"Niall."
"What?"
"I'll help you, but you've got to promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"Stick to being a vet and never try your hand at poetry. I don't think she'd be flattered to know she reminds you of a layered bean dip."
"She might. She thinks I'm romantic."
"Then she is seriously weird. I've never known you to do a romantic thing in your practical life."
He'd never been moved to until he met Tammy. "She inspires me."
"Humph. You're serious, aren't you?"
"I think so."
"You need to make sure. She's been through a lot already. She doesn't need you messing with her head—"
"I thought you didn't like the sound of her, and now you're defending her."
"I don't want you to get hurt and she sounds like she's just the one who could do it. I've never heard you like this. You were pissed with Mia, but it was different. You're already freaked out over this woman. And I just don't know if you can make it work with her."
Not making it work meant spending the rest of his life like this. "I've got to make it work, Lydie. If I'd never met her, I would've been okay. I'd have schlepped on doing what I was doing, not really knowing what I was missing."
"The sex is that good?"
"Not just the sex. Everything. She brings a depth to my life, to me, I never had before."
"Danny calls me his missing link," she said, longing threaded through her soft tone.
These long months when Danny was at sea had to be tough on his sister. "Will he be home for Christmas?"
"He's supposed to be. Sorry I sidetracked but I miss him something terrible. Now let's get back to you. Does this mean you've finally found something worth fighting for?"
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"It means everything has always come easy for you. You've never really struggled with or for anything. Friends, vet school, grades, this new practice. Mia said no and you just walked away, even though it meant good riddance. The way I see it, you can walk away again or you can fight for Tammy."
Niall thought about their affair. He thought back to their conversations. Every time something got too intense, too personal, she used sex as a diversionary tactic. And even toward the end, when he realized what she was doing, he'd let her. If she reduced everything to the physical, there was no room for the emotional.
And he'd bet that she'd done the same thing to all the other men in her life. Talk about holding the world at arm's length. Just letting a dog into her life sent her over the edge. And she was great with animals. Animals sensed the true nature of people. She could smoke screen people with her bad reputation shtick, but animals didn't care about reputations.
"Thanks, Lydie."
"But I didn't do anything."
"Sure you did. You listened and things are a little clearer now."
"So, what are you going to do about it?"
"Well, I don't know exactly."
"Hmm, that's what I thought. I take it you haven't told her how you feel about her."
"Not exactly."
"Well, that'd be good place to start, don't you think?"
* * *
Niall sat on her couch. He'd phoned and asked if he could come by. Though Tammy knew the wise answer was no, she longed to see him. She'd thought perhaps they were ready to move on to friendly neighbor status as opposed to disgruntled former lovers. But Niall had been wound really tight since he'd arrived. Of course, that could've been the lack of sex. It could make a person edgy. And she should know.
Niall took a deep breath. "You said no games and I went along with it. You said no pretense and I went along with that. Now I'm going to give it to you straight. I'm not going to pretend that I want to walk away from you. I don't. I'm not going to play some game that I don't care if you move on to another man. I do. And I'm not going to pretend that what we have isn't real and special. It is. And I'm not going to pretend I don't love you. I do."
Whew. She really wasn't ready for that. "You don't know me. We're neighbors. We've been lovers. But you can't possibly know me enough to love me." Because if he knew her well, he couldn't possibly love her.
"I'm not sure if you're ready to know how well I know you. You wear your bad-girl reputation like a suit of armor. You hide the real you behind it, keeping everyone at arm's length so they can't see the woman that lies beneath. That what-you-see-is-what-you-get story is your biggest pretense of all."
"Okay. Then here it is. You think you love me, but when you get to know me, the real me, you won't. If I'm such a fake, then why are you standing here now, wasting your time with someone like me?"
Niall stood and paced to the fireplace. He turned to face her, his eyes intense. "Because, contrary to your argument, I do know the real you. From the moment I met you I was drawn to you."
"No kidding. I was naked."
"It was more than that and you know it. Tell me I'm wrong about two things. Tell me I'm crazy and we don't have this connection. And tell me you don't love me. Tell me it isn't love I see in your eyes. Tell me it isn't love I feel in your touch."
She walked away from him and looked out the window. She clasped her hands to steady them.
"While we're at it, tell me you don't love Bella, too."
Why didn't he just stop? Why didn't he just go? But he wouldn't, until she gave him what he'd come for. The truth. She whirled around. "Okay. I love you. I love you and I love that crazy dog and I even love those quirky animals of yours. But it doesn't change anything."
"The hell it doesn't change anything."
The man had lost his mind, wearing that goofy grin. "It changes nothing."
"So, even though you love us, you can't wait for someone to come and take Bella from you. And even though you love me, you want to see me with another woman?"
"It's best for both of you." He was blind if he couldn't see that.
"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Why don't you let us decide what's best for us?"
"Well, what do you think, Niall? Just because we love one another that we're going to live happily ever after?"
"Well, yeah, Tammy, I do."
"I've got bad news for you, it doesn't happen that way. I'm not good at loving people. They have a tendency to leave." Her mother, her husbands.
