Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook

by Michael Makai

  Prior to a cell popping session, shave the area of any hair, and disinfect the area with alcohol or a topical disinfectant. Wash your hands thoroughly with an anti-bacterial soap. Position all of your equipment for easy access, and in a way that precludes anything from being bumped or knocked over. If you have an intricate design planned, you may want to mark the skin or transfer your design to it in order to ensure that your marks are on target. After all, there’s no way to erase any mistake that might occur! You can’t, however, burn directly through a paper design template, because that will cool the tip and it won’t have the desired effect on the skin.

  Novices may be a little startled at first by the sizzle-pop sound that can accompany the application of the needle tip to the skin; it is simply the result of moisture on or in the skin cell being converted instantly to steam. Warning: the procedure will be accompanied by the odor of burning flesh. Under normal circumstances, it shouldn’t be overpowering, and it will differ from person to person, but if you or your subject happens to be someone who abhors or is sensitive to the smell, it could be a problem.

  The needle tip is hot enough when it is glowing bright red, and you should be able to get three to five dots out of each hot needle before it cools. If you position your needle rack and torch holder well, you can heat one needle tip while using another, which will save time waiting while a tip is heating. The process can be quite painful, depending upon the location and complexity of the design, but most people claim that it is no more painful than getting a tattoo. It will, however, continue to hurt for longer than your typical tattoo.

  The skin will typically appear white at the spot where the needle was applied, with redness surrounding each dot, and will appear quite unimpressive at this stage. Putting lotions or creams on the marks at this point will only delay the scabbing process, and could cause the marks to fade altogether. If you feel compelled to put anything at all on the marks, spray some Bactine or another first-aid spray that disinfects, dulls the pain, and dries quickly without moisturizing the wounds. Within a day or two, the dots will scab up and, about a week later, they will fall off, leaving a residual dark spot on the skin. During that time, the subject should do whatever it takes to resist the temptation to scratch the area or pick at the scabs. If desired, repeated applications to the same spots over time can result in a permanent design. Otherwise, the effects can typically be expected to last one to three months.

  An alternative form of cell popping involves the use of a violet wand electrode at a high setting, and left stationary over a specific spot long enough to actually burn the skin. This method is generally less accurate, more time-consuming, and the end results can be somewhat inconsistent. On the bright side, it can be highly entertaining, it requires less equipment, doesn’t smell as bad, and won’t burn down your house.

  Branding consists of essentially the same process, except on a larger scale and imprinting continuous lines or patterns into the skin with hot metal, instead of tiny dots. The process is far more painful, the marks are more likely to be permanent, and there is a significantly greater risk of infection.

  Safety concerns for both cell popping and branding include the risk of fire, accidental burns from the instruments or the torch itself, deep tissue damage from pressing the needle too deeply into the skin, and the risk of subsequent infections.

  Scarification Gear

  Scarification is the process of marking the body permanently with scars. While a traditional branding is certainly one very effective method of doing so, there are plenty of other ways to accomplish it, as well.

  These methods may include:

  · cauterization with self-heating instruments

  · cold branding with dry ice or liquid nitrogen

  · chemical burns produced by applying caustic substances to the skin

  · abrasion of the skin caused by grinding or sanding tools or materials

  · simple cutting of the skin with a blade

  · complex cutting of the skin, such as in cross-hatch patterns

  · removal of patches or swaths of skin by cutting it away with a blade

  · packing open cuts with a foreign substance such as clay or ashes (sometimes, even the ashes of a deceased relative)

  Obviously, with so many different kinds of scarification methods and procedures available, there really isn’t anything that should be considered “standard” scarification gear except, perhaps, a good surgical scalpel.

  Generally speaking, the key to getting the skin to form a visible scar is to prolong the healing process for as long as possible, or to use substances on the wound that are known to cause more pronounced scarring. Some people deliberately irritate the wound with caustic chemicals or other substances to delay or prolong the healing process and to promote the formation of scar tissue. Others apply tincture of iodine, a common antiseptic which has fallen out of favor in recent years because it has been shown to promote scarring.

  Scarification of any sort should only be attempted by trained and experienced individuals using the proper tools and materials, and observing strict protocols of hygiene. Cutting, abrading or burning the skin can also send potentially harmful pathogens from the subject airborne, so the Top should always wear a surgical mask when engaging in this sort of activity. For the subject, not only can the possibility of subsequent infections be quite high, but there is significant risk of other complications, such as uncontrolled bleeding, nerve damage, blood poisoning, or organ failure. To literally add insult to injury, larger scars may have a tendency to travel, lengthen, widen or spread into unintended areas, which can make the intended original design practically undecipherable.

  Sensation Play & Sensory Deprivation

  Sensation and sensory deprivation play are just two sides of the very same coin; one seeks to enhance or stimulate the senses, while the other seeks to nullify them. The many subcategories of this sort of BDSM activity could easily fill an entire book but, for the sake of brevity, we’ll limit ourselves to about a dozen of the most commonly practiced forms of sensation and sensory deprivation play that you might encounter or have an interest in.

