by Taryn Quinn
The depositing-his-cum-inside-me thing definitely seemed like another one, even if it did have an established end purpose. Still, did he have to relish it quite so much?
I rubbed my forehead. Okay, time to think. I still needed a bathroom, and I wanted some air, and I was also hungry, according to the roar currently emanating from my stomach.
Oh, lookie there, that window led to the fire escape. Score. Of course there was the small matter of my still slightly damp thighs, but delicate steps.
Forget the walk of shame. I’d patent the matching tiptoe.
I crossed the room, dodging boxes and miscellaneous paper goods, and stopped at the window. The fire escape snaked down the side of the building. Perfect. I could slip around Barb’s Bakery and into the alley, then cross the street and cover the short distance to the diner.
Where I would finish cleaning up, fold up this beautiful dress, and put on the spare uniform in my locker so I could get to work. Day off or no day off, I needed some normalcy in my life. Routine. A way to keep my hands and my mind occupied.
My spine prickled and I gripped the window, pausing long enough to haul in a breath. Maybe I shouldn’t do this. I couldn’t keep running out on the guy. Though this wasn’t that, precisely. I just needed to work. To figure out why I’d had sex with my best friend twice and was now trying to have a baby with him, without happening to mention the pesky fact that oh, I’d been in love with him forever.
No big.
That wasn’t all that relevant anyway. We were having sex, weren’t we? I’d never even expected to have that much with him. Any last flickers of hope in that direction, small and rare as they were, had been stomped out when he’d married Marj. Even after they’d divorced, that hope hadn’t returned. I was nothing if not pragmatic, and Seth and I worked as friends. Lovers were something else entirely.
But we seemed to be working there too. At least physically. Though that was pretty much a key-in-lock situation.
I shoved up the window. Yeah, I had to get out of here.
Gingerly, I climbed out, adjusting my dress as I went, and turned to push the window back down. I hurried down the surprisingly sturdy metal steps, sure everyone in town could see my midday flight. At the bottom of the steps, I realized I didn’t have my purse. Fuck. I’d just have to come back for it later. There was no way Seth wasn’t back in the office now. Besides, I lived with Sage and she would have a key. There was nothing I needed urgently in my purse. I rarely used my cell phone and I’d walked over to Seth’s from the loft so my car keys were still in our apartment. Other than a spare tampon, breath mints, and my wallet that contained a slim ten singles, my emergency credit card, and driver’s license, the bag was empty.
And I wasn’t risking running into Seth again right now, whether or not that made me a coward.
Now I was a coward who was ducking my head and rushing across the busy street to the safety of the tree-lined opposite side. Tall, stately buildings shielded me as I jog-walked to the diner, smiling at people as I passed, still walking like I was carrying a glass time bomb between my jittery thighs.
Nah, not a time bomb, just Seth Hamilton’s possible progeny.
The diner was like an oasis in the center of Main Street. I slipped inside and immediately aimed right for the back, tossing smiles and hellos as if they were confetti. But the second that swinging door shut behind me, I closed my eyes and breathed. Just breathed.
Made it.
My state of euphoria was short-lived.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Swallowing a sigh, I lifted one lid and faced my best friend. The other one, with cherub blond curls and green eyes that didn’t miss a trick. “I work here, last I knew.”
“Today is your day off,” Sage said as if I’d forgotten. “You’re all dressed up and everything. Love the shoes, by the way.”
“Thanks. My favorite pair.” I almost said my only dressy summer pair, but she already knew that, living with me and all. She’d seen the pathetic lack of nice clothes and shoes I’d moved into my closet.
I sucked at girling.
“Yet you sneaked in here, all spy-like. So what’s up? I want details.” Sage crossed her arms over her ample breasts. I’d been envious of her rack a time or two, until Seth had shown such appreciation for my set. Now it was hard to want any others.
Nope, I didn’t have it bad or anything. Badder, since I’d been sunk over him to begin with.
