by Mary Monroe
My marriage was the biggest investment I’d ever made in my life, and I was not about to let it end easily.
CHAPTER 7
“Look, Pee Wee, I know I’ve made some bad mistakes lately, and I know it might take a while for you to get over some of the things I’ve done, but I can’t believe that you are walking out on me and our daughter like this!” I didn’t realize I was crying until I tasted the tears on my lips. “Whatever was wrong, you could have at least talked to me about it!”
Now I was the one stalling, or buying more time was a better way of looking at it. On one hand, I wanted Pee Wee and Lizzie to get out of my sight because I knew that I was no longer responsible for my actions. But on the other hand, I had to keep them in place as I tried to make some sense out of what was happening. “I am your wife and this is your home! You can’t just up and walk out like this,” I insisted, making a sweeping gesture with my hand.
I knew that if we didn’t settle this mess within the next minute or two, I was going to be either on the floor in a heap or chasing Pee Wee and his bitch out of town on a rail.
“Why can’t he?” Little Leg Lizzie asked, looking at me with her eyes narrowed into slits. For a woman in her position, she had a lot of nerve. From the look on her face now and the tone of her voice, you would have thought that I was the one breaking up her marriage. “He should have left you right after he found out you were cheating on him last summer—with a common flimflam man at that! And you were even stupid enough to give him money! I want you to know that I told Pee Wee that if he had had any sense, he would have left you then!”
I gasped. Pee Wee and I had just mentioned the affair that I had last summer, and I didn’t care about Lizzie knowing that now. But I did have a problem with her already knowing about the affair. “Pee Wee, you told her all about me and Louis Baines?” I asked, more hot tears forming in my eyes. “You put our business out in the street?” He just blinked. “Can’t you even answer my question?” He bowed his head and looked at the floor.
“Can’t you put two and two together? Does everything have to be spelled out for you? Yes, Pee Wee told me about you and your little boy toy. And I swear to God, when I heard how you had given that…your…gigolo some money, I lost all respect for you, Annette. I never thought you’d be that stupid.” Lizzie snorted. “And I always thought you had a little more class than the rest of the hoochie mamas in Richland. Tsk, tsk, tsk!”
Lizzie sucking on her teeth grated on my nerves like fingernails on a blackboard. As if I didn’t already feel bad enough, my body felt like it was about to shed my skin like a snake.
“Look, I just want to get some of my things this morning. I’ll come for the rest later, after you cool off,” Pee Wee said in a low voice. There was raw fear in his demeanor. He was frightened and he had every reason to be. As a matter of fact, he looked like he was in pain. Well, since I was in serious pain myself, I was glad to see that he was, too. “My cousin Steve said I could use his truck….”
I didn’t know how many more times I was going to gasp, but I gasped again, this time so hard my eyes crossed. I had to shut my eyes for a moment and shake my head before I could focus again. I looked at Pee Wee like I was seeing him for the first time. He looked like a stranger. I could not interpret the look on his face. If I had to guess, I would have to say that it was a look of contempt. But it was only half as potent as the one on my face.
I glared at him so hard he grimaced. “Steve knows? Your cousin Steve, a man with a mouth as big as the Grand Canyon knows and I’m just now hearing about that? I…I…can’t believe my ears,” I whispered, stumbling back to the table. “A couple of meddlesome people dropped a few hints around me from time to time that you and Lizzie were fooling around.” I had to stop talking so I could catch my breath. I rubbed my chest, blinked hard a few times, and shook my head. “I let them know that I didn’t believe them. I made it clear to them that you would never cheat on me. At least not with Lizzie…”
“Well, you were wrong again,” my husband taunted. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll grab a few things and be on my way.” Pee Wee and Lizzie rushed out of the kitchen, scurrying across the floor like roaches. Then they sounded like two horses stampeding up the stairs to the second floor of a house that now felt like a chamber of horrors to me.
I must have blacked out for a few moments, because I was barely aware of what happened next. I was sitting at the kitchen table staring at the wall when my husband and his lover came galloping down the stairs and back into the kitchen with two suitcases that contained some of his things.
