He was waiting for her in the garden, sitting on the fallen trunk of a tree.
‘It’s shady here,’ he explained after they had greeted each other. ‘Sorry, but I can’t stand the sun on my face.’
‘Of course.’
There was a silence and then they both began to speak at once.
They smiled and then Tony said, ‘After you.’
‘There’s something I have to tell you, Tony.’
‘Ahhh.’ He let out a long sigh. ‘I thought so. You’ve changed your mind. I don’t blame you, Kathy . . .’
‘Will you let me finish? No, I haven’t changed my mind at all. I want to marry you more than anything in the world, but, in fairness, there’s something you should know first and when you’ve heard it – well, it might be you who wants to change your mind.’ She grinned ruefully. ‘I did act rather like a Churchill tank the other day. I’m sorry.’
He laughed. ‘Maybe it’s what I need. But go on. What is it? Is there someone else in your life?’
‘Yes, but not the way you think. At least . . . Look, let me tell you everything from the beginning.’ She took a deep breath. ‘After the wedding and you went away, you only wrote the once.’
‘I know,’ Tony said, shamefaced. ‘I tried so often and then screwed them up. I just didn’t know what to say. How could I ever get you to forgive me for what had happened? And then, when I came home after training, I was coming to see you to sort it all out face to face, but Mother said you’d left.’
Kathy shook her head at the depths of deceit to which the woman was prepared to stoop to keep her son bound to her. She sighed. No doubt Beatrice Kendall would be even more of a formidable foe now that her precious son was so hurt. She would want to take him home and care for him herself. Perhaps it would even make her get up from her own sickbed, thinking that now she had him to herself forever.
Only she was reckoning without Kathy. Kathy was no longer the innocent country girl. She had been through a lot in the last few years and she was stronger. Oh, so much stronger. Now she would fight all the way for what she wanted.
‘I left on the first of April—’ She pulled a wry face. ‘I thought it very appropriate at the time. So – when did you come home?’
‘The beginning of April, I think.’
Kathy nodded. ‘I probably would’ve been gone by then, but I doubt if your mother knew that. Not many people did at first. Didn’t you go to Aunt Jemima’s to make sure?’
Tony stared at her. ‘You mean – you mean Mother lied to me?’
Still not wanting to hurt him, Kathy said gently, ‘Truthfully, I don’t know. It’s all a matter of timescale.’
He nodded slowly, a bleak look in his eyes. ‘She must have done. Like you say, she couldn’t have known you’d gone. I was home for three days and then I went to fighter pilot training. I – I never got home again, because this – ’ he pointed to his face – ‘happened.’
She looked straight at him, examining the extent of his injury. ‘Is Mr McIndoe helping you?’
‘Oh, yes. He’s marvellous.’ Suddenly there was a light in his eyes, hope in his voice. ‘It’ll never look perfect, of course, but I’ll feel able to face the world.’ He gave a grin that was lopsided because of his disfigurement. ‘As long as the world is able to face me.’
‘You’re not the only one, and as time goes on, most people will know about what’s happened to you and all the others. They’ll understand then.’
‘I hope so. There are some poor chaps in here far worse than I am. Mr McIndoe is having to rebuild faces completely in some cases.’
‘I know,’ Kathy said quietly. ‘I saw.’
There was silence between them for a moment, then Tony said softly, ‘Go on.’
She met his steady gaze and held it, wanting to see his immediate reaction to what she had to say next. She pulled in a deep breath. ‘The reason I left Lincoln was because I found I was pregnant.’
He stared at her and then burst out, ‘Oh, Kathy! Oh, my darling! If only I’d known. Why – why didn’t you write and tell me?’ His reaction was genuine. Loving, concerned – hurt, almost. It was Kathy who felt embarrassed and a little foolish. She should have trusted him more.
‘I – I didn’t want you to marry me just because of the child. After what had happened . . .’ Her voice trailed away in apology.
‘It was all such a dreadful misunderstanding, wasn’t it?’ He paused briefly and then, to her surprise, there was a bitter note in his voice. ‘And all because of my selfish, possessive mother.’
