by Selena Kitt
Lillian moaned, rubbed her eyes to feign waking. “What? Is something wrong?”
“Oh, Cappa, you should have been there. The women wore bright colored gowns. Oh, so pretty. One day, I’ll have a red one. Master Waldkins was so handsome in his black evening suit. He danced with no one but this unknown girl. She was like a princess in her pink dress, her hair—”
“Emma, slow down.”
Emma reached out and grabbed her hand. “Oh you shoulda been there. He kissed her in front of all. It put dancing butterflies in my belly. Then she ran and he ran after her, calling her Annie. You remember when he came to the house asking for her?” She sighed. “I’m sure he would have left the party if his father hadn’t stopped him.” Emma shook her head. “Sad in a way, but he refused all other dances after that.”
“Seems rude of him,” Lillian said, but inside, it warmed her to know he’d held no one else.
Mable came in. “All right girls. Off to sleep now. We have but a few hours ’til we get the day on.”
“She shoulda been there, shouldn’t she, grandmother?”
“Emma, let her get back to sleep.”
“Tell her how Master Wadkins danced with a princess and no one else.”
“Now, Emma!”
“Yes ma’am.”
Snuggling down again, Lillian forced herself to sleep by convincing herself she had all day tomorrow to decide what to do.
* * * *
By the time the morning meal ended, Lillian wanted to scream for Emma to be quiet about the night before. The incessant chatter bothered her more than usual, giving pain to her head. Soon, Mable sent the girl and others who’d attended the event to rest, leaving the both of them to get on with preparing the mid-day meal. The older woman informed her, the house would then sleep until dinner.
Lillian’s mind escaped the task of her hands set on coming up with a way to alter her dress, for maybe she’d attend the last dance. If only she had a sewing kit, she might remove the sleeves, the excess skirting, and make a sash for a different look. It’d take days to transform it into something presentable, even for a seamstress.
“Where’s your mind, girl?”
Lillian jumped. She looked down and saw she’d put the peels in the with the potatoes rather than the potato. “I’m sorry,” she said while picking out the skins.
“You’re young, you should go tonight. If for no other reason than to keep Emma quiet so we may sleep.”
“I’ve no real need to go.”
“We none do, but it’s time off.”
“I’ve not earned the time.”
“You work hard, you earn”
Lillian stood, lifting the pot of potatoes and set it in the sink to cover them with water before putting it on the fire. “I wouldn’t want to shame Mr. Hammond,” she said, wiping down the table. “Next year, maybe I’ll have a dress to wear. I will stay and bake pies for tomorrow.” She pulled over the bushel of corn to shuck, not expecting Mable to say more about it.
Later, when Lillian had reason to be outside, she sat on an old milk stool. She breathed in the air, hot and moist. A swim in the creek sounded good. Maybe later, once they all left, she could sneak away and bathe.
She closed her eyes and Samuel’s handsome face appeared. His young, carefree smile framed with dark hair and gray eyes which darkened when he wanted her. The stutter beat of her heart drew a hand to lay over it. If only things were different.
Sighing, she decided there was no sense in feeling sorry to have lost the life she knew. The future, the now, is what needed tending, especially if she were with child, as her lack of monthly cycles indicated. Shaking her head, she told herself not to dwell on what to do. There’d be time enough when she learned for sure. Tomorrow when she went to town for supplies, she’d slip away to see the doctor in Littleton. There no one would know her to be the daughter Barrister Basford. For now, work needed tended. She rose to return to the kitchen.
“Lil, follow me,” Mable said with sternness.
Lillian obeyed, wondering if she’d dawdled too long. She followed her into their quarters where she saw a dress laid out on her cot. Confused, she walked over and picked it up.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know where this came from,” she said, assuming Mable thought she’d stolen it.
Chapter Four
“I put it there. My waist outgrew it time back. If you hurry to take it in, you’ll go tonight,” Mable informed her.
Lillian felt the sting of tears behind her eyes. No one had ever been so generous before. She gave the woman a hug. “Thank you. Thank you!”
The woman handed her a small basket. “Use what you need.”
Mable left her alone and she hurried out of the dress belonging to Emma. Pulling on the larger dress, she whispered, “Oh, my.” The dress needed much work to fit. She took it off and laid it out on the bed to study. Basic sewing and accessory projects she was capable of tackling, but this task…air whooshed from her lungs. Time was not on her side. However, it didn’t need to be fancy, only to fit, she told herself.
By the time Lillian finished and stood with the altered dress on, she wished for a mirror to see how it really looked. Her stitches weren’t perfect, but it’d have to do.
She gathered the fabric she’d cut from the dress and put Mable’s sewing basket on her cot when an idea hit her. She could use the scraps to change the look of her own dress. The color wasn’t too far off from the pale pink. It would compliment it. Spreading the strips out on the cot, she stood with her fingers pressed to her lips, pondering ideas.
Nodding, she pulled her dress from its hiding place and held it up. First, she looked at the front, then the back, before putting her vision to the fabric. She shortened the longer sleeves of the dress and edged them with a band of the servant fabric then, holding her breath, she cut a section from the back of the skirt to narrow it to conform with the current trend of evening wear.