“I might be back later today. And I’ll sit Charlotte down and explain things to her,” Pee Wee offered. “I don’t want my daughter to hear about this from anybody but me.”
I looked at him. I was so stunned I couldn’t even focus. For a split second he looked like a demon from hell. His eyes were red; his thin, graying hair was askew.
And the cheek that I had hit looked like a raw piece of meat, and that scared me. His tooth, the root covered in blood, was still on the floor looking like a discarded pebble. I didn’t know it was that easy to knock somebody’s tooth out!
“I want you to tell me how in the world you let something like this happen? Have you lost your fucking mind?” I barked. “Please tell me that, Pee Wee!”
“Uh, when I get settled, I’ll come by and we can talk about it,” he grunted. “I’ll tell you all the things that were wrong with our marriage then.”
All the things that were wrong with our marriage? How was it that Pee Wee could see what was wrong with our marriage and I couldn’t?
“It’s not important enough for you to tell me now?” I whimpered. “Is it so bad that it can’t be repaired?” One thing about myself that I was proud of was the fact that I’d never tried to cling to a man who didn’t want to be clung to. Now here I was acting like Pee Wee was the last conscious man in the world. My mother had practically crawled on her belly like a serpent the day my daddy left us. I hated seeing her like that. Even though I was a toddler back then, I was precocious enough to know that a woman crawling after a man looked like a desperate fool. I was so glad that my own daughter was not around to see me looking and acting like a desperate fool.
Had I seen this coming, I would have been better prepared. I could have handled it in a much more dignified manner. Hell, had I known in time that Pee Wee no longer loved me and wanted to be with another woman, I probably would have helped him pack! I had enough going for me that my life didn’t revolve around my husband.
If Pee Wee had dumped me when he found out about me and Louis, it would have made sense, and I would not have protested the way I was doing now. I would have been hurt, but I would have moved on with my life. Shit! He was the one who had adamantly refused to consider a divorce! It seemed so cruel of him to lift my spirits so high these past few months and then to drop me like a bad habit.
“This is not a good time, Annette,” he said hotly.
“And why is this not a good time? If it’s a good time for you to bring your whore into my house, it’s a good time for you to talk to me about it!” It seemed like I was getting angrier by the second. I knew that if this episode didn’t conclude soon, somebody was going to be real sorry.
“Look, woman! I’m tryin’ to make this as painless as possible.” Pee Wee eased the door open with his foot and beckoned with his head for Lizzie to leave. She scrambled out like the rat she was.
I grabbed his arm and he stopped, shaking his head. “Turn me loose,” he ordered. He set down one of his suitcases and rubbed the cheek I’d coldcocked. “And I advise you not to hit me no more!”
Right after he said that I throttled and boxed the back of his head with both of my fists. All he did was yelp, grab the suitcase he had set on the floor, and move faster out the door.
I followed him onto the porch. “Just like that? You are leaving me, just like that? Don’t you know I can make you suffer?”
“Annette, you’ve already done
that,” he smirked. “Why do you think I’ leavin’?” he said, trotting to his car.
“Hurry up! That bitch is crazy!” Lizzie yelled. She had already opened the trunk to Pee Wee’s car and was sitting in the front passenger seat. To add insult to injury, she quickly rolled up the window, locked the door, and was now looking at me like I was a carjacker.
Pee Wee dropped the suitcases into the trunk. I stomped out to the driveway and stood in front of his car with my hands on my hips.
“There’s one more thing before you go!” I sneered.
“Annette, get out of the way,” he ordered. “I am tryin’ to be nice about this!”
I walked up to him and boxed his head some more. All he did was close his eyes and moan. He didn’t even try to defend himself. Then I kicked him in the shins. He yelled and stumbled, but he didn’t fall. Lizzie jumped out of the car and ran around to help him. That was when I slammed her in the side with my elbow. She yelled and fell to the ground, but she was up again within seconds.
This time I cold punched her in the face with both of my fists at the same time. Pee Wee seemed too dazed to move or stop me from assaulting Lizzie. Right about then, Moshay, my nosy mailman, strolled over.
