by Linda Warren
Lucky whined. Lefty looked up at her. Freckles didn’t move a muscle.
“It’s a baby and you have to be on your best behavior.”
Lefty barked.
“I know you will be.” She stroked his head and stared at the bassinet—all delicate and white, ready for a new arrival. Memories beat at her.
No. No. No.
How long could she keep pushing painful thoughts away? She took a deep breath and walked over to the bassinet. Sitting on the floor cross-legged, she fingered the silk of the skirt.
Don’t overreact because of what happened with Sabrina. It wasn’t Sabrina she was overreacting about, but she couldn’t tell her mother that.
She and Allen had searched and searched for the perfect bassinet. They knew the baby was going to be a girl and Allen wanted it to be one-of-a-kind. A specialty shop had one on an antique brass stand that swung back and forth. The crib itself was brass, too, but the bedding and skirt were made of delicate cotton, silk and lace. She thought it was a bit much, but Allen loved it so they’d bought it.
She drew a ragged breath. They buried their baby girl in it.
Her chest tightened in pain and she gulped for air. Her immediate instinct was to push the thoughts away like she always did. Tonight, though, she needed to remember. To remember a little girl she’d loved beyond measure and a husband…
She gulped in more air. A few months into their marriage, they began to have disagreements. He didn’t support her need to help animals and refused to allow her to have any more pets in the house. That angered her and they often had words. In the end he relented because she agreed not to pick up any more strays. When she did, she took them to the animal shelter.
Then she found out she was pregnant and they were thrilled. They were happy again waiting for the birth of their child. The pregnancy went smoothly. She didn’t have any problems until…
She pushed to her feet and walked to the window. Pulling back the curtain, she saw everything was dark except for the streetlights revealing an empty street. Beau still wasn’t home. She would have heard him if he had come in. The curtain fell softly into place. Beau wanted her to talk. What would he say if she told him she’d killed her precious beautiful baby? He would look at her differently. Allen had. It was better to live with the monsters than to see that look in Beau’s eyes.
IT WAS AFTER ONE when Beau drove into his garage. He and Tuck had each won two games at pool. They decided to play the tiebreaker next week. Next week. He had to make a life-changing decision by then. To stay or to go. He threw his keys onto the kitchen counter. To stay or to run.
That’s what he was doing—running away. As that thought settled in his mind, the decision was clear. His job, family and friends were here and this is where he needed to stay. He wasn’t pulling up roots and starting over. But first, he and Macy were going to get a few things straight.
He’d been kind, gentle and caring—all the qualities he’d been taught. To get Macy’s attention, he might have to become the bad son his father had called him, even though he’d spent all his life proving that statement wrong.
As a kid he’d believed his father’s words and at times shouldered the blame for the breakup of his family. If he had stayed like his father had ordered him to, then his mother wouldn’t have left without her sons.
But that was a child’s guilt, a child wanting his family to be what it wasn’t. As he grew older, he realized that staying wouldn’t have made things better. His mother knew what was best for her, her sons and her unborn child. Still, the bad son was branded upon his soul. That’s why he had the need to keep the family together now—to keep everyone happy.
He wondered, though, if the need arose because a part of him was afraid that he was a bad son. And that he had to keep proving over and over that he wasn’t.
He dragged his hands over his face. Maybe it was time to find out the truth—to see if he could be selfish and hard like his father. And maybe for once think only of himself and his feelings
It was a foreign emotion to him, but he’d tried everything else with Macy and nothing had worked. He wouldn’t force her to do anything, but he was going to pressure her to talk. He knew how to do that, he did it in court. She had to tell him what was holding her back. What had happened in her marriage? And he had to be prepared for the answers.
That settled, he fell into an exhausted sleep.
THE NEXT MORNING Macy was at the hospital early. She wanted to feed Zoë so she’d know someone who loved her was there. Even as an infant that was important.
Dr. Pender came in with the test results. There was nothing wrong with Zoë’s heart. She was just a preemie and had a laryngeal problem found in newborns known as stridor. As Zoë grew stronger, the raspiness would stop.
“So you can rest assured it’s not her heart,” Dr. Pender said. “Just watch her closely. You know what to look for and if the symptoms change, just call me.”
“Thanks. I had to be sure,” she replied. Macy still had her doubts, but for now she had to trust the doctor.
Later, she spoke with Harriet about time off and Harriet agreed to an indefinite period with pay. Macy didn’t want to stay away from work too long, but she had the time and she took it. She and Zoë would need a period of adjustment. Macy prayed that Delia would soon return before she became so attached to Zoë that she wouldn’t be able to let her go. She always kept that at the back of her mind—this was only temporary.
THAT MORNING Beau went to visit his mom and Andrew since he didn’t get there yesterday. He had breakfast with them and Althea was much more relaxed, not pressuring Beau and trying to be very supportive. He didn’t tell his parents that he’d changed his mind. His plans weren’t final and he didn’t want his mom to think she had any influence over his decision.
