Fearless

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Fearless Page 27

by Katie Golding


  “Wha—” he sputters. “You’re gonna—”

  “Yep.” Lynn’s eyes dial in on me, brown and pissed off but kind of weirdly pleased, too. “Billy, I swear to God…ugh, I hope you got your damn checkbook.”

  She storms off around my side, gravel crunching angrily under her boots, and I stand there, unable to move.

  Not stunned from relief. And not frozen from joy.

  I’m locked in place from pure fucking horror.

  My checkbook. That I can’t use.

  Farmhands start moving again in the background, horses whinnying as they get led out and put back in, fed and patted and saddled and washed. Gidget snorts and whinnies as the Harry guy walks out of the barn after Lynn, their voices blurring together like the parents in the Charlie Brown cartoons.

  “Billy?” Taryn says. “Honey, are you okay? Do you need me to start getting him loaded for you?”

  She means into her father’s trailer. Hooked onto his truck and ready to go because she was goddamn brilliant enough to think that far ahead when all I could think about was getting here.

  I didn’t think.

  “Billy!” Lynn yells, standing outside the barn with her arms crossed. That Harry guy keeps walking toward a second truck and horse trailer I hadn’t noticed until now, and my eyes start prickling as the realization sets in of what I’m gonna have to do. “Get your fat-check-writing ass over here!”

  I turn away, stumbling toward the opposite side of the barn.

  “Hey, where are you going?” Lynn calls after me.

  The sting of the wind bites bitterly against my skin, my throat and lungs burning as my breath puffs hot in front of my face. I double over when my boots hit the grass, wiping at my face and my stomach rolling like I’m gonna be sick.

  “Billy, what’s wrong!” Taryn yells.

  Gidget whinnies like he’s just as worried as she is, and I can’t believe this is happening. I was so close to having it all. Now…

  I have no idea how I’m ever going to get over him.

  “Lorelai, take Gidget’s lead,” I hear behind me. Next thing I know, Taryn is in front of me, her hands on my jaw guiding me to straighten and her eyes finding mine. “What’s going on?”

  I shake my head. “I can’t…I can’t buy him.”

  She doesn’t blink or flinch, her voice strong. “Why?”

  “Because,” I breathe, my hands settling on her hips because I don’t know if I can stay standing if I don’t hold onto her. “Honey, I have to tell you something.”

  Chapter 20

  Taryn Ledell—Present Day

  Panic roots deep in my chest. Billy’s barely getting words out, his grip on me so desperate it almost hurts, and I don’t know how many more surprises I can take today. Not after everything. I’m so tired.

  “I…” He swallows, but his voice is still shredded over the words. “I was supposed to tell you this a different way, with my great-grandma’s ring and…”

  My eyes go huge, my heart slamming in my chest. What is he—

  “Honey, I bought our ranch.”

  He…

  “What?” I gasp.

  “Duke Bricker’s ranch,” he says. “I bought it.”

  My hands slip from his jaw to his shoulders, and the words are starting to sound weird in my mind. Like they’re losing their meaning. There’s a word for when that happens, but I don’t remember what that is, either.

  “Is that okay?” he says, and I can’t make sense of what he’s asking. Is it okay that he bought Duke Bricker’s ranch? “I mean, you liked it, right?”

  I blink at him. Do I like it? I was just there for the funeral. Think, Taryn, think… The house is…okay, my mind already repainting stuff and getting rid of the gross carpet and worse furniture, and yeah…that’s good. That’s totally doable. That’s way more than doable, that’s…wow. And he…he’s got land. A fucking ton of it. Stables…I think he’s even got a second house on the back forty.

  Just like that, all the pieces of the puzzle finally start clicking into place, my heart quickly catching up. “Oh my God,” I mutter, because I can’t find any other words for this.

  Our dream.

  The someday, when we were gonna be free and together. Us and our horses, too.

  He did it. He fucking did it!

  “You bought Duke Bricker’s ranch!” I scream at him, my face feeling like it’s gonna break in half from pure fucking joy.

