“Come on! Let’s get a move on!” I order, my mind made up.
“A move on! A move on! Always in such a rush!”
“Where we moving anyway?”
“Outside! Outside!”
My big obsession.
“But Ferdinand, let’s be serious…” He creaks, gnashes sadly in reproach… “I melt away outside, I suffer! In the heat! The light! Even now I don’t feel so good… everything makes me melt away! You’re heartless, Ferdinand! A damp spot’s what I need, I do! Cellars! Down in the gloom! Can never go deep enough down into the gloom!”
He calls over a bellboy.
“Three Benedictines, waiter!”
Now he doesn’t want to leave any more, he’s putting down roots.
“Enough lights! Enough bustle! Solider in no one’s pay, be quiet!” That’s the tone he takes with me. “Down, hothead! Now listen to the voice of your master!”
So much for his calming approach.
Ah! Always ready for a laugh! I lose my temper! No! Nix that! It’s better to get going!
“Let’s hit the road!” I’m back to my old song…
“Very well, as you like, terrific!”
He’s screeching, gnashing shriller than ever, quivering, throwing a fit… tripping on his tongue he’s working himself up so badly…
“I… I’m the biggest holder of out-of-this-world passions!”
He rises a little from his seat to say this. Fine, let him shoot his mouth off, just so he gets it out of his system! Now he’s waving his long dry arm through the air… I think to myself: get ready, another speech… he’s calling the room to attention… But he drops his arm and ka-zoom! Thunder! I look around, don’t want to be taken in again… my head back to its old tricks, hearing things… not this time… there’s a blaze, all the walls are rumbling… tongues of flame shooting from one wall to the next… Ah! You should hear the people howling! No, I’m not alone!… The dump’s on fire… and then a red cloud… the whole restaurant’s going up in flames… an explosion, a storm… and whoosh! The dishes… the women are the worst… “The Zeppelins!” they’re bawling. “The Zeppelins!…” I stop looking around. I charge straight ahead… forgetting my sweetheart… In a flash I totally lose control… Shit, explosions are a real jinx with me! A big botch like back at Ben’s! The noise goes right through my head… Fly straight, soul of mine! Fly straight! Lucky there’s not a big crowd, just a bevy of gourmets. “A Zeppelin bomb! A Zeppelin bomb!” They’re charging for the door, yelling… Ah! It turns into a total screw-up anyway… a savage crush… Ah! Here we are all together again! Damn, I keep my cool now!… Virginia Ten-Paw… The kid’s dishevelled… he’s shooting sparks from everywhere… a prize practical joker… the prankster behind all this… the diners think it’s a bomb… that’s what they’re squawking! They’re sure… “Zeppelin! Zeppelin!” We can’t move forward a single inch, crushed against the door… Ah! But Ten-Paw snaps into action… thins himself to a slat right before our eyes… works himself into a jelly-like leaf… his whole bag of bones… a mere wisp… in such guise he slips between the door crack… phenomenal… a glittering jelly… painlessly he passed through… and outside!… He’s in the darkness… out on the street… but the rest of us are getting squashed… I can hear him laughing outside… at last we meet up with him… his laughter my guide… like a jackal’s… Ah! How happy the girl is!… She flings herself around his neck… I grope my way up to them… she’s as titillated as he is…
“Let’s get going! We’re off!”
I’m in bad shape, limping, bitching and moaning, I’ve lost all my junk… forgot it on the wall bench… and I’m not going back for it! I can also see the police won’t be far behind, that we’re going to waltz right into an ambush… Come on, let’s go! Get a move on! I’d like to take advantage of the dark, the fact our whereabouts are still unknown… but he’s not one bit worried… he’s frolicking and twirling about, gambolling among the clusters of people… playing hide-and-seek… a piece of cake with that glow of his… the kid chases him… They pitch-black into me for being such a grouch.
“Look at Ferdinand! Look at him!”
“Aren’t you having fun, Ferdinand? Aren’t you having fun, hero of death?”
What can I come back with?
