“An independent builder built this one,” Dawson explained. “He was the man I met with the day Luke was in the fight. There was a contract on this house when I first started looking, but it fell through.” Dawson ran his hand over the banister, a golden oak with a glossy finish. “I’d like to have this builder on my team. The whole house is quality.”
As they walked in a circle, Mikala found a sunny, yellow kitchen. There were oak cupboards there and a beautiful rust and beige ceramic tile floor. The appliances weren’t old, but not brand-new, either, and the house looked as if it were ready for someone to move in. They took a tour of the upstairs and Mikala liked that as much as everything else.
“Luke wants to paint his room blue. He likes the window seats in here.”
“This really seems perfect for you. I’m so glad Luke wants to make it his.”
“Come on, I want to show you something.”
Returning to the downstairs, Dawson guided her through the family room. There was a hall that led to the inside garage door. They passed the laundry room and went to a second door. Dawson opened it and motioned to her to precede him.
She stepped into the sunroom and couldn’t help but smile. Sun poured in from three sides and the skylight above. There was a thick scatter rug on the rustic plank flooring along with a picnic basket, a few throw pillows and a bottle of wine in a cooler.
Dawson said, “Luke and I had a pizza to seal the deal last night. But I wanted to celebrate again and decided the person I wanted to celebrate with was you.” He motioned to the bird feeders in the backyard, the pine trees at the end of the property, the sun glinting off the snow all around them. “A picnic lunch here seemed the best way to do it.”
This certainly was cozier than a restaurant. Dawson seemed over-the-top happy today.
“You’re excited about this, aren’t you?”
He gave her a crooked grin. “I guess it shows.”
“Are you happier about finding a house or about you and Luke making the decision together?”
“He talked to me more last night than he has in a long time. We called Dad together to tell him. It was the best time we’ve had together since…since before the accident.”
Mikala knew that accident was still standing between Dawson and Luke. But it sounded as if last night had been a good start.
Dawson approached Mikala and the look in his eyes made her heart thump madly.
“Thank you. You’re giving me back my son.”
When Dawson reached out and the pad of his thumb brushed her cheek, she felt shaky and giddy. In a corner of her heart, a secret longing tugged at her. She could dream about moving in here with Dawson and Luke. She wasn’t only in love with him but, in another startling, take-her-breath-away insight, she realized she wanted forever with him. This was the real thing. So much for warning herself to be careful. So much for keeping her distance.
So much for guarding her heart.
Chapter Nine
The fairy tale dream seemed to overwhelm Mikala as Dawson came toward her and golden light glittered all around them. They forgot about the picnic basket and the bottle of wine on the floor. Whatever she felt when she was alone with Dawson seemed to overshadow everything else! She didn’t need wine to feel the heady intoxication of desiring him…needing him.
Apparently he felt the same way because as he wrapped his arms around her, he groaned. Then he kissed her before she had time to take another breath.
At the touch of his lips, she let go of who she was and imagined who she could be with Dawson. The sunshine danced around them, its glint on the snow making everything sparkle. That sparkle danced inside of her, too. When he kissed her, their desire went deeper, wetter, wilder. She’d dreamed of a moment like this with him, all happiness and sunshine and a song that played in her heart…had played in her heart since high school. It was a song with depth and feeling and magic. Her heart embraced it and her soul felt its truth. This was love. Whether she wanted it or not, it had come to her and for once in her life, she wasn’t going to let fear of being hurt turn it away.
They were so hungry for each other. Dawson’s hand splayed in her hair as he angled her head and ravished her mouth. His need was even more arousing than hers. Is this what it felt like to be truly desired?
She reached for his sweater, burrowed her hands beneath it and felt his torso, lean and muscled. Her fingertips touching his skin sent a shudder through him, and he acknowledged it by pulling her down on the rug and covering her body with his. That was the beginning of falling into a primal rhythm she couldn’t begin to deny. Obviously, he couldn’t, either.
At ease with him because this was Dawson and she was in love with him, she hurried to undo his belt as he lifted her sweater over her head. She didn’t even have time to be self-conscious as he unclasped her bra and she unzipped his fly. They discarded their clothes with quick frenzied movement that had nothing to do with thought and everything to do with pleasure. As he palmed her breast, she reached for him and caressed him. Their kisses broke only for their sighs and their moans. His fingers were knowing and skilled. Hers were full of the love she felt for him.
When Dawson entered her, the pleasure was so rich she was overwhelmed by it. She twined her legs around him and took him even deeper. They made music she’d never heard before. Each verse held meaning and passion and soul-stirring words only her heart could understand. The refrain was his name and hers as they murmured to each other and blended the sound. Her climax came so fast and furious that all she could do was hold on to Dawson and tremble through it. His release came soon after as he plunged deep and she felt as if she’d always belonged to him and would belong to him forever.