  “Yeah.” He still looks so heartbroken.

  I don’t get it. I don’t get it! “Why aren’t we celebrating?”

  “Because,” he says, taking my hands in his and holding on tight. His voice is wrecked, so damn wrecked. “I haven’t closed yet.”

  “What is the holdup?” Lynn yells from across the barn, but Billy doesn’t even acknowledge her.

  I shake my head, at a loss. “Billy, I don’t know what that means.”

  “It means…” He stares at the ground between our boots like he’s praying God will strike him dead before he has to say it. He waits a long time, but when nothing happens, he looks back at me, resigned. “It isn’t ours until I do. And the last fucking thing the guy said to me was to not spend any money till after I closed.”

  I still don’t get it. Billy never spends money, so that shouldn’t be a problem for him.

  Then Gidget whimpers from where Lorelai is holding his lead, and my eyes snap to Billy, growing horrified.

  He shakes his head, his voice cracking but his grip on my hands only getting stronger. “It’s our ranch, honey, and I can’t do both. You come first.”

  I look to Gidget, swishing his tail happily next to Lorelai, and tears slip down my cheeks. This can’t be happening. I feel like I’m going to be sick.

  Billy pulls me into him and hugs his arms tight around me, and it breaks my heart in half with how much he must be hurting right now. It’s wrong for him to lose his horse.

  “It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay,” he says on repeat, but I don’t think he’s saying it for me, and fuck this.

  “Wait a minute—” I lean back, staring up at him: tall and lean in hard-worked Ariat boots and Wrangler jeans, a champion belt buckle, and a pearl-snap shirt because he knows I like them best. The setting sun is shining on his blond hair, but his face looks like he’s dying, and I can’t have that. Not when I can do something about it. “I’ll buy him.”

  As soon as I say it, I know it’s the right call, and I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner. I was going to offer to cobuy our house anyway. And Gidget may end up costing me more than any down payment I had planned on, but Werner pays me well, and I do have the money in savings…

  I can totally do this. And Gidget’s more than worth every penny. Billy’s worth it.

  Billy gapes at me. “Taryn, he’s gonna cost—”

  Is he serious right now? “And how much is Duke Bricker’s ranch?” I ask.

  Billy swallows. Goes a little pale. “Two point five,” he mutters.

  A noise squeaks from my throat. Two point five million goddamn dollars?

  “Yeah,” I say with a dazed laugh. “Honey, I’m buying your horse for you. Don’t you worry, I got this. Lynn!” I yell.

  Billy’s still staring at me. A gorgeous statue of a dazed cowboy, silhouetted against wide open land and tall trees in the background. I press a hasty kiss to his lips, then run off after Lynn.

  Did he say something about a ring earlier? We’re gonna have to circle back to that. Two point five. That’s it. He’s getting a new truck and trailer from me, too. I don’t care what he says; he deserves it, he’ll need it to haul Gidget, and I’m tired of freezing.

  “What’s going on?” Lorelai says on my way past her, Gidget watching me and then looking back to Billy, the stallion huffing a bit. “Are we loading him up or what?”

  “Yeah, go and get
him started. We’ll be right behind you.”

  “Whatever. Come on, Gidget.” She clicks twice and starts to lead Gidget toward my father’s truck, and it only takes me a second to sort everything out with Lynn before I’m running back across the barn to Billy. Who is still standing in the exact same spot.

  That’s okay. I can fix that, too.

  “Okay,” I start when I stop in front of him, kinda breathless in the cold and my brain still going a million miles an hour. “So she doesn’t really care which one of us writes her a check as long as it clears, and she’s fine with waiting until I can bring her one tomorrow. So Lorelai’s gonna start getting Gidget loaded up so we can get him back to the house and start getting him settled. See? We got this. Everything’s fine.”

