Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook

by Michael Makai

  The rattan canes used for centuries in Great Britain for corporal punishment in schools, the military and the courts never really caught on in American institutions, possibly because rattan was harder to obtain in the Americas. As a result, Americans tended to substitute hickory switches and paddles to accomplish the same results. Today, rattan canes are not only more readily available in the United States, but they have managed to make a comeback as implements used almost exclusively in the fetish culture.

  Canes are pretty simple in design. They typically range in length from 21” to 36”, and may have a straight or curved handle. Some variations may have a tassel at the end, which allows the user to apply different striking styles. Most modern cane designs draw on a variety of materials besides the traditional rattan, to include wood, fiberglass, nylon, plastic, aluminum, bamboo and carbon composites. Purchasers generally choose the materials for their strength, flexibility and durability. Rattan switches can usually be purchased for $10 to $15, and are often so inexpensive that retailers offer them in sets of three or more. Canes constructed from high-tech or unusual materials can be priced significantly higher, ranging easily from $25 to $100.

  Despite their elegant simplicity, the proper use of a cane can require a great deal of nuance and skill. Cane strikes, which are more accurately referred to as strokes or cuts, will almost always sting, but the degree of pain and nature of the effects upon the subject can easily be controlled through proper technique and by striking with different parts of the cane. Some users like to employ an unpredictable mix of painless taps and stinging strokes to intensify the bottom’s sensations. A significant part of the caning experience is psychological, and so varying the strength, location, timing, or grouping of strokes can spell the difference between an erotically stimulating caning scene and an inept beating.

  For most caning aficionados, the sweet spot - or target to which cane strokes are delivered for best effect - is the lower half of the buttocks. Canes strokes can, however, be targeted at just about any non-bony part of the body, save the face and genitals. Common targets include the backs of the thighs and calves, the fleshy part of the back or shoulders, palms of the hands, and the soles of the feet.

  The safe use of canes can be summed up pretty well in a single sentence: It’s a long, slender, pointy stick that is a lot of fun to swing around, could easily poke an eye out, and is perfectly capable of turning human skin into something resembling raw hamburger. And, as always, you should exercise caution in the event that a caning results in open wounds or bleeding.

  Evil Sticks & Evil Wands

  Evil sticks and evil wands are two relatively fresh types of BDSM toys made possible by new technology and materials. An evil stick is essentially a tiny cane, usually measuring between 8” and 16”, and made from an ultra-strong carbon fiber composite. The way it is used is to hold the handle firmly in one hand while flexing the tip back with the other and releasing it to strike the subject’s skin. The high tensile strength of the carbon fiber rod produces an excruciatingly painful strike that invariably leaves a distinct mark. Depending on the force of the strike and the location on the body, the mark can last anywhere from a few hours to three weeks. As a result, evil sticks can be purchased in a variety of styles, some of which feature beads or custom shapes at the business end of the stick designed to leave simple designs imprinted on the skin. Masochists may love the pain-infliction capabilities of the evil stick, but its ability to imprint a BDSM badge of honor on the skin makes it extremely popular even with non-masochists, as well. Evil sticks can typically be purchased from specialty BDSM retailers for $15 to $40.

  Evil wands are basically identical to evil sticks, except longer. They typically range in length from 14” to 20” and, as a result, are much more flexible. Just as an evil stick is essentially a tiny cane, the evil wand is basically a tiny crop or mini single-tail whip which makes a very intimidating sound as it is swung, and leaves beautiful red stripes wherever it lands. Evil wands are less common and finding retailers that carry them can be difficult, but when you do, they usually range in price from $20 to $50.

  Even though evil sticks and wands are really just high-tech miniature versions of canes and whips, their size and versatility can make them the perfect pocket impact toy. There are even versions available that can be disguised as innocuous household objects or items that can be worn in public, such as hair accessories. An evil stick can be used in tight spaces where you might not have the space to throw a whip or swing a cane or crop, and its pinpoint accuracy and small impact zone make it ideal for parts of the body that you wouldn’t dream of targeting safely with anything else.

