by Ray Hecht
“Okay. Can’t wait.”
He got up, pointed at the door, and led the way. She dutifully followed.
The tea stayed.
The barista saw it all.
Out in the parking lot, he opened the passenger door for her, and explained that the door handle needed to be jiggled to get open. “Forgive the décor. My sports car is in the shop,” he joked, covering up his embarrassment.
“It’s fine.”
“Are you parked here? Hmm, how is that going to work?”
“I don’t have a car. I took a CuberCab.”
“Oh. Great.” He meant it.
He turned the ignition and off they went. He had no idea where he was going. “Okay,” Jack began, “Now that we are in person and in private, we can do the telling me about yourself part.”
She went on about where she was from and her high school and moving from some Midwestern state. He wasn’t listening very closely. He was driving forward, but subtly looking from side to side. Somewhere out there was the perfect place to kill time. Preferably a place that served alcohol.
“Are you hungry?” he asked.
“I already had dinner. Remember? We texted that. Didn’t you eat?”
“Yeah. Sure, I ate. Just checking. Do go on, what were you saying?”
“I like to draw. I guess that would be my biggest hobby.”
“That’s so cool that you’re creative. Next time we’ll meet earlier and go to a museum.”
“I’d like that.”
“You’re not shy about nude exhibitions, am I right?” he laughed.
She started talking about art, and then he noticed the bowling alley. They had free parking and beer. He’d only taken two previous dates there so far; it wasn’t boring yet.
“Let’s be spontaneous,” Jack declared, and pulled in.
“Oh. Bowling. Okay, I suppose.”
They rolled in, parked, changed shoes, and rented a lane for a game. The alley was crumbling, full of portly middle-aged bowlers and grizzled employees. It smelled of cheap ash even though No Smoking signs adorned every wall. They were the youngest ones there. But the girl appeared to be somewhat into it, cheering with mild excitement about how nobody ever takes her to such interesting places.
Jack ordered nachos—he was hungry—and then he cursed himself for eating that crap. Tomorrow, he told himself, he must do a five-mile run to make up for the calories.
“I haven’t bowled in ages,” she said. “You really are an original, Jack.”
“That’s my thing.”
She strained at picking up a translucent purple ball, and the exertion of breath turned to laughter as ball after ball slid down the gutter aisle without hitting even one pin.
Jack walked to the bar area and ordered two American beers. The selection wasn’t the best, but he made do. He opened one before offering the other to the girl, and the cool liquid felt refreshing down his throat.
“Mmm?” he motioned.
She shook her head. “I don’t like drinking,” she said.
He swallowed. “You don’t?” He paused a moment, reading her expression.
“I didn’t mention that before, didn’t I?” Phew. “Sorry. I’m not into drinking.”
“It’s okay. More for me. Say, you aren’t trying to get me drunk so you can take advantage of me, are you…?”
“You always with the jokes.”
“Let’s get on this game. Drunk or not, check out my skills!”
He let her win. She passed him by several points to make a poor 70. No strikes at all. He was almost nervous that she wouldn’t win. It took effort to lose.
“You got me! My manhood is ruined,” he placated, feigning offense.
She really seemed to be enjoying herself. Jack felt pleased.
Afterwards, the two turned in their shoes and relaxed outside, kneeling on railings and watched other patrons smoking in the darkness. She leaned on him. He put his arm around her shoulder.
“Do you ever feel homesick?” she asked, trying to have a moment.
“Me? I’m from here.”
“Oh.”
“I went to college upstate,” Jack continued. “A few years away from my mom, my family. It was hardest freshman year. Guess you just get used to it. Shit.”
Her chin rose up and she looked up at the sky, a cloudless grey sphere. “I wish you could see the stars here.”
He didn’t look up. “Yeah.”
“This city is so big.”
“Really?”
“I feel small.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.”
She smiled, and her wide frame fell into him.
Jack knew what to do. He turned to face her, put his palms on each of her cheeks, and held still for several seconds. She closed her eyes. He parted his lips and touched hers. She responded perfectly. His long, smooth tongue bent upwards at a patient pace, drifting from side to side, tasting her saliva, in and out. Then he exited and pecked her again. She grabbed him by the hips and pushed him close. He felt her soft body, among other parts, stirring up within him. Knowing to leave her wanting more, he pushed away, and said, “Time to go.”
She was giddy as she hopped in his car.
She traced her finger up and down his right forearm as he started the engine, tickling short arm hairs and distracting him. He had to force himself not to speed all the way back home.
The ride was quiet, with no music, just the sounds of their own breathing and the hum of the road as distant lights flashed the world outside his window.
Finally. Back to his place. He wouldn’t even ask, he would just go through the motions. She was down, and it was a job well done.
“I’m hungry,” she said, interrupting the quiet softness.
He was just about to pull into his driveway. Had to think fast. “I can whip something up. I got pasta, some vegetables.”
She looked into his eyes, pulling his face away from the road. “Let’s go somewhere.”
“I’m a terrific cook. You really gotta try my tuna salad.”
“I want you to take me somewhere to eat.”
Thinking fast indeed, he instantly knew when to give in. “No worries.”
