Lily smiled at him. "Oh, Mr. Hanover. As if I could. It is not her fault, and she is so well-meaning."
"She was a sharp woman once. You wouldn't know her. She was sharp and capable of just about any task at all. It's only in recent times…"
Lily felt sad for Hanover. What was it like to lose someone you loved so dearly, little by little? "I am so sorry she has taken a bad turn. But her heart and kind spirit is still all there, is it not?"
"Yes, miss." He bowed to her in a formal tribute. "And your kind spirit too, I know that. You are all heart, it just shines out of you. The master knows it too. Miss, he's not the same man since you've come around."
Lily looked back in the mirror. "I am not the same either, I don't think."
"That's the, uh… Well…what else I wanted to say, miss… But I don't know if I'm overstepping my duties."
Lily looked more closely at the servant. He was clearly troubled by something. "What is it? Please feel free to speak plainly."
"Lady…Miss Lily… I gauge that the master has…erm…that you have…well…"
"Oh." Lily blushed. "Yes, I believe I know…yes…well…yes."
"And…I only wish to ascertain…you wished it? He's not pressuring you against your will, miss?"
Lily wrinkled her nose. "Oh, no, of course not. He didn't pressure me at all. I should have made him pressure me, shouldn't I? And then I should have said no. But I was only too willing."
"Because if you'd like me to have a word with him, I don't mind it. You don't have anyone else here to stand up for you."
"I don't need standing up for, Mr. Hanover. But how kind you are to offer. Lord Ashbourne is being most proper as always, even in leading me astray. He has been very gentlemanly in everything."
Hanover looked quite relieved at her reassurances. "I'm glad to hear of it, and I don't judge you, not one whit. I just wanted to be sure nothing was awry. Though it isn't any of my business. I just don't like to see a nice girl like you get taken advantage of, especially when you've been so nice to my mother and such."
"I try to be nice to everyone. But I suppose I'd better go down to breakfast before Lord Ashbourne starts to wonder."
"Yes, my lady. I'll tell him you'll arrive shortly."
Lily watched the butler scurry off, feeling a bit ashamed and yet touched at his concern for her. Really, she and Hanover were no better than each other. If anything, he was of a higher station, being head of staff to a household such as Lord Ashbourne's, yet half the time he addressed her as "my lady," as if she were truly wife of the house. Lily looked back at herself in the mirror. Her life was such a muddle, but she wouldn't waste her time feeling like a harlot or deceiver. Her situation was strange, but she trusted James to take care of her. She would enjoy this new world as long as she had it. She would appreciate each moment she had.
Down in the dining room, Lily felt self-conscious as she crossed to her chair at James' right. He slid her a look as a maidservant poured tea between them. He seemed somewhat anxious, perhaps afraid of her reception after a night to mull over the changed circumstances of their "arrangement." Her shy grin seemed to put him at ease and he smiled back warmly, the doting husband. And how effortless it was to play his smitten wife… Aside from Hanover, who'd already voiced his concerns and been reassured, they had no one to hide from and nothing to hide. That is, until they went to London. Lily thought she would like to stay at Lilyvale forever and never go to London, or anywhere.
James interrupted her thoughts with a softly spoken question. "I trust you slept well?"
Lily felt the strangest impulse to laugh with giddy happiness. "I did sleep very well, sir. Thank you."
"Still 'sir,' am I?" He dropped his voice a degree and leaned closer. "Even after last night?"
She peered up into mischievous blue eyes. "Particularly after last night, sir."
He chuckled. "You are a minx and a temptress. We shall have to see what we can do about that. Perhaps after dinner…" he added on a forbidding note.
Lily coughed softly into her napkin and blushed scarlet, hoping none of the staff overheard his comment. They would have understood the tone if not the intentions. But Lily understood. She felt a surge of warmth in her middle and heat in the secret places he'd touched and caressed last night. And now he watched her, with that mouth that had driven her mad just hours ago curved into a tempting smile.
