by Judith Pella
“I doubt it will do any good to talk to her,” Maggie said, shutting the door behind her. “Once she gets something into her head, she can be very stubborn.”
Zack looked around and was relieved to see that Ellie was not seated anywhere on the porch. Maybe she had walked off to the barn to be alone.
“So you don’t think I ought to talk to her?” Zack asked, looking for a way out.
“That’s up to you entirely. But just don’t let her get to you, Reverend. What you did was a very noble thing.”
“Striking a man?”
“Striking a snake!” Maggie corrected emphatically. “Tommy tells me what his pa does, and someone should have whopped him long ago. Makes me realize what a bunch of cowards there are around here.”
“Don’t you be hard on them like your sister is being hard on me,” Zack cautioned. “People just want to live in peace.”
“No matter, I’m still proud to know you, Reverend.”
Then suddenly Maggie hitched up on her toes and planted a kiss on Zack’s cheek. He staggered back against the door in his surprise. She smiled and may as well have said that she wanted to get to know him better. Maybe he wouldn’t mind that, either, he thought as he gazed down into her large green eyes now focused upon him so adoringly. He had a strong urge to pull her to him and kiss her properly. Only the fact that her parents were just behind the door restrained him.
“I . . . uh . . . better . . . uh . . .” He had momentarily forgotten why he had come outside in the first place.
“You were going to talk to Ellie,” Maggie said in a teasing tone. “But maybe you’ve found someone more interesting to talk to . . . William.”
This raised his brows, her calling him by his given name— well,Locklin’s given name. “Now, now, Maggie—”
“Why don’t you kiss me, William,” she murmured. “I think you want to.”
He’d known saloon girls less forward and wizened old men less perceptive. “I don’t think so.”
“I’m not a child.”
“I know that, Maggie. You are a beautiful young woman, andI’d like nothing more than to kiss you—”
“But?” she queried with a bit of a pout.
“Isn’t it obvious?” But when she responded with a blank stare, he added, “I’m the minister,” as if that was enough.
“Is that all?”
“Let’s get to know each other a bit more. You don’t know me nearly well enough.”
She studied him a long moment before speaking. He had the feeling she could see right through him, that she was far older than her seventeen years.
“I guess I do need to get better acquainted with you, Reverend,” she said, “because I wouldn’t have thought you were one to stand on such old-fashioned traditions—not after what happened with Tom Donnelly.”
“I’ll tell you what,” he conceded, “tomorrow after your brother is done with school, why don’t the two of you show me one of your fishing holes?”
“The two of us?”
“Most definitely.”
Hesitating just a moment, she said, “Okay.” She turned back to the door but paused and added, “She’s over there.” She pointed toward the big willow.
Zack blinked, and it was a full moment before he realized Maggie was talking about her sister. He wanted to follow Maggie back into the house and forget his original reason for coming out. These two sisters were innocent as babes and dangerous as vipers.
He headed toward the willow. Ellie was seated on the swing, her back to the porch. She couldn’t have witnessed any of what had just transpired there, though nothing had transpired, had it?
“Do you mind an intrusion, Ellie?” he asked.
“No, I suppose not,” she replied, glancing up.
She appeared to not be surprised by his appearance, so he plunged right in. “I think we need to talk about what happened between me and Tom Donnelly. You are upset and I ’d like to understand why.”
This did seem to surprise her. Moonlight washed over her, bringing her features and expressions into clear focus. Her beauty, as well.
“I’m touched you would take the time to talk to me, that you seem to care about my opinion,” she offered.
“I believe yours is the only dissenting voice, so of course I’m’m curious.” He didn’t like standing and towering over her, so he sat down upon the grass at her feet. “Tell me your thoughts.”
She was quiet for a time, then simply stated, “Violence is wrong, Reverend.”
“I am no proponent of violence, either,” he said. “But there are times when there is no other choice, or, as your mother indicated, when a righteous violence might be acceptable.I am not saying that what I did yesterday is any of these. But some people only understand the language of violence, and I think Tom is one of those.”