“Let’s go, this way!” he decides. All of a sudden, a dictator! Plus his atrocious stink… Ah! Hell! I’m dumping it all! No! I’m sticking with it…
“I’m right behind you, Froggy!” I shout. I’ve put up with this rotten bastard long enough!… I can’t go giving him the idea he always comes up the winner! I tag after him through the night… he trills, quavers while skirting the shops… I can hear him… I can… he keeps it up… They won’t lose me, they can bet on that! I’m dogging their footsteps, I’m right on their tails… I can hear him clattering, his hyena laughter… the way he’s frolicking around!
“Ravishing beauty! Heaven! Treasure!” That’s what he’s spouting… that con artist! Such antics! Not one iota of shame… even worse than Boro!… No consideration whatsoever!… I keep running into monsters!… After all those glorious fiascos not a single atom of embarrassment over anything… he’s flirting, goofing around… and with a child at that…
“Ravishing beauty! Heaven! Treasure!” he keeps warbling… He glances back my way a moment…
“So, buddy, can you hear me? Mr Sourpuss!…” he hollers over at me from far away in the darkness… he wants me to kick up my heels too… hurry along, catch up with them… out of breath… “You’re going to get a nice present, little brother!” He grabs my hand, squeezes it, shakes it real hard… he’s hurting me like hell with his bones, I’m about to howl!… But I don’t… we keep chugging along… he slips something into my hand… I can’t see what it is in the dark… something hot… dead sickening, but I don’t bat an eye… from inside his body, his underpants… I can sense him rooting around… feels like a tube, a sausage… soft, round… maybe he wants to see me swoon… black out? Beg for mercy? Ah! Poor little birdie! You don’t stand a chance!
“Ghost!” I shout. “You’re rotten! This is your rot!”
I come out and nail him… tit for tat… Ah! Hee! Hee! Let him go right ahead and snigger! He’s got nothing to show for all his trouble!
“You clown, you’re a dirty son of a bitch!” That’s what I dish out through the darkness and the night… through his stink, through everything! He doesn’t discombobulate me any more. He’s given me his best shot! Now I’ll follow him to the ends of the earth, I couldn’t give a fuck about him…
He quickens his pace… we’re not out on a stroll… I don’t give in an inch… when crossing streets his whole body starts shooting out will-o’-the-wisps… all over from his tatters… pretty handy for seeing our way…
“Tweet-Tweet Club!” he croaks… “The Tweet-Tweet Club!”
That must be where he’s taking us… a nightclub, some sort of dive… he’s going to treat us! Such extravagance! That’s what he promised at the start! A night out on the town!
“Whoopee! Whoopee! Tweet-Tweet Club! Tweet-Tweet Club!” he croaks over and over non-stop!… He wants to wow us with anticipation, con us with the head-spinning thrills to come… But the stinking bastard won’t get rid of me so fast! I know he’s mumbling down into his torso… just pretending to be a pal… he wants the girl all to himself… another of his bloodsucker’s tricks… hatching some rotten deal to turn me in for cash, one damn dirty double-cross! Ah! His super-savage revenge… I can feel it, I can just feel it… and I’m keeping my eyes peeled… he’ll walk away with zip! That’s what I think… and keep on thinking… and then think about my bundle, my crazy hardware, it brought me good luck up on my back, I shouldn’t have ditched it!… What a dumb move…
He kept on squealing, the scamp, the life of the party!
“Nightclub, children! Nightclub!” The whole time capering around… I have trouble keeping up with him… he’s farandoling all over the damn place… back to being the bo
unciest of the bunch… the street is pitch-black dark… the air-raid warnings have been sounding non-stop… following one after another for the past month… This war has got to be just about wrapping up… that whole situation’s back on my mind again… we wouldn’t have been able to see more than a yard or two in front of our faces if it wasn’t for his will-o’-the-wisps, plus his stink, got to be honest… I do wonder what the passers-by must be saying… They must think we’re playing some sort of game, striking little matches… Nelson was a different sort, he rallied a crowd with his shouting, kept them in tow… Every enchanter has his own special magic… But now it’s still not enough, the pair are so happy, excited they want me to hop along with them! Leap like a goat and do a jig on my twinkle-toes! What do they have in mind? That I should be running people off their feet?… Ah! I’m in no mood, you little kook! I’m tagging along, that’s enough… But that duo’s doing farandoles… I can’t believe I went and forgot my bundle!… At least one person around here has his mind on his responsibilities.
“Come on, children!”
