Hollywood angled his head, seeming to study him. Jamie wiped his mouth, wondering if he had something on it. “What?” he barked. Hollywood could be so fucking exasperating. When he stared that way, Jamie had no idea what he was thinking.
“Didn’t you have the night off yesterday?” Hollywood asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“Cause you look like shit.”
Feeling heat race up his neck, Jamie turned his back on his friend and got a mug out of the cupboard. He looked like shit because last night for the first time in almost a year—since Rickie had asked for a divorce—he’d made love to his wife.
Hollywood’s chuckle had him reeling around. “I get it now,” he said, slapping Jamie on the shoulder. “How does it feel to be back in the saddle, so to speak?”
“You’re such an ass, Hollywood,” Dani said as she entered the kitchen, cementing Jamie’s embarrassment. His sex life was the last thing he wanted to discuss in front of Dani, even if she and the entire team had heard way more of the Caldwell family drama than they should have the night of the quake. Sex was something you just didn’t discuss with female team members. Since he was Dani’s lieutenant, it could even be considered harassment.
Hollywood shrugged. “I’m just trying to wake him up. He looks like the walking dead.”
Jamie snorted and brushed past Dani. “I’ll be in my office.” As he walked down the hall to the officer’s room, their bickering made him smile. Dani could shovel shit with the best. And Hollywood definitely qualified.
Setting his coffee on the desk, he dropped in his chair and stared out the window as images of last night filled his mind. Rickie had been so fucking sexy in the blue negligee she’d worn. After almost a year of doing the solo tango, he’d been so hot for her—so incredibly turned on—they hadn’t even made it to the bedroom. Thankfully Chloe had been sleeping over at his parents’ place.
His hardening cock had him shifting in his seat. Christ. He’d never get enough of Rickie. He loved her independence, her intelligence, her ability to do whatever she set her mind to. Ironically, these very qualities had led to their separation. But they were back together now. Things were supposed to be better between them. So why weren’t they?
A knock on the door startled him and he almost spilled his coffee on the keyboard. “What?” he snapped.
“What’s your fucking problem?” Hollywood grumbled as he crossed over to the second workstation and threw himself into the chair.
“Sorry. I guess I’m a little on edge.”
“Why? You should be on cloud nine.” Hollywood propped his feet on his desk, a frown creasing his brow. “Getting back with Erica was what you wanted, right?”
Jamie scrubbed the stubble on his cheeks and heaved a sigh. “It was. It is.”
“Then what’s the issue?”
“I think I already pissed her off.”
Hollywood laughed. “Now that’s not hard to believe.” Then he sobered. “Is she mad that you’ve been working so much? If that’s the case, maybe I can take a few of your shifts.”
The big blond lug could be a real bastard sometimes, but he’d give his life to help a friend. And Jamie would do the same for him. He shook his head. “She understands that things are crazy right now. Chloe’s only been out of the hospital for a few days, and Rickie’s been spending all her time taking care of her.” The earthquake had destroyed several floors of the King County Courthouse, including the offices of the Prosecutor’s Family Support Division where Rickie worked, so getting the time off had been easy.
“Then what?”
“We had sex.”
“No shit,” Hollywood said, his tone slimy with sarcasm. “How do you fuck up make-up sex?”
Jamie groaned. “I don’t know, man.” But somehow he had. Royally. “I even apologized.” Remembering the disappointment on her face made his chest hurt. She’d just stared at him, her eyes growing more and more distant.
Hollywood threw his head back, his deep laughter making his chair roll away from the desk. His feet hit the floor with a thud. Jamie balled up a sheet of paper and pitched it, hitting the asshole in the head. Hollywood leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, trying to catch his breath. “Did you have an early come-to-Papa moment?” Just asking the question had Hollywood’s shoulders shaking with barely contained amusement. “Seriously though, I wouldn’t blame you. I don’t know how you made it through a year without even looking at another woman.”
Heavy reliance on his hand and several tubes of lube. Not that he’d share that with anyone. “I made it up to her, though. Acted like her fucking sex slave.” Shit! Definitely TMI.
