Sing As We Go

by Margaret Dickinson

  Understanding as ever, Morry nodded. ‘Of course you do. I’ll stop anyone coming up.’

  ‘Thank you. Just one more thing, could you undo the buttons down the back of my dress.’

  She turned away from him, her back towards him.

  ‘Oh Kathy, I . . .’

  ‘Please, Morry, just do it.’

  She felt his fingers trembling as he struggled with the tiny buttons.

  ‘That’s fine,’ she said, pulling away when she felt that he had undone enough for her to slip out of the garment. ‘Thanks.’ Without a backward glance, she headed for the stairs and the sanctuary of her bedroom.

  A little later she heard voices downstairs and knew that the others had returned from the church. Then she heard her father’s raised voice.

  ‘Get out of my way, Maurice. I’ve a right to see my own daughter.’

  There were sounds of a scuffle and then of heavy footsteps on the stairs. Kathy closed her eyes briefly and groaned. This was what she had dreaded most.

  ‘Jim, please, leave her alone . . .’ Edith’s voice drifted up the stairs.

  ‘Shut up, woman, and leave this to me.’

  The door opened and he was in the room, slamming it behind him with such force that it bounced open again. But Jim was too intent upon shaking his fist at his daughter to notice.

  ‘You want horsewhipping, girl. Bringing such shame on me like this. Well, I’ll give you one last chance. You come home now with us and you settle down and wed Maurice and we’ll say no more about it. Though there’s plenty I could say. Plenty.’

  And you will, Kathy thought bitterly. I shall have all this dragged up and thrown at me for the rest of my life – or rather for the rest of yours. She shook her head. Her voice was husky, but there was a note of resolution in her tone. ‘No, Dad, I will not marry Morry. I wouldn’t do that to him.’

  ‘Huh!’ Jim was scathing. ‘So I was right. You are expecting that whippersnapper’s bastard, are you? Well, Maurice will still marry you. He’s besotted with you. God only knows why, but he is. I’ll pay him, if I have to.’

  Wearily, Kathy said, ‘Dad, for the last time, I’m not pregnant.’

  ‘So what’s the problem?’

  ‘I don’t love Morry.’

  ‘What’s that got to do with anything? I’ve never loved your mother.’

  Slowly Kathy raised her head to look at him. ‘No,’ she said quietly. ‘And that’s the tragedy of both your lives.’

  They stared at each other until quick, light footsteps sounded on the stairs and the bedroom door was flung wide.

  ‘Jim Burton,’ Jemima said coldly, ‘Leave my house this instant. We’ve heard every word of your conversation. Every word. Kathy stays with me. You’re a stupid man, Jim. You don’t realize what a fine girl you’ve got.’

  ‘Fine? Fine, you say, when she’s brought all this shame on me.’

  ‘Shame? What shame?’

  Jim’s lips curled. ‘Well, you wouldn’t know anything about that, Jemima Robinson, would you? You’re nowt but a dried-up old spinster ’cos none of us village lads were good enough for you, were we? Turned your nose up at us, didn’t ya? Thought you could do better for yarsen in the city, but it dun’t look to have got you far.’

  ‘Get out!’ Jemima, her eyes sparking with fiery anger, spat at him. ‘Get out of my house.’

  ‘I’m going.’ He turned towards Kathy one last time and pointed his finger at her. ‘But if I do, don’t you ever, ever come knocking on my door again. From this day forward, you’re no daughter of mine.’

  It wasn’t his threat, it wasn’t the fact that she might never see him – or her mother – again, that was Kathy’s undoing. It was his use of the words from the marriage ceremony that tore at her heart and caused her face to crumple and the tears to flow again.

  ‘Aye, you can cry, girl. But you’ve brought all this on yourself. You’ve only yourself to blame.’

  With that, he turned and stamped out of the room and down the stairs. The last words she heard were, ‘Come along, Edith, we’re going home, and if you ever have anything to do with that girl again, I’ll throw you out an’ all.’

  The back door slammed and there was a stunned silence throughout the whole house.

  Twenty-Four

  ‘Well, I never did hear the like.’ Kathy heard Betty’s voice drift up the stairs. They were still all sitting down there in Jemima’s front room, drinking tea and talking over the shattering events of the day. Kathy stayed alone in her room. She couldn’t face the kindly faces of the Robinsons and their sympathy. Only Jemima’s brisk attitude was bearable at the moment.