  It takes him a second, but then Billy nods, his jaw so tight, he can’t even speak. I smooth my palm down his arm, giving him a moment to let it all settle in. I totally get it—I can’t wait to go crawl into my bed and sleep for, like, a week after this. Except I still gotta get to the bank. Poor Billy’s probably gonna be sick after standing around in the cold in just his shirt and no jacket all afternoon. Damn it, he’s been running on his ankle again, too.

  Yeah, I need to get him home. Showered. Leg up. Then I’m going to sleep. I’ll go to the bank in the morning. It’s probably closed for the night by now anyway.

  “Taryn,” he grits out, “I’m so…”

  “I know,” I tell him. “Me too.” The storm in his blue eyes is already resolving as I step close enough to slide my hands up his chest, then lock my arms around his neck, because he always feels safer with me against him. A little more fearless.

  His hands settle on my hips, gentle and strong and rough with calluses that scrape so good. And when he drops his forehead to mine, his breaths tight with all he’s feeling, it’s impossible for me not to get swept up in it, too. How much this is going to be my always and forever and how ready I am to start it all with him.

  But first, I gotta get us home.

  “One thing at a time, cowboy,” I whisper. “Let’s go get Gidget settled in, okay? Then you can tell me all about our new ranch, because I cannot wait for us to move in.”

  Billy finally smiles, calming down enough to lift a soft kiss from my lips and his voice almost back to normal. “Who says you’re invited?”

  I can’t help laughing, relief flowing through me when he takes my hands, pulling me along as he starts walking backward. Toward his truck and his horse loaded onto my trailer and our future farmhouse twelve miles down the road.

  “Maybe you can come visit,” he adds with a wink. And this time, he sounds exactly like he’s supposed to.

  “Oh, thanks.”

  He turns so we can walk side by side through the barn, his arm around my shoulders and mine hugged around his waist, the comforting scent of his cologne filling my lungs. He squeezes my shoulder and drops a kiss to my hair, sounding a little dismayed when he mutters, “I can’t believe Gidget is mine.”

  I smile into his shirt, wondering how long he’s gonna be saying that. “Yep. Not borrowed, honey. Yours.”

  Billy squeezes me again. “Which stall are we putting him in?”

  “Um, the last one, I think? Mama’s cleaning it out for you as we speak.” That’s what my father said when he got here, anyway: that my mama was already in our barn getting the stall ready, probably shoveling straw in her cotton nightgown, and I have no idea how to thank her enough. Both of them. They didn’t blink an eye at the prospect of taking on another horse when I called, and all I can think is they must know. That it’s Billy for me. And it’s okay.

  It’s all going to be okay.

  Billy’s steps slow down, a guilty sigh falling from his lips as he shakes his head. “Thank you, honey,” he whispers. “For always saving my ass.”

  “Oh, honey, no,” I breathe, stepping around him to look up into his eyes. “Saving each other…that’s what we’re supposed to do. And you don’t have to thank me for that. You don’t have to say anything at all.”

  He halfway laughs, gesturing behind me. “Taryn, I can’t not say something when you just bought my horse.”

  “Well, you bought our ranch,” I counter. “And besides”—I give him a wink just to soothe the last of his nerves—“don’t you know there are only three words I ever wanna hear you say?”

  He crosses his arms, but his grin is purely teasing. “Oh yeah? What’s that?” he says. “I love you? You were right? Or I’m already naked?”

  I snort a laugh, a little mesmerized by his grin alone. The rest of the barn has returned to normal life, horses happily bedding down and farmhands hanging up their tack for the night. And with Gidget sure to be safely loaded in my trailer, I know we need to get going. But there’s no sight I’ve ever loved more than my cowboy in the sunset.

  “Those are pretty good,” I tell him, trying to think outside the blue of his eyes and the muscles I know are waiting to warm me underneath his clothes. “But I got something better.”

  He playfully groans and waves me on with one hand. “I’m not promising I’ll say it, but let’s hear it.”

