Sing As We Go

by Margaret Dickinson

  Kathy agreed, but when they arrived home, Jemima was listening to the nine o’clock news on the wireless, leaning towards it, not wanting to miss a word. The book she had been reading had fallen, discarded, to the floor.

  ‘Hello, Auntie,’ Amy began breezily.

  ‘Shush! I’m listening.’

  The two girls exchanged a glance and shrugged.

  ‘Oh well,’ Kathy murmured. ‘She’ll hear soon enough at work on Monday. They’ll be talking of nothing else. And come to think of it, she’s been devouring the newspapers for weeks. Maybe she’s far more aware of what’s going on than we are.’

  The news bulletin ended and Jemima switched off the wireless. She sat motionless, staring pensively at nothing in particular.

  ‘I’ll make the cocoa,’ Amy said gently and went into the scullery, while Kathy sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the range. She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing but waited until Jemima should speak.

  At last Jemima gave a huge sigh and then said flatly, ‘So – it’s all going to start again, is it? You’d really think, wouldn’t you, that we’d all have learned our lesson the last time? Enough to know not to let it all happen again. The war to end all wars, they called it. Huh!’

  The last sound was uttered with an ironic despair.

  Though Kathy had no memory of the Great War and little knowledge, she knew it was only twenty-one years since it had ended. Her own parents – and Amy’s too – had lived through it and the woman sitting opposite her now must have been about Kathy’s age at the start of it. Kathy watched her now and saw the raw suffering in Jemima’s eyes. There was a hurt, a wound in them that would never heal. She wanted to ask what had happened back then but she couldn’t. But later, when they were on their own, she would quiz Amy. She might know what had happened to her aunt all those years ago.

  Amy came in with three mugs of cocoa. ‘There now, this will make us all feel better.’ She handed them round and then sat down on a chair near the table. ‘Perhaps it won’t happen,’ she said, trying to be cheerful.

  Jemima sipped her cocoa but said nothing. She was older and a lot wiser than the two young girls and she was very much afraid that it would.

  As they came out of the cathedral the following morning, Jemima stopped to speak to an acquaintance. Kathy took the opportunity to whisper to Amy, ‘Your aunt seems very upset by all this talk of war. I mean, more than normal. I know we’re all worried, but it’s really seemed to affect her badly. And usually she’s so – she’s so . . .’

  ‘Strong? Resilient?’ Amy suggested with a fond smile.

  ‘Exactly. So why?’

  Amy glanced back at her aunt, who was still deep in serious conversation, a worried frown creasing her forehead. The girl bit her lip and, for a moment, there was a look of uncertainty in her eyes. She seemed to be struggling to find the right words – or to decide if she should even say them.

  Then she gave a little sigh and shrugged. ‘I think she – she lost someone in the last war. Dad’s always very protective of her and Mum, well, I’ve heard her say “poor Jemima” more than once. And yet, to me, she’s anything but “poor”. She’s smart. She has a good job, a nice home and she lives in the city. She can do anything she likes. She’s not “poor” in any way. I rather envy her. But – I think – there was . . . something . . .’ Her voice trailed away and she avoided meeting Kathy’s direct, enquiring gaze.

  ‘I bet your mum thinks Aunt Jemima’s lonely. Family means everything to your mum. Perhaps she feels sorry for Aunt Jemima because she has no husband or family,’ Kathy suggested, trying to prise more out of the usually loquacious Amy. There was a pause as they walked slowly to the top of Steep Hill and then stopped, waiting for Jemima to catch them up. Kathy glanced at Amy, but the girl had her lips pressed firmly together as if to stop them saying any more.

  ‘Well,’ Kathy said quietly, ‘if you’re right and she did lose someone she loved in the war, then that’s why she’s so upset to think there might be another one. It’s going to bring the nightmare all back.’

  Still Amy said nothing as they turned to watch Jemima come towards them. She walked straight-backed, her head held high.

  ‘She’s still a good-looking woman, you know,’ Kathy said. ‘She must have been a stunner in her younger days.’

  ‘She was,’ Amy said. ‘There’s a photo of her on the sideboard in our front room. You must have seen it.’