“Annette, you want me to call the cops?” he asked, looking amused.
“No, you don’t need to call the cops!” I told him. “If you call anybody, it better be Jesus.”
Some of my neighbors came out onto their porches and into their yards, some still in housecoats, some in work clothes, looking and shaking their heads. But that didn’t stop me. I was in so much pain at this point, I didn’t even care if I got arrested now.
I slapped Lizzie’s face so hard I almost dislocated my wrist. She yelled as tears streamed down her face. She managed to get back into the car and lock the door before I could get my hands on her throat.
Since Pee Wee was still outside of his car, I turned my attention and wrath back to him. He stood as stock-still as a lamppost when I marched back up to him. I stomped on his right foot with both of my feet, like I was trying to put out a fire. I knew that that had to hurt him because it hurt me to do it!
The bottoms of my feet felt like I’d stepped on some nine-inch nails. But he didn’t utter a sound. That only made me angrier. I stomped on his feet some more. He still didn’t make a sound. “You son-of-a-bitch,” I snarled. He stumbled to the driver’s side of his car, wheezing and puffing as he got in, falling clumsily into the seat like a sack of flour. It looked like he had aged ten years in the last five minutes. And I felt like I’d aged twenty years since he’d dropped his bombshell on me.
“Like I said, I’ll be back later to get the rest of my stuff. If you don’t mind, can I go now?” he whimpered. I couldn’t believe how calm he was!
“You do that! You’d better get your black ass out of my sight while you still can!” I hollered, standing by the side of his car with my arms folded.
My neighbors and my mailman were snickering like they were watching a bad movie.
“Damn right! I am sure enough leavin’ this place!” Pee Wee assured me.
And that was exactly what he did.
CHAPTER 8
Within days after Pee Wee’s departure, I felt like an over-cooked rump roast. My meat felt like it wanted to fall off my bones. I didn’t even look like myself. My eyes had a hollow look to them. My hair wouldn’t curl, even when I used a hot curling iron. I had to wear a scarf when I went out in public.
He wasted no time pouring more salt into my wounds. The affair got so serious so fast that Pee Wee started parading Lizzie all over town. He even took her to some of the places that I went to. And the apartment that they’d moved into—that he paid for with money that belonged partly to me—was in a new high-rise just three blocks from my office. If all of that wasn’t unspeakable and painful enough, I had to face all of our friends—the same ones who had once envied my “perfect” marriage.
It seemed to get worse with each passing day. One Sunday night, after he’d been gone for almost three weeks, my mother steamrolled into my house with her wig on sideways, the way men at baseball games wore their caps. There was enough rouge on her cheeks to paint a cruise ship. I could tell that she’d been upset for a while. She was still in her church usher’s uniform and clutching one of the hymn books that she passed out in church. “Did you know that Pee Wee brought that woman to church today?” she screamed. “Brother Mitchell had to hold me up to keep me from falling to the floor! How could you let this happen?”
“Let what happen?” I asked in a calm voice. Muh’Dear was hysterical enough for both of us. I saw no reason to let her know just how upset I really was.
“You let that white woman take your husband? How could you let that happen?”
I shrugged. “I guess the same way you let a white woman take your husband,” I responded with a smirk. That was not what my mother wanted to hear.
“But Frank was a fool! We all know that now. He was, and still is, limited—and still a straight-up fool if you ask me! He didn’t know no better. He ain’t responsible for his actions, and he’ll at least get slightly singed by the fires of hell some day. But you—I raised you to be a strong woman. You ain’t worldly. I know you used to be in the world, but you are a righteous, pious, virtuous woman now. Women in your position don’t let their men run amok! I just want to know how you could let your husband drag his whore up into the same church where I worship? Where you worship when you ain’t too lazy to come to church?”
As difficult as it was, I managed to remain calm. “It is a free country, Muh’Dear.”
“Well, Pee Wee ain’t a free man! He can’t be actin’ like one and get away with it! You need to take a brick and bounce it off his head! I am ashamed to see you bein’ this weak!”
