by Terry Jones
The magician rubbed his hands and said: ‘I will not only make people happy – I will also make my fortune!’
But before he was able to show the mirror to a single person, a most unlucky thing occurred.
It so happened that the king of that particular country had married a queen who was bad-tempered, selfish and cruel. The king put up with all her faults of character, however, because she was also very, very beautiful. She also happened to be extremely vain. So when she heard about the improving mirror, she simply couldn’t wait to get her hands on it before anyone else.
‘But, my dear,’ said the king, ‘you know you are already the most beautiful lady in the realm. And I should know – I searched the kingdom through and I found no one whose looks surpassed yours. That’s why I married you.’
But the queen replied: ‘I must see how even more beautiful I can look in this magical mirror.’ And nothing would satisfy her but to be the first to look in the improving mirror.
So the king sent for the magician with strict instructions that he was to show the mirror to nobody until he had demonstrated it to Queen Pavona.
Well, the magician entered the audience chamber with a feeling of dread.
‘Great Queen!’ he said with a low bow. ‘You are the most peerless beauty in this land. No one could be more beautiful than you are now. I beg you not to look in my magic mirror!’
But the queen could not contain her eagerness to see herself in the improving glass, and she said: ‘Show me at once! I must see myself even more beautiful than I really am!’
‘Alas!’ said the magician. ‘I made this mirror for those less fortunate in looks – to give them hope of how they might be.’
‘Show me!’ cried Queen Pavona. ‘Or I will have you executed on the spot!’
Well, the poor magician saw there was nothing for it but that he must show the queen the magic improving mirror. So he brought out the special box in which he kept it locked away, but he did so with a heavy heart.
He took the key, which he had tied around his waist, and opened up the lock. The courtiers pressed around, but the king ordered them to stand back, and the box was brought nearer the throne.
Then the magician lifted the lid, and the queen peered in. There she saw the magic mirror – lying face down.
‘Your Majesty!’ said the magician. ‘I fear only evil will come of your looking in my magic mirror.’
‘Silence!’ shouted the queen, and she seized the mirror and held it up to her face.
For some moments she did not speak, nor move, nor even breathe. She was so dazzled by the reflection before her. If her eyes had been dark and mysterious before, now they were two pools of midnight. If her cheeks had been fair and rosy before, now they were like snow touched by the dawn sun. And if her face had been well-shaped before, now it was so perfect that it would carry away the soul of anyone who gazed upon it.
For what seemed a lifetime, her eyes feasted on the image before her. And everyone in the court waited with bated breath.
Eventually the king spoke: ‘Well, my dear? What do you see?’ he asked.
Slowly the queen came to her senses. As she did so, the magician trembled in his shoes, and humbled himself on the floor before her.
‘Does it make you more beautiful?’ asked the king.
Queen Pavona suddenly hid the mirror in her sleeve, glared around the court and cried: ‘Of course not! It’s just an ordinary mirror! Have this charlatan thrown into the darkest dungeon!’
So the poor magician was carried off down to the darkest dungeon.
Meanwhile the king turned to Queen Pavona and said: ‘Perhaps it will work for me, since I am less well-favoured than you …’
‘I tell you it’s just an ordinary mirror!’ cried the queen. ‘I shall use it in my chamber.’
And with that, she went straight to her room, and hid the magic mirror in her great chest.
Now the truth of the matter is that the moment Queen Pavona had looked into the magic mirror and seen herself even more beautiful than she really was, she had been consumed with jealousy. She could not bear the thought that there was a beauty greater than hers – even though it was that of her own reflection! So she locked the mirror away, resolving that no one should ever look in it again.
None the less, she could not forget what she had seen in that looking-glass, and – despite her resolve – she found herself drawn to it, and time and again she would creep into her room and steal a look in the magic glass. Before long, she was spending many hours of the day alone in her chamber, gazing into that mirror, trying to see what made her reflection so much more beautiful than she already was.
As the weeks passed, Queen Pavona began to try and make herself more like her reflection in the magic looking-glass. But, of course, it was no use. For no matter how beautiful she made herself, her reflection became even more beautiful still.
The more she tried, the more she failed, and the more she failed to be as beautiful as her reflection in the magic mirror, the more time she spent alone in her room, gazing into it. Until eventually she hardly ever came out of her room – not even to eat or to dance or to make merry with the rest of the court.
Meanwhile the king grew more and more anxious about his wife, for she never explained to him what kept her in her room from morn till night, and whenever he entered the chamber, she always took care to hide the magic mirror.
One night, however, after Queen Pavona had been poring all day over her reflection in the fatal looking-glass, she fell asleep with it still in her hand.
It so happened that some time later the king entered her chamber to kiss her goodnight, as was his custom.
The king had, long ago, guessed that the magic mirror was the cause of his wife’s strange behaviour, and he too had long been curious to see just what was so special about it. So when he found her fast asleep on her couch, with the magic mirror still in her hand, he couldn’t resist. He lifted it slowly to her face and gazed into it. And there he saw for the first time his queen’s reflection in the magic looking-glass.
