by Jenna Bernel
"Okay, I won't mention it unless you want to talk. What do you think Evan will say?" Kate asked, and I unburied my face, pondering her question.
"I don't know. Probably that he was drinking, and got worried Alec was using me, and took it too far," I said, chewing at the inside of my cheek.
"Maybe. Or maybe he'll..."
"No! That's what he'll say, and that's all I can handle right now." I cut Kate off, not wanting to hear any theories of hers, especially when it came to Evan and me.
"Okay, okay, you're awfully touchy lately. It's not like you to be so frazzled. What will I bring to this friendship if you become emotionally unglued too?" Kate joked, and I laughed.
"I know. I haven't felt like myself lately. Things have just been so crazy these last few days," I said, slumping back in my seat as we turned onto my street.
"I know. But you have to admit that ever since Alec arrived, things have been so much more exciting at school!" Kate said before pressing her lips tightly at the giddy confession of honestly loving all the drama.
"Yeah, I wouldn't exactly put it that way. See you tomorrow." I got out of the car, and she waved.
"I expect a full report on what goes down with Evan tonight," she added as I shut the car door, and I nodded my compliance.
"Dani!" Conner squealed, greeting me at the door with a grinning mouthful of apple and peanut butter. That was strange. Missy usually fed him cookies and other junk food that did not require any preparation. I picked him up as I set down my bag and took off my coat.
"Yum, apple! Is there anymore?" I asked, and he nodded with excitement, popping the rest of the peanut butter-smeared slice into his mouth. I carried him back into the kitchen to find the warm smile of Grandma Ulla waiting for me. That explained the sensible snack and Conner's good mood.
"Nana's here!" Conner exclaimed, and I set him down on a stool at the huge kitchen island in front of his plate of apples, snagging a slice for myself.
"Hi Grandma, what are you doing here?" I asked, pleasantly surprised, as I gave her a hug and she kissed my cheek. Per our new arrangement, now that my outstanding father was dating the nanny, Missy stayed in one of his apartments in the city while my mom had Conner. Ulla regularly came to the house to be with me a couple of nights during the week, but tonight wasn't my mom's turn with Conner.
"Missy had some new furniture being delivered to the apartment today, and asked if I could pick up Conner from kindergarten," Ulla explained, and I noticed her thick, German accent was diminishing more-and-more as the years went by. Gold digging slut, I said under my breath. Of course, Missy was already warming up my dad's credit card with a redecorating project to fit her mid-twenties taste, no doubt replacing my dad's middle-aged décor.
"Daniella! Not in front of your brother," Ulla reprimanded me half-heartedly at my nasty comment. I could tell she felt the same way about Missy, even though she didn't choose to express it the same way as I did.
I was glad Ulla was here with us. Moving here after my parents’ divorce, ostensibly to help out my mom, in reality, it was to look after me after I was turned. I thought she felt partly responsible for what happened to me though, since I was staying at her home in Germany when a vampire broke into my room and turned me. Alec, however, told me nothing that ever happened in my life was an accident, and now I wonder if it even mattered where I spent that summer. Something told me I would have been turned into a half-vamp no matter where my head rested that significant night.
I shuddered at the thought of it, but also felt a twinge of longing. I was longing for the answers I sought for years and now might finally have. I knew I was acting like an even bigger fool now, than when I fell for Alec; but I could only focus on getting Eli back. After that, I'd ask the hard questions. Ulla knew everything about both of my lives and spent most of last week trying to comfort me, while urging me to talk to Alec. I was sure she was just as curious to know the truth, but I wasn't ready yet.
"Evan is coming over later," I said, grabbing more apple slices from Conner's plate, as he swatted at me to back off his snack.
"Good, it's about time you two worked things out. A friendship like yours shouldn't be dissolved over one misunderstanding," Ulla said with a definitive nod.
"It was more than a misunderstanding. It was a total humiliation," I said, biting through my apple slice with much more force than necessary.
