Apply Vaseline gauze to penis for two to three days. This is what the checklist of care instructions from the hospital says. Clean the penis with clear, clean water (no soap, no pre-moistened wipes) until healed.
What the instructions don’t happen to mention is that a newborn infant poops nothing but thick black sludge for the same two or three days, and sometimes it gets all over everything. Meconium, they call it. It’s like roof tar. Just as black and sticky as sin.
Not so easy to clean up with clear, clean water, checklist or no checklist, that much I can tell you. But I figured out that if you take some of the Vaseline you’re supposed to use, and you kind of smear it all around the trouble spots, the black stuff doesn’t stick quite so much, and pretty soon, the kid clears the last of it out of his system. Fresh start for everybody.
“This is so weird,” Sheila says. She’s on the couch with her bare feet on the footstool, Brandon propped up in her lap. “What do you think could have happened?”
I sit beside her, making funny faces at the boy. They told us in class that a newborn can’t see much farther than a foot or so, but I make the faces anyway. I let him grip my pinkies with his tiny fingers. I wonder if he’ll turn out to be blond.
It won’t mean a thing to me if he does. Blond, brown. Tall, short. Straight, gay. Whatever he is, whatever he isn’t.
“Probably nothing,” I tell her. “Maybe he just left town or something.”
“In the middle of the week? Without telling anybody?” She frowns. “On his way to meet somebody?”
I shrugged. “I guess it’s a little weird.”
It’s been three days since the news first reported the disappearance of local business attorney Nathan Greenleaf. Apparently, Greenleaf keyed out of his condo’s parking garage at 9:04 P.M. on the night of the twelfth. He’d been traveling to meet a companion for drinks at a nearby bar and grill. He hadn’t arrived, and nobody’s seen him since.
The cops left our place a half hour ago. It was true I’d had words with Greenleaf earlier that day. It was true that he and Sheila had a dating history. It was true that he’d sought a paternity test.
It was also true that a Hooters waitress named Mandi had confirmed my presence at one of her tables between the hours of eight P.M. and midnight on the same night. According to Mandi, whom I’ve never laid eyes on, she’d had her hands full with me, my brother Dave, the old man, and half a dozen of our friends. None of whom I’ve ever, to my knowledge, actually met.
“Hooters,” Sheila says. She gives me a look. Shakes her head slowly.
“I’m totally innocent,” I tell her. “It’s where the old man wanted to go.”
“I’m sure it was brutal for you.” In a singsong voice, she tells the boy, “Your daddy and your grandaddy are terrible. Just terrible.” She smiles big, lifts his chubby arms high. “Yes, they are.”
The baby gurgles, squirms a little, and loads his diaper loudly, right there in her lap. We look at each other and laugh our heads off. It’s the cutest damned thing.
About the Authors
Stephen Allan has a Master of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing, not that anyone has been impressed by that. He has written over twenty short stories and flash fiction pieces, which have appeared in various magazines, Web sites, and anthologies. Steve lives in Maine with his beautiful wife and two adorable children.
Jedidiah Ayres lives in St. Louis.
Eddie Bunker, Mr. Blue in real life and in Quentin Tarantino’s film Reservoir Dogs, was the author of No Beast So Fierce, Little Boy Blue, Dog Eat Dog, The Animal Factory, Stark, and his autobiography, Mr. Blue. He was co-screenwriter of the Oscar-nominated movie, Runaway Train, and appeared in over thirty feature films, including Straight Time with Dustin Hoffman, the film of his book No Beast So Fierce. Edward Bunker died in 2005 and subsequently another novella was found along with some short stories, of which “Death of a Rat” is one.
Lawrence Clayton lives in New York City where he (grudgingly) works for a living. He really is not a misanthrope, although he seems to have fooled a large number of people. He holds a BFA in Minding His Own Business, and gets along better with ironworkers than any of the other construction trades. More of his writing can be found in Porta-Johns across the eastern seaboard, and at www.grimandchronic.blogspot.com.