Caleb and Josie arrived mid-morning. Caleb was all smiles and Josie didn’t even resemble the woman he’d met over a year ago. Today she was radiant. Back then she was hollow-eyed and pale. She’d been found wandering the streets of Austin, without a name, without a memory and with a bullet in her head. A cult had taken her in and Eli had rescued her from them. But Caleb was the Ranger who stole her heart.
Caleb worked tirelessly to bring her back from all the pain and to help her recover her memory. It had taken over a year for Caleb to unravel the mystery of Josie’s identity. The hardest thing Caleb ever had to do was to leave Josie with her family and return to Austin alone. Beau had never seen his brother so low. But Josie had found her way back to Caleb and they’d now been married four months.
Leaving Josie had not changed Caleb’s feelings for her. Real love was like that—everlasting. In a moment of clarity, Beau realized moving to Dallas wasn’t going to change his feelings for Macy, either. Away from Macy and his family he’d be disheartened and lonely. He knew then that he would be turning down the offer on Friday.
After lunch, Beau and Caleb sat on the patio each drinking a beer. Josie and Althea were in the kitchen and Andrew was watching golf on TV.
“So you’re planning to leave Waco?” Caleb said out of the blue.
Beau looked up. “Mom called you?”
“Sure did. All in a panic.”
“Yeah.” Beau watched Bandy playing with a ball. “Never knew I was so important to the family.”
“You’re the biggest mother hen I’ve ever met.”
Beau cocked an eyebrow. “Smile when you say that.”
Caleb grinned, then leaned forward. “So why the change of scenery all of a sudden? What’s going on with you?” Caleb held up a hand. “No. Let me guess. Macy.”
Beau nodded. “I told her about the job offer.”
“And…” Caleb prompted when Beau stopped speaking.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. She wished me well.”
“Wait a minute.” Caleb shook his head. “Something’s not right.”
“I told her I wanted us to be more than friends and that I wanted a life with her, a home and a family.”
; “And still nothing?”
“No. She just wanted me to let her know when I was leaving.”
Caleb leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “That took guts, big brother. I’m proud of you.”
“For all the good it did me.”
Caleb’s eyes narrowed. “Beau, I hate to ask this, but you did tell Macy that you loved her?”
“What?” His mind quickly went over the scene with Macy. Oh, God! He hadn’t.
“You didn’t, did you?”
Beau squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “No. But she knew what I meant.”
“You have to say the words, Beau.” Caleb spoke slowly and succinctly. “I’m not a walking encyclopedia on women, but I know they need to hear those three little words. Hell, men do, too.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. When I brought up the subject, Macy couldn’t get out of my condo fast enough.” Beau knew those three little words wouldn’t have changed a thing. “Besides, Delia’s back. She had a baby and quickly abandoned it.”
CHAPTER SIX
“WHAT!”
“Delia appeared after a year of not a word. She was eight months pregnant and had the baby. The next morning Delia was gone. I filed a motion to have Macy appointed the legal guardian and it was granted. So you see, Macy’s mind is now on other things.”
“You made sure Macy is the guardian of Delia’s baby?”
“Yep.”
Caleb shook his head. “You just keep opening yourself up for more pain.”
“I think it’s a legacy.”
“Mmm.” For a moment they both thought about a father who caused nothing but pain. Caleb studied the tips of his boots. “Well, from your baby brother who knows you better than anyone, you’ll hate it in Dallas.”
“Just about figured that out for myself.”
“So what are you going to do?”
Beau ran both hands through his hair. “Push Macy until she tells me what’s bothering her. I have to hear her say that she doesn’t love me or want a life with me.” He moved uneasily. “Do you know anything about Allen Graves?”
“No. Only met him a couple of times. Seemed like a nice enough fella.”
“Something happened in that marriage.”
“Want me to do some checking?”
“Yes, and see if you can find out anything on Delia, an address would be nice. The hospital contacted the police so there’s a warrant out for her arrest, but I doubt if anyone will actively try to find her.”
“Probably not. There’s too many major crimes to be solved.”
“I just know she’s coming back for that baby and it’s going to break Macy’s heart.”
He could feel Caleb’s eyes on him. “What about your heart?”
Beau looked at him. “Made of steel.”
“Yeah, with marshmallow filling.”
They both laughed and Josie walked outside and slid onto Caleb’s lap. She slipped an arm around his neck. “What’s so funny?”
“Beau trying to be tough when I know he’s a cream puff.”
“Women like a sensitive man.” Josie trailed a hand through Caleb’s hair. “That’s one of the many reasons I love you.”
They shared a long, deep kiss and Beau cleared his throat to no avail. They kept kissing. “Don’t you two have a bedroom?” he asked.
They drew apart, both grinning. “We forget that sometimes,” Caleb replied.
Beau stood. “Must be nice. I’ll catch you later.”
Before Beau entered the house, Caleb called, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
He said goodbye to his parents and headed home to wait for Macy. Tonight she was talking to him—one way or another.
WHEN BEAU REACHED HOME, there was no sign of life at Macy’s. He knew where she was—the hospital. He was about to go there to see how Zoë was doing, but changed his mind. He wanted to talk to Macy somewhere private. Flipping on the TV, he made himself comfortable to wait for her.