He’s dead set… Even though it takes an awful lot to surprise me any more, this walking corpse of a crook is pushing things a bit too far in his own way… now he’s clicking his fingers… castanets really truly… reminds me of Carmen on stage… he plays well, got to admit… a hailstorm!… He’s a genuine artist too… got what it takes, in short… a shame he’s a little tattered around the edges… The rotten SOB would bring down the house! But I wish he were anywhere but here… meantime he orders us around… we’re never moving fast enough for him…
“Come on, children of the fatherland.”
We’ve got to shake a leg… he throws out his glow every ten steps… more or less… and stink-bombs practically with every jerk of his body… clattering rattling… a real delight! He’s all I can hear in the street… most of all his gnashing joints… plus his braying… words, sort of… So awful beside him walking along… like some old basket he is, full of junk jewellery, knocking around like crazy… I was raising a racket too back when I still had my sack! Why’d I ditch it? It brought me luck… To lighten my load, goddamn it!
“To the ends of the earth, you gangrened creep!” I’m talking to him… it’s all his fault, the filthy, putrid, dank, sickly-smelling tomb-dweller! He hooked us real good. No way to undo his spell! Tweet-Tweet! And make it snappy! The word has been spoken! We don’t have what it takes to fight back… he keeps plugging away with his sales pitch-black… I can hear his falsetto… The Depths of the Earth! Is what he’s dishing out to the little shit ass… Enchanted Caves! He’s promising her wonders… I don’t want to miss the festivities! I’ll be there too! I’ll be a part of everything!… I hurry along pick up my pace… he chugs even faster, wants to ditch me… reeks twice as awful… so let him, he’s not going to make me puke… he won’t leave me behind… I’m keeping up… my tongue’s hanging out, I confess… they’re running me ragged… I listen to the ruckus we’re raising as we scurry along, what a racket echoing along the walls… just can’t be all our doing! Sounds like the sidewalk’s swarming with a scuttling mob… I call “Virginia! Virginia!” In the end I grow worried… For a moment now she’s stopped talking, doesn’t answer… just keeps moving, moving… running along with us, nothing more… seems she can’t even hear me…
“Hello! Hello!” I call out again… So fine and dandy to be running our heads off this way!… Come on, we haven’t lost all our marbles just yet… plus where’s he leading us?… This is one of his fishy whims… Delphine did some running too… I’m a believer in runs of bad luck. If a person knows how to read life he’d see the same scenery keeps recurring, and that for each one of us a secret exists… Life keeps going through the trouble of repeating it, her riddle I mean, so that the rattlebrains will open their eyes wide, take a good look and get the message… Ah! But I wasn’t some rattlebrain! I could see how he was mucking up the whole works! Blasting it all back into our faces! And that he’d wrap up his performance with a real killer… we would have asked for it too, bungling suckers that we were, we deserved everything we got… This would have been the perfect time to skip out, give him the slip… not a split second to lose… break the evil spell in one snap! For Delphine, it was some little gnome who jumped on her back from the top of the tunnel… but for us, our disaster was right here, our smelly crook having a blast bowling us over… he’d stopped digging up bits of his guts, we were moving too swiftly. We took Standwell Road at a fast clip… we were chugging too hard for cripples! Then Briars… Then Clapham… I recognized the street corners… but starting from Acton Vale, what a hell of a mess! Nothing but winding detours, it looked like he was losing us… a labyrinth of dead ends… he was treating us to a great stroll… The night was dark, turning blacker and blacker… I kept my eyes glued on the sky, the silhouettes of the small chimneys… It was grey up there… the moon… the clouds blowing in from the distance, from the river… where’s the wind coming from? Where?… My leg hurts… I catch up to Virginia, squeeze her hand… “Virginia! Virginia!” I call out, but she doesn’t answer… she keeps going and going, nothing more… If pooping me out is what they’re up to, it’s not going to work! I’m determined about that! He can go ahead and reek all he wants, a stench ten times worse! I’m dead set, beyond death! I tell him in a whisper as we race along! He couldn’t give a good goddamn!… He keeps galloping, and we do too! Clink kuh deeg klack! What a racket! He can reek a whole lot worse, that’s one sure thing! We’ll see! And smell! He’s going to lose us in the mazes… This is no ordinary neighbourhood… Ah! Even so we hear something… a siren far off… the river, a boat… maybe another air-raid warning? Some Zeppelin flying overhead? I don’t want to talk to the jangling wreck! I don’t want to hear his quavering crapola! I’d rather chug along with my trap shut, I don’t know where we’re going, big deal! He’s leading the way, simple as that!…
The piece of shit lights into me.