"It was a mistake, Daniella. People make mistakes, and you need to learn to forgive them," Ulla said. She shook her head at me like she taught me better than that, and I closed my eyes, swallowing down the tart bite of fruit with a visible gulp. Alec said something way too similar to her comment for it to be just a coincidence.
"Have you been talking to Alec?" I asked. They only met once, but I wouldn't put it past him to track Ulla down and beg her to talk to me for him.
"Any conversations between Alec and me are none of your concern, and I have nothing more to say on the matter until you grow up and speak to him like the refined adult I know I helped raise," Ulla said sharply, and my mouth fell open. I guess this marked the end of her coddling me from pain.
"You have got to be freaking kidding me. How dare you take his side after what he did!" I yelled, throwing my hands up in frustration. Now Alec had my only ally! My own grandmother was taking his side. This was so ridiculous.
"Halt den mund!" Ulla spewed out in German, too angry to translate "hush your mouth" for talking back to her. Unlike my father, that was something she never tolerated. She shot daggers at me, and I shrank a little, always forgetting that I was much stronger and more powerful than she when she looked at me like that. I recovered shortly afterwards, rolling my eyes and making a disgruntled sound in my throat.
"Whatever. I'm going upstairs." I turned, giving Conner a quick peck on the cheek, while ignoring his stunned, silent expression from watching Nana and me openly yelling at each other. That was extremely rare, since everyone knew not to talk back to Nana. I'm not sure he had ever witnessed the result of breaking her rule first hand.
"Go, go. Splash some water on your face, and think about what I said. Oh, and call your mother, she worries." Ulla's commanding voice echoed down the foyer, surrounding me while tersely reiterating who was really in charge here.
I stomped up the steps and flopped on my bed. I didn't know why she was so quick to forgive, after witnessing her own daughter's marriage fall apart when my dad cheated, thereby ruining all of our lives. Alec didn't cheat on me in the same sense; although now that he was fake-dating Harper, I'm sure it would feel like that at school. He betrayed my trust, and I had so little to begin with, how could I just let that go? Why did the act of forgiveness seem so effortless to everyone but me?
I twisted my head and looked at the clock. It was early yet, and I could just as easily do my homework as a numb, emotionless vampire, as in human form, as long as I did it before Evan came over. I was tapped out for the day, and officially needed a break from my life. I didn't want to call my mom right now. I'd visit her soon. I just wanted to tune out the world and everything complicated in it.
I closed my eyes and called on my blood, feeling the power release as it took over my body. I rested my hand over my hip where the black, ten-pointed star on my skin became warm, almost as if it were on fire, and the vampire from within emerged. My eyes snapped open. The purple hue emanating from them felt brighter and more powerful as I let the Trance Gift spark to life. I watched the violet colors dance on the white ceiling as my heart slowed to a stop. I instantly felt better because I felt nothing at all.
Chapter 5: One Step
At the faint tapping on the glass, I turned just as Evan came through the French door, entering through my room's balcony. As he opened the door, a sweeping gust of cold air chilled the room. I involuntarily shivered, but I wasn't sure if it was because of him or the nippy weather, as Fall was quickly turning to Winter. He smiled shyly, looking very nervous as he approached me. I was standing at my closet, and pretending to reorganize it. Tru
thfully, I was over there because I wanted to avoid my bed. I didn't want him to think he could make himself comfortable and just climb in while we talked through the night, like old times.
"Hey," he said quietly, giving me an awkward hug. I kept the hanger in my hand, creating a much-needed barrier between us.
"Hey," I said back, just as quietly, twisting out of the hug to put the hanger away. I looked back at Evan. I couldn't help but notice how adorably vulnerable he seemed. His normally neatly combed hair was a bit disheveled, as if he had been nervously raking his fingers through it before he came over, and his hands were slung in his jean pockets as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and watched his shoes.
"So…" Evan said, before trailing off, as if not knowing where to begin.