Lillian worked as fast as she could, again, using small basting stitches. When she finished, she held the dress up. She smiled, thrilled with the outcome. The two fabrics rounding the waist to stream down the back was a good idea. Taking care to fold and return it to the hiding place under the cot, she wondered now about a mask. What could she do with the bit of scraps left?
The door opened and she closed her eyes for a moment, relieved she hadn’t been caught doing her own dress. She turned around to see Emma.
“Grandmother said she gave you a dress so you could come tonight.”
“Yes. I took it in some.”
Emma kneeled and all but crawled under her own cot. Pushing herself out, she stood. “It’s a masquerade, so you need a fan. No one pays us mind, so most don’t wear masks.”
Emma handed her a bamboo fan with floral artwork on it. “It’s beautiful. I shall take care.”
“It’s going to be fun. You’ll see.”
She set the fan on the dress she’d wear in a short time. “We should return to the kitchen.”
* * * *
The servants arrived at the Waldkins’ home among a scurry of others. The enthusiasm filled Lillian with hope of an enjoyable night. She stayed with the servants of the Hammond household, hoping she didn’t forget her place or happen across staff of her father’s house.
In the great room, she went along the wall and stood as one of them, but with the fan covering most of her face while she scanned the room. Not many of the area houses had arrived yet. They’d want to make their entrances after the hosts. This, she understood from her sisters telling of previous events.
When the room quieted, she turned and watched their hosts enter. They were welcomed with respectable appreciation.
Emma spoke into her ear. “A looker, huh?”
“He’s handsome, yes.” She watched Samuel scan the room as he followed his parents across the floor they’d danced on.
Guests began to enter. Among them, her father, looking sharp in his black suit, escorting her sisters. Did he give her a thought tonight? Did he
realize he would have had her on his arm for the first time?
She watched them greet their hosts while her stomach knotted at the way Elizabeth, her eldest sister, leaned into Samuel and held her hand out to him. He politely took the tips of her fingers and brushed his lips over her gloved hand. Gwen moved in, doing the same. The two were always competitive, and never had a problem boasting of how they were closer to his twenty-four years than she was. Still, this wasn’t an affair where a wife was being sought.
Samuel’s face reddened though he laughed at whatever Gwen had said then he leaned over and whispered in her ear. Giggling reached Lil’s ears and she realized how much she’d missed her sister. An ache squeezed her heart and she looked around for an escape path to leave the show before her. If she didn’t, she’d rush up to them, hugging her sisters and begging her father to forgive her. It could not be.
She left her group to follow others. Some who went through a doorway were from her father’s house, so she went beyond and through an outside door. Finding a bench away from the doors, she sat. Gazing at the stars twinkling in the sky around the brightest moon, she felt moisture slip down her cheek and brushed it away.
Footsteps came near, but she remained seated. If she did not move, she might go unnoticed. A man passed her by to stand at the rail surrounding the outdoor sitting. Samuel, she saw in the moonlight. For minutes, he stood quiet, looking out into the night she supposed.
“Please come, my Annie,” he said.
Lillian held her breath. She should slip away, but she couldn’t. The sadness in his voice kept her still.
He sighed and gripped the wooden rail. “Why doesn’t she come? Why don’t I know where to find her?”
The frustration in his quiet voice tore at her heart. She sniffled before she realized she would. This small sound drew him around almost before she remembered the fan to shield her face. “I’m sorry, Master Waldkins. I did not mean to disrupt.”
“You shouldn’t come and sit where another is taking a private moment.”
“I would not, but I was already here, sir.” She stood to leave. “I will leave you to your wishes.”
“No. Stay.”
She could not see his face, but didn’t need light to know his eyes bore into her. What he could see in only the moonlight, she could not say, but tingles raced through her.
“Who do you serve?”
“The Hammond household.”
“Hmm.”
Scurrying feet rushed up on them. “Cappa, you must come. Grandmother’s been huntin’ you.”
“Yes,” she said as she rose.
“No, stay. She’ll be along,” he said to Emma.
“Yes, sir.”
“I shouldn’t…”
“Cappa, why does she call you this?”
“I mustn’t bore you, sir.”
“Please.”
“It is not right for me to speak with you.” She heard footsteps and wondered if Mable came for her out of displeasure.
“Do you not have a proper name?”
“I’m called Lil. Excuse me, I must return to my group,” she said, turning to hurry off, but he grabbed her arm and she faltered. The warmth of his fingers stoked the embers that never died out where he was concerned.
“Please, do you know of an Annie in any service?”
She couldn’t lie to him. “I know of her.”
“Where would I find her?”
“I mustn’t, it’s not my—”
“Excuse me, sir, your father’s requesting your presence,” said one of the house’s servants rushing up on them.
“I’ll be along,” Samuel responded. “Tell me where I can find her,” he said, returning his attention to her.
“Sir, I cannot. I’d lose my place.”
“Get a message to her to come tomorrow night.”
“I’ll try, but—”
“Excuse me. I must see to my father’s request,” he said when they heard a throat clearing sound. He walked off then returned. “I will have my father talk with Hammond and employ you here.” Then he was off again.