  Blindfolds & Gags

  The use of blindfolds and gags is probably the most pervasive form of sensory deprivation play in the world, both in the BDSM lifestyle, and outside of it. The relative ease with which a blindfold or gag can be fashioned or crafted from simple and readily available household materials makes this sort of kinky experimentation easy and exciting, even for vanilla couples.

  Simple, ready-made blindfolds can be purchased from just about any fetish retailer, though the prices may be somewhat inflated, compared to similar products designed for and marketed to insomniacs and travelers. Some features to look for may include: shapes that conform to the contours of the face, a durable and adjustable securing strap, quality materials and stitching, and the use of color-fast dyes. You can expect to pay $7 to $25 for a blindfold from a fetish retailer.

  Blindfolds can definitely be a great addition to your fetish toy box. When used with skill, they can alter or heighten a bottom’s psychological and physiological responses to other stimuli significantly. Introducing an element of the unknown - not knowing what is happening, how it is happening, or even who might be in the room watching or participating - can make even a mundane scene a lot more interesting. The blindfold doesn’t necessary even have to be used just to deny the bottom’s ability to visually confirm what is actually going on around her. A blindfold can also be used to stoke the imagination or create the impression of things occurring when they are not. For example, the two of you may not be ready or willing to actually invite a third person into your bedroom for a threesome, but the use of a blindfold can make the role-play scenario seem much more real, creating the impression that there is someone else in the room with you. Serving up treats for the other senses can also enhance the imagined scenario by adding theatrical touches, such as a mysterious knock at the door, the distant presence of an unfamiliar voice, the nearby scent of
a strange cologne, or being touched in an unfamiliar way.

  There are few safety issues to be concerned with, when it comes to blindfolds. Just be careful to apply a blindfold to your bottom while he or she is stationary and, preferably, immobile. Attempting to move about with a blindfold on is not only awkward and dangerous, but difficult to explain at the local emergency room. Additionally, the use of a blindfold places the entire burden of consent and propriety fully upon the shoulders of the Top, since the bottom cannot see what is about to happen and, therefore, presumably does not have a chance to voice potential concerns or safe word out before it occurs. For that reason, a detailed discussion or scene negotiation should take place beforehand.

  Gags, like blindfolds, are simple and affordable kink toys that lend themselves easily to experimentation by vanilla and fetish folk alike. Gags can consist of just about anything placed in or over the mouth (OTM) or even over the nose (OTN) as well. They can include such things as an unpretentious strip of cloth, a wide strip of duct tape, a wooden rod, a ball-gag, open-mouth bracing, or even a pony bit. While it may be tempting to create your own gags from common household items, some of those materials may be laced with noxious chemicals or be unsuitable for being held in the mouth for any length of time. When in doubt, stick with materials specifically designed to be placed in or over the mouth. The most commonly available types of gags are ball gags, open mouth gags, and bit gags. Less common gags include various types of medical or dental gags, inflatable gags, muzzle gags, funnel gags, forniphilic gags (which are used to humiliate or objectify the wearer by turning the gag into items like toilet plungers or dildos), and novelty gags, which I sometimes refer to as gag gags.

  Ball gags are comprised of a small ball made of rubber or silicone which fits into the mouth and attached to a securing strap. The ball may vary in size, shape, color and materials, and may even have breathing holes or other unique features. The strap is typically an adjustable leather one, but sometimes can be elastic. While the superficial purpose of a ball gag is to prevent a person from speaking, the true value of a ball gag lies in its psychological effects, creating a palpable sense of helplessness, futility or humiliation in the bottom, and appealing to a wide range of motivations, aesthetics or fetishes for the Top.

  An open mouth gag, like the ball gag, also prevents the bottom from speaking, but does so by keeping the mouth propped wide open in much the same way that a dentist does to get a better look at your teeth. These are sometimes called ring gags, spider gags (ring gags with hooks or braces to prevent slipping or turning), Whitehead dental gags (what your dentist uses), or blowjob gags. Again, the ostensible purpose of an open mouth gag is to allow the insertion of a penis, fingers, dildo or other toys into the bottom’s open mouth or to permit the Top to ejaculate or urinate into the mouth, however, the psychological effects are always of significant importance. A typical open mouth gag will cost between $15 and $100.

  A bit gag is designed to resemble and function like a horse’s bit, and is often used in BDSM pony play. It typically consists of a short slender rod which is placed between the teeth, with straps attached at each end which can be secured around a person’s head to hold it in place. The rod is usually straight; however there are bit gag designs that are curved or contoured to a person’s face. Some bit gags are extremely rigid, having a steel or aluminum inner core with a softer layer of rubber or silicone surrounding it to protect the teeth from damage, while others may be constructed entirely of solid rubber, silicone, PVC or other synthetic materials. The quality of a bit gag purchased from retailers can vary widely, so it’s always a good idea to check the product reviews for feedback before purchasing one. Due to the relative simplicity of a bit gag’s design, some unscrupulous retailers will charge $15 to $30 for “bit gags” that are nothing more than a short length of PVC pipe with holes drilled into the ends for O-rings and a thin leather strap, all of which can be purchased in any hardware store for about $2. A well-built bit gag will be constructed for serious and/or regular use, rather than as a novelty, and will be made from quality materials. It typically should not be uncomfortable or painful to wear for short periods of time, and it should protect the teeth from damage.