“I’m not seeing the problem,” Hollywood said, shaking his head.
Picking up a pencil that lay on his desk, Jamie twirled it between his fingers while he tried to put into words what was bothering him about last night. He’d made Rickie come, but… How did you admit to your best friend that your wife just wasn’t that into you anymore? He swallowed and forced the words past his dry lips. “I don’t think she enjoyed it.”
What the fuck was wrong with him? He glanced up at Hollywood, expecting to see derision on the guy’s face. Yeah, he knew he was acting like a girl.
“None of it?” Hollywood asked, his voice gentle.
Christ, now Hollywood was treating him like one. He held up his hands. “The first time was a complete”—disaster—“blur. I don’t know how she took it.”
After the earthquake, Rickie had hinted that she’d like to relive their first time together. So last night, he’d taken her up against the wall, hard and fast. But that had been all about him. He’d been too revved up by her suggestion, so blind with lust, with wanting to be buried deep inside her, that he didn’t know, didn’t care if she’d enjoyed it. He’d gone too far.
Hollywood rubbed his chin, making him look oddly analytical. “And then you apologized?”
Jamie wanted to disappear, to evaporate into the ether. He didn’t talk about stuff like this. Ever. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. “Yeah.”
“What did she say?”
And there was the kicker. “Nothing. She didn’t say a fucking thing.”
“How did she seem?”
“Annoyed, disappointed. Like I hadn’t lived up to expectations.”
Hollywood’s hand came down on the desk with a loud thwack that made Jamie jump. “That’s it!”
Jamie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I said I was sorry.”
“You’re my friend and all, man, but sometimes you act dumber than shit. Now listen. I’ve had my share of women”—he shined his nails on his shirt—“so I’m a bit of an expert.” Ignoring Jamie’s loud snort, Hollywood continued. “Let’s try this on for size. You have sex. It’s fast and furious because you’re so turned on by your wife, so hot to have her. Then after what was for you no doubt fan-fucking-tastic sex, you turn to her and beg her forgiveness.”
Yep, that pretty much summed it up. Jamie nodded.
“Did you ever think maybe she liked that you wanted her so much you were out of your mind?”
No. He hadn’t considered that at all. The second time had been all about her. Hard and fast became slow and easy, and he’d made sure she’d enjoyed herself. But Christ, it hadn’t been easy, and he couldn’t help but wonder why. Was she regretting her decision to call off the divorce? He massaged his chest. He couldn’t go through that again. Rickie and Chloe were his life. “Even if that were the case,” he said, frustration deepening his voice. “I treated her right the second time. She shouldn’t be upset.”
“Maybe she likes it rough.”
Jamie scowled. “Watch your fucking mouth. That’s my wife you’re talking about.”
Hollywood shrugged. “Just saying.”
Closing his eyes, Jamie massaged his temples and reluctantly admitted the truth. Rickie did like it rough. Well, at least, she had liked it rough. “The night we first met, the sex was a little… wild. I know she liked it. But
after we got together, she shut me down whenever I went there. I don’t understand why.” Seeing such an incredibly strong woman submit had taken him to a level of sexual fulfillment beyond anything in his experience. He knew she’d enjoyed it too. But for some reason, she’d rejected his attempts to dominate her after that first night. And she’d never explained her reasons.
“Some chicks think it’s wrong to like it any way but slow and tender.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“Got any suggestions, Mr. Expert? I’m at a complete loss.”
Hollywood grinned. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again, my friend.”
Swiveling his chair around, Jamie faced the window and lost himself in the view of Seattle’s downtown. Maybe Hollywood was onto something. Although long repressed, Jamie’s Dom instincts told him Erica had relished every moment of their first time together. But if she liked his dominant side, why had she gotten so upset the other night? He needed to sit her pretty ass down and have a much-needed chat. But the circumstances had to be right. It was time for their long-delayed honeymoon.