I grasped Sage’s arm and towed her along with me past the kitchen and out the door to the back hall and on to the storage closet where I’d had that confab with Seth almost a week ago. A week where I’d spent more nights tossing and turning than actually sleeping. I’d nearly confided in Sage about Seth’s latest suggestion, but I hadn’t because I didn’t know what she’d say. Would she tell me he’d clearly gone off his rocker and run while I still could? Or would the diehard romantic inside her insist I throw all caution to the wind and have a baby with the man I’d loved for so long?
So what if he wasn’t suggesting a real relationship. Those were so 2016. Besides, it wasn’t like I’d ever had one that last more than the change of a calendar from one month to another. A few dates, a few makeout sessions and things always petered out. A therapist would probably say I drove men away and had too high expectations. I’d say that I’d spent so many years being a caregiver to a woman I owed everything to and loved so much that I was too tired to waste emotional energy on dating. I’d already used up so much on just getting through every damn day.
But being with Seth didn’t require that whole getting-to-know-you dance. Even sex with him had been surprisingly effortless. We had a rhythm, even when he scared me shitless with this hidden dominant side of him and dirty talk.
Dirty talk, for God’s sake. From Seth. To me. The girl whose hair he’d held back after the prom when I lost every bit of the tequila I’d loaded up on to try to have a good time and get wasted with my friends. I’d never been skilled at cutting loose. As proven by the fact that the first time I had sex it was with a man who wanted to impregnate me, so obviously, I made weird choices.
And now I was going to have to admit them. Out loud.
I opened the storage room door and pulled Sage inside with me, shutting the door safely behind us. “You have to swear not to breathe a word of this to anyone. You have to promise me.”
Sage slapped her hands on her hips. “You think you need to ask? Of course your secrets are safe with me.” She held out a handy, pinky extended, and I smiled a little as I hooked mine with hers. “To the grave,” she said solemnly, and my smile turned into a slightly misty grin.
“To the grave,” I echoed.
“Did you make love with him again? Tell me.” Her eyes gleamed and she leaned closer, reminding me of a nosy news reporter. Her face was a few inches below mine but it didn’t lessen the invasive factor. “Was it amazing? The first time isn’t supposed to be, but the second…” She sighed dreamily. “Were their sparks?”
I slid away from the door so she couldn’t hem me in. She was like a pug—adorable, pushy, and relentless. “Don’t call it making love. That’s creepy. We fucked. Both times.”
“I knew it. I knew you had that sex flush going on. You’re the same color as your dress. Was it incredible? Was it all you hoped for? Did he give you a climax?”
“More creepiness. No, he didn’t give me a climax, he helped me to get there but I’d like to think I had a lot to do with it myself. The mind is the biggest sex organ, you know.”
“But it was better this time. It had to be better because you’re barely answering my questions.”
I gripped my shoulders, turning away to stare at a dusty corner of the storage room. I’d run from Seth’s right to this one, and every bit of my flight was weighing on me now. He’d been so incredible, so careful to make sure I was right there every step of the way, and I’d repaid him by taking off.
Again.
“It was more than I ever imagined,” I said
softly, swallowing over the grit in my throat. “He was almost desperate to have me. I never fathomed that could be real. That he could want me the way I always—”
“The same way you wanted him.”
“Yeah.”
“But he did. Oh Ally, that’s so awesome.” She stroked my arm, but didn’t try to get me to turn around. Under her relentlessness was a heart of pure platinum. “Did he take a long lunch break or something and bring you back to his house? Handy living so close.”
Heat blasted my face. “Um, no.”
“Don’t tell me he went for a room at the Inn again. Is he just trying to make tongues wag?”
“Not that either.” I cleared my throat. “We did it in his office.”
“You did it in his office?” she screeched and I winced and covered my face with my hands.
If there was anyone left in town who didn’t know that Seth and I were slapping skin, there wouldn’t be after this conversation.
“Yes. Please keep your voice down.”
“Like where, on the floor?”
I shook my head.
“Against the wall?” Sage lowered her voice about a quarter of a decibel. “On the—on the desk?”