She stared at him but said nothing.
‘I see it all now. How everyone – including you – must have been able to see her for what she was. Everyone but me and my poor old dad.’
With gentle fingers, she took hold of his hand, deliberately choosing the damaged one. ‘It must have been difficult for both of you. Being so close to her. I do understand.’
‘And the baby?’ There was eagerness in his voice, but Kathy’s eyes clouded. As she continued with her story, Tony’s eyes too mirrored her sadness, suffered with her the trauma of her baby being snatched away. When she had told him everything, even up to Henry Wainwright’s strange proposal, he let out a long, deep sigh.
‘What can we do? Do you think – if you told him everything now, told him the truth – he’d agree to us adopting him?’
‘He might, but – oh Tony, do you mean it? Do you still want to marry me?’
‘There’s never been any doubt about that,’ he told her solemnly. ‘Where I went wrong was being so soft over my mother.’
‘But what about your mother now? I expect she can’t wait to get you home and look after you herself.’
Tony stared at her. ‘Of course, you won’t know, will you?’
‘Know? Know what?’ She stared at him and then breathed, ‘Has – has something happened to her?’
‘No.’ His tone was suddenly hard. ‘No, she’s fine.’
‘Your dad? Oh, not your dad?’
He shook his head. ‘No, he’s fine. I do hear from him and he’s been down here a couple of times, but it’s difficult for him to come all this way. I understand that.’ He paused and then went on haltingly, as if even he couldn’t believe the words he was saying himself. ‘My mother doesn’t want to see me like this. She can’t bear it. She – she’s cut me out of her life as if . . . as if I was dead. She even tells everyone I was shot down – which is true, of course, but she implies I was killed.’
‘Well, you were posted missing presumed killed, weren’t you?’
‘Briefly, at first, yes. But it wasn’t very long before they were informed that I had survived. If you can call it that,’ he added bitterly.
Kathy raised his injured hand to her lips and kissed it gently. ‘Don’t you ever dare talk like that again in my hearing. Not ever.’
He leant against her. ‘Oh Kathy, darling, it’s so good to have you back. You’ll never know how much I’ve missed you.’
‘About the same as I’ve missed you, I expect.’
They gazed at each other and she leaned forward and kissed him tenderly on the mouth. ‘That – that doesn’t hurt you, does it?’
‘No, not a bit.’ He smiled as he added, ‘And even if it did, it’d be worth it.’
They sat close together for a long time, not saying much, just holding hands and revelling in having found each other again.
‘So,’ Tony said at last. ‘When am I going to see my son?’
‘I’ll go back and tell Mr Wainwright everything. We – we’ll just have to hope and pray that he’ll let us adopt James.’
Forty-Three
Kathy felt torn in two. She didn’t want to leave Tony but she had to get back to Saltershaven, and yet she feared what awaited her when she did.
There were two more concert dates and then she could leave. The time dragged, and it seemed much longer than three days until Ron was loading her suitcase onto the train and thanking her profusely for joining the party for the
very special concerts.
‘It’s me who should be thanking you, Ron,’ she said, kissing his cheek. ‘If I hadn’t come, I wouldn’t have found Tony again. I’d probably have spent the rest of my life thinking he was dead.’
‘Kathy,’ Ron said seriously, taking both her hands in his, ‘can I ask you something?’
‘Of course you can.’
‘If you hadn’t found Tony again, would you have married this Mr Wainwright?’
‘You want me to be truthful?’
He nodded.
‘It sounds awful . . .’
‘Go on, my dear. This is just between you and me.’
‘Then – truthfully – I don’t know. I’m just so grateful that now I don’t have to make that decision. I’m going to marry Tony.’
‘Even if it means losing your child? You have thought that Wainwright might turn awkward?’
‘Yes,’ she said hoarsely. ‘It’s my worst nightmare, but I have to face it.’
‘Then – break a leg, my dear, in fact, break two.’
