by Leela Ash
He cringed, the alcohol making him more prone to weep. He had to go north to find his brother. If there was any hope at all, it would be there.
Chapter 6
“What year is it?” Jonathan had asked. Jax was younger by two years, and always believed that the two of them would stick together.
“I don't know,” Jax had laughed.
They felt lucky together, at first. Most people didn't have anybody left. Somehow, the two of them had defied all the odds and been immune, probably thanks to some gene they carried. Unfortunately it had skipped a generation and their parents had fallen ill shortly after the carriers were left to roam the country. The boys were left orphans, and Jonathan was devoted to taking care of Jax. He taught him everything he knew about hunting and foraging, which wasn't much, but they'd stolen books from the library and kept them secure, reading them over and over again, to themselves and to each other in their home until the power flickered out and huge groups of people began roaming the streets, rioting and breaking into houses, stealing things they couldn't use, hoping to take advantage of a crisis.
It hadn't been safe, and they'd had to leave quickly with just a few remnants to bring along with them. Jax had taken a family picture to remember his parents and the good times, but during his orientation into the Hex tribe, they'd taken his things, looking through them and throwing away anything they deemed sentimental. He had no past, they told him. Only a future. And he was in charge of that.
It had been a liberating thought at the time, but it had been painful to watch them burn the picture. He'd had to force himself not to cry as he watched the faces of his parents and brother melting right in front of him. By then, he'd lost Jonathan too. He'd been alone for a year before Hex found him and brought him in. They could tell by his size that he was strong, and his eyes were sharp, wizened by his experiences. He could be of use to them, they were convinced of it, and he was for a while. It was one of his prideful points, and when Jonathan had come back to him, apologizing profusely for abandoning him, Jax was already well-established with Hex, and wasn't capable of forgiveness. They were his family now, and Jonathan could either join or leave him alone.
“I won't be a part of one of these sick cults,” Jonathan had said sternly. “And when you change your mind, because you're too smart not to, come find me.”
Jax's heart had been too broken by his brother to care or take his words seriously. All he felt was the gaping hole of loneliness and anger. The sadness could have destroyed him if he let it. And he was feeling it now, as he drifted into fitful sleep across from a stranger.
***
“Jax,” a faraway voice called. Someone was touching him, moving him. He shook his head in confusion and reared his head back, flinching from the hand. He rose, his eyes wild with confusion and hot with tears.
“Jax,” Layne whispered. Her voice was soft and gentle, and he blinked hard, wiping the tears away so that he could see her clearly. “You were dreaming. It's okay.”
Her hand was cool on his cheek, stroking him gently. She felt like salve on a deep, raw wound he didn't know he had, and she soothed him out of the dream and back into reality. He didn't know he dreamt so loudly, loudly enough to stir her from her drunken slumber. Her eyes were on him, drawn with concern and something he had never expected to see in another person again - warmth.
“We should move,” he mumbled, stumbling to his feet and throwing his bag over his shoulder. “If I was loud someone might have heard me.”
“You weren't,” she said. She'd only heard him whimper softly, and felt a pang of sadness as tears had streamed down his face in his sleep. “Sit down and have breakfast with me.”
“I can't spare my rations yet,” he said, still heavy from sleep. He leaned against a tree.
“I've got plenty,” she replied, tossing a bag to him. His eyes widened and he laughed suddenly. So this was why they were after her.
“You got this from the Jackals!” he exclaimed.
“Yes,” she said, her eyes sparkling. In truth, her bag was full to the brim of their ration bags. She had raided them late in the night, but had made the mistake of stopping to eat before she left. Her hunger had controlled her and left her vulnerable to being spotted.
“Smart girl,” he said approvingly, and sat down on the ground. She sat across from him, pulling a bag out for herself. They ate quietly together, the strength coursing through their bodies and making them both feel incredible.
When they were done, they sat together in silence, listening to the birds singing and appreciating the spring breeze and blue sky. It was a beautiful morning, and much easier to enjoy with somebody else. Neither of them had had company for a while, and the companionship was refreshing. Layne was reluctant to give it up.
“So where are you heading?” she asked finally.
“North,” Jax answered vaguely.
“What's north?”
“I'm looking for my brother.”
She could tell it was difficult for him to talk about, but she couldn't keep the words from spilling out. She'd missed having somebody to talk to, and she was burning with curiosity about this man. She decided to change the subject, if he got too prickly she would have to leave.
“Are you part of a tribe?” she asked.
“Not anymore,” he said. “What about you?”
“Not anymore.”
“What happened?”
“They were self-important freaks who couldn't get along. They thought we would find a cure...save the world. But nobody knew where to start and shot down anyone who gave it a try.”
“You're a doctor?” he asked, unable to conceal his surprise.
“A scientist,” she corrected.
“Ah.”
“What happened to your tribe?”
“I outgrew them,” he said softly. “And now I have to find my brother.”
He was obviously in pain and she wanted to reach out to him, give him some kind of hope.
