“I didn’t confide in you, Mikala, to have you turn it all around on me!” He looked angry now, and she knew anger was easier. He wouldn’t have to deal with deeper emotions that were tearing him up inside.
“I admit I should have spent more time at home,” he said with regret. “But I was doing what I thought a man should do. Provide.”
“Provide what, Dawson? Yes, a roof over their heads, clothes and the necessities. But were you thinking about providing when you wanted to make your business a success? When you worked sixteen-hour days to get more contracts? Was that about your family or was it about you wanting to succeed?”
He stood and slammed the manila envelope on her desk. “If I didn’t succeed, men would be out of work and we wouldn’t have had a financial future. You talk about success with such disdain. But you want to succeed, too. You’re a perfectionist, Mikala, just as much as I am. What life do you have outside of your work?”
“I was trying to build one,” she said, staring at him pointedly. “But I realize now, you weren’t. You were looking for an escape and I was it. How I could have been so foolish yet again, I don’t know. Just take your papers and leave.”
“The papers stay. If you tear them up, I’ll give you another set. I went to the bank and I set these up because I need some time to figure this all out. I married Kelly because she was pregnant. And she got pregnant on purpose so I would marry her.”
Dawson’s revelation stunned Mikala. “You never told me that.”
“Why would I? On one hand I’d looked at it that she’d loved me so much she became pregnant with my child. But on the other, I felt manipulated. We were three years into our marriage when I found out and I was determined to make our marriage work for Luke’s sake.”
“But you didn’t,” Mikala murmured.
“No. I absolutely went about it all wrong. My father’s bankruptcy destroyed his marriage. I was going to make damn sure that didn’t happen to me!”
The heavy silence let Dawson’s words echo over and over again. At his vehement explanation of feelings, Mikala doubted if even he had realized his motive for working so much before now.
“Look, Mikala. You might think you don’t want the money, but right now I can’t offer you more. I just found out my wife betrayed me. How do you think I’d be ready to jump into anything else?”
“You said you grew apart. Did you really not know?”
She wasn’t trying to hurt Dawson more. She was trying to make him see that sometimes being blind was easier than facing the truth. She’d been blind about their involvement because she’d loved him. Maybe she’d always loved him, and that had kept her from realizing his feelings weren’t that deep. And now she was pregnant with his child and she had to make decisions, too.
“Maybe I was blind,” Dawson admitted. “But I wasn’t looking for signs that Kelly was having an affair. She gave me no reason to doubt her.”
No reason? Mikala couldn’t believe that. Especially when a man and woman were intimate, they usually knew.
As she stared at Dawson, he realized her underlying message. His cheeks flushed a little. He moved away from her toward the door. “I’m not going to say something I’ll regret.”
She got her bearings, considered her abilities, her options, Luke’s and Dawson’s. And she considered what was best for Luke, just as Dawson always had. “I found two therapists in Flagstaff who might be good with Luke. They’re play therapists, not music therapists, but I’ve examined the way they work and I think Luke could relate. I think he and I need at least a few sessions to tie up everything we’ve stirred up. I can be objective about Luke, Dawson. And I think I can be objective about you, too, whether you believe that or not.”
He gave her a look that went straight to her heart. “You can’t be objective about this any more than I can. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
When Dawson left her studio, Mikala stared at the manila envelope on her desk and began to cry.
* * *
Two weeks later Mikala put a pan of banana bread in the oven as her aunt busily prepared a few salads for guests who would be arriving later in the afternoon.
Anna said, “I saw Dawson’s car last night. I guess Luke had an appointment.”
Mikala didn’t say anything. Her aunt knew she couldn’t talk about a client, even if it was Dawson and his son. Her heart was so heavy. Yet at the same time she knew her baby was growing inside of her. She knew Luke was finally processing his memories and dealing with them. He and Dawson seemed to be talking at home, too, from what Luke had told her.
“It didn’t look as if you and Dawson talked at all. He and Luke seemed to leave in a hurry.”
No, she and Dawson weren’t talking. He’d dropped off Luke and then picked him up. End of story.
“Oh, I know you can’t talk about it,” Aunt Anna said. “And you’ve been doing admirably, considering the circumstances.”
That made Mikala stare at her aunt. “What circumstances?”
“Your pregnancy.”
Mikala felt her mouth drop and emotion come into her throat. Talking around the lump, she asked, “How could you possibly know?”
“Mikala Conti, I raised you. I’ve lived with you all these years. Do you think I can’t tell when you’re pale in the morning? When you don’t eat breakfast? Do you think I haven’t seen you turn green when I put clam chowder in front of you? Your mother couldn’t handle seafood, either. That was a dead giveaway.”
Mikala went to the table and pulled out a chair. She had a feeling this was going to be a long heart-to-heart, at least for as long as the bread baked. “I want this baby. I love it already. The doctor says everything looks fine and I’ve already started prenatal care.”
“And Dawson?”
“You know I can’t tell you what’s happening there.”
“You can tell me if he wants his baby.”
