just shrug and go, “Nah.”
“So, yesterday, I get out my bed early in the morning to meet Dante at the storage place so we could lock all that shit back inside, and I pull out my keys and the only one not there is the one for the storage room. Now, how you think that key got off my ring?”
“I — I don’t—”
“Get me my fucking key.” He still not raising his voice, but I gotta be honest. The way he look make me think he ’bout to go off.
“I don’t need your key. Or your equipment. Or nothing from you. I got my own equipment to throw my own parties, to make my own money. So why I’ma take your key for?” I turn ’round and start going back down the hall to my room. “I’ma show you.”
He follow me. Right in the middle of the room I got the two new speakers. One of them got the amp on top of it, and all the records and lights and shit I bought is in a box on top of the other speaker. The DJ table folded up against the closet. “See. Told you. I don’t need nothing from you no more.”
My pops look ’round and outright laugh. I mean, I know he laughing at my cheap-ass equipment, but it feel like he laughing at me. ’Cause I’m the asshole that bought this shit. “You tried to steal my equipment,” my pops go, talking like he got everything figured out or something. “You went to the storage place, the shit was gone, and you went out and bought a bunch of fucking garbage.” He laugh again. “You pay more than fifty bucks for this shit?”
I don’t say nothing.
“If you did, you was robbed.”
“You finished here?” I ask him.
“I want my fucking key!”
He move over to the box that got the records and shit in it and, real fast, he just knock the whole box off the speaker. It hit the floor with a couple cracking sounds and I know something broke, but alright, ain’t nothing in there that cost all that much. I don’t care.
That’s when I see Greg standing in the doorway to my room, and it’s like, he got my back. I don’t know how long he been there, but I’m probably looking like a pussy to Greg, lying to my pops like I’m scared to give him back a key I ain’t even really use. So, before I think too much ’bout it, I go into my backpack and get the key and give it back to him. “Here.”
He put the key in his pocket and then he just grab me by the throat again and this time I think he really gonna choke me. His hand is big and it just getting tighter and tighter. I know he gonna hit me or slam me into something and I’m, like, tightening my muscles, waiting for it, but it don’t happen. Greg come in the room and say, “C’mon, now, Mr. Green. You don’t gotta do this. C’mon.”
My pops don’t let up though. He laugh at me and say, “You keep telling me you your own man now, but you keep needing me and my shit.” He let go of me. “You even need my friends.”
Where the fuck that come from? “This don’t got nothing to do with Regg,” I say, still catching my breath. “Why you bring Regg into this?”
“If you don’t need me, you don’t need him. You ready to be a man, right? That’s what you keep saying.”
“That’s what I mean.”
“And where the fuck my chain at?”
Now Cal in the room. He still in his sweatpants and look like he ain’t even got in the shower yet.
I ain’t in the mood to lie no more. I stare my pops down and tell him, “You know, sometimes shit get lost when you leave it behind for a year. Sometimes shit get sold too.”
He stare back at me for a long time, and nobody say nothing. Still, I’m getting myself ready for a fight. But he don’t go after me. What he do is take both his hands and push the amp off from the top of the speaker, hard. And when it hit the floor it crack and break like the cheap piece of shit it is. Just like that, it’s through.
Before I get to say anything to him, before he say anything to me either, he just up and leave the room. He gone. Just like that.
A second later, I hear the front door close and all three of us look at each other like, what just happened?
Cal and Greg start talking on and on ’bout my pops being crazy and my amp, and all that, but maybe
I’m crazy too ’cause I’m kinda feeling good.
Okay, yeah, I don’t got no amp no more, but least I ain’t back down. I stood up for myself no matter what he said or did to me. I mean, I ain’t never disrespected the man to his face like that, and it feel good to do it now.
I don’t care what he say. I don’t need his ass no more. And now me and him both know it.
THIRTY
It’s, like, a hour after my pops left, and all three of us been sitting ’round the kitchen, eating and snapping on my pops.
“And what the fuck kinda shoes was he wearing?” Greg say. “Damn, man. I ain’t seen them shits since them old movies they used to put on late at night? What was that guy name? Shaft? Remember them movies, Ty? Your pops musta got them shoes from back in them days, man.”