His cock jumped to attention at the possibilities. Images flashed in his mind of what he could do to Rickie, what he had done to Rickie. As discreetly as possible, he adjusted the bulge at his crotch. Fucking Hollywood had better be fucking right. Their conversation had him wondering. And remembering.
“And then the beautiful princess jumped on her motorcycle and pointed to the nerdy but handsome prince. ‘Get on,’ she told him. As soon as he sat behind her, she revved the engine and they sped off down the road, away from the evil queen.”
Chloe clapped her hands. “And they lived happily ever after, right, Dani?”
Erica’s heart squeezed, hearing the happiness in her daughter’s voice. Her gaze rose, taking in the woman sitting next to Chloe. Dani. The woman who’d saved her daughter’s life. The woman whose wistful tone indicated she was thinking of another nerdy but handsome man, Erica’s brother-in-law, William.
“You bet they did, sweet pea,” Dani said with a grin. She touched her finger to the tip of Chloe’s nose then kissed her cheek. “Sleep well.”
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
Erica stepped forward and tucked the blankets around Chloe’s small body, careful not to jostle her leg. “You know Dani’s busy at work with Daddy.”
Chloe scrunched up her face. “But she tells good stories. I want to hear more.”
Dani laughed. “I’ll do my best. Okay, Chloe?”
Chloe smiled, but her eyes were already drooping. “Okay.”
“Chloe…” Erica prodded.
“Oh, yeah. Thank you, Dani.” Reaching up, Chloe curled her fingers around Erica’s ears and kissed her nose, then her chin, each cheek, and ended with her forehead. When she was done, Erica did the same to her. It was their special goodnight ritual and Erica cherished it.
“Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.”
“I love you too, Mommy.”
Dani stepped into the hall and Erica followed her, closing the door behind them. “Want some tea?”
“Got any coffee?” Dani asked, stifling a yawn. “This work schedule’s killing me.”
“Of course.” Erica led the way to the kitchen and started a fresh pot while Dani took a seat at the table. “Have you had any time off since the earthquake?”
“I’m off tonight and Jamie made us all take a full day last week, even though he only took one night off himself. How are you holding up? You’ve had a lot to deal with on your own.”
Pulling out a chair, Erica sat across from Dani and considered her answer. The night of the earthquake, Dani had probably learned far more about their marriage than she’d ever wanted to know. But the woman had been nothing but kind since then. She’d dropped in almost every day to tell Chloe a story and ask Erica if she needed anything.
Two weeks ago, Erica had mistakenly thought of Dani as the other woman. Now she thought of her as a friend. Something she badly needed. Sure, she had friends. But none of them had husbands whose work was as dangerous as Jamie’s. Being a woman and a firefighter herself, Dani had special insight, and it was thanks to her that Jamie had moved back home. And that was a debt Erica could never fully repay.
“I’m okay,” she said, projecting a joviality she didn’t feel. “Chloe’s doing much better. The doctor said she could start walking around on crutches in a few days.”
“Do they make crutches that small?” Dani asked. “Seems like only yesterday she was crawling. Rug rats sure grow fast, don’t they?”
“Tell me about it. Good thing she’s light. If needed, we’ll keep carrying her around until she gets a walking cast.” The coffee maker buzzed, letting her know it had finished brewing. She got up and poured two cups before setting them on a tray along with cream and sugar.
When she placed the tray on the table, Dani picked up one of the pink Limoges cups with both hands. “Aren’t you afraid to break these? They look like antiques.”
Erica finished adding cream to her coffee with a chuckle. “Antiques or not, they’re meant to be used. Stop worrying.”
Still sporting a dubious expression, Dani blew on the hot liquid and took a sip. “This is good. Very good. Thanks.” She took another sip then met Erica’s gaze dead on. “I saw Jamie at work last night. He didn’t look so hot.”
Could she talk to Dani about this? She really wanted to. Erica averted her gaze, trying to hide her distress.
Dani covered Erica’s hand and gave her a small smile. “I’m a good listener.”