  Kathy turned to gape at her friend. ‘That’s Jemima? But – but she was beautiful.’

  ‘I know.’

  And they both turned to stare at the older woman again.

  ‘Well, well, well,’ Kathy murmured.

  ‘Now you two, I’ve decided we’re going out for lunch today. My treat. I need cheering up a little.’

  The two girls stepped on either side of her and linked their arms through hers.

  ‘That’s what I call a good idea. Where are you taking us?’

  ‘There’s a nice little café just down here. It’s sometimes open for Sunday lunch in the summer.’

  ‘I need to speak to you,’ Tony whispered to Kathy as he passed through the department just after opening the following morning, ostensibly on his rounds to check that all was in order throughout the store. ‘My office. After work.’

  ‘I can’t . . .’ she began, but he’d moved on, smiling and nodding to other members of staff.

  Kathy bit her lip anxiously. She and Jemima always walked home together unless Kathy had planned to stay in town. But Jemima didn’t like surprises being sprung upon her. She planned their meals meticulously, shopping only for what they needed. She didn’t like having her routine altered at short notice.

  ‘What’s up?’ Stella asked. ‘Has the war started?’

  Kathy smiled weakly. If Jemima were to find out about her and Tony, there would certainly be a war of words if nothing worse.

  The talk at work this last week had been of little else but the uncertainty about the war. Everyone was worried.

  ‘Is it lover boy? Has he packed you in?’

  ‘No – it’s just that – look, I’ve got to meet him tonight urgently . . .’

  Stella’s eyes widened. ‘You’re not in trouble, are you?’

  Kathy gasped. ‘Good Heavens, no! He’s – he’s sent word that he wants to speak to me. That’s all.’

  Stella’s eyes narrowed as she searched Kathy’s embarrassed face. The girl was thinking, calculating. She glanced round the department. ‘I didn’t see anyone bring you a message and we’ve had no customers in yet. The only person I’ve seen speak to you this morning is . . . Oh my God! It’s him, isn’t it?’

  Kathy tried hard to stop the colour flooding into her face, but failed. She grasped Stella’s arm. ‘Stella – please. Don’t say anything. Please don’t tell anyone.’

  ‘Oh, don’t you worry, I won’t. But you’re an idiot. A fool.’

  ‘What – what do you mean?’

  ‘He’ll break your heart. That’s what I mean. Just like he’s broken a whole string of ’em before you. Miss Curtis for one and God only knows how many more. But I know there’s been a few because when it was all going off with our dear Muriel I overheard snippets. Oh, he’s a real lady-killer and no mistake. I wouldn’t touch him if he was the last man on earth. And that’s a fact.’

  Kathy’s heart felt like lead in her chest. ‘I don’t believe you,’ she said, but her protest was feeble. And she knew it.

  Twelve

  ‘You go on ahead,’ Kathy said as closing time approached. ‘I’ve just got something to finish off. I won’t be long.’

  ‘Very well then,’ Jemima murmured. Her mind on other things, she didn’t think to ask questions and Kathy heaved a sigh of relief. She’d worried all day as to how she could snatch just a few moments with Tony after work and then it had been so easy. All she had to do was to pretend she had to stay behind to finish something. That excuse wouldn’t work more than once or twice, she realized. But tonight, J
emima seemed distracted. All day the talk among customers as well as the staff had been of the impending war. The merry lunch Jemima and the two girls had enjoyed the previous day had faded already. Once again, Jemima seemed lost in her own thoughts and memories.

  When the store had emptied, Kathy made her way to the manager’s office. He was hovering in the outer office, waiting for her. At once, he took her hands in his, drew her into his office and closed the door.

  ‘Darling, we can’t talk long. I have to get home, but can you meet me on Thursday night?’

  ‘Thursday? Yes, yes, of course I can, but, Tony, I have to ask you . . .’