The sheer scandalization in her tone made me laugh. “It’s not that shocking. People have office sex all the time. There’s even a category on porn sites.”
“There is? And why are you going on porn sites? Never mind. Don’t want to know. Anyway, on the desk. Really.” She whistled. “Wow.”
I cleared my throat again. “Yeah, it was fairly wow. I didn’t expect that when I went there, by the way. I just came over to tell him all systems were a go, and he surprised the hell out of me by—”
“You said yes? Oh my God.” Sage let out an excited peal of laughter and darted in front of me before pulling my hands off my shoulders to grip them. “So you could be pregnant, like right now? This very instant? Oh God, I need to prepare. We’ll need to have a shower. Are you planning on finding out the sex? We can go neutral themed for the party.”
“Sage.” I huffed out a laugh. “The first time, he used a condom.”
“But this time he didn’t, right?” Sage demanded. “So you could be with child right now.”
11
Ally
I swear to God, hearts swam out of my best friend’s eyes and aimed for the ceiling. Imagining exactly that only made me laugh harder.
“With child? Really? What are you, a nun?” I wiped my eyes and found Sage’s smile had vanished, along with her bubbly excitement.
“Yeah, guess I kind of am.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I should get back to work. I didn’t let Jean know I was taking a break.”
My stomach clenched and I grabbed her arm. “Wait. That didn’t come out right. It wasn’t a virginity dig. Hello, I’m barely not one myself anymore.”
“There’s no barely not a virgin. Either you’ve ma—fucked or you haven’t. And you have. Twice.”
“Yeah.” I wanted to smile, and it so wasn’t the time. “The nun comment wasn’t referring to that, though. I meant you make it sound so spiritual. So holy. Sometimes people just lean over a desk and get plowed into from behind.”
She forgot to be mad at me long enough for her eyes to go wide. “That sounds hot.”
“It was. Extremely.”
“And he didn’t use a condom this time.”
“No.” Since Sage’s imminent flight risk had seemed to have passed, I released her to rub my throat. I was having Seth coming flashbacks, and the heat between my legs was swiftly outpacing the flush in my cheeks. “He did not.”
“Did it feel different? Like you know, no condom vs condom.”
“Yes. It felt very different. The biggest difference was when he…” I couldn’t tell her this. I couldn’t tell anyone this.
Dear God, I had to tell someone.
“After he, um, let go inside me, he did this thing. He, ah, lifted my legs up. Straight in the air. So—”
“So the ejaculate didn’t run down your legs.” Sage fanned herself. “Lordie, I’m about to blow.”
I laughed again. “Skip using the word ejaculate, because ick, but yeah, me too. It shouldn’t have been hot. It freaked me out more than a little. But it was hot. Everything he does is hot, and now I might be pregnant, and I should be running the other direction. Instead, even though it’s insanely premature to even think this way, I can’t help wondering what if I can’t do this for him. What happens then.”
“If you can’t do what?”
“If I can’t give him a baby.” Just saying it sounded ridiculous, so I laughed again, right on cue. I wasn’t prone to fits of tears all that often. Hysterical laughter was another story. “I’m untried in that area, you know? I could have fertility issues. We could be a mismatch. So many reasons why this might not work, and that’s not even why I’m wigging the most.”
Sage just waited.
“I loved the guy before we got naked,” I whispered. “Now I can’t imagine life on the other side. Where he gets where he wants or he doesn’t, but he can move on.”
“What if he can’t? What if he feels exactly the same way as you but, I don’t know, concocted this elaborate ruse so he doesn’t have to put anything on the line?”
“Oh please. Seth Hamilton? Do you not know the guy? He oozes confidence. He could have any woman he wants, and—”
“And he wanted you. Not just you, but to have a baby with you. A lifetime bond, Ally. Do you get that? You have a kid with someone, you’re not walking away. Even if you think you can, there’s always that tie. That piece of you linked.”