"So…" I echoed, feeling uncomfortable myself. It was like I forgot how to just be with him anymore, when before now, our companionship was always so natural. Not once did we fight or even argue, let alone get into a friendship-challenging one. I was suddenly scared that we would never quite recover. Knowing that fear, however, also comforted me because it told me I wasn't completely dead inside, and I still cared for important people in my life.
"I'm an asshole, okay? I wasn't thinking. You mean everything to me, and you know I never meant to disrespect you like that. I'm sorry I hurt you, Dani. You have no idea how sorry I am…" Evan's voice hung in the air, low and regretful. He looked up to meet my eyes as he apologized. They were so honest, genuine, and thoughtful. I knew right then I was the only one privileged to see this side of him.
Evan Clark was a lot deeper than he appeared. There was so much more that lay beneath the surface, things which his baseball buddies could never know. I suddenly felt lucky I knew the real Evan, not just the star pitcher from a famous family, who only dated the high school hotties. I knew all of that was just for show, to please others, and not his true self. My companion was the sweet, kind Evan who never asked or expected anything more of me than my friendship. My heart swelled a little when I ran over the details, but something still kept me from saying, I forgive you. It was the darkness, the other side of me that was slowly taking over, and affecting me in a way I never believed possible.
"Evan, it's not what you said. It's what you turned me into. The moment you blabbed to half our senior class that you regularly slept in my bed, and the way you said it, you instantly turned me into the other woman. I hate being the other woman. She's evil and underhanded, and causes nothing but pain and destruction. No matter how much you apologize, what's done is done. Now, all I will have left behind at Mapleton is the unforgettable legacy of the other woman that Harper Smith's boyfriend secretly saw." I sighed, fuming with resentment, and rebuilding the walls around my heart of stone, while trying to recover from the fleeting moment of vulnerability he instigated.
"Dani, she's the other woman, not you. Everyone can see that! Even freshmen who don't know us can see it. I value and respect you more than any girl I've ever dated. You're my best friend, and a true loyal friend to anyone who deserves it. That's the legacy you'll leave behind. That is all that Kate, Dale, Jake, and the rest of us will remember." Evan stepped closer to me with his forehead scrunched, as if he couldn't even fathom me doubting anything other than what he proclaimed. He held a gentle hand to my chin until I looked him in the eye, and forced myself to believe it too. He wasn't shy anymore; he was just the cool, confident Evan I always knew. He stared at me deeply, as though he were willing me to see what he saw whenever he looked at me. I swallowed, suddenly anxious.
"Are you hungry?" I asked. Evan dropped his hand from my chin as soon as I broke the silence.
"Always," he replied with a smirk. It was past nine, but I hadn't eaten dinner yet, since I spent most of the evening in vamp form. Besides, Evan had been known to eat two or three dinners at one sitting.
"I have your culinary project prepped downstairs. I'll teach you how to cook it," I said breaking into a little, gratified smile when I saw his face light up.
"See? You're the greatest friend ever," He said, visibly elated, and very relieved that the dark mood, which formerly hung in the air was gone.
Evan asked for my help weeks ago, but that was before the “fight.” I was sure he had probably given up hope that I would still assist him. When I returned to my human form, about an hour ago, however, and looked around in the kitchen for dinner ingredients, I realized I was making the very dish that represented him, as his assignment required, without even realizing I was doing it. I think it was my brain's subconscious way of telling me that, even if I couldn't admit that I accepted his apology, I still wanted to move on and keep Evan in my life. Plus, I always kept my promises. Besides, I think it was a better idea for us to hang out in the kitchen rather than my bedroom. In a weird way, that made no sense at all, I felt like I was betraying Alec in some way whenever Evan was in my room. That alone became very unsettling, and I wanted to get downstairs before I found a reason for why I would possibly care what Alec thought of Evan being in my bedroom.
"Come on, I'll show you what I did," I said, opening the door and quickly escaping into the kitchen. Evan followed behind, and I went straight for the fridge, handing him containers filled with the food that I had already prepped.
"Oh man, this looks complicated already. How am I supposed to replicate this?" Evan asked, looking down at his armful of containers.
