by Gene Gant
He takes me to the supermarket and hands me forty bucks and tells me to get what I need. Looking at him holding out that money to me fills me with so many different feelings. I want to laugh and cry and kiss him and shout. But I’m also ashamed because I suspect he thinks Mom and I are just too poor to buy food right now. Finally, I take the money and say, “Thanks. I’ll pay you back.” Even though I have no idea how I’ll do that.
“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “Let’s just hurry up and get done so we can go back to your place.” He winks at me. “I’m ready to cuddle.”
That makes me feel so warm inside that I sigh. There’s sort of a pain in my chest as I look at him, but it’s a good pain. Saul is such a great guy. And I begin to wonder, am I falling in love?
LATE TUESDAY night, I’m sitting at the kitchen table finishing up my homework when Mom puts in a rare appearance. Her key rattles in the lock, the front door opens, and she calls out, “Ellis?”
“In the kitchen, Mom.”
She walks into the kitchen a few moments later, having taken off her jacket, hat, and gloves. “Hi, there. How’s it going?”
“Everything’s okay.”
She opens the fridge, probably ready for a glass of wine, and freezes. “Where’d this food come from?”
“I bought it.”
She puts a hand to her face and turns to me. “Oh my God. I forgot to get groceries. Ellis, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you remind me?”
I shrug. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Where’d you get money to buy this?”
“My friend Saul gave it to me.”
For the first time in a long while, she gets a glimmer of anger in her eyes. “You shouldn’t go around asking your friend for money to buy food. I would have bought groceries. All you had to do was remind me.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. But I didn’t ask. Saul just gave the money to me. I swear.”
“Okay. All right. Don’t get so panicky. How much did he give you?”
I tell her.
“Well, I’ll give you the cash, and you make sure you give it back to him. You hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am. I will.”
She gets the wine bottle from the door of the fridge and a glass from the cabinet. Her face looks peaceful again as she pours the wine and takes a sip. “Saul. That’s the guy you’ve been dating, isn’t it? How’s that going?”
“Great. I like him.”
“Enough that you want to have sex with him? Jeanne told me you’ve been bringing him up here when I’m out.”
Warning signals are going off in my head. Be careful what you say and how you say it. “I bring him over, Mom, but I promise you we don’t have sex. We watch TV shows and do homework.”
“And the two of you fool around too. Don’t deny it. Jeanne heard you talking to Cary.”
Now I shut up and just sit there, hunched over a little, my hands under the table. And I wait for whatever comes next.
Mom sits down across from me at the table, which surprises me. She takes another sip of wine. “I’m not stupid, Ellis. You and this Saul guy obviously like each other, and your hormones are on fire. Jeanne’s worried about what you could be getting yourself into, and so am I. You and I have had that talk about all the things sex can lead to. You have sex with this guy, you damn sure better be careful. Otherwise, five minutes of fun can ruin your whole life.”
“I know, Mom. But really, Saul and I are not having sex.”
“Okay, I believe you. I’m just trying to be realistic about all this. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not giving you my blessing or anything to fool around. I’m just telling you to be safe if you do. And for Christ’s sake, for my sake, don’t let me catch you doing it.”
I can feel myself blush, smile, and shiver in a single moment. “Yes, ma’am.”
She sips her wine again. “Tomorrow, I want you to come straight home from school. We have to get to the supermarket and clean up this apartment. Thursday’s Thanksgiving, you know.”
“Yeah.”
She smiles. “I’ve invited Breeze to have dinner with us.”
THE NEXT morning, Saul is waiting at my locker as usual. I’m all smiles, and so is he. Having him as a friend is great, because I don’t feel so much like a freak around school the way I used to when no one would talk to me. Still, I wish I could back time up two years and undo the big crazy mistake I made with that stupid guy at school, the one that caused so much misery all around.