  More often than not, an evil stick is used for a single impact against the skin, either to demonstrate its pure evilness, or to literally make an impression on someone. When used in this fashion, and as long as the impact is targeted to a fleshy part of the body, there should be very few safety concerns. On the other hand, even a single strike targeting a joint or bony protrusion such as a wrist bone could ruin someone’s entire week. Of even greater concern would be the temptation to use an evil stick or wand repeatedly or perhaps even continuously on the same part of the body. As is also the case with other types of impact play, the effects of your strikes upon a person’s skin may not be evident right away. If you are engaging in impact play with someone for the first time, it is usually a good idea to test the skin’s resilience and tolerance for this type of play by limiting the number and intensity of your strikes until you have a better feel for how much may be too much for that individual.

  Piercing, Scarification & Branding

  Any BDSM activity involving needles, pins, nails or hooks which pierce the skin requires meticulous care to prevent serious infections or the spread of communicable diseases. Even so, as long as it is done by a trained, experienced person who observes proper sanitation protocols, it doesn’t have to be dangerous.

  Needles

  BDSM needle play can take many forms, most of which it involve piercing the skin with hypodermic or acupuncture needles. Strictly speaking, needles aren’t inherently painful by themselves, but the obvious and often palpable psychological effects of needle play can make it interesting indeed. Some people have reported endorphin highs and even orgasms from needle play, but how much of that is physical, versus psychological, is debatable.

  The most common forms of needle play usually consist of placing acupuncture needles into various fleshy parts of the body to induce or reduce fear, create aesthetically pleasing patterns or designs, stimulate the nervous system, cause or reduce pain, and for other therapeutic reasons. Acupuncture needles may be inserted into the flesh perpendicular to the skin or at a secant, where the needle is pushed through a fold of skin in such a way that the tip emerges again, leaving only the center part of the needle shaft below the skin. This aesthetic mode of needle play has recently become quite popular as a way to anchor decorative corset lacing to a person’s back or chest.

  Hypodermic needles are also used in BDSM needle play, though less often than acupuncture needles, for fairly obvious reasons. Hypodermic needles are hollow, and designed to inject or sample fluids from the body; that means the needle has to be thicker and will usually produce a slightly more painful poke. Some studies have shown that roughly 10% of the population suffers from trypanophobia, which is the fear of hypodermic needles. Whether that statistic holds up in the kink population is anyone’s guess, but the most common form of fetish-related hypodermic needle play occurs in BDSM medical role-play scenes.

  Both acupuncture and hypodermic needles can be purchased from any local or online medical supply retailer. Hypodermic needles are typically sold separately from the syringe portion, and range in size from 6 to 32 gauge. The higher the gauge, the smaller the diameter of the needle will be. For intradermal injections, use a 26 to 28 gauge needle that is 3/8” to 3/4” in length. For intramuscular use, a 26 to 30 gauge needle 7/8” to 1-1/2” long is appropriate. For subcutaneous injections, use a 19 t
o 27 gauge needle ½” to 5/8” long. A box of 100 hypodermic needles without the syringes will typically cost $20 to $30 at a medical supply store.

  Acupuncture needles are constructed very differently from hypodermic needles. Since they aren’t hollow, they can be made much, much thinner. They also typically have either a thicker end or thin plastic handle, and sometimes they come with a small knob, loop or bead at the handle end. The needles are extremely flexible, which is why many are sold with a coil, tube or sleeve which makes handling and inserting the needles much easier. Acupuncture needles usually range from 12mm to 25mm in thickness, and from 1” to 2” in length. Retailers typically market them in quantities of 100, 500 or 1000, with an average price of about $15 for a package of 100.

  Safety, as you may well imagine, is a big deal when it comes to needle play.

  Never engage in needle play with someone whose experience and skill level is unknown to you. Do not simply take someone’s word on whether or not they know what they’re doing. The best way to judge a Top’s credibility when it comes to needle play is to observe him at it, and to speak to people who have scened with him previously.