She stood for a moment past his exit. It was clear things might soon fall in on them, causing a scandal for his family, and hers. She hurried back to where she belonged, enduring the stern look Mable gave her. There would no doubt be extra chores and the chances of needing to excuse herself from coming along with them tomorrow evening unneeded. Still, she must attend the final dance. She must have a moment with Samuel to set things right. To assure him he must give her up. She must be strong for them both.
A nudge to her shoulder brought her back from the plan of how the next night should be when boredom set her mind astray.
“It’s time to go,” Mable told her.
She nodded, realizing much time had passed, then turned to follow Emma toward the door.
* * * *
On the return trip from obtaining supplies in Littleton, Mable commented, “You took a while in Doctor Victor’s.”
Lillian didn’t cast her a glance. “He was chatty.” The truth was, she’d asked him to confirm or deny if Samuel’s seed had blossomed. He did and she left with the medicine for Mrs. Hammond who was feeling poor.
“Your mind’s been gone since. He didn’t give you cause to be backward, did he? He can be abrasive.”
“He’s wasn’t.” Lillian didn’t want to talk about it. For all her knowing, she didn’t know what to feel, much less do. She wished her mother were around to tell her what to do. If things had been different—but in the back of her mind, she knew if they had, all this would be for naught.
For all her contemplating as the day wore on, Lillian left for the dance no better minded as to what to do. It would not be long for all to see she was with child, but what she should do about Samuel weighed heavy. No well-standing parents wanted others to know of a child between theirs and a servant, even if she came from standing prior.
Lillian prayed for guidance as she stood in the entrance of the room full of people, her nerves wreaking havoc with her belly. Eyes turned her way, bodies seemed to part and there he stood, handsome and proud. A slow smile came to his face and she went to him before she realized her feet had moved.
He took her hands in his. “I feared you wouldn’t come this night as well.”
“I don’t think you’d have missed me with all the willing.”
He laughed, a hearty sound, and pulled her into a waltz, smooth, practiced and familiar as it’d been the other night. The move, however, was no more than a ruse to take her across the room where he eased her out onto the terrace. The air filled with fragrant scents of the fall flowers and leaves wafting around her.
He caressed her cheek with soft fingers, easing over the corners of the mask she wore. “Please, may I remove it?”
“And spoil the mystery it serves?” she asked with a lightness she hoped he bought into.
“But I’ve seen you. I want to see you again.”
“When the time is right.”
“If this is your wish,” he conceded.
His lips came down quick and brushed hers, then were gone.
She searched his face, and knew she could not leave without his knowing of their child and the reassurance she would ask nothing of him. “We must talk.”
“Talk, yes. Annie…”
Samuel’s arms came around her as his mouth took hers with tenderness, yet she sensed his hunger. Shivers swept through her.
They parted and he rested his forehead against hers. “Shall we go for a walk?”
“Please.” A walk would not cool the fire he was adept at flaming deep in her body, but it would it take them away from those who would watch and gossip.
He led her to the steps she’d not yet seen and they walked a path toward the gardens. Samuel stopped, turning to face her. “Annie, don’t run out on me tonight. Stay. Stay with me through the night.”
Chapter Five
“It cannot be,” Lillian said, her voice carrying the sadness she felt.
“These snatches of time aren’t enough.”
He pulled something from his pocket and picked up her hand. She watched in stunned silence as he slipped a ring onto her finger. “I want to claim your hand.”
“Samuel, you can’t possibly.”
“I dream of you. I wake and reach for you and you’re not there. I think of you when I should be reading contracts. I search for you and no one knows you.”
“It’s as it should be,” she said, now second-guessing her decision to tell him.
“I’ve heard when love strikes, you either don’t recognize it or you know it. I know it. Annie, I love you.”
“You mustn’t.” She yanked her hand from his and started to run away, but he caught up and turned her to face him.
Samuel let go of her arms and cradled her face. “You have feelings for me?”
“I do, but—”
“Then let them guide you.”
“There’s not been time to trust what came upon us. We aren’t of the same stand. We don’t know…there are consequences…” She hesitated, then continued, “Please let me tell you what might not be settling for you to hear.”
“Annie, the only unsettling thing you can say is that you don’t love me. And I’d know it to be a lie.”
Lillian closed her eyes and opened her mouth to free him. “I’m going to have—” His mouth cut her off and she pushed against him, but he held her tight to his body. She gave in to the hunger, winding her arms about his neck. A moan slipped from her into him and his hands tightened.
On its own accord, her body pressed into him, her womanhood burning with need for his touch. A floating feeling came over her, but she hung onto the magic happening between them with only their mouths fused like a stud with a mare.
Samuel raised his head, causing her eyes to open. She saw the sky, the flickering stars as he gazed down at her. Caressing his cheek, she ran her tongue over her lips. His taste lingered and her belly quivered.
“I so want to see all of you, ravage every inch of skin,” he whispered while his hand worked at her buttons. Her body lurched as he skimmed the undergarment covering her breasts. “We must talk,” she said as her fingers defied her mind and undid the buttons of his shirt.