I launch right into things. “Hey. I know this is real last minute, but would you like to come have Thanksgiving dinner at my place? My mom has invited some people, and she said I could ask you. I think she kind of wants to meet you. I know you probably already have plans with your family, and it’s okay if you can’t come, but Mom said I could ask you, so—”
Saul plants his hand tightly across my mouth. “Damn. Would you take a breath, man?” He laughs. “My family has never celebrated Thanksgiving. The next day is always the start of Shabbat, and my mom has to do a lot of cooking and stuff for that on Thanksgiving Day, because she can’t do it after Shabbat starts. So yes, I’d love to have Thanksgiving dinner with you.”
I pull his hand away. “Really? That’s great!”
“Now, why does your mom want to meet me?”
“She knows that I like you. As in, like you.”
He looks surprised. “Your mom knows you’re gay?”
For a second, I almost look around to see if there are any kids close enough to overhear. A second later, I realize that Saul doesn’t give a damn about being overheard, so I decide I don’t either. “Yeah. When I was fourteen, she caught me and this other guy sort of fooling around in my room.”
“Fooling around?”
“Yeah. We were like, half out of our clothes and touching and stuff. She totally freaked, but that was only because the other guy was bigger and a couple of years older, and she thought he was forcing me to do it. I told her I like guys, and she was okay with it.” She still kicked the dude out, and then she grounded me for a week, not for being gay but for having the guy in my room and scaring her half to death. I don’t tell Saul that part.
“You said your mom invited some people. Who else is coming?”
“My friend Cary and his mom. I call her Auntie Jeanne. She and my mom are best friends like me and Cary. And my mom’s new boyfriend will be there. His name’s Breeze.”
“Breeze, huh?” Saul grins. “He sounds like a cool character.”
“Mom only met him about three weeks ago, but she’s really been spending a lot of time with him. She totally likes him, and things must be going really good between them. She says she told Auntie Jeanne about him, and Auntie Jeanne told her that she should introduce him to me. This will be the first guy Mom’s brought home to meet me in years, so things must be getting kind of serious between them.”
Saul takes my hand and gives it a quick, strong squeeze. “Well, I’m looking forward to meeting your mom and everyone else.”
I’m glad he’s coming. I’m glad he will be meeting Mom. Because maybe—hopefully—things are starting to get serious between me and Saul.
Chapter Nine
SAUL IS the first to arrive.
Mom and I have both been nervous since we got up this morning. The apartment is warm and cozy with the smell of pumpkin pies and roast turkey and sesame rolls baking in the oven. Mom looks very pretty in her black dress and gold necklace, her hair curled and tied back. I’m wearing my brown sweater and brown slacks, and I even wet my hair and combed it back. Everything is perfect, yet we’ve been moving around the apartment like a couple of wild birds trapped in a room. When the doorbell rings, we both just about jump out of our shoes.
Mom trails me anxiously to the door, which makes me anxious. I get the door open and Saul is standing there, looking suave in a suede jacket and turtleneck and designer jeans.
His face brightens when he sees us. “Happy Thanksgiving.” He has a bouquet of strange-looking but pretty oran
ge-and-purple flowers in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. He hands the flowers to me.
“Oh look, Mom,” I say, turning and holding the bouquet out to her. “Saul brought you some flowers.”
Mom smiles. “I think those are for you, Ellis.”
My face suddenly feels like it’s on fire. I turn slowly back to Saul. “Really?”
He nods. “Yes, those are actually for you.”
“Wow. They’re beautiful. Thanks.” My first gift of flowers. I would kiss Saul right now if Mom weren’t behind me. “Come on in,” I say, moving to one side to clear the doorway.
Saul walks in and gets face-to-face with Mom. “Happy Thanksgiving, ma’am. I’m Saul Brooks.”
“Hello, Saul. I’ve heard a lot of good things about you. I’m El’s mom, Alicia Carter.” She offers her hand.
Saul shakes with her. “It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“It’s nice to meet you too. But if you keep calling me ‘ma’am’ I’m going to chase you out of here with a stick. Alicia’s fine.”
“Okay, Alicia. This is for you.” He presents the bottle of wine to her.
