by KG MacGregor
"It was an easy fix." Don't let her just leave, dummy. "So what about your mom? Did everything turn out okay?"
"Yeah, it was alright. Just a little problem. Dr. Sanders gave her some medicine. I talked to him, and he said it was no big deal."
"Good. That's good, Carly…Tell her I said hi, okay?"
"Sure." The blonde smiled again, this time almost sadly, and turned to leave.
Say something. "So…how long are you going to be in town?"
Carly stopped and spun around. "Till the middle of January."
"That's almost two whole months! That works out perfect. You can come to the reunion."
"What reunion?"
"Our twenty-fifth, remember? Leland High School…1979…seventeen-year-old stupid people. It's at the Kiwanis Lodge two days after Christmas, on Saturday night. We thought more people might be in Leland over the holidays, visiting family and all. I'm on the committee. Didn't you get the invitation?"
"No, I guess my mail hasn't caught up with me yet."
"But you can come, right?"
"I…don't know. I, uh…might have to go to Louisville right after Christmas for a few days."
Justine noticed the hesitation, and felt suddenly ashamed. Why would Carly want to come to a reunion after the way she'd been treated in high school? Clearly, their juvenile behavior had not been forgotten. Some of the girls Justine had hung out with had gone 17
The House on Sandstone
out of their way to make fun of the blonde girl back then. Carly was smart, but she didn't take part in the after school stuff, like the clubs or athletics. Instead, she'd gone to work, riding on the Griffin Home Furnishings delivery truck, hauling furniture all over town.
One of the girls from Justine's clique–Sara McCurry–would call her Carl, then everyone would laugh at the joke. Carly had always tried to laugh along, but by their senior year, she'd pulled away so much that she barely spoke to anyone at all.
But Justine's shame was for more than that. She hadn't actually participated in the taunting, but she'd never spoken a word in the blonde girl's defense. No, what she'd done had been far worse, because Carly knew the truth. And all of a sudden, it was incredibly important for her to show her former friend that she'd grown up…and to give Carly the respect that she deserved.
"Well if you're going to be in town for awhile, maybe we can…have dinner or something.
I'd really like to hear all about how you're doing, Carly. I think it's just great that you're getting to go to all those exciting places." Her voice wavered as she grew more serious.
"You always were a better person than all of us put together."
Carly blushed deep red, locking her own eyes into Justine's repentant gaze. Finally, she nodded. "Yeah…yeah, I'd really like that, Justine…having dinner or something…and catching up."
"So…I'll call you, okay? At your parents' house or at the store or something."
"That's good. Either place." She started to leave again, turning one last time. "It's really good to see you again."
"Yeah, you too."
**********
Carly fumbled with the keys to her rental car, then jumped quickly inside to grab a cigarette from the console. She had smoked two in the car before getting up her nerve to go into the hospital, and would probably have two more before she could gather her wits to drive out of the lot. It was amazing the effect that woman still had on her even after all this time.
Justine Hall was gorgeous at forty-three, far prettier as a mature woman than she'd ever been as a schoolgirl. Not like a model or anything, but she had a very wholesome look that said she was fit and happy with herself. Her makeup was barely noticeable, and her straight reddish hair hung casually just past her collar.
18
The House on Sandstone
But the nicest thing about Justine today had been her smile. It was genuine, and unless Carly was mistaken, apologetic. It was clear from her comments that her former friend remembered how they'd left things, and maybe–just maybe–they would be able to talk again after all these years and set things right.
Carly was all for mending the fence with Justine, but she had no interest in hooking up again with the rest of her classmates–that cliquish group of snobs–even if it was just to rub their noses in the fact that she'd outgrown their tiny minds. People like that always had a way of making their petty lives seem grandiose, and she was sure they'd never give her the satisfaction of admitting even to themselves that they had misjudged her.
But Justine was different. Justine had always known the truth…she just hadn't been able to accept it.
**********
Justine uncrossed her legs only to cross them again the other way. She'd been fidgeting like that for ten minutes already, and Valerie had had enough. Tossing her notebook on the coffee table, the counselor leaned back in the rocker and folded her arms.
"So what's on your mind this week, Justine? It's obvious that you didn't come prepared to talk about your inner calm." Last week, Valerie had helped her put together a checklist of things that would bring more peace and serenity into her everyday life. Justine's task for the week had been to explore a variety of means and select two or three that she might incorporate into her routine.
"I ran into an old friend today…someone I hadn't seen since high school."
Valerie sat quietly, knowing from almost three years of sessions together that Justine would continue without prompting now that she had stated what was on her mind.