“You’ll never find your way!” he croaks. He’s really rubbing it in! I was waiting for that crack!
“No,” I answer, “my angel! Of course, my pet! keep going!” I dish it back! Same kind of wisecracking! Tit for tat! He’s nowhere near intimidating me! Those signals surely mean the docks… Maybe he’s going to dump us in the drink? Leave us for the rats, that’s what’s out there… I know all about the banks of the port, the crab-ridden silt… no, he’s not heading in that direction… I make a joke out of the situation…
“Keep at it, Artemisia!”
That makes the kid burst out laughing…
“Lord Ten-Paw! Ten-Paw!” she calls him. “Where’s your Tweet-Tweet?”
“This way, darling!”
Always sweet as honey with her… Could it be we’re just about there?… He slows up, glances around, feels his way in the dark… knocks on a few shopfronts… it’s a side street no different from ten others, twenty others… maybe a thousand like this in the dark… I can’t figure out what he’s up to… he stops in his tracks, pounds, rattles doors… raps with a knocker… Nobody answers… we cool our heels… out in the rain… a hard steady downpour… and this door that won’t open up… Ah! Somebody’s there! The door cracks open, stream of light… Whoah! We all barge right in… I grab the kid by the arm, look out! Ah! I’m not staying outside, I charge ahead! Can’t see a thing, blinded right away… terrible lighting, and what a blare, what a deafening noise! Plus it’s hot as hell, like a furnace! Hits you as soon as you step in from the street… This big ruckus makes you see stars! Especially the cymbals… they’ve got a big bass drum! You cannonball inside the club barrel down… down down all the way to the bottom… Ah! Can’t see a goddamn thing… just hear this hubbub… plus there’s this fragrance in the air, something real special, reminds me of a powerful verbena… it packs a heady wallop… Ah! The corpse stink is gone!… We keep scrambling downward… land smack in the middle of a party, the more the merrier!
“Whoopee!” I shout. I’d be able to see them all if t
he light were different… everything’s a yellow haze… but you better believe I can hear them, that yammering through the music… plus the laughter, great big guffaws… they must be rolling on the floor back there… maybe they think we’re funny?… Stumbling in like this from the sidewalk, tripping all over them… a fresh crop of entertainers! But this must be some big private affair, huh?… I stagger down the steps… down… down… it’s an orgy! That’s what I think… Whoah, time to do an about-face! A 180 right out of here! I’m thinking about Virginia! Got to make sure the clothes don’t start coming off! I know something’s brewing! I can smell it!
“Let’s turn around and get out of here!” I shout… Nobody answers… I still can’t make out the faces, just a sea, a swarm… a sure bet our funambulist, our rotten mastermind cooked up the whole thing… He’s handing us over to a mob of hell-raisers!… He hatched the whole deal! But with a ka-boom! And a klang! They’re cutting loose… Not a second to think… a storm of drums, cymbals. They’re hammering away even harder than those two screwy engineers of ours… It sounds like I’m hearing them again back in the garret! My typical run of luck, I was positive! My run of rotten luck! I can’t shake the old feeling… right there in the club amid the seething orgy… and then the others start yelling… “Tweet! Tweet!” in chorus to the beat… which is just what he had been on about… the Tweet-Tweet Club! What a thrill!
“Help!” I call. “Virginia!”
I dash down another couple steps… they’re screaming in delight… Do our faces look funny, or what?… Ah! I’m starting to see a little better… we’re in a long tunnel shimmering with lights… revolving mirrors everywhere… plus the dancers in back revolving around each other, socialites I think… couples and then long snaking lines… everybody singing and bawling in chorus… or squawking’s more like it… we lady-killers showed up just in time! Ah! All at once I spot the Negro… pitch-black in the light… I see his mouth, gaping wide open, his big teeth… he’s a big shot, overlooking the sea of dancers!… He’s calling out to me no less!
London Bridge Page 25