"My lord, you will make me forget my manners."
"I will be happy to teach you any you may forget."
"Tonight…?"
"Precisely."
Lily ducked her head, appetite forgotten. He quietly urged her to eat, on the grounds that she would require energy for "later." Already soundly under his spell, she obeyed.
Chapter Five: Discoveries
They walked as usual after breakfast, and then James left to do his work. Time dragged. Lily didn't dare go and read in the library. She wouldn't be able to concentrate with him there. She spent some time instead in the gardens assisting Patrick, the new head gardener. Patrick was younger than she, but he knew his business. He was so capable in his care of the gardens she felt rather superfluous, and soon drifted back to the house.
She passed by the closed library doors later, again resisting the urge to peek in at him. Instead she went on through the foyer, where Hanover was overseeing some servants polishing the chandelier, now lowered to the floor. After some weeks of residence here, the splendor of the grand fixture barely registered. She remembered the first time she'd passed through in her dirty plain dress with her basket of flowers, staring up at the hundreds of shimmering crystals. How life had changed since then. Soon she found herself in the hall on the north side of the residence, looking at the paintings of previous Ashbourne generations. She again noticed the bare spot where a frame was obviously missing, and returned to the foyer.
"Mr. Hanover?"
"Yes, my lady?"
"Can you tell me why one of the paintings is missing from the gallery in the north hallway?"
Hanover blinked a couple of times. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean, my lady."
"There is a bare spot of wall, just near the main door. I can't imagine why they would leave a space empty that way. Was the painting damaged? Or perhaps lost?" Lily wanted to find it. She had a pretty good idea which painting was missing, but something compelled her to look at it all the same. Hanover shook his head, though, and spread his arms wide in a gesture of apology.
"I'm sorry, but I don't know."
"Oh. Thank you, then. I suppose it is lost somewhere."
"Perhaps."
Lily smiled and turned to the stairs. She found Mrs. Gertrude and enquired if Lilyvale had any storage rooms or an attic. Mrs. Gertrude answered quite clearly that there was and took Lily to a far room that was not used or furnished. She led Lily to a low alcove and a door near the corner.
"This will take ye upstairs to Lilyvale's attic. There are some stores up there, but nothing much of note. Only a few things Lord Ashbourne brought down from London. He hasn't owned Lilyvale that long."
"Thank you, Mrs. Gertrude."
"Ye've of a mind to be exploring today, eh, lass?"
"I am looking for that painting. The one that's missing from the gallery."
"Perhaps it might be up there. I'm sure I don't know. I can't fit my bones up that narrow little staircase. You have to be thin like yourself or my son Hanover. Just a few weeks ago he was stowin' books up there for Lord Ashbourne."
"More books?" asked Lily in surprise.
"Yes, it's true," nodded the old woman. "As if that library full downstairs ain't enough. Well, go on up there and tell old Miss Gertie if you find anything useful like a pretty new bonnet or a nice warm winter shawl."
"I certainly will," Lily said, making a mental note to buy a new winter bonnet and shawl for Mrs. Gertrude next time she and James went into town. Mrs. Gertrude bustled off in her typical carefree manner while Lily tried the door, finding it unlocked. She slipped into the passage and felt
cold, stale air. She left it open and went into the adjoining room to light a lamp. When she returned, she crept carefully up the stairs, her hem tangling under her on the steep passageway. At the top, she heaved herself up into the attic space. Like everything else at Lilyvale, it was large and relatively uncluttered. She turned up the lamp, the ghost story of the night before still fresh in her mind.
There were a few trunks and some dust-covered furniture. A small chest of toys was pushed against the far wall, along with some carved cavalry figures and a set of ornate wooden blocks. She handled the toys carefully, turning them over in her hands. She thought they must have belonged to James when he was a little boy. She tried to imagine him playing with the wooden soldiers and horses. Perhaps he'd brought them here in hopes his own son might be playing with them soon. Lily's heart ached at the thought of James as a doting father. This, too, Lilliana had stolen away when she fled to France.
