by Linda Warren
“Beau doesn’t need to be involved. I can hire another attorney to take care of this matter.”
“But why, when you have a very competent one next door?”
“Mom, please, don’t pressure me.” She paced back and forth wondering what this meant. That wasn’t too difficult to figure out. Someone wanted Zoë and it wasn’t Delia. That left the father.
She picked up Zoë and held her tight. It was one thing to say the arrangement was temporary and one day she’d have to let Zoë go, but it was an entirely different matter to actually be able to do it. She’d lost Beau. She couldn’t lose Zoë. She recognized the thought for what it was—good old fear again. That fear of being alone. But it was more. She enjoyed that feeling of being a mother.
It’s not me that needs a child, Macy. It’s you. That’s why your life revolves around babies.
Beau was right. She needed to be a mother—to Zoë. She took a couple of deep breaths, trying to stop the panic in her, trying not to fall apart at this revelation.
She quickly made an appointment with a lawyer. He agreed to see her before she went to work. Her mother took care of Zoë and she was glad she was there.
The lawyer didn’t have much advice, just to take the test and contact him if anything arose from the result. He was an inept idiot and he wasn’t Beau. But she couldn’t call Beau. She remembered his words vividly. Don’t call or contact me in any way.
She hurried to work and it felt exhilarating to be back in the swing of things. There were only two births so the night was quiet. She sat holding a newborn, getting ready to carry her to her mother for a feeding. Newborns were so fragile, sweet and irresistible. And they had a smell all their own—a delicate scent that wrapped around your heart. The little girl was perfectly healthy, with red cheeks, a button nose and a bald head. She was adorable.
I’ll never have my own child. Never experience these feelings again. The thoughts surprised her as it slipped from her subconscious.
Somehow you equate motherhood with femininity. Beau was right. She was a natural mother. Even when she was small she always said she wanted lots of children. Now that was over and it motivated everything she did, even her rejection of Beau.
She allowed herself to feel like a woman in his arms and the pain wasn’t so bad. Reality intruded quickly and she was still struggling to justify her actions so that she could understand them herself.
On the way home, she got a call from the animal shelter. They had an abused dog that needed some extra attention. Macy said she’d be right there, then she called her mom to say she was running late.
The little dog was a Chihuahua and he had burns on his body. Judy said they were cigarette burns. The police made a call to an apartment where a man was beating his girlfriend. After breaking up the fight and arresting the man, the police found the dog and took him to the shelter.
“The little thing is scared to death and he obviously hates men,” Judy said. “His wounds have healed and now he just needs some love and attention so he can trust people again.”
A helper brought the dog out in a cage. He cowered in a corner.
“What’s his name?” Macy asked.
“The girlfriend said the man called him Dog.”
“That won’t do.” Macy peered into the cage. “Hi there, little fellow.” The dog whined and curled into a ball and she could see the charred spots on his body. Anger welled inside her.
The dog was a light brownish-tan that reminded Macy of a peanut. “I’ll call him Peanut.”
“Fits him perfectly,” Judy said.
Macy carried the cage to her car, placing Peanut in the passenger seat and heading home. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” she told Peanut. “I have some playmates for you at home. You’ll like it there. I’ll be very good to you and maybe soon you’ll trust me.”
When Macy carried the cage in, Irene sighed. “Macy, for heaven sakes, you can’t have another animal in this place.”
Irene was holding Zoë, who whined for Macy to take her. “Hey, kiddo.” She kissed her fat cheek and took her. “Missed me?”
Zoë smiled, then laid her head on Macy’s shoulder and Macy’s heart melted. How was she going to let her go?
Lucky and Lefty ran into the room and barked at the newcomer. Freckles hissed and disappeared.
Macy sank to the floor with Zoë in front of her. She clapped her hands. “Listen up, guys. You, too, Freckles. Come out.” Freckles slinked from the kitchen. “We have a new member in the family. His name is Peanut and we’re going to treat him real nice, aren’t we?”