“And that makes what you did right? That Mr. Donnelly deserved it?”
“I don’t know.”
“You should, Reverend. You’ve studied the Bible. Christ speaks over and over again about peace, turning the other cheek, loving one’s enemies. How can you voice confusion over something so clear?”
“Because nothing is ever totally so clear-cut.”
“Even the Bible, Reverend?” she challenged.
“Life, Ellie,” he said, realizing he had slipped out of Reverend L ocklin’s skin and was speaking as himself. “And you would do well to learn some flexibility. There are always two sides to a coin. You can’t be so unbending.”
“I will not bend my principles.”
“But you can’t let them blind you to seeing into a person’s heart or seeing their motives.”
“What was your motive, then, for attacking Mr. Don-nelly?” Again there was challenge in her tone rather than honest seeking.
His dander rose and he jumped to his feet. “I’ll tell you! I looked into the eyes of an evil man.I saw the things he did to his family.I saw a man who would pick on those weaker than himself just because he could.” Zack’s voice trembled with rising passion. “And I couldn’t let it happen again. I wasn’t going to let him push me around anymore, criticize me, and make me feel like—” Zack gasped as he realized he was no longer talking about Mr. Donnelly but rather his own stepfather.
Zack’s gaze skittered toward Ellie. He saw the shock in her eyes, the disapproval.
Tightly he said, “I better go. Please give your parents my regards. I best not go back to the house.”
He spun around, shaking inside, still angry, at himself for so thoroughly forgetting himself, but also at Ellie for sitting there saying nothing, for continuing to stare at him with that look of judgment.
With every step he took to the barn, he hoped she would call after him. He deserved an apology from her. He wanted to know she understood what he was saying. But again, he didn’t understand why it mattered.
SEVENTEEN
Ellie watched Reverend L ocklin ride away. She wanted desperately to run after him and tell him she was sorry, but she knew she’d be saying it just to appease him, and no one wanted that kind of apology.
But she believed what she believed. If you started saying life was not clearly good and bad, that there were gray areas, you opened yourself up for much confusion. Yet what bothered her most was she knew that wasn’t the true reason for her discomfiture. She could be flexible, tolerant, and forgiving to a point. She had only raised these broader issues to cover the one that troubled her most about what Reverend Locklin had done.
If Ellie’s father had beat up Mr. Donnelly under the same circumstances, she might have understood and even applauded him a little. But she held ReverendL ocklin to a higher standard, not only as a minister but—and this truly troubled her—as a candidate for her husband.
Was she too inflexible in the matter of choosing a husband?
Was that why she was nineteen and not yet married or even engaged? Could no man meet her standards?
Realizing her churning thoughts were making her more distraught rather than offering so
lutions, she finally rose from the swing and returned to the house. She hadn’t realized she’d been out so long. She hadn’t even noted the evening chill in the air. I nside, the house was quiet. Maggie, Georgie, and Boyd had already gone up to bed. Mama and Dad were seated in the rocking chairs, Mama with perpetual sewing in her hands, squinting so as to get a few more stitches put in as the firelight began to fade. Dad was thumbing through his Montgomery Ward catalog.
“I was about ready to come after you,” Mama said. “You’ll get a chill sitting outside so late without a coat.”
“We heard Reverend L ocklin ride off some time ago,” Dad said.
“He asked me to send his regards.”
“Something must have happened for him to not stop back in the house before leaving. He even left his coat behind,” said Mama.
“We didn’t quite agree on something,” Ellie said vaguely, hoping that would be the end of it but knowing it wouldn’t.
“What did you say to him?” asked Mama.
“You immediately assume it was I who offended him!”
“Well, Ellie, honey,” Dad said gently, “you did seem to have a little bee in your bonnet.”
“He said I was inflexible and judgmental.” She was about to take back the judgmental part when she realized he hadn’t actually said that. But she was certain he was thinking it, so she didn’t.