Lily closed the chest and crept farther back. Against the far wall she saw a rectangular shape in the dim light. As she neared, she saw it was indeed some type of frame. She put the lamp down beside her and turned it around, then gasped.
As she'd suspected, it was a painting of James and Lilliana, most likely an engagement sitting from the tone and composition. Lily frowned, looking down at the remarkable resemblance. Somehow she had not believed that she really looked so much like her, but it was truly like gazing into a mirror. And James--poor James looked so handsome and happy. Lilliana was beautiful in the portrait, her hair upswept and her neck adorned with glittering jewels, but to Lily she was ugly. She must have already known at that point that she loved another man, perhaps was already making plans to jilt her fiancé. Such shocking artifice. Lily understood precisely why he had taken it down and hidden it here turned against the wall.
But he had not destroyed it.
Feeling quite glum, she turned the picture back to the wall and took up the lamp. She returned to the other trunks and decided to peek in them to try to improve her mood. Perhaps she might find more of James' childhood things, or some old linens or dishware, or even the shawl and bonnet Mrs. Gertrude hoped for, although that seemed rather unlikely.
The trunk nearest the door was full of the books Hanover must have carried up. She lifted them out to look at the covers in the lamplight. There were not a great many, only ten or fifteen. The first volume was rather thin with the bland title of The Master's Ladies. Lily set it aside and chose another. This one had the even more unlikely title of Bettina's Sussex Summertime. Lily was sure she had no interest in Bettina and her summer in Sussex, so she set it aside too and selected the next, this one entitled Adventures in India.
She thought that sounded much more enriching and began to turn the well-worn pages. There was very little text but a wealth of illustrations. Illustrations of…oh my. Lily's face flamed with shock. They were illustrations of…of gentlemen and ladies in the most flagrant states of carnality. She flipped over a few more pages and drew in her breath. Oh my goodness…she really ought to close the book but…oh my goodness!
Lily turned the pages, leaning down closer to the lamp to see every detail. They were drawings of men and women coupling in every sort of position, doing the most depraved sort of things to one another's person. Lily felt ashamed and aroused at once, immediately imagining herself and James engaging in the same activities.
Lily picked up another book, and another. All the books were similarly bawdy in nature. The text described the acts in crude and lurid detail, but it was the pictures that Lily stared at in a kind of awe. Another book was all about flagellation and "punishments." The women in the book were tied to bedposts, stocks, or chairs while other men and women wielded whips and paddles upon their posteriors. Lily was both repelled and aroused. Why, of course these were Lord Ashbourne's books. This was what he enjoyed. He had tied her up once already, and teased her about spanking her, undoubtedly much as these pictures described. Lily knew if she were a more moral person she would be scandalized. She would refuse to take part in such perverse and pornographic games.
But Lily was coming to understand that she was not very moral, for she felt more excitement than horror. She reached for the last couple of books and then jumped as Mrs. Gertrude's voice called up from belowstairs.
"My lady, 'tis time for the luncheon meal. Shall I tell Lord Ashbourne you are busy in the attic?"
"No," Lily called back, horrified. "No, please do not trouble to tell him. I will… I will be down at once."
Lily threw the books back in the trunk, then lowered the lid and took up the lamp. She hurriedly backed down the narrow staircase. When she emerged into the empty room, Mrs. Gertrude was gone. Lily straightened her gown and returned the lamp from whence she got it, then hurried to Lilliana's dressing room to check her appearance in the vanity mirror. She was glad she had, as she had several streaks of dust on her hair and cheeks. Oh, there was no time to change her dress. She cleaned up as well as she could using the pitcher of water on the bureau, and tried to compose herself. Lord Ashbourne would not suspect anything if she acted completely normal.
She drew a deep breath outside the dining room and pasted a smile on her face.