We all laugh. I know what they doing, trying to make me feel better, but truth is, I’m alright. The pressure off now. I did what I had to do, got through Jasmine party and ain’t backed down in front of my pops. Sometimes you gotta show people that you different now, that shit change.
That’s when Cal get up off from his chair real slow and put his bowl in the sink where there’s already a whole pile of dirty dishes. Then he say outta nowhere, “I’m going back to work tonight.”
I don’t even believe what I’m hearing. “I thought you said you was still—”
“I know, I’m jacked up, but you know how Andre get.” Cal start limping to the living room. “I’m tired of hearing his mouth. And all I gotta do is go outside and stand there.”
What he saying is so crazy even Greg look surprised. Me and him look at each other like, what he talking ’bout? I don’t know what to say, so I ask him if he sure. “I mean, what ’bout your ribs? They ain’t even—”
“I’m good,” Cal go.
I nod a couple times. “Okay, okay. You gonna be a’ight.” I can’t say I’m feeling all that good ’bout this, but what I’ma do? He his own man too. He making his own decision.
Troy call me a while later from his foster mother phone. He whispering and talking fast. “Why you didn’t come to see me for a long time?” he ask me. “I was looking for you and looking for you.”
Damn. That make me feel bad. “I’m sorry, man. I been real busy.” Busy getting with Jasmine. Busy working for Andre. “How you doing? Everything okay?”
“No.” He sound kinda sad.
“Somebody do something to you or hurt you or something?” ’Cause I will roll up there if I hafta.
“No. I just wanna be at home and be with everybody else.”
“I know, man. It’s gonna happen. But—”
“I know, it’s gonna take a long time, right?” He sigh all heavy. He sound too tired for a kid to be.
“Yeah, we working on it all the time, okay?” I hear Ms. Woods voice in the background like she talking to some people. “You ask Ms. Woods if you could use her phone?”
“Not really. She has company and I’m bored.”
“Don’t get in trouble, Troy. You know you s’posed to ask people to use they stuff.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. Just hang up and put her phone back before she catch you. And I’ma come see you tomorrow, okay?”
“You promise?”
“When I tell you I’ma be there, I’ma be there. I don’t hafta promise. You got my word as a man, okay?”
“Okay.”
Me and him hang up and I’m really feeling bad for that kid, stuck in the apartment with that woman all weekend with nothing to do and nobody to play with. I ain’t gonna miss no more of them agency visits. I don’t wanna do nothing to fuck us up from getting him back soon.
“The other day, me and Jasmine—” Even as I start to tell Cal ’bout what happened, I can’t stop the big stupid smile that I get on my face. “She let me hit it.”
Me and Cal is outside ’bout 7:30 and I’m hanging with him while he work. Dude look like he ’bout to fall over and I’m there to watch out for him, but I’m trying not to let him know that. I don’t wanna make him feel like the pussy Andre told him he was the other day.
“You don’t think I know that?” Cal say. “You know the walls in the projects made outta Legos and glue. All the noise y’all was making. Even them pills couldn’t keep me ’sleep through all that moaning and shit. And that was coming from you!” He laugh.
I laugh with him, shaking my head. “I don’t know what happened, man. I mean, me and Jasmine? That shit came outta nowhere. We was just hanging out, listening to music, and then she start talking ’bout she got feelings for me. And she taking off her clothes.”
“Shit.”
My mind go back to everything that went down in my room the other day. “That girl — she. She’s—”
Cal laugh. “Look at you. You can’t even talk no more.”
“She wild, yo. That’s all I’ma say.” I know Cal want more details, but that’s all I’ma tell him. I’ma keep everything to myself.
“She turned you out, man.”
“Damn straight,” I say, ’cause ain’t no use trying to lie ’bout it. I been turned out. For real.
Which remind me. Why she ain’t text me back? What I’m s’posed to do, wait all day and night to hear from her?
“You got too many girls, man,” Cal say. “Never thought it could happen, but you got too many, son.”
