by K. L. Jessop
“Well, naturally. She’s got her charisma from me of course.” He kisses me on the lips and taps my backside. “Now, go have fun. Get something sexy and for Christ’s sake don’t let my sister near any tequila before noon or you’ll be pushing her home in Charlie’s pushchair.”
“That’s right, Charlie, you get him!” I shout as I sit and watch his attempts to chase Lucas across the sand. Squeals of excitement come from his tiny body as he waddles down the beach in only his nappy and sun-hat. It’s late afternoon and the sun is still warm as we enjoy a few hours with good people and a small banquet.
“Come get me, Charlie.” Lucas beams, dancing from one foot to the other in just his shorts while he waits for him to catch up.
“You could slow down for him a little. He’s only got little legs,” I reply, laughing. Once Charlie makes contact, he’s thrown up into the air for Lucas to catch him and spin him around. Wide grins form from the pair of them and the sounds of excitement that come from Charlie has my heart melting. I could watch them all day.
“Those two are adorable,” Megan says, handing me a glass of wine. We are both sitting on the sand after an incredible day shopping while Andrew starts up the BBQ. Megan can shop until she drops that’s for sure, only I’m yet to see her drop. She’s constantly buzzing around everyone and has little ability to annoy people. The further we’d ventured into town, the more I got lost in the world of fashion, and when we came to a little place on the corner of the back street, I swear I died and gone to heaven. Tabatha’s Trinkets is a shop for every woman in all shapes and sizes. From cocktail dresses with formal gowns, the place was full of fabrics and sparkles. It’s every woman’s dream and I never wanted to leave.
“Thank you for today, Megan. I can’t remember the last time I did shopping like that.” I haven’t since my mum was alive and she was able to give me quality time. The times I’ve been shopping with Lucy was always formal and awkward.
“You’re welcome. I’m glad I’ve finally found someone that loves it like I do. Amelia hates shopping.”
“How can a woman hate clothes shopping?” I add.
“That’s what Marcus asks her all the time, but take her into a florist shop and she swoons over flowers like I would over shoes. She’s just a crazy ginger you can’t help but love.”
“So flowers are her thing?” I ask, knowing what it’s like to have a passion for something.
“Yes. She loves everything about them as they remind her of her mother and Marcus brings her home a bouquet every week.” She leans back on her elbows, watching Andrew and sighs happily. “I should have bought those shoes. I’m going to have dreams about those heels.”
“If you buy any more shoes, I’ll be having nightmares about which room to store them in next.” Andrew answers with his back to us.
“Do you have a little shoe obsession, Megan?”
“Not at all.”
“I’m sorry, could you rephrase that, princess?” He smiles, giving her the eye from over the top of his sunglasses.
“Ok, I might have a little addiction. But you love my heels.”
“And I also love walking space, angel.”
“Well, trust me, sweet-pea, you won’t be worrying about walking space once I get those bad boys on my feet,” she winks.
“Well, in that case, I might need to see these shoes.”
“You two are adorable,” I giggle as Lucas comes back up the beach with Charlie up on his shoulders.
“Right, Mummy. I’m taking the wee-man into the water before it gets too late. We’ve just come back for his armbands and my board.”
My stomach flip-flops and I let out a breath. “Ugh, and here I was hoping you’d forgotten.”
“Not a chance. I will make this boy a water-lover even if his mother isn’t.”
I prepare Charlie in his little wetsuit and armbands as Lucas and Megan head down to the water with him and Lucas’s board. With each step they take, my throat closes with anxiety. I could have gone down to watch, but I don’t want Charlie to see the panic on my face the further he goes out. I won’t settle until they are out and even with the joy that’s coming from my son as Lucas and Megan help him jump the waves, it doesn’t help ease my stress.
“Do you not want to join them?” Andrew asks, sitting beside me on the blanket. The softness of his voice tells me he can sense my apprehension.
“I’m not much of a water person. I can’t swim.”