* * * * *
James stood as Lily entered. She smiled and greeted him, and he noted at once her high color. She was definitely blushing, which confirmed his suspicion that she'd uncovered his illicit stash of pornography during her trip to the attic. He chuckled softly under his breath. Poor girl. At least it seemed not to have ruined her appetite. She was tucking into her rabbit pie with zealous focus.
"Dearest Lily," he said, composing his face into casual lines. "How have you spent your morning?"
"Oh, at this and that," she said, gesturing vaguely. "And have you done good work, sir?"
Very good attempt at changing the subject. He nodded. "I got some pressing tasks accomplished."
Lily made an approving sound and again fastened her gaze to her plate.
"Mrs. Gertrude tells me you went up into the attic today to do some exploring."
"Oh, did she?" She looked decidedly dismayed to hear that news. "I was in the attic looking for that…that missing painting."
"And I perceive from your tone that you found it."
She looked up at him then, and the sorrow and sympathy in her eyes touched him.
"I did find it. I don't know why I felt compelled to look for it. I was…overly inquisitive. I'm sorry."
James put down his goblet and shook his head. "No need for apologies. But you might have asked me. I would have told you where it was and why I put it away. I was going to show it to you before, to explain how much you looked like her."
"She did look a lot like me. But I confess I still can't imagine… I thought that if I just looked at her long enough, I might be able to understand why she did what she did to you."
"Why she did what she did? Well, that is no great mystery. She was in love. These are the types of outrageous things people do when they are in love." As I am with you, more and more, little Lily. Outrageous thoughts crossed his mind every hour nowadays. Thoughts that an earl might take a tradeswoman to wife if he wished it. That he might throw off all pretense of his "marriage" and tell the truth of what happened, and let Lilliana's family and innocent little Claire twist as they may. There was no law that said gentry might not marry commoners, or that he had to keep secrets just so others would not suffer disgrace.
Although the disgrace would touch him too. Male pride, to not wish to reveal himself such a buffoon. But if the result was freedom from this silly keeping up of appearances…
The thoughts turned in his head until they began to drive him mad, and then he turned his mind to other thoughts to soothe himself. Thoughts of whispers and kisses and soft milky thighs. Pink nipples thrusting into his palm and shivery sighs of wanton discovery. He looked over at her from under his lashes, wondering if his desire for her showed plainly on his face, or if he hid it better than she hid her own agitation under his gaze.
/> "Today passes slowly, does it not?" he asked.
The shy smile she gave him was beautiful indeed. He wanted to retire with her now, retire with her for the rest of the day. Let the servants talk. He wasn't getting any work done anyway. But he knew he would do better to take things slowly with her. He inquired, instead, about the rest of her afternoon. It was decided she would accompany Mrs. Habersham, the cook, into Smeeth to assist with some purchases. It wasn't exactly necessary, but the fresh air would do her good. Furthermore, he didn't want her in the house when he went up to the attic to investigate if she had indeed found his books.
Which was exactly what he discovered when he opened the trunk and found the titles completely disordered. All the titles. His curious pupil had looked at them all.
* * * * *
They dined together at their usual hour that evening, but Lily could barely focus on what she ate. Even in the village, she'd been unable to think of anything but the explicit images she'd seen, the perverse passages she'd read and the way they made her feel. Mrs. Habersham thought her quite the dolt, most probably, as she had been so distractible all afternoon. Now at last they were having dinner, after which time they would retire.
And she so desperately wanted to retire with him. She watched his hands as they ate and imagined them stroking her. She looked at his mouth and imagined him kissing her lips and…kissing her there again.
They had done such things in the illustrations also. The women had put their mouths on the men's cocks, licking and taking them deep between their lips. Scandalous…and yet some part of Lily was titillated by it. Not that she could ever suggest such a thing to him. She thought she really ought to confess that she had found the books, and tell him quite openly that they had interested her. But no, she could never be so brazen as that either. The very idea of it had her blushing in her chair. She must turn her mind from this line of thought before she shamed herself.
Lily Mine Page 8