“Like I said, this is a free country. Pee Wee can take his lady friend anywhere he wants to take her.” I was in the kitchen folding the laundry I’d just removed from the dryer. I was glad Charlotte was in her room.
“And you ain’t gwine to do nothin’ about him takin’ his lady friend around all of your friends? My friends? Bah! What will Reverend Upshaw’s mama say when she hears this? What are you gwine to do about this apocalypse?”
“Like what?” I asked with a weak shrug. “What do you expect me to do about it? And I’m not into bouncing bricks off of anybody’s head.”
Muh’Dear didn’t have an answer, and I guess she got tired of asking me questions to which I responded with dumb answers. She threw up her hands and left, running out my front door like a woman on fire, mumbling Biblical phrases under her breath. I waited a couple of minutes to make sure she had driven off before I sat down and had myself a brief cry.
One of the things that angered me the most was that my husband didn’t just betray me, he betrayed our daughter as well. However, my daughter’s reaction was a whole lot different from mine. She was reasonably confused and hurt, but not for long. Like any other eleven-year-old, she focused on the benefits of having another female adult in her life whose goal was to make her happy.
No matter what I did for my daughter, my husband’s mistress tried to upstage me.
The first weekend that my daughter spent with her daddy and her new “stepmother,” she came home with new clothes, new toys, and the kind of smile that I saw on her face only on a Christmas morning. And she inevitably made comparisons between me and my new nemesis. “Mama, Lizzie doesn’t make me eat greens and beans like you do. She lets me stay up late. She lets me do this, that…”
I got highly upset each time my daughter made a reference to that woman. After a while, everything she said about Lizzie sounded like gibberish. “Lizzie, yadda, yadda, yip yip, blah, blah, blah…” The words rang in my ears like bells.
“I don’t give a damn what that damn woman does or doesn’t do. I am still your damn mother and don’t you ever forget that,” I usually replied, shaking my head and sometimes rubbing my ears.
“And another thing…Lizzie don’t use cuss words in
front of me,” my daughter revealed, giving me the kind of look I usually gave to her when she stepped out of line.
Like any other woman in my situation, I was hurt and mad as hell. Not just about my husband’s betrayal, but now I had to worry about losing my daughter’s allegiance, too. Somehow I managed to promise myself that I was going to rise above my pain and be even stronger. I was not about to let my anger cripple my spirit like it did some women. One of those women was my mother.
My father’s desertion had almost destroyed her. She ended up resenting men and life in general for years. And even though my mother eventually found love again—with my daddy after a thirty-year separation—she still held on to some of her bitterness.
I had to face the most difficult challenge in my life: I had to find a way to get over losing my husband, and I had to deal with that slut who had stolen him right from under my nose. I knew that I was going to be angry for a while, but I was not about to let my husband’s affair make me so bitter that I wouldn’t be able to get on with my life. What I had to do now was decide how I was going to get this mess out of my system. Somehow I would maintain my dignity, but I wasn’t going to sit back and let Pee Wee and Lizzie quietly ease into a new life and live happily ever after at my expense.
In spite of all my anger, I tried to remain realistic. I knew I couldn’t force my husband to come back to me, and even if I could, I didn’t want him back that badly. However, I planned to make sure he didn’t forget me anytime soon. My name alone was going to be a major thorn in his side and her ass for a very long time.
I knew that from what I’d seen so far, Lizzie was not about to let him go too soon, or that easily. She worshipped the ground he walked on.
The more I thought about my husband’s affair, the more I was convinced that it had been a long time coming. Pee Wee, whose real name was Jerry Lee Davis, was the kind of brother who women of all ages and colors usually chased like dogs in heat. It didn’t matter that he was forty-seven and had already begun to lose his looks, hair, memory, and teeth. None of that mattered when you looked at the whole package. He owned and operated a successful business, he was generous, he was well respected in our church and community, he loved kids, and he was as considerate as a man could be. He was also a strong, caring man who went out of his way to keep the people he loved happy. All of that was more than enough for other women to be attracted to him. And some continued to cast their roving eyes in his direction even after he married me.