She went straight back to Saltershaven, arriving at the house just before Henry was due home from work. Mrs Talbot was just putting on her hat and coat to leave as Kathy opened the door.
‘How lovely to have you back. I thought it was today you were coming home, so there are two dinners keeping warm in the oven. Have you had a good time?’
‘Oh yes, Mrs Talbot. Very good, thank you.’
‘Well, you look as if you have, love. There’s a light in your eyes I haven’t seen before.’ She put her head on one side and regarded Kathy with knowing eyes. ‘Might it have something to do with coming home to a certain gentleman?’
‘If you mean, James, then yes,’ Kathy replied impishly, knowing exactly who Mrs Talbot meant.
The woman shrugged. ‘Oh well, I can only try. I’d like to see the master settled again with a good woman. I just thought . . . But maybe it’s a bit too soon yet. The poor man’s got to have time to grieve.’
Kathy said nothing, but silently she thought that to her mind, Henry, despite his protestations about how much he had loved his wife, wasn’t exactly the typical grieving widower.
‘I’ll get off, love,’ Mrs Talbot said, realizing that her attempt at matchmaking was falling on deaf ears. ‘My Dan will be wanting his tea.’
Left alone, Kathy was jittery, anxious for Henry to arrive home so that she could say what she had to say. Waiting was making her even more nervous. She kept glancing at the clock, but the hands seemed to be crawling round. At last, she heard his key in the door and ran lightly down the stairs to meet him in the hallway.
He smiled as he closed the door and held out his arms to her. ‘Does this mean what I think it means? What I hope it means?’
Kathy froze. How could she have been so stupid? Rushing to meet him like that had given him the wrong impression entirely. She had been so full of her own hopes, she hadn’t stopped to think of his.
I’m sorry,’ she blurted out. ‘No, it doesn’t. Oh dear, I didn’t mean to say it like that.’
His smile had vanished and his arms dropped to his sides. ‘I see.’
‘No, you don’t. Look, let’s have our dinner and I’ll tell you everything. You go up and change.’ She knew he liked to change out of his pinstriped suit when he arrived home. ‘And I’ll have it all ready when you come down.’
Henry sighed. ‘Very well, then.’
They ate in silence, though Kathy was only picking at the food on her plate. Though she hadn’t eaten since early morning, her appetite had completely deserted her. But it wasn’t until he had eaten both his main course and pudding that Henry laid down his spoon and looked across the table at her.
‘So – what is it you have to tell me?’
‘I’ll make the coffee and bring it into the sitting room. It – it might take some time.’
Henry raised his eyebrows but did not demur. He rose, dropped his napkin on the table and left the room. For a moment, Kathy stared at the crumpled napkin that he had discarded so carelessly. That would have been my life, she thought. Just acting as his slave. Clearing up after him, pandering to his every whim. Having to do everything just the way he demanded. She shuddered, thinking what a narrow escape she had had. Now it was a decision she didn’t have to make any longer.
But there was still James. What was to happen to her darling boy? Was Henry, as both Tony and Ron had feared, going to turn awkward because she was refusing to marry him?
As she handed Henry the cup of coffee, he said, ‘You’re trembling. My dear girl, there is no need to be frightened of me. Whatever it is you have to say to me, I’m sure we can talk it through like sensible adults.’ He gave a dry, humourless laugh. ‘It isn’t as if our emotions are engaged, now is it? And no one else knows about this. At least, I hope they don’t.’
Kathy smiled weakly and sat down on the sofa. She set her own coffee on the nearby small table and then clasped her hands in front of her. ‘There’s something I have to tell you. I – I haven’t been entirely honest with you.’
‘Oh dear,’ he said, with a slightly mocking air. He too set his coffee down beside him and got to his feet. ‘I think I’d better pour us both a brandy.’
Another few minutes of waiting, while Kathy grew more agitated by the minute. When he handed her the bulbous glass, she took a grateful sip. He sat down again and leaned back in the soft armchair, swirling the liquid around the glass cupped in his hand.
‘Now, off you go. What is on your mind?’