It was almost nine when he heard her car. He gave her a few minutes then made the short distance to her front door and rang the bell.
Macy opened it almost instantly, Lucky and Lefty at her feet, Freckles in her arms. Her hair was neatly pulled back, not a strand out of place, but the worry in her eyes told a different story.
“Oh, Beau, come in.” She stepped aside. “I’m glad you came by. I wanted to thank you again for…”
He squatted to pat Lucky and Lefty. “I told you at the hospital that you don’t have to thank me. I would have done it for anyone.”
“Still, it saved me a lot of worry.”
Beau stood. “I came over to talk to you.”
“Oh? Are there papers for me to sign?”
“No. I want to talk about you and me.”
She frowned. “I don’t…”
“I do.” He walked over and sat on her beige sofa that was covered with flowered throw pillows. He took a deep breath and looked directly at her. “Something is bothering me and I need to get this straight for my own peace of mind.” He paused. “I tell you I want a life with you and you show no emotion at all. That was cold—not the Macy I know. I could have been telling you the time of day. Why, Macy? Why did you choose to ignore my feelings? I need to hear an answer from you.”
“Beau…”
“We’ve known each other for a long time and I deserve more than that.”
She sat on the edge of a straight-backed chair. “I’m sorry. I’m not ready for a life with anyone.”
“Why not?”
Her eyes narrowed. “You just have to accept my decision.”
He rested his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together. “Sorry. I can’t. I need more.” He took a deep breath. “I love you, Macy. I have for a very long time. Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll leave and never come back.”
She looked down at the carpet and he couldn’t see her eyes. He kept pushing, not willing to give up so easily.
“Tell me about Allen.”
Her head jerked up. “That’s none of your business.”
Her protest didn’t stop him. “What happened in your marriage? You and I both know your reticence has something to do with your marriage. You never talk about it. Did Allen abuse you?”
Her eyes flared. “Of course not.”
“Then tell me about Allen. Do you still love him?”
“Beau…”
“He seemed like a nice man and he seemed to care for you, yet you were married less than two years. What happened?”
She remained silent.
“Macy…”
“He divorced me, okay?” In an angry movement she stood and walked to the bassinet in a corner.
“He divorced you?” Beau was thrown for a second, but quickly recovered. “Was he having an affair?”
“No.” She fingered the lace on the crib.
Beau hated to go on, but their future was at stake. “Then why did he divorce you?”
“As I told you, it’s none of your business.”
“And you know I’m not stopping until you tell…”
She swung around, her eyes flashing. “Because I’m not perfect. He wanted a perfect wife and I wasn’t.”
That made no sense to him. She was perfect to him in every way. “What are you talking about?”
“This conversation is over.” She headed for the door. “Go home, Beau.”
He caught her arm before she reached the door. “I love you and I want a life with you. I’m not leaving until you tell me why you can’t love me.”
Her eyes clouded over. “Because I’m the reason my baby is dead.”
If she had slapped him, he couldn’t have been more shocked. He shook his head, wondering if he’d heard her correctly. “What baby?”
“Go home, Beau. Please.” Her voice was thready and weak.
“You can’t say something like that and expect me to leave.” He took another deep breath. “When did you have a child?”
Macy walked back to t
he bassinet, knowing the monster under her bed was out in broad daylight and she couldn’t pretend it didn’t exist or wasn’t real. But could she tell Beau what had happened? She touched the lace again, also knowing that she had to. She couldn’t keep living with all this pain inside her. And she owed Beau an explanation.
“I had a baby girl four months before I returned to Waco.” Her voice was shaky but she got the words out.
“You never mentioned having a child.”
“It was too painful to talk about.”
A long silence followed.
“What happened to the baby, Macy?”
“She was born with a congenital heart defect known as atrial septal defect, meaning she had a hole in her heart and had to undergo open-heart surgery. She died four days later. I held her as she took her last breath.”
“Macy.” His voice was soft, comforting, but she didn’t feel it. All she felt was the pain in her chest.
“You wanted to know, so I’m telling you.”
“Why do you think you’re responsible for her death?”
She looked at him and wished she hadn’t. It was there—the disbelief, sadness and the shock. “The defect was genetic and I carry the gene. My sister Sabrina died the same way. I passed the defect to my baby and that’s the reason she died.”
“Macy, you can’t blame yourself. You…”
She rounded on him. “I can and I do. You wanted to know and now you do, so please leave.”
He took a step toward her. “Macy…”
She backed away. “No. This is the reason I’ve never told you or anyone. I don’t want to hear what you have to say. My pain is private and my own. I will never marry again or have another child so you have no future with me. Please accept that.” She ran to her bedroom and slammed the door.
Beau stood for a moment, feeling numb and helpless. Macy had a baby. He never expected anything like this. He’d been her best friend yet she hadn’t shared her deepest pain. She’d endured this all alone. His first instinct was to go after her, but he recognized she needed time to herself.