And he turned around. What else could he do?
“Magicpark has decent fries,” Jack suggested.
“Oh, I heard good things about that place.”
“Sh’yeah.”
“Do you think there will be a show tonight?” she asked gleefully. “I wanna dance!”
“What? No. I mean, I doubt it. It’s Tuesday.”
“Oh, okay. Still it would be nice to see. I’m new here, take me on a tour.”
“Allow me to be your fancy tour guide, my lady.” He glanced at the radio dial to see the time. “Hope it’s still happy hour.” He turned on the Streamtune account to play music so as to pass the time.
* * *
Jack was perturbed. He was so close, he went through all the stages, and then he had to start all over. Like the childish frustration of almost beating a video game level then dying at the boss and having to start all the way back at the beginning.
Now at the new venue, he took a deep breath, filling his lungs with hot air. Squeezed his joints over the table. Crossed his toes with great force. Grinded his teeth.
“These fries are good,” he said, after the customary amount of time. A spread of French fries, straight bourbon, and beer nuts was presented before them.
His date couldn’t keep her head still. She was very impressed with the famed music and performance hall, pointing at the various flyers and photos of popular musicians. “Look at that!” she said, almost shrieking. “I can’t believe I missed him on tour!”
Jack was embarrassed. He usually took a higher class of date to Magicpark, and already regretted taking her to this place, but he had to think fast and now there was no choice but to continue the evening.
“Yea,” he said. “I was here that night.”
“Really?” she asked, awestruck.
“I think they made a video of that show. We can MeToob the video later. When we get back to my place.” With that, he pulled her hand under the table and circled her palm with his thumb. The back of his other hand rested on her thigh, heat rising atop the silky material.
She took her free digits and scooped two fries into the ketchup and ate with much glee. “Mmm. You were so right about the fries here.” A droplet of ketchup decorated the western corner of her upper lip.
A young black man drank alone at the bar. He stood out, the only one in an empty horizon of aged wood and crumbled napkins. The man checked his phone, tapped at it furiously, looked back and forth, and buried the phone once again in his back pocket. He ordered a drink, and then another. The bartender complied, and looked at the man with pity.
Jack and his date rose from the table, and the black man noticed the couple. The two men’s eyes met, communicating a sense of recognition and familiarity and mutual respect.
“Jack.”
“Ian.”
“How you doin’, man?”
“I’m pretty well. Yourself?”
“Couldn’t be better.”
He eyed Jack’s date up and down, was a bit too obvious in doing so, and Jack patted her backside to motion her away. They walked. “I’d introduce you, but we gotta get going, dude. You be good.”
“I see you’re busy. It’s cool. Have a good evening, bro.”
When he was sure nobody could see him in the parking lot, Jack gave his date a quick brush on the lips.
“Wait,” he said, as he started the car. “It’s getting late. What’s with your ride? Did you park at the coffee shop earlier?”
“Oh no,” she answered. “I told you I got a Cubercab.”
“Duh, of course,” he said, and carried on his way.
Jack took that as assurance that she was coming home with him. No second thoughts this time. He felt even more accomplishment as they pulled into his apartment’s parking lot for the second time that night—like finally beating that video game level. Finally, after all the effort, validation.
It was on. As she exited the vehicle, he pulled in for a deeper kiss. His left hand slid under her top, feeling the sweaty skin of her lower back. His right hand squeezed the corresponding butt cheek. It was like a pillow full of warm water balloons. His crotch lit up. Her voice box wouldn’t stop with expressions of pleasure. She let him do it all.
He stopped after kissing her neck, as they walked up to the second floor and went to the door. He dug for his keys. “Help me find my keys?” he said.
“Okay,” and Jack took her hand to his pocket. He led her shaking hand up and down his leg, then towards his crotch. She didn’t stop him.
“Oh it’s not there,” he said as the boney end of her fingers pressed on his growing erection beneath the denim. She said nothing. “I got it.” He took out his keys from the opposing pocket. She didn’t move her hand.
When he opened the door, he wasn’t surprised to see his roommate sitting at his computerized shrine— a common scene.
He was, however, surprised to see Janelle sitting on the sofa watching what looked like an old episode of Ice Realm.
Janelle, his date last weekend.
Whom he had been texting with earlier that day.
Jack and Janelle took a moment to process the situation.
The present date entered behind him. She casually waved to the roommate and the houseguest. “Hi. How’s it going? I’m—”
The roommate, Ben, awkwardly called out “Um!” and swiveled all the way around in his chair, head shamefully locked between the floor and monitor. The girls didn’t know what to make of that.
Jack stood in the door way and studied Janelle. She didn’t get up. She looked very comfortable. She also looked kind of sad. It was hard to tell behind her thick glasses. She was in a long, black dress. She couldn’t have been dressed that way for the expectation of hooking up, could she?
“Jack” she said, calmly turning off the television while briefly glancing at the other woman. “I’ve been waiting.”
“Janelle.”
“Yes.”
“There seems to be some confusion.”
“You did text ‘OK’ earlier. I said I was coming at six. Can’t believe you made me wait so long, but that’s what you do.” She waved her phone.