“I'm sure you will,” she said.
The thought seemed to please him, and he was quiet for a moment, considering the likelihood of this happening.
“We parted on bad terms,” he said. “I don't know if he'll be happy to see me even if I do find him.”
“He's family,” Layne said, her chest constricting painfully as all she had lost flickered before her eyes. “You belong together. I'm sure he knows that.”
Jax considered this and nodded. Jonathan had told him to find him, so that's what he was going to do. It had been a long time, a really long time, but some things didn't change, like the love you have toward your siblings. They wouldn't be able to hurt you so much if you didn't care more about them than you knew what to do with.
“I should get on the move,” he said finally. “I appreciate the food. Take care of yourself.”
“Oh,” Layne said, crestfallen. “All right. Good luck. I'm sure everything will turn out fine.”
He nodded and stood, turning his back on her and disappearing into the forest.
Chapter 7
Jax walked away from Layne, his chest tormented with several emotions he couldn't pinpoint. She would just slow him down, he told himself. He had a mission and should keep it in mind. She would distract him, put him in undue danger. But he found himself missing her the second she was out of sight. Was it because she had shown him kindness? Or was he simply lacking companionship. Humans were herd animals after all.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him and whipped around, ready to strike. Layne flinched back and raised her arms up defensively.
“Easy tiger,” she said. “You just forgot your water bottle.”
He stared at her, perplexed, before taking it from her outstretched hand. Most people would have killed for two water bottles, but she had returned his without a second thought. She didn't even drink out of it first.
He nodded in thanks and continued walking, his chest on fire. He wasn't sure what to do with her.
“Listen, Jax,” she called
, trotting behind him to catch up with his long strides. “I want to help you find your brother. I have nothing better to do. I swear I won't get in the way. I was thinking of heading north too, actually.”
“Why would you want to go north? It's a wasteland,” he said, without turning around.
“That's pretty much why. I'm tired of having to survive day by day. I want to settle down somewhere. Everyone avoids north because it gets colder, but I know all about canning and growing. Keeping warm is easy. I've been collecting seeds. I plan to take enough rations to get myself established somewhere while I plant, and then I'll be self sufficient. I won't have to worry about anything but protecting my own turf. Nobody else's rules.”
“You shouldn't go telling people stuff like that,” Jax said irritably. “What if they steal your seeds or your rations?”
She tried to hide a smile. He was looking out for her. He had no desire to steal from her, but he was worried that she'd trust people who would.
“We can share them if I go with you,” she said quietly. “I have enough for two. It was a good haul.”
The idea was tempting and he sighed, looking her up and down.
“You’d be better off keeping them for yourself. Why do you want to go with me so badly?”
She gave him a look that was all the answer he needed. Her beautiful face, her sad eyes, her strength. She was determined to start over and create the security that had been robbed from her by the virus. If they were together, he would feel obligated to protect her. Put himself into undue risk. But hadn't he been wishing, secretly, that he hadn't left her behind so rashly? Wasn't he considering what his life might be like with a companion? Now that they had found each other, what was the harm?
“I think, maybe, we could keep each other sane.”
He laughed, secretly eyeing her. She was endearing herself to him whether he liked it or not. He remembered the comfort he had found in her hands and knew in his heart that she was right. Even if it was more trouble to keep two people alive than one, there was something irreplaceable about being with another person.
“All right,” he said. “But save your rations. I'll re-stock mine on my own. Can I trust you to stay put while I'm gone?”
“Yes. But I can hunt too, you know.”
“No, I didn't know,” he said with a chuckle. “All right. Let's go. We'll have to keep quiet on this stretch, all right? Stay low, out of sight. I'm going to visit some old buddies of mine.”
“You're taking from Hex?” she asked in surprise.
“Actually I have a friend on the inside. She thought I got a raw deal and smuggles food out for me. Sometimes I get lucky. First aid supplies and things like that. I'm supposed to pick up tonight.”
She? Layne found herself bristling. It was irrational though, she knew it. He was allowed to have a girlfriend. It's not like knowing him for one day made them a couple. She had just been missing other people's company.
“Okay, well we can make camp and I'll wait for you there.”
“Great.”
They walked forward in silence, both of them happy but nervous. It was a big commitment, but maybe it would all work out for the best.
Chapter 8
They trudged through a neighborhood, carefully stepping over the broken pavement of the sidewalks. Plants had grown through the cracks, effectively shattering them, and Jax found himself missing the bicycle he used to have. He would have covered a lot more distance that way, but he had found early on that the bikes made you more vulnerable. All a tribe had to do was shoot an arrow into your tire and you would go sprawling, leaving you vulnerable to raids on your rations. Although he was tempted, he had learned his lesson.