  She was best left alone and they all seemed to sense this.

  ‘What’s going to happen, d’you think? Will they get married, quiet like, another day?’ Ted’s booming voice asked.

  ‘I really don’t know,’ Jemima said in a matter-of-fact way. ‘It’s up to them. They’re best left to sort it out between themselves.’

  ‘I doubt very much whether that young man will ever be able to do that.’ Ted sighed. ‘It’s a real shame. He seems like a nice young feller. A bit weak, mebbe, where his mother’s concerned, but who are we to judge?’

  ‘Precisely,’ Jemima said. ‘More tea, Betty?’

  ‘No thank you, Jemima cariad. We’d best be on our way. We want to be home before dark. Before the blackout. Oh dear me, and to think that poor Tony will be gone on Monday. I don’t think there’s going to be much time for them to sort anything out, do you?’

  ‘Sadly, no, I don’t. His mother will do her best to keep him at her bedside until Monday morning. Still, don’t you worry about Kathy. I’ll look after her.’

  ‘Shall we say goodbye to her?’

  ‘Best not. I’ll tell her later. And I’m sure she knows she has your support.’

  ‘Give her our love and tell her there’s always a home for her with us – whatever happens.’ This last was from Ted, and Kathy’s tears flowed afresh at the kindness in his tone.

  Why, oh why, couldn’t she have fallen in love with Morry? Life would have been so simple then. But she knew she could never marry him. He was a dear, dear friend but – for her – nothing more.

  She could hear Amy’s tearful voice. ‘Tell her I’ll write, because I don’t know when I might have to – to go.’

  ‘I will, dear. Now, chin up, you’ll soon be a Wren. Wrens don’t cry.’

  ‘This one does.’ Amy tried to laugh through her tears.

  There was much hugging and kissing and calls of ‘goodbyes’ before Kathy heard them all clattering down the passage and out into the street. Car doors banged, the engine started and they were gone.

  Kathy heard Jemima moving about below, heard the clatter of pots and cutlery, and knew she should go down and help. But she couldn’t move. She remained sitting motionless on the edge of the bed, still in her wedding dress with the buttons undone down the back, her fingers knotted so tightly together that the knuckles were white.

  Footsteps on the stairs and Jemima came in bearing a cup of hot, strong tea. ‘Now, my dear, dry your tears and drink this. Then we must think what to do.’

  She sat down on a spindly-legged bedroom chair facing Kathy. ‘Come along, drink it up.’

  Kathy obeyed meekly and suddenly found she was very thirsty.

  ‘Would you like me to trot along and see the vicar? Just to ask if there’s a chance he can fit the ceremony in some time tomorrow?’

  Kathy shook her head. ‘It’s no use unless we hear from Tony.’

  ‘I take your point.’ She was silent a moment before adding, ‘Perhaps we’ll hear something from him this evening.’

  Kathy raised her head and looked directly into Jemima’s honest eyes. ‘Do – do you think her attack was genuine?’

  ‘No – I don’t. It was too contrived. Oh, I don’t say she couldn’t have suffered some sort of attack during the service with the stress of it all, but to happen just at that very moment, just when he was asking the congregation
that all important question. It was straight out of Jane Eyre, now wasn’t it? So melodramatic as to be unbelievable.’

  ‘I know,’ Kathy agreed sadly. ‘But we can’t prove it. No one can. And Mr Kendall and Tony just – just daren’t take the risk of calling her bluff.’

  ‘Well, if the worst comes to the worst, we’ll just have to arrange a very quiet ceremony when Tony gets his first leave.’

  Kathy set her cup down carefully on the bedside table. ‘But the same thing will happen. It’ll go on happening. She said – she told me that she’d see to it that he never married me. I didn’t believe she could do it, but she has. She’s managed it.’

  ‘You might find that this enforced separation – Tony having to go into the armed forces – will be the making of him. I’ve never said a word against him. He’s a nice young man but, between you and me, maybe that’s his main fault. He’s too nice. He’s not strong enough to stand up to his mother, but now he’s going to be forced to make the break. It’s being done for him and it might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. You might well find that when he comes home on leave he’ll be a very different person.’