Lucky and Lefty sniffed the cage. Freckles walked by it, drank from her water bowl and curled up, watching the new dog.
She pointed to the cage. “See, Zoë, puppy.”
Zoë waved her hands, made a noise and turned into Macy’s arms. She just wanted to be held.
“How was she?” Macy asked, getting to her feet.
“Fine. She slept all night. But I don’t think she liked waking up without you here. She’s been fussing ever since.”
“We had to rock her so much when she was born that she’s a little spoiled. I’m working on unspoiling her.”
“Yeah, right.”
Macy glanced at her mother who wore a skimpy, lacy negligé.
Macy frowned. “Do you sleep in that?”
“Well, I don’t go dancing in it.” She smiled. “Although Perry might like that. I’ll have to suggest it.”
“You’ve changed,” Macy said. “You used to wear an old ratty robe. Delia and I bought you a new one for Christmas and you still wore the ratty robe.”
“It was comfortable.”
“Like Dad?” The words slipped out before Macy could stop them.
“Yeah. Like your father.” She brushed back her hair. “But sometimes comfortable gets boring.”
“Mom…”
“What did you find out about the DNA test?”
Just like her father, her mother wasn’t going to talk about what had happened in their marriage. So it was time to just move on. Her parents certainly had. “The lawyer said it was a court order and I have to take Zoë in to be tested or I could be held in contempt of court. He said if anything arises from the test, to contact him.”
“That doesn’t sound like very good advice.”
Macy shrugged. “After I sleep a few hours, I’ll take her in.”
“You know what this means, don’t you, Macy?”
Macy bit her lip and her arms tightened around Zoë.
“If Zoë’s DNA turns out like these people suspect, they’ll be filing for custody.”
Her throat closed up and she took a deep breath. “I know.”
“Then call Beau. Maybe he can step up the search for Delia. You have to do something. You can’t let these people take her.”
“I…I can’t call Beau.” She put Zoë in her playpen and watched her kick and play for a moment before sitting on the sofa.
Irene sat down beside her. “Since the divorce, you and I haven’t been close. I was dealing with my own pain and you were grown, living your own life. I guess that happens in families. They grow apart.”
Macy didn’t respond.
“But you really had a rapport with your father. He could get you to do anything. You were his little girl.”
“Yes.”
“And you’re like him. You feel things deeply and hold them in until you just burst from the emotional buildup. Sometimes it helps to talk.”
Somewhere in the corner of her soul where she’d banished all those painful emotions, she felt a sliver of hope. Hope! Her little girl. In that moment she knew she had to tell her mother.
“My baby died.” The words came out low and hoarse, but they were audible.
“What?”
“My baby girl died.” The words were much clearer.
“Macy, what are talking about?”
And just like that, emotions she thought she would never share with her mother came spilling out—all the pain, heartache and sufferin
g.
“Oh, Macy. I’m so sorry.” Irene held her as if she were five years old. “Why did you never call me? Never let me know?”
“I just didn’t think you’d care, you or Dad. Neither of you called or seemed interested in my life. Allen was my life and we were so looking forward to our baby’s birth.”
Irene drew back. “Hope had the same genetic heart defect as Sabrina?”
“Yes. They operated, but she wasn’t strong enough to survive.”
Irene tucked Macy’s hair behind her ears. “You’ve asked what happened in our marriage. It started when we lost Sabrina. It devastated both of us and we never completely recovered. I wanted more children. Ted didn’t. He said he couldn’t go through that again. So you see, you’re just like your father.”
Through a cloud of tears, she said, “But you had Delia.”
“Yes.” A shadow crossed her mother’s face. “It was stressful from the moment I found out I was pregnant and it didn’t change after Delia’s birth. Your father felt I’d tricked him. Delia was healthy when she was born, but later we found she had problems. Your father and I disagreed on how to help her and that caused more problems. Finally the marriage just fell apart, but I couldn’t believe he’d walk away from all those years of marriage. That hurt.”