The king had believed he would never find another woman more beautiful to his sight than Queen Pavona. But now he saw in the magic mirror the reflection of someone who was three times as beautiful, and he let out a cry as if he had been stabbed to the heart.
At that, the queen woke up with a scream of rage, and she struck the king with the mirror – so hard that he fell over.
‘How dare you look in this mirror!’ she cried, her face all screwed up with anger. Well, of course, when the king looked at her now with her face distorted by rage, he thought that Queen Pavona was almost ugly compared to her reflection.
‘How dare you strike me!’ cried the king. And he strode out of the queen’s chamber, resolving that he would put up with her ill-temper no longer.
From that day on, the king scarcely spoke to his queen, or even set eyes on her. But he could not forget the vision of loveliness that he had seen in the magic glass.
Now all this while, the poor magician had been languishing in the darkest dungeon. And every day he cursed himself for making the improving mirror.
Then one day, in the midst of his misery, the door of his cell was flung open and in strode the king!
The magician fell at his feet and cried: ‘Mercy, O king! Have you come to release me? You know I’ve done nothing wrong.’
‘Well … That’s as maybe,’ replied the king. ‘But if you want to get out of this dungeon, there is something you must do for me.’
‘Anything that is within my power!’ exclaimed the magician.
‘Very well,’ said the king. ‘I want you to change the queen, my wife, for her reflection in your magic looking-glass.’
‘But Your Majesty!’ cried the magician. ‘That would be a cruel thing to do to your wife!’
‘I don’t care!’ replied the king. ‘I am sick of her evil temper, her selfishness and her cruelty. And now I have seen her reflection – which is so much more beautiful than she
ever can be – I am no longer even satisfied by her looks. Can you change her for her reflection?’
‘Alas!’ cried the magician. ‘Is this the only way I can gain my freedom?’
‘If you can’t do it, then you can rot in here until you die – for all I care!’ said the king.
‘Then I shall do it,’ said the magician. ‘But we shall both suffer for it.’
And so the king released the magician from his dungeon, and the magician was led into the queen’s chamber.
The queen was standing as usual in front of the magic glass, staring at her reflection. ‘What do you want?’ she cried as the king entered.
‘You wish you were more like your reflection, my dear?’ said the king. ‘Then so do I!’
At which the magician threw a handful of magic dust into the air, and for a few moments it filled the chamber so that no one could see. Then, as the dust cleared, a most extraordinary thing happened.
There was a flash and a groan, and suddenly the mirror rose up into the air – but the queen’s reflection stayed where it was! Then the mirror turned over several times in the air, before landing over the queen herself.
And so the king had his wish.
From that time on, Queen Pavona’s beautiful reflection became his wife, and the real queen was trapped for ever in the mirror. But, just as the magician had promised, the king lived to regret the change. For even though she was now his wife, the queen’s reflection was still only a reflection, and – when the king tried to touch her beautiful skin – he found it was as cold as glass.
What’s more, he soon discovered that the queen’s reflection was not only more beautiful than the real queen, it was also more heartless, more selfish and even more ill-tempered. And many a time he longed for the magician to change them back.
But the magician had long since fled the country, and now lived in miserable exile, swearing that he would never make another magic mirror that could so inflame the vanity of those who were already vain enough.
THE MERMAID WHO PITIED A SAILOR
THERE WAS ONCE A MERMAID who pitied the sailors who drowned in the windy sea. Her sisters would laugh whenever a ship foundered and sank, and they would swim down to steal the silver combs and golden goblets from the sunken vessels. But Varina, the mermaid, wept in her watery cave, thinking of the men who had lost their lives.
‘What in the sea is the matter with you?’ her sisters would exclaim. ‘While we are finding jewels and silver, you sit alone and grieve. It’s not our fault if their ships are wrecked! That is the way the sea goes. Besides, these sailors mean nothing to us, sister, for they are not of our kind.’
But Varina the mermaid replied: ‘What though they are not of our kind? Their hopes are still hopes. Their lives are lives.’
And her sisters just laughed at her, and splashed her with their finny tails.
One day, however, a great ship struck the rocks near by and started to sink. All the other mermaids stayed sitting on the rocks where they had been singing, but Varina slipped away into the sea, and swam around and around the sinking ship, calling out to see if any sailors were still alive.
She saw the boatswain in his chair, but he had drowned as the ship first took water. She saw the First Mate on the poop deck, but he had drowned, caught in the rigging. She saw the captain, but he too was lifeless, with his hands around the wheel.
Then she heard a tap-tap-tapping, coming from the side of the sunken ship, and there was the frightened face of the cabin boy, peering through a crack.
‘How are you still alive, when your ship-mates are all drowned?’ asked Varina.
‘I’m caught in a pocket of air,’ replied the cabin boy. ‘But it will not last, and we are now so deep at the bottom of the ocean, that unless I can swim as fast as a fish through the ship’s hold, through the galley and up onto the deck, I shall drown long before I can make my way up to the waves above.’
‘But I swim faster than forty fishes!’ exclaimed the mermaid. And without more ado, she twitched her tail, and swam to the deck, and down through the galley and along through the ship’s hold to the place where the cabin boy was trapped in the pocket of air.