I kinda laugh, what he saying is so stupid. “I don’t got none of them. Adonna kicked me to the curb, man.”
I tell him everything that happened when he was in the hospital and how Adonna wasn’t even trying to hear my side of the story.
“You gonna try and get her back?” he ask me, and I just shake my head ’cause I don’t know if I wanna try again only to hafta see the back of her head as she walking away from me. Cal looking at me. “I mean, who you really want? Her or Jasmine?”
“I don’t know anymore. Girls is making me crazy.”
“You ain’t still thinking about Novisha, right? I hope you ain’t.”
Cal never could understand why me and her was together. “Nah,” I tell him. “Never.” I don’t know how many times I gotta tell him that.
A dude come out our building and hand Cal some money fast. Then he walk ’cross the street, over by where Keith standing. Cal give Keith whatever sign they worked out and Keith hand the guy the weed. Keith real smooth for a kid. The whole thing don’t take more than a minute, and the dude on his way back to the building.
Then Cal ask me, “You love her?”
“Who we talking ’bout?” My head hurt from thinking ’bout females.
“Jasmine. You love her?”
“I don’t know,” I tell him, and it’s the truth too. “I don’t know.”
Cal look me in the eye. “How many times you gonna say ‘I don’t know’?”
“I don’t know, “I say again, and me and him both laugh. “I mean, I love her. Course. We friends. But I don’t get what she mean by she got feelings for me. Girl got me mad confused and shit.”
“My advice,” Cal start, like I’m looking for advice ’bout females from him, a guy with the most fucked-up relationship I know. “Go for it with Jasmine,” he say. “Y’all already tight. Y’all care ’bout each other. She hot as any female out here, and she giving it up to you. What more you want? You crazy to let that go.”
I don’t say nothing.
“Listen to me, Ty. You been walking around here for how many months now, no girl, all lonely and shit. Now you got one. Be happy.”
He right. I do need a girl. My mind was set on Adonna. But maybe he right. Maybe it’s s’posed to be Jasmine.
I don’t know.
MONDAY, AUGUST 18
THIRTY-ONE
I go visit Troy at camp the next day like I said I would. It’s raining and all the kids is playing inside. Just like before, Troy ain’t playing with nobody. He in the back of the room sitting and watching a cartoon on the TV with a couple other kids, but none of them is talking to each other.
I don’t
know, but every time I see Troy he getting more and more quiet and to hisself. The agency sent him to this camp so he could make friends and have fun, but he just look bored and sad.
I sit with Troy for a little while, then when the commercial come on, I bring him over to the other side of the room so me and him can talk before Ms. Woods get there and bust me. The thing I wanna make sure he know is that, yeah, our pops is out and all that, but that don’t mean things is gonna change for him right now. He gonna hafta be chill where he at for a while.
But I don’t even get to say none of that ’cause when I ask Troy how he doing, he get real sad and say, “Ms. Woods. She said, she told me that she gonna change my school. And I gotta go to another school where Ben and Dondre don’t go, and I ain’t gonna have no friends now.”
Fuck.
I gotta take a breath and not say something that’s only gonna make him more upset, if that’s possible. “She say why she wanna do that?”
“She said my first school is too far, and she said they got a school that’s really, really close, but I never seen it.”
My mind running, trying to think ’bout what I can do, if I can even do anything. “I’ma talk to Ms. Thomas,” I tell him. “You know, from the agency? I’ma try and fix this, a’ight?”
He nod, but I can tell he don’t think I can do nothing. And I don’t think so neither. But least I can try. I don’t want Troy to hafta start going to a whole ’notha school now with no friends. How many things gotta change in this kid life?
I don’t even get a chance to talk to him ’bout nothing else ’cause a couple seconds later I see Troy foster mother coming through the door on the other side of the gym. It’s only like a couple minutes after five. She musta got off work early or something. And ain’t nothing I can do now neither ’cause she looking right at me.
Ms. Woods come ’cross the gym, walking real fast. She fucking pissed, but damn, I’m like, I hope she don’t start nothing in front of all these kids. And I hope she don’t say nothing that’s gonna make the counselors tell me I can’t come and see Troy no more.