Mom raises her eyebrows appreciatively as she takes the bottle. “Thank you. Birds of paradise for El. A nice white wine for me. Oh, you’re smooth, Saul. You’ll go far. Have a seat.”
Saul crosses to the sofa and sits in the exact spot where he always sits when we watch Aang’s adventures and make out. I stand there holding the bouquet of flowers as if it’s the Olympic torch.
“I’ll put these in some water.” Mom carefully takes the flowers from my hand. “Close the door and offer your guy something to drink.”
CARY AND Auntie Jeanne show up about ten minutes later. Mom follows me to the door again and is standing right behind me when I let them in. Auntie Jeanne is a dark-haired, slender, pretty woman around Mom’s age. She’s a cashier at Walmart, but she looks like a professor to me in her black round-rimmed glasses. The long dark blue dress she’s wearing looks elegant. “Happy Thanksgiving, you guys,” she says. She plants a kiss on my forehead and moves past me to hug Mom.
I haven’t seen or spoken to Cary since he told me he is leaving town. He stands there in the door looking at me as if he’s waiting for something. I give it to him. “I’m sorry.” I grab him in a hug, careful of the huge pound cake he’s holding. “I’m sorry I haven’t been talking to you.” He smiles at me when I let him go, and I know everything is all right with us again.
I take the pound cake from Cary, and then introduce Auntie Jeanne and Cary to Saul, and they shake hands. Mom and Auntie Jeanne disappear into the kitchen. I carry the cake into the dining room. Saul and Cary settle on the sofa, talking like old friends. I start to go in and join them, but Mom calls me to help her and Auntie Jeanne in the kitchen.
Mom and Auntie Jeanne are like a team, passing bowls, pans, and utensils back and forth as they circle around each other, working to pull the meal together. It’s good to see them like this; it reminds me of how much closer they used to be. They scoop and spoon hot, steaming food into bowls. That seems a little premature to me since Breeze isn’t here yet. “Shouldn’t we wait?” I ask.
“I just got a text,” Mom says. “Breeze’ll be here any second now. Go ahead and take those in.”
I carry bowls into the dining room. Mom has put my flowers in a vase and set them in the center of the table. Where’s the turkey supposed to go? I place the bowls around the flowers. In the living room, Saul is showing Cary something on the iPad. It makes me a little jealous, but everything seems so good. Mom and Aunt Jeanne are laughing in the kitchen. Cary and Saul are laughing on the sofa.
The doorbell rings. “I’ll get it,” Mom announces quickly. This time, I trail her to the door.
She opens the door and I expect Breeze—whom I’ve pictured tall, slim, and bearded, in jeans and cowboy boots and leather jacket—to be there. Instead, there’s a very pretty woman. She is just a bit taller than Mom, with a nice shape and black hair hanging just about down to her waist. She has on black slacks, black boots, and a blue denim jacket over a white sweater, and she’s carrying a huge fruit basket wrapped in red cellophane. She and Mom smile and go “Hey!” at the same time, and they exchange a quick kiss. This must be one of Mom’s fellow waitresses from the diner.
Mom takes the fruit basket, leans over, and whispers something in the woman’s ear. They both laugh quietly. Then Mom turns and sees me. “This is my son, Ellis,” Mom says to the woman. “Ellis, this is Brianna Porter.”
I smile. “Hi. It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Porter.”
She extends her hand. “Ellis, your mom talks about you a lot. It’s so nice to meet you too.” We shake hands firmly. “You can call me Breeze.”
The smile freezes on my face.
Chapter Ten
AFTER DINNER, I’m washing dishes at the sink. The cuffs and front of my sweater are getting soaked, but I don’t care.
There are footsteps behind me. “Hey, El. What’s taking you so long in here?”
“I’m washing dishes, Cary.”
“You’re missing out on everything,” he says excitedly. “Did you know Breeze is a black belt and gives private lessons in martial arts? She’s showing Saul some moves right now.”