“Yes.” Suddenly, a wave of comprehension washed over Jack’s skull. He realized something. It wasn’t about the texting. It was about who let her in.
He scowled directly at his foolish roommate.
Ben cowed down his head, facing away but somehow aware of the scowl. Slowly, he inched away from the living room scene and retreated to his seldom-occupied bedroom.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” Jack’s date blurted out. She was ignored. “Fine, I’ll just have a seat.”
For a time, Jack only heard his own breathing. Each girl stared at him, unaware of what to do next. He had to say something. Suddenly, an idea to lighten the mood.
“Girls. Crazy idea. Hear me out. Threesome…?”
The two girls turned red as beets and giggled.
“Oh come on,” said Janelle and stood up just while her counterpart sunk into the comfort of grey cushions. “Well then, you two can have some fun. I don’t want to interrupt; I’m not into that.” The girls looked at each other with no expression. Janelle politely walked outside, maneuvering herself around Jack’s static body.
“Baby, would you excuse me for just a second.” Jack pleaded. “We’ll pick where we left off in just a second. I gotta go have a talk. It’s totally cool. I promise.” He pointed his fingers and talked with his hands and didn’t look her in the eye. She twiddled her own digits, considered her options, and stayed seated for the time being.
Jack left her alone, and ran out to the front gate.
“Janelle!” he shouted. She was walking at a brisk pace. He hopped to Janelle’s side and touched her shoulder. “Really, this whole situation is funny. Know what I’m sayin? What a mix-up.”
“No. Just no.” She wouldn’t stop walking.
“That’s my cousin back there. Honestly. I was joking. Don’t you get my sense of humor? I thought you liked that about me. We do like each other, right?”
“Jack. What are you doing?”
“It’s seriously no big deal. Why you gotta be all pissed off?”
“I’m not pissed off. I’m calmly leaving. Like you said, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a mix-up. I’m embarrassed, and I’m sorry I came over. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Let’s make a date. I mean it. Tomorrow. I’ll show you a real good time.”
“Really?” she asked, allowing herself the smallest bit of hope.
“Sure.” Then, just at her moment of weakness, he added. “That being said, don’t be so uptight. Okay? We did meet on Minnderrr, a total hookup site.”
Hopes shattered. “Jack, are you kidding me with this? Are you from two years ago or something? Nothing wrong with finding a long-term relationship on Minnderrr these days. That’s extremely behind the times of you to dismiss the possibility of an LTR with that excuse. Come on, man.”
He was surprised she put it that way, and had nothing to say.
“I can’t believe how stupid I am,” she continued. “I was actually happy when you texted me. Stupid, Janelle. Stupid!” She sniffled her nose.
“You’re not stupid,” he said. “Maybe I am, but not you.”
“Yeah right. You’re smarter than me, that’s for sure. You know exactly what you’re doing, and you do it well.”
“I’m not smart at all. I’m… I don’t know. I’m trying to have fun. But… Whatever. I’m weak.”
“You’re weak?” she asked, snidely.
“I can’t help myself sometimes.”
“You’re not weak. You’re just an asshole.”
“Hey, baby. Come on. Don’t be mean.”
“I,” Janelle started, choosing her words carefully and slowly. “I d
on’t know how to say this. I thought I sensed something in you. I don’t know. Some more depth. There’s got to be more in there. Or then again, maybe I’m just a fucking idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot. Like, you’re not listening to me and you’re kind of being a bitch, but you’re not—”
Jack’s head was gently turned to the side to face her while walking, and before he could realize what was happening Janelle had stopped and raised her hand to him.
THWACK!
The trajectory of the slap hit him not on the cheek but directly onto his nose. Her hand went scarlet, and Jack felt a moment of fierce black lightning across and beneath and surrounding his entire skull.
He almost fell backwards. It took a few seconds to find his balance, from the psychological shock as well as from the impact. Involuntarily, his own two fists covered his eyes.
“OW!” he yelled. “What the fucking fuck?!” He opened one eye and peaked behind his fingers. “OW!” he repeated, incredulous.
Janelle turned around, reluctantly, and looked at him with pity. Her hand rose again and Jack flinched for a split second. He closed his eyes. He felt her soft fingers caress his scratchy cheek. A lid opened.
“Oh, dear sweet Jack,” she said as her warm hand parted from his frozen face.
Defeated, he watched her turn and walk away.
Jack headed back to his home, pounding his feet into the sidewalk with every step. The bridge of his nose was on fire. It was a long walk.
* * *
Jack was pleasantly surprised to see his date sitting exactly where he left her, playing with a phone app, possibly on Minnderrr. Couldn’t blame her. Ben the roommate was nowhere to be seen, and that was fine with him.
She looked up. “Oh, it’s you.”
“Hey baby.” Jack sat next to her, leaned in, and rested his sore head into her shoulder. He glanced down and saw that she was playing a chocolatey puzzle game, and was touched.
He then dug into her top from the neck down, and massaged her lower back. With a free hand, he placed her phone on the table. He licked her ear. She moaned silently.
She lost the game and the screen blackened. She didn’t seem to mind.