  I can’t help but smile, stretching up on my toes to lift a soft kiss from his lips. And when I pull back to look at him, his smile calm and infinitely steady, I gift him the three words I know he’s been waiting all his life to say, and I’m gonna make damn sure he only ever says to me:

  “Honey, I’m home.”

  Epilogue

  Billy King—A Little While Later

  “What about a botanical garden or something like that?” I turn the thought over in my mind, the sway of Gidget beneath me rocking the idea into place until it feels like a decision. “That would be kinda cool. The pictures would be nice.”

  Taryn looks over at me from her saddle on Aston Magic, walking beside me and Gidget through the pasture back toward our house. “Billy, I love you, but let’s be real here: you are not the kind of guy who proposes in a botanical garden. It’s gotta feel like us, honey. And that’s…that’s someone else.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

  I sigh as I look out over our ranch, the sun setting on all eighty of our acres and shining down on our back porch. Taryn’s got a pot roast going in the Crock-Pot in the kitchen, my new truck is parked beside hers out front, and her bike is up on a jack around back because I’m changing out her clutch again. When I check, the lights are glowing through the windows in the second house on the back forty—the farmhands we hired, Dax and Bryan, are probably finishing up dinner after working all day, busy dealing with the ant beds that infested Aston’s favorite meadow.

  The wind kicks up a little, stirring the tops of wildflowers as our horses take their time strolling toward our barn, and this feels like us. But I don’t want to propose to her at home, and I just can’t seem to figure this out.

  Mason’s ideas are all terrible, my father’s even worse, and the internet has offered me nothing but different ways to spend money. I even asked Dax and Bryan for ideas on how to propose to Taryn. They had some good ones, and I kinda liked how Bryan proposed to Dax—putting it in the previews at a local movie theater they were at—but that’s their thing.

  “Honey, you don’t have to figure this out right now,” Taryn says gently, letting Aston Magic stop to graze. I don’t even have to halt Gidget. He’s already eating beside her, happy to follow her lead. “We agreed we weren’t going to talk about planning a wedding for at least a year. It’s just…it’s too much money after the ranch and everything, Billy.”

  I roll my eyes. “Planning a wedding and getting engaged are not the same thing,” I tell her. “We can do one without the other. Ever heard of a long engagement?”

  Taryn laughs. “I appreciate you giving me that much credit. Really, I do. But there is no way in hell that I’m gonna be able to wait to marry you once you propose to me, cowboy. I don’t have that kind o
f patience.” She gestures in front of her like she’s declaring a path. “Once we go, we go.”

  “Fine,” I agree, because she’s right: she doesn’t have that much patience. Taryn is all about instant gratification. “We will wait.”

  “Don’t be mad,” she says, reaching down to pet her mare’s neck.

  “I’m not mad, I just…” I wanna get married to her. Tomorrow, if she’d let us. But she wants a nice wedding, and I want one, too, and we did just spend a bunch of money. And I was the one who freaked out and said we need to take it easy for a minute, but… “Hey, what about at a race?” I ask her. “That’s us.”

  She makes a face. “Not anything public, please. Definitely no jumbotrons or anything like that. I want this to be about us, you know? Not something for people to tweet about and hashtag into oblivion.”

  So much for my rodeo idea. I groan, clicking at Gidget to stop eating before I encourage him to walk on. “This is impossible.”

  “Hey, Billy, hold on,” Taryn says, clicking at Aston until she’s catching up, back to walking beside us. “However you want to propose is going to be more than perfect. I promise, I’m gonna love whatever you do.”

  I shrug. “It’s okay.”

  “Okay,” she mutters. “And besides…” She winks at me, her smile already halfway back to normal. “You know you still have to talk to my dad first, right?”

  I nod like I’m realizing that. Then I peek at her. “And what makes you think I haven’t?”

  Taryn’s cheeks start blazing, her smile growing wider. “Really? When?”

  “You really wanna know?”

  She thinks for a second, biting her bottom lip as the wind swirls the long ends of her hair flowing down her back. Then she whispers, “I don’t know?”

 

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