Cary has always been fascinated by karate and kung fu. If Auntie Jeanne had been able to afford the training, he’d probably be a black belt himself by now. And maybe he wouldn’t be putting on weight. I don’t answer him. At dinner, Breeze volunteered that she is forty, has a pet iguana named Stallone, and works as a bartender at some snooty hotel downtown. That’s already way more than I want to know about her.
“Speaking of Saul,” Cary says, lowering his voice, “that dude is built like Superman. You know he works out three times a day, every day?”
Something about that seems wrong. “Three times a day?”
“That’s what he told me. I may be straight, but even I can see why you got a thing for him. And he’s definitely got a thing for you. He keeps a picture of you on his iPad.”
I turn to Cary, surprised. “He does?” I don’t remember Saul ever taking a picture of me.
“It’s a shot of you asleep on a couch somewhere. He says you looked so cute, he couldn’t resist taking it. Says he looks at it whenever he’s having a bad day.” There’s a sudden burst of laughter from the living room. Cary turns and hurries that way. “Come on, man!” he says as he disappears from the kitchen.
Saul has a picture of me. When he’s down, he looks at it—for strength? For comfort? The thought gives me a good feeling, and I want to give him a hug. But he’s in the living room with Breeze.
I go back to washing dishes.
“EL?”
“Yeah, Saul?”
“Whatcha up to?”
“I’m putting away leftovers.”
“Dinner was very good, man.”
The only things I saw him eat were a turkey leg and wing, and two apples from the fruit basket Breeze brought with her. Mom says Jewish people only eat kosher food, whatever that is. Maybe our food wasn’t kosher enough for him. “You want something else to eat?” I offer.
“No thanks. Actually, I’m about to leave.”
I look up from the counter, where I’ve been stuffing leftover candied yams into a plastic storage bowl. “You’re leaving already?”
“It’s almost seven. I want to get in a workout before it gets too late.” He walks over and leans gently against me, shoulder to shoulder. “Thanks for inviting me. I had a great time. Your family’s kinda cool. I like your Mom and her girlfriend.”
“Breeze is not my mom’s girlfriend.”
“Could’ve fooled me.” He kisses me on the cheek.
The sudden irritation I feel worries me. I don’t want to get upset with Saul, but this thing with Breeze really bothers me. Basically, my mom is a good person, and it’s true that she’s been dogged out by some of the guys she’s dated. But I’ve also seen how she can shift gears after meeting a guy, how she can go from
really being into a certain man to realizing, out of the blue, she’s not actually that into him and backing away. She’s done that with a couple of guys who were kind of hot, even if they were a little old, and I saw how hurt they were by it.
Breeze is not even a guy, so how much of a chance does she really have? I don’t understand what Mom is doing here, getting involved with this woman. People shouldn’t hurt other people when it can be avoided. It’s one thing to start something with another person that has possibilities and then find out that person is not right for you. Starting something with a person when you know it doesn’t have a chance of going anywhere is stupid and wrong. I can’t say that to my mom; she’d kill me. But this thing she’s starting with Breeze definitely falls into that category. I don’t want to see the crash that’s coming, and I don’t know how to stop it from happening.
Saul seems unaware of the tangled thoughts going through my head. He’s smiling at me. “I want to see you tomorrow. Got any plans?”
“I figure I’ll hang out with Cary for a while before Auntie Jeanne drags him off to help with her Black Friday shopping.”
“I’ve got a few things to do tomorrow morning. Can I pick you up here at one?”
“Yeah. I’ll be ready.”
“Cool.”
IT IS 8:47 p.m. according to the clock on the stove. All the guests are gone now except Breeze. I’m sitting on the counter next to the fridge. There’s nothing else to do in the kitchen, but things are really quiet in the living room where Mom and Breeze are. I want to go to my room, but I’m afraid to walk through the living room because Mom and Breeze may be… doing stuff.
I have to pee so bad. Not sure I can hold it much longer. For a moment, I consider going down the fire escape and relieving myself in the alley. If I get caught, Mom will kill me, so that option is definitely out. I slide off the counter and head for the bathroom.