“It hurt us all,” Macy murmured, hardly believing her mother was opening up and talking to her. Looking back, Macy remembered the strain in her parents’ relationship—how they’d stopped smiling and laughing. But she never thought they’d separate.
There was silence for a moment.
“So why won’t you call Beau?” Irene asked.
She told Irene about their relationship. It was easy to share her pain because she’d already opened up to Beau. Beau was… She shut her thoughts down immediately.
“Oh, Macy.” Irene wiped away a tear. “Don’t be afraid to take a risk. Your father was and we lost everything.”
Macy twisted her hands. “I just can’t have another child.”
“But you can love a man and that’s all Beau wants—your love.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sometimes it is.”
When she didn’t answer, Irene added, “You’re just like all these hurt and abused animals you take in. They need to heal with love. Let Beau help you heal.”
Macy went to sleep with those words in her head. Let Beau help you heal. She slept better than she had in a long time. When she awoke, she got acquainted with Peanut. The little thing trembled violently when she held it, but she stroked and cuddled him, letting him know she wasn’t going to hurt him.
Then she dressed Zoë and they took her for the DNA test. It didn’t take long. Soon she dropped her mom and Zoë at home and went to work.
Now she waited.
THE DAYS PASSED SLOWLY and there was still no word from Delia. Perry picked up her mother and the condo was lonely without her new flamboyant personality. Macy was glad they had had this chance to talk. She still didn’t understand clearly why her father had left, but she could accept it now. Her father was happy and her mother was happy. That’s what mattered, but she knew they carried scars—just like she did.
Mrs. Pruett was now keeping Zoë while Macy worked and the system was running smoothly. Peanut was also better and the other dogs had accepted him. Peanut was a puppy and sometimes he just wanted to play. Lucky and Lefty were older and enjoyed their naps, but they tolerated Peanut with a patience that amused Macy.
It was now the end of July and she still hadn’t spoken to Beau. Every day she kept waiting for papers to arrive about the DNA test. When they didn’t, she breathed a little easier.
She took Zoë for her last checkup with Dr. Cravey, who said Zoë was fine and completely healed. She’d gained five pounds and was filling out and getting chubby. Macy wondered how long she would have her.
Late one afternoon she decided to take Zoë and the dogs to the park. As she pushed the stroller out the front door, she saw Beau drive into his garage. She wanted to go over so he could see Zoë, but she turned toward the park. She missed everything about Beau, but she really missed talking to him, just seeing him every day. Was she afraid to take a risk on his love?
She thought about that all the way to the park and it was on her mind when they returned. She still didn’t have an answer.
Peanut grew tired and Macy put him in the bottom of the stroller. Zoë kept trying to see him, almost leaning out of the stroller. Like Macy, she was going to love animals.
When they reached the condo, a man was standing on her doorstep. As she pushed the stroller up the sidewalk, he came toward her. “Ms. Macy Randall?”
“Yes.”
He handed her a manila envelope and there was a lawyer’s name on the return address. She hurried inside, put Zoë in the playpen and ripped open the envelope. Oh my God! Clifford and Myrna Wallston, parents of Keith Wallston, father of minor child, Zoë June Randall, had filed a motion to modify custody of the minor child. Her heart fell to the pit of her stomach.
She sank onto the sofa and tried to control her breathing, then she read the document more clearly. A custody hearing was set for two weeks from today. Two weeks! That wasn’t enough time. What was she going to do?
She glanced toward Beau’s condo. He was home and would know what to do. Without thinking, she picked up Zoë and headed over there.
“Stay,” she said to the dogs. “I’ll be right back.” She didn’t need any distractions.
Knocking on his door, she shifted Zoë to her other hip, clutching the papers in her hand.
Beau opened the door with a surprised look. “Macy.”
“I hate to bother you, but I don’t have any other choice.” She walked in before he could say anything. Zoë, seeing Beau, smiled and leaned toward him, wanting him to take her.