Then she took his hand and said: ‘Hold your landlubberly breath!’ And back she swam, faster than forty fishes, back through the ship’s hold, back through the galley and up to the deck and then up and up and up to the waves above.
There the cabin boy got back his breath. But the moment he turned to the mermaid, it left his body again, for he suddenly saw how beautiful she was.
‘Thank you!’ he finally managed to say. ‘Now I can swim to the shore.’ But the mermaid would not let go of his hand.
‘Come with me to my watery cave,’ she said.
‘Oh no!’ cried the cabin boy. ‘You have saved my life, and grateful I am more than six times seven, but I know you mermaids are not of our kind and bring us poor sailors only despair.’
But still the mermaid would not let go of his hand, and she swam as fast as forty fishes, back to her watery cave.
And there she gave the cabin boy sea-kelp and sargassum, bladder-wrack and sea-urchins, all served up on a silver dish. But the cabin boy looked pale as death and said: ‘Your kindness overwhelms me, and grateful I am more than six times sixty, but you are not of my kind, and these ocean foods to me are thin and savourless. Let me go.’
But the mermaid wrapped him up in a seaweed bed and said: ‘Sleep and tomorrow you may feel better.’
The cabin boy replied: ‘You are kind beyond words, and grateful I am more than six times six hundred, but I am not of your kind, and this bed is cold and damp, and my blood runs as chill as sea-water in my veins.’
Finally the mermaid said to the cabin boy: ‘Shut your eyes, and I shall sing you a song that will make you forget your sorrow.’
But at that, the cabin boy leapt out of the bed and cried: ‘Oh no! That you must not! For don’t you know it is your mermaids’ singing that lulls our senses and lures us poor sailors onto the rocks so that we founder and drown?’
When the mermaid heard this, she was truly astonished. She swam to her sisters and cried out: ‘Sisters! Throw away those silver combs and throw away those golden goblets that we have stolen from the drowned sailors – for it is our songs that lull these sailors’ senses and lure them onto the rocks.’
When they heard this, the mermaids all wept salty tears for the lives of the men who had been drowned through their songs. And from that day on the mermaids resolved to sit on the rocks and sing only when they were sure there was no ship in sight.
As for Varina, she swam back to her watery cave, and there she found the cabin boy still waiting for her.
‘I could not leave,’ he said taking her hand. ‘For though we are of different kind, where shall I find such goodness of heart as yours?’
And there and then he took the mermaid in his arms and kissed her, and she wrapped her finny tail around him, and they both fell into the sea.
Then they swam as if they were one creature instead of two – fast as forty fishes – until, at last, they reached the land the cabin boy had left, many years before. And there they fell asleep upon the shore – exhausted and sea-worn.
When the cabin boy awoke, he looked and he found Varina still asleep beside him. And as he stared at her, all the breath once again went from his body, for her finny tail had disappeared, and there she lay beside him – no longer a mermaid, but a beautiful girl, who opened her eyes and looked at him not with pity but with love.
FORGET-ME-NUTS
A LONG, LONG TIME AGO in a very distant land, there once lived a king with a very bad conscience. But he didn’t let his conscience trouble him one little bit, because in that land there also happened to grow a very rare and peculiar fruit. It was known as the forget-me-nut. And whenever King Yorick felt bad about something he’d done, or something he hadn’t done, he would chew a forget-me-nut, and whatever it was that was worrying him would simply vanish from his mind.
One co
ld winter’s day, for example, King Yorick was being carried home to his palace in his specially heated chair, when he noticed a poor man dressed in rags with his wife and three small children shivering under a wall.
‘Oh dear,’ said King Yorick, when he got back to his palace. ‘I really ought to do something about all the poor people who have nowhere to live in this bitter cold weather. I suppose I ought to convert one of my palaces into a home for them… ’
‘Oh! But Your Majesty!’ said his Chancellor. ‘You’ve only got sixteen palaces! If you were to lose one of them, you’d have one less than King Fancypants of Swaggerland – and that wouldn’t do, would it?’
‘Good gracious no! That wouldn’t do at all,’ replied King Yorick.
‘Best go to bed and chew one of those delightful forget-me-nuts,’ said his Chancellor.
‘Yes, perhaps you’re right,’ sighed King Yorick.
So he put himself to bed with a hot-water bottle, chewed a forget-me-nut, and had soon forgotten all about the poor family, who were freezing outside in the ice and snow.
But, of course, the poor man and his family outside didn’t have any forget-me-nuts to chew on. Forget-me-nuts were worth their weight in gold – far too rare and expensive for the likes of them.
And even if they could have found one, it wouldn’t have done them, any good, for, you see, forget-me-nuts only helped you to forget your conscience – they didn’t help you to forget that you were cold or hungry or homeless.
As a matter of fact, the forget-me-nuts didn’t really help King Yorick that much either, for even though he chewed on one most days – and sometimes two or three – he was always pretty miserable, though he never quite knew why.
‘Perhaps if I had another palace built so I had one more than King Fancypants of Swaggerland – I’d feel happier?’ said King Yorick.