  Needle play should only be done with brand new, sterile, medical grade needles, and never with sewing needles or anything else that isn’t specifically designed for this kind of use. Never re-use a needle, even on the same person. Needle tips degrade significantly with each use which not only make them more painful, but creates a larger and more ragged wound which increases the chances of an infection.

  Always dispose of used needles by placing them into a hard receptacle, such as an empty soda bottle, detergent bottle, or jar. That way, they won’t stab someone who inadvertently grabs or brushes up against a trash bag full of needles. When possible and practical, label the container with the word “biohazard.”

  Before engaging in needle play, always wash your hands with a strong anti-bacterial soap, and use a fingernail brush to get under the nails. Disinfecting the bottom’s skin at the puncture site won’t accomplish much if you are just going to touch it again with dirty fingers. Swab the site with alcohol just prior to play to ensure that pathogens on the surface of the skin aren’t transported into the bloodstream by the needle.

  When piercing the skin on a secant (where both ends of the needle are exposed to the air) always swab the exposed end of the needle with alcohol again before removing them. Otherwise, when you pull the tip (which has been exposed to the air and possibly to other materials) through the skin while removing it, it can pull pathogens into the bloodstream.

  After the needles are removed, the puncture site should be disinfected immediately, and perhaps again in a few hours. Needle punctures may not look like wounds, particularly if there is no blood, but they are, and can result in nasty infections if they aren’t properly cared for. Despite all of these dire warnings, the truth of the matter is, you probably have more to worry about - at least, in terms of infection - from being scratched by your family pet.

  When engaging in needle play with someone for the first time, you should always ask if the person has (or has ever had) hemophilia, thrombus, blood clots, a stroke or heart condition, and whether they are taking prescription blood thinners or have taken any aspirin within the past five days. For individuals who fall into those categories, even a tiny needle prick can be a problem. Someone who is prone to blood clots should not engage in needle play, which could result in clots forming in the blood stream or a reduction of capillary blood flow to some areas. Additionally, people with certain types of heart conditions can be very susceptible to infections of the heart, and often have to take antibiotics before any procedure that might introduce pathogens into their blood stream - even a visit to the dentist for a teeth cleaning. Needless to say, if a teeth cleaning can pose a potential hazard to someone with a heart condition, it’s a pretty safe bet that being poked with dozens of needles probably will, too.

  Take care to avoid bony areas such as joints, sternum, hands, wrists, feet or the spine. Stay away from nerve clusters, sensitive organs, and major blood vessels. Obviously, you should always steer clear of the eyes, or for that matter, the face in general. Certain parts of a person’s genitalia and nipples can be pierced in nipple play, but it will usually be exceedingly painful, and should be approached with extreme caution due to the high density of blood vessels and organs susceptible to damage in those areas.

  Needle play, when done properly by an experienced and knowledgeable Top using the right equipment in sanitary conditions, is a relatively safe activity. Anything that doesn’t meet those standards isn’t.

  Nails, Pins & Staples

  One of the first things a person learns in the fetish lifestyle is that there are always people who enjoy pushing the limits, not only of their own pain endurance or social norms, but of good sense. Perhaps some of that is the legitimate result of a person truly wanting to explore the boundaries of his or her own fear, strengths, capabilities and senses. Other times, unfortunately, it can be the result of someone who views the fetish culture as competition to be won. For those individuals, it isn’t about relationships, sexual turn-ons, or even having kinky fun. It’s all about scoring points and one-upsmanship. This is not a healthy approach to the BDSM lifestyle.

  I believe that BDSM piercing play that involves common hardware such as nails, pins and staples should be highly discouraged. It may be tempting for some people to view it as just another form of edge-play, but I believe it is an extremely dangerous activity - particularly for novices - and only serves to perpetuate and enflame the gross misconceptions among the general public about what goes on in the fetish lifestyle. It’s relatively simple to find extreme S&M photography online that depicts this sort of play in an erotic way, but what you never see is the massive infections, gangrenous body parts, or massive medical bills that followed.