They clung to each other, breathing hard, not wanting to come down to earth, yet knowing the landing was inevitable. As her breathing slowed, and their bodies cooled, she loosened her hands from around Dawson’s back.
He rolled away and lay beside her. “That was incredible,” he muttered. “You were incredible.”
He was staring at her as if she really was! She reached out to take his hand. “You were, too.”
Then suddenly they were both thinking the same thought, as common sense replaced passion, and logic replaced reckless impulse.
The almost harsh clarity in Dawson’s eyes preceded his words. “I can’t believe we didn’t use protection.”
A shiver of fear skipped up her back. It wasn’t fear that she’d become pregnant. It was fear that she’d fallen in love and Dawson didn’t feel the same.
“We weren’t thinking,” she said simply, as if that were some kind of an excuse for two adults who knew better.
“No, we weren’t,” he said on a sigh.
She didn’t want to feel the gate closing between them. She didn’t want to feel the distance he was going to put there. After all, hadn’t he been down a similar road before?
Touching his forearm, she asked, “What are the chances? The odds are on our side I won’t get pregnant.”
“It’s Russian roulette, Mikala. This isn’t about odds, not unless you’re on the pill.”
“I’m not. I don’t have any reason to be.”
Dawson looked away from her, as if he was trying to figure out something…maybe what he would do if she was pregnant.
His gaze was troubled as he brought it back to hers. “My life is a mess. And until Luke is doing better, I can’t consider a relationship, not a serious one. But I want to be with you, Mikala. I don’t want to close the door between us. Is that possible?”
Was that possible? Could she accept being Dawson’s—what? Friend? Could they go back to that?
As if he’d read her thoughts, he was shaking his head. “I don’t know what comes next. Maybe we can all just be together more. Can we try that?”
She thought about Luke and what was best for him,
too. He was beginning to trust her. His relationship with Dawson had taken a step forward. Better not to disrupt that right now.
She wanted to ask the question that was uppermost in her mind. What happens if I get pregnant? But she didn’t. That was just too big and serious to consider. And just as serious was the fact that she couldn’t walk away from Dawson. That simply wasn’t an option. She wanted to spend more time with him and with Luke, too…outside of their sessions. Although she hadn’t expected any of this to happen, although she now had a new worry, she could still hear the faint music deep in her heart that had begun when she and Dawson had made love. She couldn’t say no to Dawson. She simply couldn’t.
“I’d like to spend more time with you…and with Luke.” She’d like to help him build a new life. But she would look into finding Luke a new therapist.
That would be the best solution for them all.
* * *
On Sunday afternoon, Mikala glanced around Luke’s room. They’d painted early that morning and the paint was already dry, ready for the next step. The room was coming together. But she and Dawson weren’t. They couldn’t. Not with Luke around. They didn’t want to give him something else he had to deal with. So they kept their distance as they painted and worked to make every room in the house perfect.
Luke seemed to like the steel-blue color he’d chosen for his room. Mikala was moving one of the tarps where they’d be painting a graphite square so that Luke could write on it, when she felt Dawson enter the room. She didn’t turn around.
After he came up behind her, his hand was light on her shoulder. Still, she could feel the searing heat. And when she straightened, he was right there. They were nose to nose and, if she wanted, she could rest her head on his chest.
Where had that thought come from?
She swallowed hard. “What’s Luke up to?”
“He’s opening the boxes in the garage and pulling out his speakers. He wants to set those up almost before anything else,” Dawson explained with a wry grin. “So I thought I’d just slip in here and…” His hand slid behind her neck then he bent his head and kissed her. It was a hungry kiss, filled with wanting to be together again. But she didn’t know if that was all he wanted. Nevertheless she responded as she always did. Every womanly sensation came alive. She gave and took as much as he did, wildly taking advantage of the free moment, wondering what it would be like to have many free moments with Dawson.
Stop dreaming, she warned herself as she pulled away from him. Dreams don’t come true.
In the flash between wanting forever and accepting now, she remembered the dream she’d had of her mother coming home, of taking Mikala in her arms, of saying she was going to stay. Dreams of Alan telling her they’d make beautiful music together played like an old recording, put away yet never forgotten. She remembered wondering after prom night, whether Dawson would call. She’d pictured them holding hands as they walked to class. But then he’d moved away.
Dawson pushed her hair away from her face with both of his hands and asked, “What are you thinking?”
Flustered, she knew she couldn’t tell him. She would not make herself that vulnerable. Protecting her heart had become second nature. Yes, Dawson’s kisses were one of the keys to unlocking it…and making love with him had thrown wide the door. But she’d closed it again because she knew his feelings didn’t match hers. She could only be vulnerable if he was just as vulnerable and that wasn’t in Dawson’s nature, either.
“That this house is going to be perfect for you and Luke.”
He looked as if he didn’t believe her. Yet he also didn’t push, maybe because he didn’t want to know too much.