“You were pretty unwilling to consider there might be more to what happened than appeared on the surface,” Dad said.
“There is more to it than that, though, isn’t there, Ellie?” Mama asked.
Ellie looked at her mother, then quickly at her father. She just shrugged. She couldn’t say what was really bothering her in front of her father. He was already skeptical of this business of marrying off the minister and might take her confession wrong.
“Calvin,” said Mama, “why don’t you go on up to bed? I ’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Dad looked from one woman to the other, nodded, and setting aside his catalog, rose. “Don’t be too long.It’s late.”
When they were alone, Mama said, “Now, Ellie, tell me what is really on your mind. I never knew you to be such a pacifist.”
“Well, it is true I don’t condone violence, and I am bothered that everyone is patting Reverend L ocklin on the back. But . . . shouldn’t we be able to expect more from our minister? I t’d be different if Dad or Boyd had attacked Mr. Donnelly.”
“Ellie, the minister is a man just like any other. You don’t seriously believe he is perfect. He probably snores when he sleeps, belches when he’s alone, and forgets to wipe his boots when entering a house. He is just as liable to make a mistake as anyone else.”
“I know . . .” Ellie replied hesitantly.
Mama leaned forward, the light of true understanding in her eyes. “Ellie, did you think that by marrying a minister you’d have the perfect man?Is that why you’ve always dreamed of that?”
Ellie bit her lip, hating to admit that her mother was right.
Mama reached across the gap separating their seats and grasped her hand. “Honey,” she said, “you’ll be sorely disappointed in life if you expect perfection from anyone. No one, not even a man of God, can fit the bill.”
“I guess I was hoping that if I married a minister, I ’d be that much closer, at least,” Ellie said hopefully.
Mama shook her head. “When a woman marries, she can never be truly certain what she is getting.”
“You did pretty well with Dad.”
“Well,I didn’t order him from the Montgomery Ward catalog that way!” Mama smiled at her jest. “It’s taken twenty-two years of hard work on my part to get him shaped up.”
“Are you saying you change the man you marry?”
“I wouldn’t suggest marrying a fellow with the thought that you’ll change him to fit your desires. You might end up like poor Jane Donnelly.I hope, however, that you’ll start out with good roots, good stock. A man with a good heart. That’s why your father has worked out so well. Change happens to people who are willing to be better. Sometimes they need a nudge or two along the way. But if their heart is right, then they are halfway there.” Mama rose and went to the cupboard where she kept her sewing things. She took out a box that Ellie knew contained special mementos.
Mama lifted the lid and took out two papers. “You remember these?”
Both papers were children’s drawings. One was of a birthday cake with two candles and some rather lopsided wrapped presents. The other was of a rocking chair in front of a hearth.
Scrawled on both in childish writing were the words Hapy Birf-day, Mama.
“Boyd and I drew these,” Ellie said. “I made the one of the birthday cake.I must have been five when I drew that.”
“Your father and I had been married eight years when you did those. I was expecting Georgie. Your father was a good husband, but like all he had a few faults. One being that he never remembered my birthday. Year after year he’d forget, and year after year I ’d get mad, pout, and not speak to him for a day. He just never got the idea. But on this particular birthday,I had determined not to remind your father and to test him. I did happen to mention to Boyd that it was my birthday, and without my knowing it, he drew me this picture and got you to draw one, too. Maggie was too young, I guess, to participate.”
“I kind of remember,” Ellie said. “He was upset that you didn’t have any presents.”
“You both presented your pictures at supper. Your father was shocked. He had forgotten once again and was shamed by the fact that his little children had remembered when he had not. Moreover, Boyd’s picture of the rocking chair was a lot like one I ’d seen at Dolman’s store in St. Helens and had hinted that I ’d like it for the new baby because our other rocker was old and worn out from rocking not only my three children but from having rocked some of my ancestors’ children, as well.