  Any type of gag can be dangerous if it restricts a person’s breathing in any way, including psychological causes. It is extremely important to monitor the bottom’s condition and respiration continuously, since the situation can change very quickly without notice, even if nothing has physically changed. A person wearing a gag may be able to breathe perfectly one moment and not at all the next, possibly due to allergic reactions, panic attacks, hyperventilation, discomfort, sudden illness, vomiting, or choking on his or her own saliva. For obvious reasons, it can be quite difficult for a gagged bottom to tell you what is happening, so I highly recommend that you arrange a non-verbal safe word or emergency signal that can be communicated to the Top, whether or not the wrists or hands are restrained.

  Masks & Hoods

  BDSM masks and hoods come in all shapes, sizes, materials and functional forms. Generally speaking, a mask is designed to give the wearer anonymity, while a hood is designed to limit or prevent the wearer from seeing. Both, however, can be used to perform a variety of other nifty functions as well, and there is a lot of interchangeability in the terms among users and retailers. To reduce confusion and for the sake of simplicity, we’ll refer henceforth to them all simply as hoods.

  Hoods, unlike blindfolds, are typically fitted over the entire head. They are commonly constructed from cotton, silk, spandex, leather, rubber, PVC, nylon or other synthetic fabrics. There is such a wide spectrum of products that fit into this category it’s difficult to make any generalizations which would apply across the board. Some hoods come with straps, flaps, and holes; others may not. Some are designed to keep people from seeing out; others are designed to keep people from seeing in. Most hoods function to limit a person’s vision; others may be uniquely constructed to limit a person’s ability to speak, hear, breathe, or all of the above. Hoods may be simple or devious, sensual or cruel, loose-fitting or elastic, and they may be secured in place by laces, zippers, snaps, buttons, straps, or Velcro. In fact, since many of the hoods used in BDSM play are custom-made for their owners, it would not be much of an exaggeration to say that there are practically as many different kinds of BDSM hoods out there as there are people who enjoy using them.

  When shopping for hoods, you should expect the price that you pay to be a direct reflection of the materials, features, and quality of workmanship of the product. A simple cotton hood will average $5 to $20. A nylon or spandex hood will be a bit pricier, at $15 to $40. Rubber, PVC or latex hoods generally range from $20 to $70. Leather hoods can start at $25 or cost as much as $200, depending on the quality, complexity, and unique features included in the design. If you are unable to locate the type of hood you’re looking for, you should have no trouble at all finding skilled kink apparel crafters online who’ll be glad to customize a hood to your tastes and specifications.

  The safety concerns related to hoods are virtually identical to those for blindfolds when they block the wearer’s vision and to gags when they cover the mouth and potentially limit the wearer’s ability to speak or breathe. Additionally, since some hood designs require the hood to be secured below the wearer’s chin or around his neck, there could be some risk of accidental strangulation. As always, continuously monitoring the wearer’s well-being and psychological state will serve to minimize the risks.

  Vibration & Oscillation

  Vibration and oscillation toys can basically be summed up in a single word: vibrators. The various types of vibrators used in BDSM play do not differ in any significant way from the ones used in vanilla sex play. Generally speaking, the only real difference will be in the ways that they are used. When you add bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism to the mix, even simple vibrators can start looking pretty scary.

  Rather than slog through the thousands of types of portable vibrators of both t
he battery-operated and corded varieties readily available in the marketplace, we’ll focus instead on just two of the more interesting retail products, the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Abco Sybian, and some ideas for a couple of home-made oscillation toys.

  The Hitachi Magic Wand, for many, has become the holy grail of hand-held personal vibrators since being introduced in the U.S. in the mid-1970s. It is a corded device which is marketed primarily as a “massager”, but has become so closely associated with its popular use for masturbation that Hitachi has begun a subtle rebranding effort to de-emphasize or remove its corporate name from the product’s promotional materials. The Magic Wand is extremely popular with both vanilla and kink users, and it can be seen with increasing frequency in BDSM photography and porn, most often in bondage or forced orgasm scenes. It’s powerful motor, rubberized head, adjustable speeds, and sleek design not only puts it at the top of the list in terms of functionality, but it can be used in hands-free mode by sitting on it or by integrating it into your bondage, and it is generally considered to be almost as good at inducing orgasms for men as it is for women. Comedienne Roseanne Barr is reported to have once quipped, “Hitachi makes such good vibrators, I think I’ll buy one of their TVs!” The Hitachi Magic Wand retails for $50 to $70.