  ‘I – I don’t really want him to be any different. I love him as he is . . .’ She smiled sadly as she added wryly, ‘Despite his mother.’

  ‘Well, in that case, my dear, you’ll never be free of her and you can take it from me that she’ll never stop trying to prevent your marriage. And, even if you succeed in that, she’ll never stop interfering in your lives. If Tony survives the war—’

  Kathy covered her face with her hands and cried out, ‘Oh no, don’t say that, Aunt Jemima. Please, don’t even think it.’

  ‘It’s a possibility that has to be faced, my dear,’ she said quietly, and added in a whisper, ‘And I should know.’

  Guiltily, Kathy raised her face. Here she was selfishly taking all the generous support Jemima had to give when the poor woman had spent a lifetime of loneliness. Somehow, she had lost the love of her life. Kathy was sure of it.

  ‘I’m being very selfish and self-centred, Aunt Jemima. I’m sorry.’

  ‘Oh, phooey.’ Jemima flapped her hand. ‘We’ve just got to think what’s best to be done now.’

  There was nothing to be done. Tony didn’t come to Jemima’s house that evening or the next morning. After breakfast, of which Kathy ate hardly anything and even Jemima ate only a little cereal instead of her usual bowlful followed by toast and marmalade, they washed up the pots together and then sat in the kitchen, waiting. As the clock crawled to half past eleven, Jemima jumped up from her chair.

  ‘I can’t abide all this sitting about. Shall we walk up to the hospital and make enquiries? At least we might find out if there’s any chance he . . .’

  Kathy shook her head. ‘He’ll come when he can. It – it must have been more serious than we thought. I feel so guilty now for having thought badly of her.’

  ‘Huh!’ Jemima was not yet ready to be so understanding. ‘Either that or she’s keeping up a very good act. She should have been on the stage, that one.’ She paused and paced up and down the small space for a moment. As if she could not bear to sit, she muttered, ‘Then I’ll walk along to the church and see if . . .’

  ‘It’s no good,’ Kathy said, sounding far more reasonable than she was actually feeling inside.

  ‘Come on, girl, don’t give up. Not now. At least if we could get you married today . . .’

  Again, Kathy shook her head. ‘That’s not how I want it to be. Not all rushed and – and underhand as if – as if . . .’

  ‘As if you’ve got to get married?’

  Kathy lowered her gaze and said nothing. Jemima sank into her chair and leant her head back, closing her eyes. ‘Yes,’ she said flatly, ‘you’re right. I’m pushing you too hard. It’s just – it’s just . . . Oh, I’d so like to have seen you married before he has to go away. It’d give you both something to hang on to. It’s not going to be easy for either of you. He’s going to have to face God only knows what and it’s going to be hard for you, trying to carry on as normal when nothing’s ever going to be “normal” again. Oh why, why, can’t those in power see the futility, the stupid, stupid waste of it all?’

  The clock ticked steadily on as the two women fell silent again and waited once more.

  He came just after five o’clock, looking white and dishevelled. He was still wearing his wedding suit; dark shadows ringed his eyes and anxiety clouded their brightness.

  ‘They’re keeping her in for observation.’

  ‘Where is she?’

  ‘At the moment, she’s in the County but we’re trying to get her moved to the Bromhead Nursing Home.’

  Jemima sniffed. ‘I should leave her where she is. It’s a good hospital.’

  ‘Well, yes, I know, but she likes her own room. She likes her privacy.’ He turned to Kathy and took her hands. ‘Darling, I am so sorry about what happened. I couldn’t help it. You do believe that, don’t you?’

  Before Kathy could answer, Jemima said, ‘Well, now you’re here, I – er – have to go out. I must see Mabel Spencer. WVS business, you know. We’ve – um – a lot to discuss.’

  They both knew she was deliberately leaving them alone together. Within minutes she had donned her hat and coat. ‘Just feed Taffy for me at six o’clock. You know how he likes his routine.’ And then she was gone.

  ‘Let’s go into the front room. Jemima insisted on lighting a fire in there – in case you came.’

  ‘In case I came? Darling, surely you knew I would come as soon as I could?’

  ‘Well, yes, of course I did,’ Kathy said, trying to sound as if she meant it. ‘But I didn’t know when that would be, did I? And – and you have to catch the early train tomorrow morning, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes, I do. And there’s nothing I can do about that. I could be on a charge if I’m late reporting.’