“He wants to pay for his baby. He wants to start a college fund for his baby. I don’t know if he’s actually realized I have a tiny life inside of here.” She patted her midriff. “He’s dealing with a lot, Aunt Anna. And involving himself in another committed relationship, especially with a woman who’s pregnant, just wasn’t part of his plan.”
“Love isn’t part of anyone’s plan, I don’t think,” her aunt said with that knowing look that somehow always gave Mikala comfort. “Do you know what I think?”
Mikala was almost afraid to ask. “Whether I want to know or not, you’re going to tell me anyway, aren’t you?”
Her aunt grinned. “You bet I am. The dance at the Mayfield Mansion is coming up next weekend.”
The Mayfield Mansion was part of an estate set aside to preserve Miners Bluff history. Every year a fundraising dance was held there to defer some of the cost of keeping it open to tourists. Mikala had attended many of the dances, but this year—
“I don’t feel like dancing,” she told her aunt.
“But that’s the whole point! You need to buck up. Enjoy the news of that little one growing inside of you. Celebrate your life just the way it is, whether Dawson’s in it or not. Don’t you think?”
Celebrate her life just the way it was. She loved Dawson. She also loved Luke. And whether or not that love was returned, love was always a good thing. The little life growing inside of her was going to direct her future. And, yes, she was looking forward to that. She couldn’t wait for the diapers, and the pacifiers and even the sleepless nights. She couldn’t wait for seeing her child walk, ride a tricycle, go to preschool. There was so very much to look forward to, no matter what part Dawson played in her life. And if she just kept loving him, maybe someday—
“I’d have to go shopping.”
“Maybe, maybe not. I happen to have a gown I wore to the winter festival many, many years ago…when I was first in love with Silas.”
; “First in love?” Mikala asked. They hadn’t really talked about this.
“Oh, I do love him all over again. And I think he loves me. We’re figuring it out. But in the meantime, I have this beautiful sapphire-blue velvet dress in my closet that can easily be altered to fit you.”
“Are you going to the dance?”
“I certainly am. Silas invited me to go with him. I wouldn’t miss it. Silas is even going to wear his Western tux. That will be a sight.”
Her aunt and Silas Decker in love would be a sight.
Mikala knew she had to put her relationship with Dawson on hold. She had to figure out what happened next for her and her baby. Going to the dance at the Mayfield Mansion could be the first step.
* * *
Dawson aimed at the backboard over the garage and landed a hook shot. Passing the basketball to Luke, he watched his son aim carefully, then toss the ball with all his might. It rolled around the rim, then dropped in. Luke ran and caught the ball.
“Do you want to take a break?” Dawson asked his son.
“Sure, if you need it, Dad.” Luke grinned.
He’d been grinning and talking more each day. His son was healing…thanks to Mikala.
Luke looked around as if he was assessing the yard, the house and their life. Then he said, “Mikala would like it out here. She might even like to play basketball. We should ask her over again.” He gave his dad a sideways glance to see how he’d received the suggestion.
Ever since the day he’d taken the bank information to Mikala, Dawson’s insides had been churning, his heart aching, his mind going over everything he and Mikala had said. His marriage had been long over before the night of Kelly’s accident, and he’d been so determined to keep them together that he hadn’t faced it. He hadn’t wanted to fail. He hadn’t wanted his marriage to end up like his parents’ marriage had. Yet it had, anyway. Two people, separate instead of together. Two people, who maybe didn’t belong together in the first place, but stayed together because of their lifestyle and their son.
Only… Kelly had been ready to walk out. Kelly had betrayed him. Kelly had fallen in love with another man.
Dawson was still processing everything that had happened, still trying to figure out each mistake he’d made, what he could have done differently.
And in the midst of all of it, he ached for Mikala. He ached for the baby she was going to have. Their baby. Could he be a good father this time around? Would she even consider letting him back into her life after his reaction to her pregnancy…his reaction to committing to her…his silence since then?
Luke was watching his dad carefully now. He revealed, “Aunt Anna told me Mikala grew up with her. When I asked why, Aunt Anna said Mikala’s mom left when she was little. She didn’t really want to be a mom. Maybe my mom didn’t want to be a mom anymore. Mikala says that’s not true. What do you think?”
Wow. Now that he and Luke were communicating, he wished he was wiser and knew exactly what to say. But he let his heart guide him.
“I believe your mom loved you very much. I think she stopped loving me because I wasn’t the best husband or dad I could be. But she never stopped loving you.”
“But she was going to leave.”
“I know.” That knowledge lanced Dawson deeply. All he could do was listen and acknowledge Luke’s pain, too.
Dawson remained silent, unsure what to say. He was totally unprepared for what came next.
Luke bounced his basketball a few times, casting a quick look at Dawson. “You know, Dad, I like Mikala a lot. And…if she ever married someone, she would never leave her kid. Because she knows how it feels. Right?”
Luke had apparently been doing a lot of thinking since his memory returned. “Right,” Dawson answered, knowing it was true. He repeated, “Marry someone?”
“Marry us,” Luke murmured. Then seeing his father didn’t have an unfavorable reaction, he asked, “Don’t you really, really like her? I do.”