  ‘Good. I’ll pick you up near the main gate of the Arboretum at about seven?’ He pulled her to him and kissed her hard on the mouth. ‘I must go, but we’ll have time to chat on Thursday.’ He smiled. ‘All the time in the world, my darling. Whatever it is you want to ask me will just have to wait until then.’ Before she could say another word, he’d hustled her out of his office and down the stairs. Without realizing quite how it had happened, she found herself outside on the street with the door firmly closed behind her. She stood a moment, looking back, but Tony had disappeared.

  Oh well, she thought, shrugging her shoulders. I’ll find out on Thursday.

  She was only ten minutes later arriving home than normal and to her relief Jemima asked no questions. Kathy hugged her secret to herself. Luckily, this Thursday was her night for the choral society meeting. It would be easy for her to meet Tony instead, without Jemima suspecting a thing.

  All she had to do was to be sure she wasn’t any later home than usual.

  The next three days passed by so slowly. Stella ignored her. Gone in an instant was all the friendliness. At last, Kathy couldn’t stand the uncomfortable silence from the girl whom she had thought was her friend any longer.

  As they left the store on Wednesday night, she caught hold of Stella’s arm. ‘Look, Stella . . .’

  ‘I’ll miss my bus,’ the girl said shortly. ‘Then my dad’ll want to know what I’ve been up to. I don’t want to be in trouble. You’re going to be in enough for both of us as it is. When everyone finds out.’

  ‘But you promised—’

  Stella whirled around to face her. ‘And I keep my promises,’ she said and added pointedly, ‘even if others don’t.’ Kathy felt guilt sweep through her afresh as Stella went on. ‘But how long do you think you can keep it secret, eh?’

  ‘We’ve managed it up to now. Why should anyone find out?’

  Stella sighed and shook her head. ‘I guessed, didn’t I? Oh, I know everyone sees me as a nai¨ve kid. A plain girl who’s never had a boyfriend – nor likely too the way my dad keeps me locked up – but even I’m not daft enough to think you can get away with something like this. He’s poison, that man. Keep away from him, Kathy, if you’ve any sense left in that pretty head of yours. I can see why he likes you but he’ll not stay with you, you mark my words.’ Then she twisted herself free of Kathy’s grasp and hurried away towards her bus stop.

  Kathy watched her go, suddenly feeling very lonely.

  On the Thursday evening, Kathy dressed with extra care. Over the last few weeks she had been able to buy herself a pretty dress and a pair of dainty shoes. She knew she should be saving to be able to afford her own bed-sit or flat, but she couldn’t always go out with Tony in the suit she wore every day for work. And the few clothes she had brought from home, well, they were fit only for the ragbag.

  ‘You look nice,’ Jemima smiled, looking up from her book as Kathy headed for the back door. Curled on his mistress’s lap, Taffy raised his ginger head and regarded her with his green gaze. Kathy hesitated, then crossed the room to stroke the cat’s head. If she missed anything from home, apart from her mother of course, it was the animals.

  And the Robinsons. She missed the Robinson family. All of them. But the one person she pushed from her mind and determined not to think about was her father.

  ‘I’ll be home the usual time,’ she called back as she closed the back door behind her. Outside in the back yard, she breathed a sigh of relief and hurried along the passage and out into the street, hoping that Ron Spencer wouldn’t emerge from his house and walk along with her to the choral society meeting. She held her breath until she was safely at the top of the street and well beyond his house. Then she walked briskly across the road to the city’s park.

  Tony’s car was nowhere to be seen when she arrived at the main gate. She had waited a few moments when she saw a member of the choral society cycling along the road towards her. Quickly she ran into the park and waited behind a tree until he had passed by.

  Still there was no sign of Tony’s car and she began to wonder if he was about to stand her up again when she heard the familiar roar of the car’s engine. With a squeal of tyres, he pulled up in front of her, leapt out and ran around the car to open the passenger’s door for her.

  ‘Sorry, I’m a little late, darling. Mother had one of her turns and I couldn’t get away until Father came home. What a pretty dress you’re wearing. Blue’s certainly your colour. It matches your eyes.’ He smiled down at her as he carefully tucked her dress into the car and closed the door. His compliment gave her a warm glow and made her feel special.

  ‘I’m sorry to hear about your mother. Shouldn’t you go home? I quite understand if . . .’