"Don't worry, it's a simple concept, but when you take your first bite, you'll realize there's much more to it than what lies on the surface, just like you," I said with a smile. I pushed the last of the ingredients into his chest, and he gave me a wide grin.
"Is that your way of telling me I’m a Neanderthal, like Dale?" he asked jokingly.
"Maybe, but with fewer obnoxious qualities," I teased back, and he laughed, setting the containers down on the kitchen island.
"I'm not sure this Neanderthal will be able to pull off even a simple dish, unless it's a frozen pizza I can throw in the oven," he said anxiously as I grabbed pots and pans from the cupboard. Amazing that someone at the top of our class, with an early acceptance to Yale, could be so intimidated by an ordinary kitchen.
"It's only marinated steak and basil potato puree, Evan, not brain surgery. Besides, I wrote down all of the measurements for you, so you should have no problem duplicating it in class," I added when I moved to the stove and turned on the broiler.
"What would I do without you?" he asked rhetorically.
"Starve," I quipped. I felt his chest pressing into my back as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders from behind.
"Thank you, you're the best," he said into my hair, and I turned to face him. I was trapped between the stove and him. He rested his hands on my shoulders, looking down at me with something in his eyes. Was it passion? Whatever it was, it scared me to no end. I gave him a close-lipped smile, and sidestepped around him to break the tension growing between us. I did not recognize that look, or have a clue where it suddenly came from, or why I felt like I was looking at him differently now too.
"Sure, it's no big deal," I said casually, trying to keep it light. I took the food processor out of the cupboard and handed Evan a knife.
"Here; cut the potatoes into two-inch pieces," I said, refusing to meet his eyes. I popped the top off the container of potatoes I boiled earlier.
"I think I can manage that," Evan said, taking the knife, and refocusing on the task at hand, for which I was very thankful.
*****
"Mmm, this is so good! You're right, it looks like steak and potatoes, but then you take a bite, and wow!" Evan said, devouring another mouthful.
"Yeah, and the sauce should be easy to replicate, since it's a deglaze from the marinated steak, and you won't have to make it separately," I said, taking a bite from my own plate. I relished the earthy flavors of thyme and rosemary coming through in the marinade with each bite. It was the perfect marriage of savory with just a hint of sweetness, that left you wanting more.
"Is that
how you see me, Dani, as something more than meets the eye?" Evan asked, turning the conversation more serious. I already disapproved of the road we were going down. It made me nervous, and gave me butterflies. I couldn't understand what might possibly have changed between us so suddenly.
"Evan, I know there are certain labels and expectations put on you at school, and even at home, but I know that's not all you are," I said before scooping up a dollop of the velvety potato puree that literally melted in my mouth.
"Well, if this meal even half represents what you think of me, then it's the best compliment I've ever received." He said softly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, while letting his palm linger on my cheek. My stomach plummeted to the floor.
Sitting side-by-side with Evan at the kitchen's island maybe wasn't the best idea. The same kind of tension was building, which instantly reminded me of when Alec and I shared a meal side-by-side at his house. It wasn't that long ago, and our meal soon ended up becoming a night in which we were wrapped in each other’s arms. And now, here I was again with Evan, feeling things I shouldn't be feeling, and wondering why he spoke to me with such sweetness. Evan was my best friend. I didn't want to mess that up. I'd already made a big enough mess of my life. Yet, I couldn't help but notice that his touching seemed to linger longer tonight than it ever did before; and worse, I found myself liking it a bit more than a friend should. I couldn’t decide if it was all in my head or if he felt the tension too.
"I'm glad you like it," I said, trying to keep my voice steady while ignoring the nerves that were surfacing.
"Can I ask you something?" Evan said, setting his fork down and facing me on his stool.
"Sure," I said, resisting the initial urge to actually say, no. I was almost certain I knew where this was going, and I didn't want to think about Alec right now. All I really wanted was for Evan to tuck another strand of hair behind my ear, and leave his palm on my cheek a little longer than necessary, just like he did a moment ago.