"Her name's Carly and we used to be friends. She moved to Leland in the ninth grade when her parents bought the furniture store. She was really smart…and she was funny…and she was always really nice to me. Our lockers were next to each other for four years, and we always got seated together because her last name was Griffin and mine was Hall…still is, I guess…or is again. Anyway, Carly wasn't like all the other girls I hung out with. She didn't dress just so and worry about her makeup or hair…and she didn't talk about boys all the time. After a while, the other girls started to make fun of her…you know, they talked about her clothes and the way she looked. They'd always try to get one of the farm boys to ask her out, just so they could all laugh at both of them. It was mean…and I didn't do it, but I was a part of it just the same."
19
The House on Sandstone
Valerie could hear the regret in her client's voice, and imagined that seeing Carly today had brought it all back to bear on her. It wasn't clear yet what Justine's role had been, but it was obviously something she would have to work through…another thing she'd have to atone for…another thing she would have to forgive herself for.
"At some point, people started saying that Carly was…a lesbian. And since we were lab partners in chemistry, they started teasing me too…telling me stuff like to watch out and to make sure I always buttoned my blouse all the way up. It didn't bother me at first, but then Carly and I started talking about it one day…."
"Carly…can I ask you something kind of…personal?" Justine watched as her lab partner lined up all of the equipment they would need for this particular experiment.
Every other Friday from four to four-thirty, the pair had the whole lab to themselves, except for an occasional visit from Mr. Prather, their chemistry teacher. The halls were usually quiet by this time, since most of their classmates were at home making preparations to come back in the evening for a football or basketball game. That was Justine's routine as well, but not Carly's. The studious blonde girl didn't seem to have any interest in extra-curricular activities.
"Sure…I guess." Justine saw a hint of red that started on Carly's face in anticipation of what kind of "personal" question she might ask.
"Does it bother you when people say…that you like girls?" The last words she uttered at barely a whisper.
Carly looked her in the eye, obviously wary that if she gave a serious answer, the redhead would laugh and run back to tell her snotty friends. But what Justine hoped to convey was sincerity
…and real curiosity.
"It bothers me that they have so much fun doing it. It bothers me that they say it like it's something noisome or deranged."
Noisome. Justine would look that word up later. "What do…if you…do you ever think about other girls…that way?"
Carly had stopped the experiment to give her undivided attention to what was probably the most compelling conversation she had ever had with another soul.
"Sometimes…I wonder if maybe they're right. I'm not really all that comfortable around boys. Of course, I'm not all that comfortable around girls either…just some girls. I'm comfortable around you."
20
The House on Sandstone
Justine had almost said the same words back, but Mr. Prather suddenly entered the lab to check on their progress. Thanks to Carly, both girls were going to ace chemistry.
"So this Carly…you had feelings for her back in high school?"
"I don't know. Sort of…I guess. I mean, I thought she was sort of cute. She always laughed and cut up when it was just her and me. She'd put cartoons and funny quotes in my locker. And after chemistry lab, I'd always give her a ride home. It was the only time she didn't have to go to work at the furniture store right after school."
"So what happened that you became a part of the teasing?"
Justine swung her foot casually, thinking the question might just go away or that Valerie would eventually go on and ask another one before she had to answer it.
"Justine?"
"I kissed her."
Three years of therapy suddenly got convoluted as Valerie processed this new bit of information. Justine had had these feelings and doubts for a lot longer than she'd let on.
"It was a couple of months after we first talked. I brought it up again every lab and we'd talk about it. I finally told her that I found some girls a lot more interesting than boys.
And then one day we went into the supply closet to put away all the stuff from our experiment…and it was kind of dark…and I looked at her and she looked at me…we both knew it was about to happen. And when it did, I thought it would be like…okay, so that was different from kissing boys. I figured I'd just try it that one time and see what it was like…you know, get it out of my system. But that's not what happened. It was like all of a sudden, this volcano or something shot up through my whole body. The kiss just got deeper and deeper, and next thing I knew, I had my hand on Carly's breast and everything."
Justine began to frown as she moved her memories from that sublime moment in the chemistry closet to the awful transformation that took place in the weeks that followed.
"By the time I got home that day, I'd already started to worry about people finding out…about people thinking I was like that. I guess I was like that…I just didn't want people to know it, and I figured I could make up my own mind about it. Anyway, I stayed in my room all weekend and made myself sick thinking about it. I didn't want that. I wanted what I'd been taught to expect all my life…to have a husband with a good job…to live in a big nice house…to have children to take care of and to love…the whole family-around-the-Christmas-tree thing. I didn't want to feel that way about another girl, and I couldn't risk my friends thinking I did. So I…pretty much quit talking to her after that. I 21
The House on Sandstone
told Mr. Prather that I had to go get allergy shots on Fridays so he would swap me with somebody else. Even then, Carly was still nice to me. She said one day at our lockers that we should just forget about it…that she didn't want it to ruin our friendship. Instead, I said I'd already forgotten about it…and then I started just being mean…telling her to stop putting things in my locker. I never…made fun of her with my friends…but I never stopped them either."