Hilary Davidson’s debut novel, The Damage Done, will be published in October 2010 by Tor/Forge. Her first story for Thuglit, “Anniversary,” was featured in the anthology A Prisoner of Memory and 24 of the Year’s Finest Crime and Mystery Stories. Her crime fiction has also appeared in Beat to a Pulp, CrimeSpree, Spinetingler, and The Rose & Thorn. In her non-thug life she’s a New York–based travel writer who’s authored eighteen guidebooks for Frommer’s, including several about her hometown of Toronto. She remains certain that she is the only writer in the world who has published work in both Thuglit and Martha Stewart Weddings. Visit her online at www.hilarydavidson. com.
Sean Doolittle is the award-winning author of five crime and suspense novels, including Safer, his latest. Doolittle’s books have been translated into several languages; his short stories have been anthologized in The Best American Mystery Stories, The Year’s Best Horror Stories, and elsewhere. He lives in western Iowa with his family and is working on a new novel.
Glenn Gray is a physician specializing in radiology. His stories have appeared in Plots with Guns, Pulp Pusher, Beat to a Pulp, Powder Burn, Word Riot, Underground Voices, Bewildering Stories, several issues of the print pulp zine Out of the Gutter, and others. He’s at work on a medical thriller.
Pearce Hansen is a fifty-ish melancholy Dane, born on the eastern shores of San Francisco Bay and currently living in Northern California anonymity with his wife.
Jordan Harper is a staff writer for The Mentalist and was a member of the 2009 Warner Bros. Writers’ Workshop. He was born and educated in Missouri. He’s worked as a rock critic, a scalper, and a professional TV watcher. His fiction has appeared in Thuglit, Out of the Gutter, and Demolition and the anthology Hardcore Hardboiled. His short story “Johnny Cash Is Dead” was shortlisted for a Derringer Award and selected by the Million Writers Award as a notable short story. “Like Riding a Moped” was selected by the Million Writers Award as a notable story and appeared in the anthology Sex, Thugs, and Rock & Roll. He is adapting the story into a screenplay. “Red Hair and Black Leather” was shortlisted for the 2008 Best American Mysteries. His reviews and articles have appeared in the Village Voice and among other papers. Read his work at www.jordanharper.com
David Harrison went to Princeton, hated Wall Street, and drove a truck. He lives and writes northwest of Boston, teaching Literature and Life Skills at the Lowell Middlesex Academy Charter School.
John Kenyon is an Iowa newspaper editor who has published short stories with Thuglit, Demolition, and other online outlets. He also writes the blog Things I’d Rather Be Doing (www.tirbd. com) where he covers books, music, and pop culture.
Dana King’s short fiction has appeared in Thuglit, Crooked, New Mystery Reader, and Powder Burn Flash. New Mystery Reader has also published over one hundred of his crime fiction reviews and several author interviews. He lives near Washington D.C., and pays the bills working as a consultant at an undisclosed location. It’s not one of those “he’d tell you, but then he’d have to kill you” deals. He’s just not going to tell you.
Edgar-finalist Craig McDonald is an award-winning fiction writer, journalist, and editor. His debut novel, Head Games, was selected as a 2008 Edgar nominee for Best First Novel by an American Author. It was also a finalist for Anthony and Gumshoe awards. Toros & Torsos, McDonald’s second novel, appeared in autumn 2008 and made several “year’s best” lists. The third novel in the Hector Lassiter series, Print the Legend, is available from Minotaur Books. His nonfiction books include Art in the Blood and Rogue Males: Conversations & Confrontations About the Writing Life. His short fiction has appeared in several anthologies. His Web site is www.craigmcdonaldbooks.com.
Brian Murphy’s face makes it impossible to talk out the side of. When all he possesses in the entire world is elegance, Brian Murphy still considers himself a rich man. He is a formula writer. The formula? It’s a diabolical mix of authenticity and perspective—true stories tweaked. The formula? It’s called living first, writing later. It’s called, writing “on the real.” Currently, he is completing his novel Cool School with the representation and ultimate guidance of legendary literary agent, Nat Sobel. Sobel discovered Brian, after reading some of his work at Thuglit. Were it not for Big Daddy Thug at Thuglit, years back, Brian would still be sending out queries. Brian Murphy’s e-mail is [email protected].