As though a faucet had been turned on, Erica’s eyes filled with tears and all her pent-up fears spilled out. “I thought things would be different now. But they aren’t. We’re barely talking. We certainly aren’t communicating. I really want our relationship to get better, but I don’t even know where to start.”
“Jamie wants this too. He was devastated when you asked for a divorce.”
“Not because he loves me.”
Dani frowned. “What other reason could there be?”
“He feels guilty.”
“About what?” Dani asked. Then her lip curled and she grabbed Erica’s arm. “Jamie didn’t… he didn’t… if he did, I’ll kill him for you.”
It took a moment for the implications of Dani’s disjointed, unarticulated question to make sense. She gasped. “God no. Jamie would never hurt me.” Even when I want him to.
Dani dropped her hand and sat back, visibly relieved. “Okay. Good. They say you never know a man until you live with him. So I had to be sure, you know, in case.” She brought the cup to her lips and sucked down a big gulp.
Great. Some hostess she was. Now even the unflappable Dani was embarrassed. “We shouldn’t talk about this.”
“No. I’m sorry. I would have sided with you no matter how much I respect Jamie at work. Some lines can’t be crossed.”
Erica knew what Dani meant, but she wondered what the woman would think if she knew about that night, that night she’d been reliving in her dreams for five years.
“So what’s this about Jamie feeling guilty? What did he do?” Dani asked.
It was time Dani knew the truth. Assuming Jamie hadn’t already told her. “Did Jamie ever explain how we met?” When Dani shook her head, Erica continued. “Jamie only married me because he knocked me up. We knew nothing about each other beyond our names. Our first names, that is.”
Eyes widening, Dani grinned. “Hot damn. You and LJ had a one-night stand.”
“You don’t have to look so shocked,” Erica said.
“It’s nothing against you, hon. It’s just that you’ve always seemed so… proper.” She waved her hand up and down, indicating Erica’s outfit: beige silk blouse with navy slacks, three-inch pumps.
Okay, so she wasn’t Lady Gaga. “Point taken,” she said. “But in this case, the truth lies below the surface. As they say, you can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl.”
“Trailer park? Really? I can’t imagine it.”
“I did live in one. And it rubbed off on me. Look how I ended up: twenty-one and pregnant.”
“Oh, come on, Erica. It was a mistake. You were just a kid. Jamie’s what, six years older than you? If anyone is to blame, it’s him.”
“Which is why he feels guilty. He did his duty and made a respectable woman out of me. Unfortunately, we never had the happily-ever-after. Heck, we never even had the happy-right-now.”
Dani pushed her cup to the corner of her placemat. “Let’s back up a bit. You and Jamie met, had a night of fun”—she tapped her index finger on the table, punctuating each point—“and you ended up pregnant.” She sat back and opened her arms. “Big deal. A lot of marriages start with an oopsie. And I know Jamie loves being a dad.”
Regret made her stomach cramp. Chloe had always been a priority for Jamie. Until Erica had started pushing him out of their lives. No matter how much she wanted to, she could never give them back the time she’d stolen from both of them. “He’s a wonderful father.”
Dani threw her a sharp look. “You’re not planning to kick him out again, are you?”
Erica shook her head. Even if Jamie didn’t return her feelings, she’d never do anything to jeopardize his relationship with their daughter. “I won’t do that to him—to them—again.”
Dani shifted in her chair and supported her chin with her fists, her expression thoughtful. “Erica, what’s going on? You both seemed so happy after the quake. I know Jamie’s been working a lot, but we’ll be going back to our regular shifts soon. Maybe you just need some time to get used to living together again.”
A tear rolled down Erica’s cheek and she hurried to wipe it away. She had no right to cry about this. Women would kill to share Jamie’s bed, including that fire bunny bitch, Belinda.
“Oh, hon.” Dani leaned over and hugged Erica, smoothing her hair like she always did to Chloe when she was crying. “What’s got you so upset?”
“If I tell you this, you need to swear never to repeat it.”
What to Read After FSOG: The Gemstone Collection (WTRAFSOG Book 9) Page 3