  ‘Maybe I’d better not be too long . . .’ He turned the car around and drove back across the High Street, then turned up the hill, twisting and turning among streets Kathy didn’t know.

  ‘So, where are we going?’

  ‘You’ll see,’ he said mysteriously. ‘It’s a surprise.’

  Within minutes he was drawing to a halt outside a large house on the corner of Mill Road.

  Kathy gasped and her eyes widened. ‘Are you taking me to meet your parents? Oh, you might have warned me. I . . .’

  ‘No, no, darling, it’s something much better than that. I’ve found a little flat for you.’

  ‘For me, but . . .’

  ‘She’s a very nice old lady. She’s been widowed for about five years and after her family had left home and her husband died, she found the house too big for just her. But – she didn’t want to leave the home she’d had all her married life, so she turned the upstairs into a nice little flat.’

  Kathy looked around her with renewed interest. It was a nice area and the house was certainly big enough to have been converted into two flats.

  ‘I – I don’t think I would be able to afford it,’ she said quietly. ‘It’s very kind of you, but . . .’

  He patted her hand. ‘Now you’re not to worry about that. I want you to be independent of Miss Robinson. It’s little better than living at home, as far as I can see.’

  Kathy almost laughed aloud. If only he knew! But she said nothing as he went on, ‘Whenever we’re out, you’re always clock-watching. And it must be difficult for you working with her too. I can understand that. So – if you have your own place, you’ll be able to come and go as you please. Mrs Sutton won’t be keeping tabs on you, I promise.’

  ‘Do – do you know her?’

  ‘I’ve known her years.’ He paused. ‘She’s – er – a good customer of ours. So – shall we go and have a look? It’s a lovely flat. I’m sure you’re going to be happy here.’

  The flat was just as he’d said – lovely. It was self-contained, with a sitting room, bedroom and tiny kitchen that had obviously been converted from a small bedroom. It even had its own bathroom, complete with water closet. A luxury that Kathy had never known. Even Miss Robinson’s lavatory was across the back yard. And Mrs Sutton was a dear. She greeted Tony like an old friend, kissing him on the cheek.

  ‘I shan’t come up with you. It’s my legs, dear. I can’t climb the stairs like I used to. You show your young lady round, Mr Kendall, while I make a nice cup of tea. Then we can have a nice chat and see if we’ll suit each other.’ She smiled at Kathy.

  ‘So do you like it?’ Tony asked, when t
hey had seen all the rooms. ‘It’s not much further to walk to work than you do now, but just in the opposite direction. What do you think?’

  ‘What rent does she want?’

  ‘I told you not to worry about that. I’ll help you with the first few months and I’ll see about giving you a raise at work so that you’ll be able to afford it yourself. What do you say?’ He put his head on one side and smiled at her, the lines around his eyes crinkling. Her heart melted. She knew now that she was helplessly in love with him. He was so kind and thoughtful. She really couldn’t believe that he was the philanderer that Stella made out. Maybe he just hadn’t found the right girl – until now. She loved him and she was sure he loved her. He’d told her so often. Tony Kendall made her feel special, made her feel really loved . . .

  ‘Yes, all right,’ she agreed. ‘But as soon as I can afford it for myself—’

  He laughed and patted her hand. ‘Yes, yes, Miss Independent. So, we’ll go down and tell Mrs Sutton yes. The old dear will be setting out tea and scones on paper doilies. Come along, we won’t keep her waiting any longer.’

  As she walked home, Kathy felt she was walking on air. She skipped down the dark passage, in through the gate and then the back door leading into the scullery. She took a deep breath before she opened the door into the kitchen.

  Jemima was sitting where Kathy had left her, in her chair near the range.

  ‘Sorry I’m a little late. The practice went on a little longer than normal . . .’ Kathy stopped. Jemima was looking at her with a strange expression on her face.

  ‘Did it indeed?’ Her voice was hard and cold, and her sharp eyes held Kathy’s gaze. Taffy jumped down from her knee and, ears flattened, headed for the door. He miaowed to be let through to the scullery and Kathy opened it. He scuttled through and they both heard the rattle as he pushed his way out of his own little door.