"I think you're very good at loving people. I think you need some practice at letting people love you. Don't push me away. Don't keep me at arm's length. Let me love you."
"Niall, you're a nice man with a lot to offer. Go find yourself some nice girl to settle down with."
"I have."
"Maybe you should stop and consider your odds. My track record sucks. And being with me isn't exactly going to further your career, aside from the fact that your partner is my former father-in-law who made a pass at me. I excel at wrecking relationships. I'd rather not ruin your career as well. It's all soap opera material if I ever heard it."
"Schill isn't my partner and I still wouldn't care even if he was. And since when do you care what people say about you?"
"I don't care what they say or think about me, it's you, you addle-brained simpleton." For a smart man, he could be incredibly stupid.
"I think I'd prefer sugar, darling, honey or baby to addle-brained simpleton. Marry me, Tammy. We can have a good life together."
She felt queasy. "I told you from the day I met you, I'm not interested in getting married again. Ever. I don't want to be a way to heal your ego after Mia, a way to regain your pride."
"I suppose that's fair enough. I sure as hell don't want to be the whipping boy for your ex-husbands."
"And I'm trying to spare you that. I like living alone. It took me a long time to get to where I am—comfortable with myself in my own space. I'm not willing to risk that."
"So, what are you willing to risk?"
"We could be friends." At this juncture it sounded lame to her.
"There's one little problem with that. Every time I'm around you
I want to make love to you."
"We could be lovers." She knew that was a bad idea, as well. There was no place left for either one of them to turn.
"The complication there is that every time I make love to you, it's that much harder to get up and leave. That's the problem. I want to wake up next to you in the morning, see you with a bad case of bed head and no makeup. I want forever with you."
"Then that leaves us in love and out of luck. You talk about marriage as if a piece of paper gives you forever. All it gives you is a false sense of security. I can't do it, Niall. I can't do it to either one of us. I can't be what you want, what you need. Alone is the best way for me to be."
"There's nothing wrong with being alone. I've been alone and it's okay. Being frightened and living in that state of fear is infinitely worse, and that's what you're doing."
"So, what then? We end the same way things ended with Mia? You don't get your way, so things are over."
"I guess old habits die hard for both of us. Once again, someone gets too close to you, so you run away."
* * *
Tammy carried the day's dirty linens to the back door. For days she'd found no satisfaction or joy in her work or at home. Bella was the one bright spot. She was doing exceptionally well. In fact, Olivia would be amazed when she saw how the dog leaped about and chased the stuffed animal Tammy had bought her.
She blew out the candles in the massage room and turned off the music. She was tired. Cranky. Out of sorts. Generally miserable. And it didn't have a stinking thing to do with Niall Fortson. It didn't. She was just PMS-ing in the worst kind of way.
The bell on the front door jangled. Who the heck was this? She didn't have any other appointments and she was more than ready to go home. And Bella would be expecting her dinner soon. She pasted on a smile and walked to the waiting room.
Trena Myers stood there. Her stomach dropped.
She'd always liked Trena and had come to like her even more since they'd worked together on the dog. But Trena reminded her of Niall and, quite frankly, she didn't want to think about Niall.
"Hi, Trena. What can I do for you?"
"Hey, Tammy. I know you're closing but I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone. I need to make an appointment and I thought I'd drop by and give you the good news in person."
Tammy had begun flipping through her schedule book but paused. Her gut told her Trena's good news wouldn't necessarily be her good news. "What good news is that?"
"A greyhound rescue group contacted me today. They'll take Fair Game."
Cold dread clutched at her. "But what about the heartworms?"
"That's not a problem for them."
"But what if they can't find a home for her?"
"They're a no-kill rescue group, so she'll be okay."
"You know she's sort of different."
"I think most animals are," Trena said with a small laugh. She peered closer at Tammy. "Hey, you don't have to give her up. You can keep her. I just thought you wanted someone else to…"
"I do. That's great. When do they want her? Do they have to wait until they have room?" A few more days. Time for her to get used to the idea of Bella leaving. Maybe after Christmas.
"They can send someone the day after tomorrow to pick her up. I just need to give them a call."
That soon? The day after tomorrow? Did Niall know?
"Should I bring her to the clinic or will they pick her up from the house?"
"That's a good question. I bet they can swing by your place. That would probably be easiest. I'll call them in the morning and then give you a call. You're off on Fridays, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I should be home all morning, just let me know." Tammy stiffened her spine and forced a smile. "Now let's see when you can get in here and we'll work on your shoulder."
"I'm off next Tuesday afternoon. Do you have anything then?"
"How about one o'clock?"
"That'd be great. Dr. Fortson should be finished with his surgeries by then. He's a dream to work for. We're lucky to have him."
"He seems to be very good with the animals."
"He's awesome. Um, I know this is a sort of personal question, but are you and Dr. Fortson, you know, seeing one another?"
"I see him occasionally. He's my neighbor."
"No. I mean, like, dating him." Trena gulped a breath and rushed on without giving Tammy a chance to answer. "The times we've all worked together, I couldn't tell if … you know."