“Never wanted to learn?”
I smile half-heartedly, watching them in the water having the time of their lives and wishing that I was in there enjoying it with them. “More like I never had the chance and even when I did, it never turned out how I wanted it to.”
“It’s never too late to learn. I’m sure Lucas will be happy to help.”
“He’s already trying. He can teach Charlie first, though.” I take a sip of my wine and snap pictures of them in the water with my phone.
“Charlie seems to be fond of Lucas.”
“He’s not the only one,” I smile.
“Where did you two meet?”
“Technically we met a few times walking home just after I first moved here. But I guess you can say our first introduction was after when I danced for him at Scarlett’s.” I shoot him a look and smile. “I’m the new lap dancer in case you didn’t know.”
The grin on Andrew’s face is as wide as The Great Wall of China. “Well, you’ve clearly made an impression on the guy. He’s not stopped talking about you.”
“I tried so hard for it not to happen, but he got under my skin from day one. I knew from the moment I saw him that I was in trouble,” I smile. “Since then I’ve done nothing but fall deeper.”
“It must be something about the Simmons family that keep having you go back for more. I knew I was going to marry Megan from the day she kissed me at Amelia’s party. Granted, I treated her like crap at first, but I knew I could never let her go.”
I look into my wine glass, trying to comprehend all the feelings that are currently running wild in my heart. “Andrew, do you think it’s wrong to fall for someone and have them potentially fall for you before you’ve truly opened up to them?”
“Not at all. Like I said, I knew I wanted to be with Megan from the beginning. At the time she knew nothing of my past but when she did it didn’t change how she felt about me. If anything, it made us stronger as a couple.”
I can see behind the softness of his eyes that there’s a past he wishes to forget.
“Did you ever want to tell her but was afraid that you’d lose everything you had with her?”
“Of course. But if a person wants to be with you that much, then nothing will stop them no matter how bad one’s history is. If it’s meant to be, it will be, no matter the history.”
I look towards the water, taking in the words that Andrew has said and wonder if I’ll get the same response from Lucas once I tell him everything about my past. Would it really matter if I have a history with drugs? Would it change the way he looks at me? In many ways, I don’t think it will, but there’s always that one chance that things will never work out how you planned, and for me, that seems to be the story of my life.
“So, what are the chances of you being a daddy one day?” I say, watching Megan with Charlie.
Andrew laughs. “I’ve got to tame my livewire of a wife a little bit more first before we even think of kids.”
I laugh, popping a grape into my mouth from the picnic of food I brought for Charlie. “Where does she get her energy from?”
He laughs, shaking his head. “I honestly have no idea, but I can only imagine our kids will be just as lively.”
After a few hours of building endless sand castles and water play, Charlie snuggles up in a blanket on my lap, dried and fed while he sucks his thumb and sleeps. Lucas and Megan tired him out and he passed out before us adults ate. Andrew—in charge of the BBQ—cooked burgers and hashbrowns while Megan dished out a previously prepared salad. The sun has set,
illuminating the sky in deep orange and Lucas sits behind me, caging me in with his legs so I can lean against him.
“You ok, Birdy?” he whispers in my ear.
“I’m fine. I’m just thinking about a few things.”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Charlie in the water and how much fun he had.”
He kisses me on the head. “I told you he would. You have nothing to worry about. But that’s not the only thing on your mind. What else are you thinking?”
This man can read me like no one ever has before. I sigh, stroking Charlie’s hair and think about everything that’s changed. “Me, you, us. How I’m sitting here now, and I’ve never felt a familiarity like it in a long time, if ever. I was so worried about coming here for many reasons. I didn’t want to let myself down and failing Charlie was not an option. But seeing how he’s settled and how I’ve come to have new people in my life, I think it’s safe to say that I made the right choice.”