‘I did meet your wife and I hope she counted me as a friend, but I – I wasn’t as close to her as perhaps I made out.’
‘Go on.’
‘You see, I sought her ought deliberately. I found out your address from the files at – at Willow House.’
Henry was listening intently and Kathy could see that his mind was working swiftly. No doubt he was already way ahead of her. But he said nothing. He just sat watching her and swirling the brandy round and round.
‘James is my son. It was a difficult birth and they took him away from me without even letting me see him or hold him or . . .’ Her voice cracked, but she cleared her throat and pressed on. ‘They’d tricked me into signing adoption papers when I was admitted. Of course, we’re not supposed to know who adopts our babies, but I found out and I walked along your road so many times in the hope of just catching a glimpse of him.’ She turned pleading eyes towards him. ‘I want you to believe me that I meant no trouble. Though I never wanted to part with my baby, once I’d met your wife, seen how she adored him and how she was looking after him, then – then I had to admit he was in the best place, even though it broke my heart.’
‘Did you tell Beryl who you were?’
‘Not at first. And I never would have done. I swear I meant no trouble . . .’
He nodded and said quietly, ‘I believe you. Go on.’ But she couldn’t tell from his expression or from his tone how he was reacting to her revelations.
‘I was standing outside the house one day – after we’d already met, I mean – and she came out and invited me in to see the baby. It – it was when I was holding him that she guessed. She suddenly said, “You’re his mother, aren’t you?” I admitted I was, but I begged her not to say anything. I told her what had happened, that I just wanted to hold him – even if it was only once. She understood and she – she was very kind to me. Obviously, she never told you. She sent me a letter and a photograph of him when he was about eighteen months old.’
Henry sighed. ‘Well, she wouldn’t. Obviously, she’d taken a liking to you and didn’t see you as a threat.’
‘I wasn’t.’
‘And she probably thought that if she told me, I’d have reported you.’
Kathy looked down at her hands. Her heart was thudding painfully. There was a long silence before he asked, ‘Why exactly are you telling me this? I had assumed, from what you said when I arrived home, that you are refusing my proposal.’
‘I’m sorry, but yes,
I am.’
‘But you don’t want to be parted from the boy?’
Kathy bit back the angry retort that sprang to her lips. His name is James. Call him by his name. But she said nothing, realizing that she must do nothing to antagonize him. Instead, she said quietly. ‘No, I don’t. But there’s more to it now than just that.’ The words came out in a rush. ‘I’ve found him again. I’ve found Tony – the man I was engaged to. James’s father. He’s not dead after all. He was badly burned when his fighter plane was shot down. He’s at Mr McIndoe’s hospital receiving treatment.’
‘And you’re going to marry him?’
Kathy nodded.
Now he understood. ‘I see. And you want to take your boy back?’
Again, all she could do was nod and watch his face.
‘Mm.’ Again the liquid twirled in the glass. There was a long silence before he said, ‘So, after persuading me to keep him so that you could take the post as his nanny, you’re now asking me to hand him back to you?’
Her voice was a hoarse whisper. ‘Yes.’
Another long silence.
‘Well,’ he said at last, ‘You’ve been very honest with me—’ He smiled wryly. ‘At least, now. And in turn I will be very honest with you. I’ve no interest in the child. It was Beryl who yearned for children, not me. And now she’s gone, there’s really no reason for me to keep him. You might think me a cold fish, Kathy, but I’m not completely heartless. I loved my wife dearly. She was the perfect wife for me and I indulged her in her desire for a family. And I thought you were right when you said she would’ve wanted me to keep the boy and bring him up, but what I now think is that she would want you to have him. You and his real father. She wouldn’t want me to stand in your way.’
Tears were coursing down her face. ‘Oh thank you, thank you . . .’
Henry swallowed his brandy in one gulp and got up. ‘Please – don’t cry,’ he said coldly. ‘I can’t abide women’s tears.’
Kathy scrubbed at her face with the back of her hand and sniffed. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t thank you enough.’
Sing As We Go Page 36