Layne usually tried to avoid the broken suburban areas. They caused her grief to well up in her chest, seeing all of the destruction and desolation the virus had caused. Sometimes the contaminated would live in places like this, as if they wanted to be reminded of their shame for the rest of their lives. If they couldn't forget it, they might as well live in it. The broken dolls and shattered dreams suffocated her whenever she entered areas like this. It was common for most of the tribes to avoid them for the same reason. Jax seemed undeterred though, and walked slowly and cautiously, oblivious to her discomfort. It was the most direct path to the Hex compound, and he was set on it because it's what had always worked for him in the past.
He felt comfortable in the old neighborhoods. The nostalgia and memories would flood him like sad old friends, and he held onto them as they went, until they reached the house he had always used as a base during these journeys.
“Stay here and keep quiet. No matter what you hear out there, don't move. You'll be safe. Don't leave the living room.”
She nodded and he left the house, heading toward the Hex compound. She watched him go with a knot in her heart. She wished she could go with him. It was painful to be parted for even just a moment. She had met other people on the road before, given them help, camped with them, but none of them affected her this way. What was different about Jax?
She poked around the living room, trying to fight off the chill she got whenever she was near the relics of the dead. Their values had sure deserted them, she thought. This family had been well off financially, but death brought them down to the same level as everybody else. She gazed at the walls. Picture frames had once decorated them, but somebody, probably Jax, had taken them off the walls, leaving pale squares where they once belonged. They were piled neatly on the floor, face down, and she sighed, debating whether or not she wanted to put a face to the tragic fate of the people whose couch she was perched upon.
Her curiosity eventually won over and she looked at the pictures, tears in her eyes. Her mind replayed the chaos of the first few years after the virus struck and she ran to the door, barely making it before she vomited.
***
Jax didn't return until after dark, and when he did he found Layne curled up on the couch, her arms around herself. Her eyes were closed and she was sleeping so deeply he almost feared that she had died somehow. Tobi had come through, providing him with two weeks worth of food and medical supplies. He’d told her about Layne and she'd winked at him and rummaged around for a bottle of wine from her own stash.
He watched Layne sleep before yawning deeply himself. He always slept well in this house. It had belonged to his aunt and uncle, and he knew that they would have welcomed him. He collapsed onto the couch opposite Layne and joined her in the realm of dreams. When he woke up, she was still sleeping. Finally, she roused as he began to chew through his breakfast.
“How is your girlfriend?” she mumbled, wiping sleep from her eyes. She looked cute and unassuming when she woke up, and Jax grinned.
“Girlfriend? Tobi’s a lesbian in a happy, committed relationship. But she's good, thanks for asking.”
The “thanks” thrown into his sentence made them both pause, flinching as if awaiting the axe to fall. But they were together and nothing happened.
“I made some calculations,” Layne said. “There was an atlas under the coffee table. I think it would take two weeks to get to where I want to be.”
“That's not bad,” he said, chewing thoughtfully. “We should head out soon. Did you rest well?”
“Yeah,” she said, smiling at him. He swallowed hard, unable to take his eyes off of her. There was something magnetic about Layne, something he couldn't get enough of. If he could drink her in all day, he would. Even throughout the tragedy, he'd never responded so deeply to a woman. He'd wondered if there was something wrong with him, and found the way Jonathan had abandoned him even more unforgivable because of it.
They headed out, spending the next week slowly getting to know each other. Jax was the strong, silent type, and Layne slowly drew him out of his shell. Soon, they were laughing and speaking to one another as if they had been friends for centuries. It was the happiest either of them had been in years.
One night, Layne surprised him by disappearing. His heart thudded painfully in hi
s chest with fear, until she re-emerged holding a dead rabbit out to him. He ignored the offer and scooped Layne into his arms, his fear and panic turning from a flash of anger to the sudden realization that he wouldn't want to go on without her. She let him hold her, pressing her cool, comforting hands against his back and stroking slowly. The contact was soothing for both of them, and she promised never to disappear without word again. She would have lost her chance to catch the rabbit if she'd woken him up first.
He built a fire, hoping she couldn't see the tears glistening in his eyes, and helped her to cook the rabbit, serving her little pieces as they finished. She would eat and then feed him a piece as he turned the rabbit around over the fire on a stick, peeling off the finished parts for her to eat. They chewed silently together. Although he was grateful for the rabbit, he was still shaken up by his attachment to her.
“Jonathan left me for a woman,” he said suddenly, surprising both of them with the information.
“Why would he do that?” she asked with a frown.
“He was young and in love. I didn't like her. Refused to join her stupid tribe. So he did and left me.”
“That's terrible,” Layne said, her eyebrows furrowing. “What did you do?”
“I barely made it. I was really young. I didn't have half a chance until Hex found me. They helped me get rid of my past. But they couldn't get rid of Jonathan. Because he's still in the present, out there somewhere.”
“How do you know where he is?”
“He came back later. The woman's tribe was basically a cult. They were all insane, just like I told him they were. I swear they were baby eaters, just hoping for their cow to get pregnant so they could eat it. He apologized and asked me to leave with him. But in my mind he wasn't my family anymore – I just had Hex.”
They ate as he spoke, the fire crackling between them as he unveiled his painful memories.