"No. We're not dating."
"He's been here three weeks and hasn't seemed interested in anyone. Do you think he might be gay?"
For the first time since their affair had ended, Tammy laughed. He was so not gay and he'd be mortified it had ever crossed Trena's mind. "No. I don't think he's gay."
"Whew. That would've been a waste of a good man. Well, if you're not seeing him and he's not gay, I'm going to introduce him to my sister Cecilia. I'll have her stop by the clinic one day."
Tammy had seen Cecilia in the grocery store—a perky redhead with a sweet smile. How much more wholesome could you get than a fresh-faced kindergarten teacher? "Well, there you go. Good luck with hooking your sister up with Dr. Fortson and give me a call tomorrow about the dog."
"Okay, thanks, Tammy."
"Don't mention it."
Tammy closed the door behind Trena and locked it with her shaking hand. Well, there. She'd managed to find a new home for the dog and a new woman for Niall, in one fell swoop. So why did she feel like wailing?
* * *
Niall pushed himself an extra half mile on his run, welcoming the muscle strain and the drain on his energy. If he pushed himself hard enough, maybe he'd actually sleep tonight. He'd briefly thought about getting rip-roaring drunk but running seemed a better outlet.
Zoning, he ran on automatic pilot as he approached his house, his mind running through the day. He'd been double-whammied when Trena had told him Tammy'd agreed to let the rescue people pick up the dog and then added that she was setting him up with her sister.
Trena, who reminded him of Lydia with her nonstop stream of chatter, had blithely informed him that Tammy had reassured her nothing was going on between them.
So, here he was, pounding the pavement and frustrated as hell. It was one thing to realize you couldn't make someone love you. It was total hell to know someone loved you but she refused to act on it. He'd been so disappointed in Tammy, in her willingness to walk away from both him and the dog, he hadn't responded to any of Trena's pronouncements.
Wrapped in his thoughts, he didn't see the car until it was almost on him. Brakes screeched. Headlights blinded him. He jumped out of the way, the car missing him by a hairbreadth.
Niall braced his hands on his knees, his chest heaving from the run and the adrenalin surge. That had almost been really nasty.
The car door slammed and Tammy charged him. "What's wrong with you? Do you realize I almost killed you? You could be lying on the sidewalk dead right now. You can't run at night and not watch what you're doing," she yelled, semi-hysterical and shaking like a leaf.
He'd never heard her yell before, but then again, she'd never almost plowed him down before, either. Niall grabbed her by her shoulders. "Hey, I'm okay. You're right. I wasn't watching where I was going. But I'm okay. No harm done—except the amount of tire tread you lost when you locked it down."
"Don't joke. It's not funny. Are you hurt?"
For a week now she'd been civil yet remote. At least now she was showing real emotion. He'd take her yelling at him any day over her politely closing the door in his face.
Actually, his left leg throbbed. "I think I may have pulled a muscle jumping out of the way."
Tammy shoved her still unsteady hand through her hair. "Let me pull my car into the driveway and I'll help you."
"That's not necessary. I can make it on my own."
Tammy responded as if he hadn't even spoken. "Give me just a second."
She jumped back into the car and quickly pulled in
to her driveway. Niall hobbled across his yard. Tammy joined him, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Lean on me," she instructed him.
"I'm pretty sweaty."
"For God's sake, I've felt you sweaty before," she snapped.
Beneath her anger, memories of the two of them swirled between them, around them. He leaned on her. He felt her heartbeat thundering. Hell, yeah, he was willing to fight for her and he didn't mind fighting dirty.
Niall inhaled Tammy's scent, absorbed the feel of her next to him. God, he'd missed her.
Once inside the house, she started to steer him toward the sofa.
"If you wouldn't mind helping me up the stairs. I need to hit the shower." And get you into my bed.
"Okay. I can do that. But you're on your own with the shower."
"Of course." They'd see about that.
"Are Gigi and Memphis out back?"
"They were soaking up the last of the sun on the deck when I left for my run. Did Trena talk to you?"
"About Bella … I mean, Fair Game? Yes. She stopped by yesterday. She said a rescue group will take her tomorrow."
"You don't have to let her go," Niall argued. Somehow, he thought if he could talk her into letting the dog be a part of her life, he stood a chance with Tammy, as well.
She wouldn't look at him. "That was always the plan. We all knew I only had her on a temporary basis."
They reached his room and Niall dropped to the bed. "It's my right thigh, if you wouldn't mind taking a look at it."
"I said I would." She ran her fingers over the area. His pulled muscle didn't compare to the ache that suffused the rest of him.
Running shorts didn't hide his burgeoning erection. Tammy's face flushed and her touch changed to a more sensuous stroke. He'd counted on her not being able to resist him any more than he could resist her.
"Does it hurt?" she asked, her breath uneven.
"It hurts real bad. I was hoping you could do something for it."
"An ice pack would help."
"That wasn't what I had in mind. I was thinking wet heat would be more effective." He pulled his sweatshirt off and dropped it on the floor beside the bed.
"Niall," she protested. Her eyes had that hot, glittery look he loved.
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