“Next day, when I came in from working in the garden, there was that rocker sitting by the hearth with a ribbon tied around it. Your father has never forgotten my birthday since.”
“So you did change Dad, only you let Boyd be your agent.”
“I’ll admit I did nudge the situation along, but there was no reason to believe it wouldn’t be like every other year, and he would go back to forgetting. This time your dad changed himself.I guess what I am saying, Ellie, is that I would still love your father even if he’d kept this bad habit, and believe me, he’s got a few bad habits still, but I love him in spite of them. I love him for his heart.I suspect he feels the same about me because, you may not know this, but I have one or two bad habits, too.” She added this last deadpan. Then she smiled.
Ellie chuckled with her mother and added more somberly, “I guess I always knew I wouldn’t get a perfect husband. But there is more to being married to a minister than that.”
“You have set your cap for Reverend Locklin?”
Was there a hint of hopefulness in her mother’s tone?
“I was beginning to wonder, the way you seem to avoid him.”
“I suppose I changed my mind.I started out thinking I wanted to get his attention, but I don’t like the feeling of being a spider spinning a web. Let Mabel have him.”
“Mabel would be a terrible minister’s wife. For one thing, she would never be able to survive on a preacher’s meager wage.”
“How about Maggie?”
“Maggie?” Mama started to laugh at the absurdity of this, then paused and added with more alarm, “Maggie?”
“Don’t tell her I said anything, Mama, but she got it into her head that she would go after the minister rather than let Mabel win him.”
“That only shows her immaturity. I should speak to her.”
“Please don’t, Mama. You know Maggie.If she thinks you’re opposed, that will make her all the more determined.I think if we just let it go, Reverend L ocklin will have the sense to choose his mate more wisely. He won’t be snared unwittingly by anyone.”
If Georgie hadn’t been al
ong on this fishing trip, Maggie knew William wouldn’t have been either. Nevertheless, she resented her little brother’s presence.
For one thing, he’d kept up a steady stream of chatter with the reverend practically the entire ride. But now that they were settled by the pond, Maggie was determined to take better control of the situation. If William L ocklin thought this was merely a fishing expedition, he was in for a surprise.
It was a fine afternoon, summer having arrived full-fledged. White puffy clouds sparsely dotted the blue sky, permitting the sun to warm the earth below. A slight breeze ruffled the tall grasses surrounding the fishing pond which, besides the grass, was bordered with a handful of willows, some birch, and a couple of oaks a bit back from the water’s edge.
The three fishermen baited their lines and cast them into the smooth blue water. Afternoon wasn’t really the prime time for fishing, but this being a school day, it was the only time Georgie could come along. The spring term would go until the middle of July, so Maggie would suggest another fishing expedition on a weekday morning when her brother would be in school.
Propping their poles up with rocks, they reposed comfortably in the grass and waited for a bite. They talked about all manner of things but mostly fishing. William wasn’t really a novice. He said he’d fished as a boy in Kansas but had lost interest because his stepfather kept criticizing his technique and was a rather heavy-handed teacher. Maggie had thought she’d heard William was from Maine, but maybe she’d heard wrong or maybe he had moved to Maine at some point.
Eventually Georgie grew bored with the conversation and decided to do some exploring. The last time he had been to the pond, he had spotted a robin’s nest and now wanted to see if the eggs had hatched. William said to yell if he found anything but seemed content to mind Georgie’s pole in the meantime. Maggie hoped it was because he wanted to spend some time with her.
Finally alone, they talked about one thing and another, and Maggie marveled at how easy he was to converse with, not as she’d imagine it would be with a scholarly man who had been to seminary and must be very intelligent. He talked about simple things, not about religion or philosophy or any such topic. They talked for a while about horses, and he knew more than she thought a city-bred fellow would. He also started talking about his travels, and it surprised her how much he’d seen of the country. He began to tell a story of encountering a storm on a ship from San Francisco to Seattle when he stopped suddenly.