They heard Luke clomping up the stairs and moved apart. Was hiding their attraction from Luke the best strategy for any of them? She remembered what her aunt had said. Luke is a smart boy.
But keeping their connection—she couldn’t think of it as an affair—from him seemed to be the safest route, and right now that’s the one they were taking.
As Luke came into the room, his arms full of equipment, Dawson hurried to help him.
“Do you want to paint the graphite square?” Mikala asked. “Or do you want me to do it while you set up your equipment?”
Luke grinned at her. “Will you? I want this ready for when my other stuff comes tomorrow.”
“No problem,” Mikala told him, reaching for the can of graphite paint.
By the time Mikala finished with the bulletin-board-size square, Dawson had hammered brackets into the wall for shelves and was positioning them. Luke was sorting through his books.
Mikala glanced out the window. “It’s snowing again.”
Luke stared out the window at the view and then got up and walked over to it.
She propped her brush in a bucket of water. Her gaze found Dawson’s. He went to the window beside his son and capped his shoulder. “What’s on your mind?”
Silent for a long time, Luke finally said, “I think it was snowing the night of Mom’s accident.”
Dawson glanced at Mikala briefly, but his attention switched back to his son. “Do you remember watching it fall?”
Luke shook his head. “Not really. It’s just—a feeling.”
Mikala didn’t want to crowd him. She also didn’t want to intrude on real communication between Dawson and Luke. But she was here, and she wanted to help.
Crossing to the other side of the ten-year-old, she stared out the window at the snow-frosted pines and aspen. “Maybe if you let yourself feel, memories might come along with those emotions.”
As if he was trying with all his might to remember, Luke shut his eyes. But when he opened them, he looked disappointed and confused. “What if I never remember what happened?”
Dawson stepped in before she could. “If you remember, we’ll deal with what you remember. If you don’t, we’re going to start a new life here and be happy doing it. I want you to know you’re not alone, Luke. I’m always going to be here. Granddad is just a phone call away. Mikala’s here, too.”
“And Aunt Anna,” Luke said as if they might forget about her.
Mikala’s throat tightened with emotion because Luke was starting to realize he did have people who cared about him. Maybe feeling secure and comfortable and loved would help him allow memories to surface. She fervently hoped so.
Dawson said, “Speaking of Aunt Anna. I told her we’d give her a break tonight. How about pizza?”
“Can we get buffalo wings, too?” Luke asked.
“Sure.”
“Can I call in the order?”
“You bet. The phone book’s on the counter downstairs.”
“I’ll go get it. Are you coming down?”
“As soon as Mikala and I clean up a bit.”
Luke looked around his bedroom at the shelves on the freshly painted walls, his stereo system sitting on the floor just waiting for the stand.
He said to Mikala, “Thanks for helping set up my room.”
“You’re welcome.”
As Luke galloped down the steps, she and Dawson migrated toward each other.
“Was that another breakthrough?” he asked.
“The feelings are part of remembering. I’ll explore them more with him when we have our session this week. It will have to be Thursday, though. I have a conference over the weekend.”
Dawson looked surprised. “Where?”
“In Santa Fe. I’ll be leaving Friday and coming back Monday.”
“Do you have much preparation to do?”
“My workshop presentation is almost finished. I’ll be adding the final touches to it tonight.”
“Luke isn’t the only one grateful for you helping here today. I know your life’s busy.”
“I like spending time with you and Luke. I wouldn’t be here if I d
idn’t.”
“Maybe after you get back, we’ll have some time alone again.”
Was he asking her if she wanted that? Or was he assuming that she did?
His heated gaze was filled with the visions she had in the middle of the night of the two of them making love. But she was afraid making love with him again would reveal the vulnerability she’d been keeping hidden. A few days away in Santa Fe might be a good thing. A few days away could give her perspective. A few days away might give her the answers she couldn’t seem to find here.
* * *
Mikala debated with herself about calling Dawson from her hotel room in Santa Fe the following Saturday night. She’d returned to her room to shower and change for dinner with a colleague. Finished dressing early, she thought about Dawson…about making love with him…about whether or not her period would be on time. Even though she’d been busy since she’d arrived at the conference, she couldn’t help thinking about Dawson and Luke. Her session with Luke on Thursday had been productive. He’d talked about his furniture arriving at the house and looking forward to really moving on. When she’d probed about his feeling that snow had fallen the day of the accident, he couldn’t remember anything else. She knew, however, once the floodgates started to open, memories could pour out. She didn’t want Luke and Dawson to have to handle that on their own.
Without hesitating longer, she found Dawson in her contact list and called his cell phone. He picked up after the first ring.
“Hi,” he said as if he was glad to hear from her.
“Hi, yourself. Is this a bad time?”
“Not at all. Luke and I were shifting some of our new furniture around. It hasn’t all been delivered yet but we’re going to spend the night here anyway.”
The CEO's Unexpected Proposal Page 13