Stuart Neville has been a musician, a composer, a teacher, a salesman, a film extra, a baker, and a hand double for a well-known Irish comedian, but is currently a partner in a successful multimedia design business in the wilds of Northern Ireland. His debut novel is published in the USA by Soho Crime as The Ghosts of Belfast, and by Harvill Secker in the UK as The Twelve.
Derek Nikitas is the author of The Long Division and Pyres, both from St. Martin’s Minotaur. Pyres was nominated for an Edgar Award for Best First Novel. His fiction has appeared in Thuglit, Plots with Guns, Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine, Ontario Review, Killer Year: Stories to Die For, The New Dead, and elsewhere. He teaches in the creative writing MFA program at Eastern Kentucky University.
Colin O’Sullivan is an Irish writer living in Japan. He is the author of two books: Anhedonia (short stories) and Majo (a novella for teenagers) both published by the now defunct Rain Publishing in Canada. He is currently looking for a new publisher. His fiction and poetry regularly appear on the web and in print. He lives in Aomori with his wife and two children.
Michael Penncavage’s story “The Cost of Doing Business” originally appeared in Thuglit Issue 24 and won a 2008 Derringer Award for best mystery. He has been an associate editor for Space and Time magazine, as well as the editor of the horror/ suspense anthology Tales from a Darker State. One of his stories has recently been filmed as a short movie. Fiction of his can be found in approximately sixty magazines and anthologies from three different countries including Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine in the USA, Here and Now in England, and Crime Factory in Australia. Organizational affiliations include the Mystery Writers of America, the Horror Writers of America, and the Garden State Horror Writers.
Tom Piccirilli is the author of twenty novels including Shadow Season, The Cold Spot, The Coldest Mile, The Midnight Road, and A Choir of Ill Children. He’s won the International Thriller Writers Award and the Bram Stoker Award and has been nominated for the Edgar Award, the Macavity Award, the World Fantasy Award, and Le Grand Prix de L’Imaginaire. Learn more at his official Web site www.tompiccirilli.com.
Justin Porter was born and raised in New York City. He still lives there. His stories have been featured in Thuglit, Pulp Pusher, Plots with Guns, Big Pulp, and others. His articles have been featured in The New York Times. He can be reached at [email protected]. Drop him a line.
A native of New Jersey, Kieran Shea’s fiction has spread across the Internet’s crime zine ghetto like a glorious case of the shingles. Recently the disease has mutated into print with his work appearing in Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. He lives outside of Annapolis, Maryland, where he bitterly kicks the tires on the status quo and drinks far too much coffee. His Web site is www.kieranjamesshea.blogspot.com.
Andy Turner lives in Milwaukee, where he works as a freelance writer and editor, serves as an English lecturer at a local university, and hosts his own radio show on which he plays (frequently spastic) music exclusively from independent labels. He is a former newspaper reporter and has written for numerous music publications, including No Depression, Pop Culture Press, Harp, and Country Standard Time. Thuglit published his first venture into crime fiction.
Scott Wolven is the author of Controlled Burn (Scribner). Wolven’s stories have appeared seven years in a row in The Best American Mystery Stories (Houghton Mifflin). The title story from Controlled Burn has been selected to appear in The Best American Noir Stories of the Century (Houghton Mifflin). Wolven’s novels False Hope and King Zero are forthcoming from Harcourt. He is finishing another collection of short stories, Whipsaw. Wolven lives in upstate New York.
Dave Zeltserman’s short crime fiction has been published in venues such as Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine and Ellery Queen Mystery Magazine. His third novel, Small Crimes, was named by NPR as one of the top five mystery and crime novels of 2008, and by the Washington Post as one of the best novels of 2008. Dave has six more novels to be published, including Pariah. His thriller 28 Minutes has been optioned by Impact Pictures and Constantin Film.
Raise Your Glasses ...