“You have this presence about you, Tori, that people can’t help but admire. You are beautiful, caring and an incredible mother. If you were drawn to this place like you’ve never been pulled before, it was meant to happen. Spring Rose has a way of healing people and makes everything seem easier. These people sitting around us are my family and if you’ll let them, they will be yours and Charlie’s too. And you will never fail him, and if at any time you feel like you are, then I’ll be here to guide you through it.”
A warmth glows around me and it’s one full of content and hope. It’s one I’ve craved, and the thought of losing it now is unthinkable because for the first time in my life, I’m beginning to feel like I belong. I’m beginning to accept that coming back here was the right thing to do even though I found the transition hard. The memories are something I can live with as long as I have Lucas because when I’m with him and my son, nothing else matters. Lucas helps me breathe, he makes me see the good in myself and I will be forever thankful for that. Turning my head, I look up at him, grazing my fingertips along his smooth jaw.
“Thank you, Lucas,” I whisper.
He looks down at me, curiosity in his eyes. “What for?”
“For awakening my heart and making it smile again.”
Chapter Seventeen
Lucas.
I’m sitting in the arrivals lounge of the airport waiting for Amelia and Marcus to arrive back from their holiday when I get a text from Tori.
Raven Bird: What are you doing? I’m bored.
Me: Waiting for Amelia and Marcus to land, but you already know this. X
Raven: I don’t know what to wear to Megan’s party later.
I smile and can’t help but love the fact she’s nervous about meeting everyone. Megan and Tori get on like a house on fire, but she knows that as well as my sister, I have a close relationship with Amelia who I’d do anything for and vice versa. Amelia is my best friend and Tori has got it into her head that she must impress her.
Me: Wear the red lace, garter belt and the shortest skirt you’ve got.
I tease her, knowing she’ll no doubt roll her eyes once she reads my reply, but then bite her lip considering my request.
Raven Bird: I’m not wearing that: you won’t be able to keep your hands to yourself. X
Me: I won’t be able to anyway. And why are you awake? I left you both sleeping.
I snuck out this morning after briefly waking her with kisses and telling her I had to head to the airport. I can’t wait to tell Amelia and Marcus about her, it’s been around fours weeks since I’ve seen the pair of them and so much has changed in that short space of time that they’ve been away. I feel like a different man. I feel like I can finally breathe, and it’s all thanks to the raven I left lying in my bed while her son slept in the next room in the makeshift nursery I had made up so he felt at home when they stayed at mine. I don’t want them staying in that small excuse for a living space when I have room for a whole family. I want them both at mine so I can wake up with them each morning.
Raven Bird: Charlie decided that Mummy had had enough sleep and started throwing his toys out of the cot and then cried for them when he realised what he’d done. Besides, I was restless, it seems my body noticed you were gone.
Me: Demanding, just like his mother. I’ll be back soon. X
I pocket my phone when I hear their plane has landed and await their arrival. Once I spot Amelia and Marcus rounding the corner, I grin like an idiot as Amelia drops her bags and skips her way towards me, jumping into my arms for the biggest hug of all time. “Ginger Spice. You look amazing.”
“Jesus, I’ve missed you so much.”
“Was four weeks with Marcus really that bad?” I joke.
“I heard that, jackass.”
I kiss her hair and place her down, the sparkle in her eyes still twinkling like always, but I notice the tiredness behind them. “Did you have a good time?”
“Oh, my God it was amazing! The tulip fields are as beautiful as I remember. The colours are just gorgeous, and the fields go on for days. I was in my element the whole time. I loved everything about it and didn’t want to come home. It was just amazing. Absolutely amazing.”
“Do you want to take a breath now?” I laugh.
“She’s not stopped using the word amazing for the last month,” Marcus adds, dropping all the bags before pulling me in for a man hug. “Good to see you, bud.”
“You too. So, the trip was a winner then?”
“Well, she wants to get married there so I guess so.”
“Marcus, I never said I wanted to get married there, I simply said the wedding pictures would be amazing.”
“A wedding in Holland sounds great,” I wink. “I’ve heard they do amazing cake.”