This question of Luke’s definitely required an answer—one he could give wholeheartedly. “Yes, I really, really like her.”
And with sudden shining clarity, he knew he more than liked her…more than desired her. He loved Mikala Conti. Yes, he did. He loved her. Mikala was honest and loyal and would love their child until her dying day. Maybe him, too, if he’d give her a chance…give them a chance.
He might have ruined everything. If she’d felt anything deeply for him, he might have spoiled it. That last time they’d made love, Mikala had finally let her guard down with him, and he hadn’t cherished that fact as he should have. He hadn’t cherished her and their baby as he should have.
The turmoil that had stolen his sleep as well as his appetite suddenly ceased. He saw that Luke could accept Mikala as he couldn’t accept any other woman…that she’d be a mother he could trust…that she’d be a wife Dawson could trust. He understood the mistakes he’d made and would not repeat them. He finally removed his blinders and saw clearly that he wanted a life—and a family—with Mikala. She was his future.
Now he just had to convince her that he was hers.
Chapter Thirteen
The Mayfield Mansion was absolutely beautiful. Mikala tried to concentrate on the polished old wood, the crown molding, the antique furniture, as she moved from room to room, talking with Celeste and Clay, Jenny and Zack, Katie, Riley and Noah. There were some new faces, men she hadn’t seen before, and they looked at her with interest. She felt pretty tonight in her aunt’s beautiful dress. The sapphire-blue velvet swept her ankles; the off-the-shoulder neck and long sleeves hugged her closely. The waist was tightly fitted before it swept out into a full skirt, and she was very aware that a few months from now she wouldn’t be able to fasten the tiny buttons down the back of the dress. With it she’d worn Dawson’s necklace. She never took it off. The charm holder with its piano charm was a talisman she’d always cherish.
Music was playing in the grand ballroom. She headed that way, even though she didn’t intend to stay long. Immediately she spotted Silas and her Aunt Anna waltzing as if they were made to dance together. Jenny and Zack were dancing now, too, as well as Celeste and Clay. If only—
Suddenly her breath caught. Dawson was there, striding across the room toward her. Her heart fluttered and for a moment she thought of running in the other direction. She felt so much, and she couldn’t just have a casual conversation tonight as if her heart didn’t still feel trampled. But he’d seen her now. And unlike their brief encounters when he came and went with Luke, there was a new look of determination in his eyes that told her he’d come after her if she ran! Because he was ready to talk about the baby again? About the bank account she wouldn’t sign her name to?
As he approached, she noticed everything about him. He was dressed in a Western-cut suit with a white shirt and a black bolo tie, with a horseshoe holding it around his neck. He looked so good she wanted to cry.
But she wouldn’t. Except in her bedroom at night when she let her tears fall, she’d held her emotions together. Her pride was all she had left with Dawson, and she wouldn’t let it disintegrate around her. She straightened her back, raised her chin a little higher and waited for him.
When he stood in front of her, he held out his hand. “Dance with me?”
“Dawson—” In his arms again, how could she hold in all she was feeling?
“Dance with me, Mikala.”
There was an insistence in his voice that she couldn’t refuse. She nodded.
As he took her into his arms, she asked softly, “Where’s Luke tonight?”
“Dad’s visiting. They’re having a guys’ night.”
Dawson’s arm wrapped around her, and she was transported back to the first time they’d danced at their senior prom, the next time at their reunion, and then two months ago at Zack and Jenny’s party. Every
time she’d danced with Dawson they’d become a little closer. And tonight…
He pulled her tighter and when she gazed up into his eyes she saw, what? Emotion, that was for sure. But about what? How she was helping Luke? About everything that had happened? Regrets he might want to talk about?
In spite of all her questions, she got lost in the music and the dance and Dawson. They moved together as if they’d been doing it forever. Her blood heated, her face flushed, her body molded to his.
When the song ended, Dawson tucked her hand into the crook of his arm. “Come with me.”
There were French doors leading to a balcony. He opened one, guided her through and then closed the door behind them. A winter chill still nipped the air, but there was a hint of spring lingering there, too…new life beginning to bud.
When she turned to Dawson, he took both of her hands into his. Panic somersaulted in her stomach. What if he was going to move away from Miners Bluff and go back to Phoenix with Luke? What if—
“Stop thinking,” he ordered gently. “Just look at me and listen. Okay?”
“I’ll listen,” she said shakily, not sure she wanted to.
“I always thought you were the prettiest, kindest girl I’d ever met. I made so many mistakes since I arrived here—with Luke and with you. But thanks to you, Luke and I are really becoming father and son again. Mikala, you’ve given me my son back and I will always be grateful for that.”
If this was about gratitude—
“Stop thinking,” he ordered again gently with a smile that warmed her all over. “Yes, I’m grateful. But I’m so much more. I’ve realized I fell for you in high school, only you never knew that. I fell for you all over again at the reunion, but denied it. How could I feel anything when I had so much going on with Luke? But as each day went by, it was harder and harder to deny those feelings. Luke and I are on the same page now about a lot of things. And we’re in total agreement about something very important—we both want you to be part of our family.”
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