  They sat, huddled together, on the sofa. ‘We should be on our honeymoon now. You should have been Mrs Kendall for a whole twenty-eight hours. Darling, I am so, so sorry.’

  ‘I know,’ Kathy said simply. She twisted in his arms to look up at him. ‘But – but we could still have our honeymoon. At least, a bit of it. We—’ She blushed as she said shyly, ‘We could go upstairs. Aunt Jemima won’t be back for ages . . .’

  Their lovemaking was bitter sweet, each of them knowing deep in their hearts that this night together might be all they ever had, and afterwards they lay in each other’s arms. While Tony slept, Kathy wept silently against his shoulder.

  Only when Taffy’s meowing outside the bedroom door reminded her that she had forgotten to feed him did they rouse, dress and go downstairs.

  ‘I don’t suppose she’d mind if you stayed. I – I think she’d understand.’

  Tony shook his head sadly. ‘I have to go back to the hospital before visiting ends. And then – then I have to pack.’

  ‘Of course,’ Kathy said huskily. She was about to offer to help him but she bit back the words, realizing that his father, too, deserved a little time with his son before . . . She closed her eyes and dared not think about what was to happen in the morning.

  Just before he left, Tony handed her a long, thin box. ‘I was going to give you this on our wedding night. I still want you to have it.’

  Kathy opened the box and gasped when she saw the single string of pearls nestling against the dark blue velvet lining. ‘Oh darling, it’s beautiful. Thank you.’

  As she kissed him, he murmured, ‘Wear them always for me, Kathy. And remember, whatever happens I really do love you.’

  Twenty-Five

  ‘How did it all go then?’

  Stella was excited the next morning. She had so wanted to attend the wedding, but with Kathy, Miss Robinson, Tony and even Mr James Hammond all off for the day, the store had been severely understaffed.

  ‘It didn’t,’ Kathy said shortly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Muriel Curtis moving closer.

  Stella gasped. ‘What do you mea
n “it didn’t”? Do – do you mean he jilted you? Left you standing at the altar?

  ‘Not exactly.’

  ‘What then?’

  Kathy raised her eyes and glanced around. There were no customers yet, so she moved towards Muriel with Stella following in her wake. ‘I might as well tell you together. The wedding didn’t happen,’ she said bluntly.

  Kathy watched Muriel’s face closely, half expecting to see relief, perhaps even triumph, on the other woman’s face. But to Muriel’s credit, there was neither. Instead, she frowned and asked in a concerned tone, ‘Why? What happened? Oh . . .’ She sighed heavily and closed her eyes briefly, saying flatly, ‘Don’t tell me. His mother was taken ill.’

  ‘How . . . ?’ Kathy began and then stopped. She’d been about to say: How did you know? But of course she realized exactly how Muriel knew. Instead, she said flatly, ‘Yes. During the service. Just at the moment when the vicar asks the congregation about “just cause” and all that.’

  ‘Huh! I call that perfect timing,’ Muriel said sarcastically. ‘I’m so sorry, Kathy, truly I am. I – just want to see him happy. You know that. And if you were the one to do it, then I wished you well.’ She gave a wry smile. ‘I tried as hard as I knew how to hate you when you first started going out with Tony. But I couldn’t. And I’d have liked nothing better – now – than to see the two of you happy together.’

  ‘You’re very generous,’ Kathy said huskily. ‘But it doesn’t look as if it’s going to happen now. He – he left this morning on the early train. And goodness knows when he’ll get leave.’

  ‘He should get a few days when he’s completed his basic training and been posted,’ Stella said. ‘My cousin did. Mind you, that was the Army. Mr Kendall’s joined the RAF, hasn’t he?’

  Kathy nodded, not trusting herself to speak for the huge lump that felt as if it was growing in her throat.

  ‘Work, that’s the best thing for you,’ Muriel said, almost adopting Jemima’s brisk manner. ‘And here’s the first customer of the day. Forward, Miss Burton, if you please,’ she added with a smile. As Kathy moved towards the lady entering the department, Muriel whispered to Stella, ‘As we don’t work on commission here, Stella, perhaps you’d let Kathy take most of the customers today. Keep her busy.’