“So, what have we missed? How’s business?”
Jesus Christ, does his brain ever have a rest?
Not only has he had the holiday of a lifetime, he’s spent two weeks of those in his London office prior to coming back to the bay. His devotion to his work is unreal. “Seriously, you’ve just landed and you’re asking about business already?”
“I want to know if I can have the rest of the week off or if anyone needs firing.”
“Well, The Grand is good. Rubies is good, although Nathan did overestimate on the brewery order again.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake; that kid is a liability.”
“Yeah, that’s pretty much what Jack said when he near on kicked his arse.”
“What else have we missed?” Amelia asks.
So much. You’ve missed so much.
I want to tell them both about Tori and how the last few weeks have been a whirlwind of a complete turnaround for me, but as I pick up one of Amelia’s bags ready to head to the car, a familiar voice stops me and has a smile plastered immediately across my face.
“Oh, how I love a man with a sexy arse like that to greet my arrival. Lucas, darling!”
I spin around to find Rosa standing with a bright white smile, dark sunglasses covering her eyes and that famous oversized sun hat flopped over her head. “Rosa? Oh, my God. Did you fly? You hate flying.”
“Exactly, and my nerves are to pot,” she says, waving her hand in the air dramatically. “Now, what’s an old girl got to do to get a bloody brandy around here?”
“Mum, you had three on the plane,” Marcus says, almost ordering her that she's had enough.
“Marcus, you forget that I’m an adult and I can still count. I’m very aware of how many I had, thank you, but I could do with another one.”
She hugs me tight and I hold onto that feeling I get whenever Rosa is around. She provides that motherly closeness that I love, even though we joke with one another. She is the soul to all of us kids and is there for every one of us no matter what. Pulling back, she slips her shades down her nose, gripping onto my biceps with a squeeze. “Or sex. Now, there's an option other than alcohol. How about we sneak into the toilets so I can judge the strength of these bad boys?”
“Jesus, Mum!
How about we just talk like normal people that haven't seen each other in a while. Or take you home so you can rest."
“Because that’s boring and I can rest when I'm dead.”
I’m still grinning when she turns back to me. The sassy little kitten never changes.
“It’s good to see you again, cupcake,” I say kissing her cheek. “I’ve not stopped dreaming of you.”
“Glad to hear it, action man. Now, why don’t we head to Rubies for a quick one before we head for home? After that flight, I need a drink and these glorious hands of yours in some tender places.”
“Sweet Jesus. I’m going to regret bringing her back with us."
“Shut up, Marcus!”
We sit upon the decking area of Rubies and enjoy a lunchtime drink while Amelia talks about Holland. Soft music filters out through the speakers while the regulars congregate in the main bar where Marcus is now talking to Jack. I text Tori to tell her I was here and invited her to join us but like I expected, she declined. I’m yet to get her in this place and I’m beginning to question why it’s such a big deal. I place a new round of drinks on the table and hand them out: another brandy for Rosa and lemonade for myself and Amelia. “Ginger Spice, it’s unusual for you not to have a glass of wine or margarita in your hand. You on some health kick now you’re back from holiday or something?”
“I’m not feeling it right now, I’ve had a headache that’s lasted for days.”
“The poor girl hasn’t been herself this past week or so,” Rosa adds.
“Could be all the excitement you’ve had just starting to affect you now.” I shrug.
“It could be, but never mind that. You look different. Why do you look different?” Before she left, she was trying to find out what had me so uptight and off-kilter from time to time, now there is a whole new level of who I am. I’m not the dickhead that went out and got laid for the hell of it just to ease the pain in my chest anymore. Tori now eases that, despite not knowing of my history. We are yet to have that conversation and its one that gets me nervous every time the thought crosses my mind. Even though Tori is different, I’m still careful with what I say. I want to tell her how she’s changed my thoughts and my every day. But at the same time, I’m afraid that if I express these feelings and open the book to my past she will run and that’s something I can’t afford to lose.