  Each safety concern that we discussed in the needle play section applies ten-fold to nails, pins and staples. While needle play could potentially lead to infection, it’s almost certain that the use of common nails, pins and staples will lead to serious and perhaps even life-threatening infections. As if that weren’t enough, this kind of play can also cause tissue scarring, nerve damage, loss of sensation or motor control, and even blood poisoning. Trust me; it simply isn’t worth losing a body part, your health or potentially even your life to score points in a non-existent game of masochistic one-upsmanship that you can’t win.

  Pinwheels

  The Wartenburg neurological pinwheel (also sometimes called a neurowheel) was originally designed to be used by medical professionals to test a person’s sensitivity to pinpricks. It is a handheld instrument about eight inches in length, consisting of a simple slender handle and a small pinwheel of sharp spikes at the end. Pinwheels are typically constructed of stainless steel, but there are also disposable plastic versions available on the market. They are used in a lot of different ways, but primarily to cause the sensation of being pricked or to induce a feeling of apprehension or fear, particularly in people who are apprehensive about needles and similar devices. They are readily available from online retailers for $5 to $10.

  These devices have been around for a long time and have always been very popular with the BDSM crowd, but have fallen out of favor due to their tendency to break the skin. Many readers may not be old enough to remember that there was ever a time when HIV/AIDS did not exist and therefore wasn’t a concern, but the advent of the age of AIDS in the ‘80s and ‘90s literally changed everything, when it came to BDSM. Even so, pinwheels are still a relatively common and popular item in the BDSM lifestyle, and are generally safe as long as they are fluid-bonded to specific individuals, or thoroughly sterilized between uses. Fluid-bonding is the preferred option, since it’s always difficult to know for certain whether an instrument has been properly sterilized, and especially considering their low cost.

  Cell Popping and Branding Gear

  Cell popping is a form of micro-branding that typically utilizes a very hot, thin
metal rod or needle to burn a series of tiny dots into the skin to achieve a temporary design, which can often last several weeks. The designs can be quite intricate, and often involve the application of hundreds, or even thousands, of tiny burns which, theoretically, are confined each to a single skin pore or epidermal cell which can sizzle and pop while the hot metal is applied for about one second - hence the name. Since the artist has only two colors to work with - burned and unburned - designs requiring areas of darker shading will usually involve a denser dot-matrix to achieve the illusion of shading or coloration.

  The equipment needed for cell popping is relatively simple, and readily available from your local hardware store. It typically includes a propane torch nozzle, propane canisters, a sturdy torch holder of the sort used by jewelers and crafters, a small rack or stand designed to hold your needles when not in use, and the thin metal rods or needles that will be used to mark the skin. Most people prefer to use the long, straight teasing needles that come as part of a medical dissection kit, and to have two or three available, so one can be heating while the other is being used. Some folks use canned sterno or chafing dish fuel as an inexpensive alternative to a propane torch.

  A propane torch kit that includes a nozzle, igniter and one canister of propane will cost about $25. A torch holder isn’t absolutely necessary, but it certainly frees up one of your hands to do other things, and removes any worries about a lit propane torch being bumped or knocked over and causing problems. A torch holder can cost anywhere from $20 to $50, or you can affordably make one of your own, using any kind of sturdy frame and some spring-loaded craft clamps. Your needle stand can be constructed easily from a simple block of wood with some holes drilled into it. Dissection needles are available inexpensively in a variety of lengths and styles; you might want to purchase a few different kinds, so you can decide on your personal preference. Do keep in mind that shorter dissection needles with plastic handles may be problematic, since the handles can melt when the needle is heated. On the other hand, dissection needles without heat-resistant handles may become uncomfortably hot or difficult to handle over the long periods of time that may be required for a complex design. Thick metal or wooden grips are usually the best solution. The only way to know what works best for you is to try them out. They’re usually quite affordable, at $1 to $5 each.