Shaking my head, I rubbed at the sudden moisture in my eye and looked away. Anywhere but at her. “He wanted to pay me off for my egg, basically. Send me away and raise the kid on his own. He might not think I’m a bad risk DNA-wise—and even that’s a crapshoot with my family’s history—but as for me, he didn’t even want me at first.”
“At first?” She inched up on her tiptoes and got right in my face. “Lawrence, you’re holding out on me.”
I sniffled. Stupid allergies. “After I bailed on him after we did it, when he found me here at the diner the next day, he apologized for coming up with such a crazy plan. And he suggested we do it together instead. I don’t know, it could’ve just been his new way of getting me to say yes.”
“Have it together. Raise it together.”
“Yeah.”
Sage let out a laugh. “Girl, I might be the virgin, but you’re the dummy. He so wants to put you on lockdown. Forget put a ring on it. He wants to put a baby in it.”
“You’re being silly. He just wants a kid for Laurie, so she has a sibling like he did before they’re too far apart in age.”
“You just said he could have any woman. Does that or does that not include their wombs as well?” She propped a hand under her chin. “Wonder what the average woman would say if a man like Seth Hamilton asked them to have his baby. He’s a wonderful, devoted father already, and he’s rich, smart, suave, kind-hearted, and judging from today’s office performance, a near stallion in the bedroom Olympics. I’m sure he’d get few takers.”
“He didn’t ask them, did he? He asked me.” I shut my eyes. “He offered me money, Sage. As if I was a common—”
“As if he wanted to make things easier for you and knew you’d never accept the help any other way.” Sage’s voice turned soft. “Honey, you don’t always make it easy for people to love you. Me, I make it so easy people aren’t interested.” She laughed weakly and my eyes popped open. “There’s a fine line between playing hard to get and being impossible to get. You’re practically a fortress, and Seth’s the only man brave enough to try to find a way in.”
“He was always in, and he never even knew it.” And now my shitty drugstore mascara was running from the heat in that stuffy room. Never buying that brand again. Nope.
“Al, after he put your legs up,” she paused to fan herself again, “what happened next?”
&n
bsp; “We talked for a minute or two then he went to speak to his secretary about lunch.” I gripped my stomach. The hole inside it was growing vaster by the second. “Wonder if I can grab a hamburger before my shift. I’m starving.”
“His secretary was right there the whole time while…” Sage blinked and swallowed. “Stallion,” she said reverently, and I had to laugh or flush forty shades of red.
I probably did both, but I was laughing too much to care.
“What happened after that? You’re talking hamburgers, so what, you didn’t like lunch?”
“I didn’t stay.” My laughter fell off quickly. “I left.”
“With his knowledge? Or did you run away again like last time while the poor guy wasn’t even aware.” When I glared at her, she lifted her hands, palms out. “Just calling ‘em like I see ‘em. You ditched the dude at a sensitive moment. Question is, was it once…or twice?”
“It wasn’t like that.” I paced away from her and pushed a hand through my hair. And inhaled such a strong whiff of Seth’s cologne that he might as well have been standing in the room with us.
Because he was all over you. Up against you. Inside you.
Christ.
“If you say so.”
“It was awkward with Shelly right outside. She probably heard, and this is all new to me, and God, it’s still so strange to face him after having him—” I exhaled. “It’s so intimate. I don’t know how to do intimate. My leaving is actually doing him a favor, saving him from all the awkward.”
“I’m sure he appreciates it.”
“Jerk.” I turned to smack her, but she darted away and reached for the doorknob.
“I gotta get back. But it’s your day off. You should probably take it. Run home, take a bubble bath.”
“Oh God.” Her mention of bathing reminded me that yeah, I could use some serious bathroom time. “Yes, let me go take a quick shower. I’ll be back in half an hour. Can I borrow your key? I forgot my purse.”
She rolled her eyes and lifted her lanyard with her keys off her neck and pulled it over her head. “So that means he’ll have to chase after you. Unless that was exactly what you hoped.” She handed me the key. “If it was, I have to say good move. I never think that clearly in the heat of the moment.”