Valerie looked at the slumped shoulders and sunken face. This was going to be a setback for Justine. "It's interesting to me that you've never talked about Carly before."
"It made me ashamed to even think about it. It was probably the meanest thing I've ever done to another human being in my whole life."
**********
Carly ground out the cigarette against the tree trunk and stuffed the butt into her pocket with the other three. Not many 42-year-old women climbed trees, but she was perfectly happy tonight to be the exception. The path through the woods over to Justine's was convenient if she ever wanted to walk down there–if she was ever invited–but when they paved it, they cut the bushes back and now there weren't any really good places where she could sit and watch without being seen. The pine tree was perfect, its thick branches shielding her from view as she peeked through.
I've turned into a stalker. Talking with Justine today had awakened so many old feelings…some sweet, some not so easy to deal with. Carly couldn't deny the sense of betrayal she'd felt for twenty-five years, but she would forgive every moment of anger and hurt if it meant seeing Justine smile at her again like she had today.
"So just what the hell are you doing out here, Carly?" she mumbled to herself. "A pretty lady smiles at you and your brain goes on vacation."
Carly knew that Justine was capable of infinite charm and warmth. No secret there. But like their stuck-up classmates, she was also capable of extreme cruelty, which was magnified by the fact that it wasn't Justine's true nature. She'd gone out of her way to act like that back then, and Carly knew why.
In the hours that had passed since seeing her former friend at the hospital, the near euphoria had given way to an almost obsessive introspection. The fact was that Carly had spent the last twenty-five years dealing with the fallout from being treated with such spite back in high school. That single experience had had left an indelible scar because someone she'd trusted had betrayed her.
Now all of a sudden it's all forgiven because she was nice to you today.
22
The House on Sandstone
It occurred to Carly that Justine really didn't remember the specifics of what had happened in high school…or that if she did, she remembered it differently. That, she reasoned, was why the pretty lady could smile like she had today and act like it hadn't happened at all; like surely Carly didn't still have her nose out of joint after all these years.
But there was something that Justine had said that made it seem like she did remember.
You were better than all of us. Why did she say that? Carly had always known she was better than that bunch of snobs Justine ran around with, but she'd also known that her friend was different. Even after Justine had stopped talking to her, she never took part in the taunting, because she just didn't have that mean spirit in her.
Carly had always wanted to believe that Justine had pulled away because she was afraid to give in to the idea of liking girls…so afraid that she had to distance herself from it, and that meant putting up a wall between Carly and herself. She'd never felt that Justine had really wanted to be with somebody like her–she'd been such a nerd in high school. People like Justine–their fathers were doctors and lawyers and city councilmen–didn't go for people who lived on her side of Stony Ridge. She'd just been the safest way to test the waters.
"So what the hell are you doing sitting in a stupid tree watching her house like a peeping tom?" The answer to that was simple enough. Because you've never forgotten that moment, Carly…because you've never had another kiss like that one. And then there was that other item…. Because Justine may have had an affair recently with another woman, and maybe that means there's a chance that the two of you can take care of some unfinished business.
From her hiding place in the tree, she watched as the dark sedan pulled into the empty drive. Justine got out and walked to the end of the drive to collect her mail, and disappeared into her house.
Stubbing out her last cigarette, Carly carefully navigated the willowy branches back to solid ground and headed down the path back to her house.
She isn't going to call, you know. She was just being her usual charming self.
**********
"Okay, relax."
&
nbsp; After Trey left three years ago to go live with his father, Justine had fallen into the habit of talking aloud through things that worried her as she went about her household tasks. It was a practice that had driven her daughter to distraction.
23
The House on Sandstone
" I don't want to be inside your head, Mom. It isn't a very nice place."
"You invited her to dinner and she said yes. If she's still upset about everything after all this time, she'll say something and we'll talk about it. I'm not afraid to talk about it now.
And I'll apologize and ask her to forgive me."
The redhead gathered the trash throughout the house to set out on the curb, not even cognizant of the fact that she kept going into the same rooms over and over to empty the cans. This could take all night.
"She looked so good today. God, she was nice! Heck, I'm the one that needs to bring it up, not Carly. She won't, because she's not like that." Finally, she hauled the plastic bag out the kitchen door to the large trash bin, completely forgetting to drag it down the driveway for collection. "And I should tell her everything. She deserves to know the truth. And if she decides never to speak to me again…well, I won't blame her one bit."
Justine had stayed a little later with Valerie tonight to discuss this new development…or rather this old development that she'd conveniently left out of every conversation she'd had with the therapist about her attraction to women. All talk of her "inner calm" had been tabled, to say the least. Right now, she had no calm to speak of; her innards were in knots.