As you may or may not know from the previous anthos, culling down a year’s worth of the best crime fiction the world has to offer can be a nightmare. A headache. A want-to-claw-out-my-eyes-and-scream kind of responsibility. Doing the Web site is hard enough. Doing these books—well, you get the point. So even though we couldn’t fit the following writers into this year’s anthology, they all deserve a lifted glass and a heartfelt thanks for being part of the few, the proud ... the thug-worthy.
Carl Moore—Tom Sheehan—David Moss—Anonymous 9—Joe Clifford—Steven Wellington—Jonas Knutsson—Brian Haycock—John Schulian—Ellen Neuborne—Richard Farnsworth—Crit Minster—Patrick J. Lambe—Barry Baldwin—Robert Palmer—Adrian Ludens—Ben Nadler—Michael Colangelo—Randy Chandler—Leslie Budewitz—Nolan Knight—Keith Gilman—Kim Cushman—Hugh Lessig—Stephen Beckwith—Mark Joseph Kiewlak—L. V. Rautenbaumgrabner—Tony Black—Matthew Stern—Robert Aquino Dollesin—Allan C. Kimball—Steve Newman—J. A. Tyler—Raise your glass....
Further thanks go to Michaela Hamilton over at Kensington Books for putting up with our shit. Hell, would you? Exactly. Raise your glass....
Raise your glass up as high as you can for:
JOHN ( Johnny Kneecaps) MOORE.
I’m such a douche that I forgot to thank him in last year’s anthology. Without John, there would never have been a Thuglit. He is an editor supreme and a Web dude like no other. Without John’s technicals and knowledge, we’d be banging rocks and throwing our own feces like the filthy sub-humans we are. That’s why he gets the bigger font—to make up for last year.
For Sam Drake Robinson (Little Daddy Thug)—you’re not here yet, but by the time this comes out, you will be. Weird ...
And finally, for Allison. My Lady Detroit and the reason it’s all here. Don’t raise your glasses. Just get out of the goddamn room already. Can’t a couple get some privacy? Pervert ...
KENSINGTON BOOKS are published by
Kensington Publishing Corp.
119 West 40th Street
New York, NY 10018
Copyright © 2010 by Todd Robinson
Introduction copyright © 2010 by Max Allan Collins
“Red Hair and Black Leather” copyright © 2010 by Jordan Harper
“The Return of Inspiration” copyright © 2010 by Tom Piccirilli
“Cut” copyright © 2010 by John Kenyon
“Pick’s Place” copyright © 2010 by Colin O’Sullivan
“These Two Guys ...” copyright © 2010 by Craig McDonald
“Community Property” copyright © 2010 by Pearce Hansen
“News about Yourself” copyright © 2010 by Scott Wolven
“Trauma Dyke” copyright © 2010 by Derek Nikitas
“ ’Demption Road” copyright © 2010 by Justin Porter
“Mr. Universe” copyright © 2010 by Glenn Gray
“Green Gables” copyright © 2010 by Dana King
“Death of a Rat” copyright © 2010 by Eddie Bunker
“The Last Dance” copyright © 2010 by Stuart Neville
“The Cost of Doing Business” copyright © 2010 by Michael Penncavage
“Son of So Many Tears” copyright © 2010 by Hilary Davidson
“Faith-Based Initiative”
copyright © 2010 by Kieran Shea
“Mahogany and Monogamy” copyright © 2010 by Jedidiah Ayres
“Who Do I Have to Kill to Get a Little Respect Up in Here?” copyright © 2010 by Brian Murphy
“Bad Move” copyright © 2010 by Dave Zeltserman
“You’re Gonna Get Yours” copyright © 2010 by Stephen Allan
“Fool in Search of a Country Song” copyright © 2010 by Andy Turner
“Mercy First, First Mercy” copyright © 2010 by David Harrison
“Overclocked” copyright © 2010 by Lawrence Clayton
“Care of the Circumcised Penis” copyright © 2010 by Sean Doolittle
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.
Kensington and the K logo Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.
ISBN: 978-0-7582-8519-5
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