As he scooped Zoë out of her arms, his hand brushed Macy’s breast and her whole body tingled from the contact. “Hi, little angel. You’re turning into a munchkin.” Beau kissed Zoë’s cheek. “She’s getting fat.”
“Yes. She takes her bottle without a problem now.” Macy paused. “She misses you.”
“I miss her, too.” Their eyes clung for a minute, then he handed Zoë back to her. “Thanks for bringing her over, but I have to go. I have a date.”
Date? For a moment she couldn’t speak and she wanted to leave. But she remembered the papers in her hand. “It will only take a minute.”
“Sorry, I don’t have a minute.” He turned toward his garage.
“Zoë’s grandparents have filed a motion to modify custody of her,” she blurted out before he could leave. “They’re seeking custody of her. I need a lawyer.”
He stopped and slowly turned to face her. The pain on his face cracked her strong resolve. “I’ll give you a name of a competent lawyer.”
“I’d rather that you handled it.”
He shook his head. “No. I told you not to contact me for anything. I can’t put myself through that again. You’ll have to find someone else.”
A pain shot right through her. Dependable, reliable Beau was saying no and she deserved it. But it didn’t make that deep pain go away.
“I’m sorry I bothered you.” She shifted Zoë on her hip and walked out the door. She kept waiting for him to call her back, but he didn’t.
Entering her condo, she let the tears flow freely. What had she done to Beau? She’d made him into a monster. The monster under her bed. In a crystal clear moment she recognized that the monster was not the loss of her child. It was her love for Beau. That’s what she was so afraid of—loving him and not being the woman he wanted.
What had she done? She drew a deep breath. Like her father she was afraid to take risks and now she’d lost everything.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
BEAU DIDN’T HAVE a date. He’d lied, but helping Macy just wasn’t on his schedule anymore. Every instinct in him wanted to help, to make everything right in her world. He couldn’t, though. He’d been hurt too badly. She’d made
the choice and now they both had to live with it.
For the first time he realized he was acting like the bad son, thinking only of himself and his pain. He’d been doing a lot of that lately.
What if she loses Zoë? The good son surfaced quickly and he had to force himself to stop thinking about it. He wasn’t the only lawyer in town. He was the only one, though, who loved Zoë—and Macy.
No. He couldn’t put himself through that kind of pain again. He not only missed Macy, but it had been hell not seeing Zoë, too. It was over.
He headed out to Jake’s to play ball with Ben. Little League was over and considering Ben’s coordination, he’d done very well. He never lost his enthusiasm and next year Ben wanted to make the all-star team. If he didn’t, Ben would just keep trying. And Beau would be there to help him.
As Beau pulled up, Jake walked from the garage. He was dressed in slacks, which meant he was going out for the evening. Beau should have called, but it didn’t matter, he’d just play with the kids.
“Beau,” Jake said in surprise.
“Hey, big brother.”
“We’ve got plans to go out for the evening,” Jake told him. “You’re welcome to come with us.”
“Nah. I’ll just play with Ben and Katie.” He wasn’t in a mood to socialize.
“The kids are at Mom’s and Aunt Vin is out for the evening.”
“Oh.” He should have guessed that.
“Eli, Caroline, Caleb and Josie will be here in a minute. We’re going to a movie then dinner. It’s a chick flick and we’re protesting. Come on, it’ll be fun. With you along we’ll outnumber the ladies.”
Beau shook his head, really not wanting to be a lonely seventh party, so to speak. Tuck was out of town and Beau didn’t think he had enough strength to endure an evening with three happy couples even if they were his brothers and their wives.
Before he could respond, a Suburban drove up and Eli, Caroline, Caleb and Josie got out. He hadn’t seen Caroline in a while and she was now showing and she glowed. Eli and Jake had both married gorgeous blondes. Josie was the only dark one and she was in a class all her own.
“I’m trying to talk Beau into going with us,” Jake informed them. “But he’s resisting.”
