Their weekend trip had been fantastic, and although Mackenzie didn’t want to head back to Iron Ridge – back to reality – she was aware their time together was nearly over. She only hoped sometime between now and arriving home, Nathan would broach the subject of their relationship again. He’d promised the kisses weren’t one-offs, and he’d even said he was falling in love with her, but where did that leave them? Would she be updating her Facebook status when she got back?
Twenty minutes from Iron Ridge Nathan’s phone rang. He handed it to her.
“It’s Kate,” Mackenzie said, seeing his sister’s name on the screen.
He glanced across at Mackenzie with a cheeky grin. “Go ahead. You answer it. Put her on speaker. This could be a bit of fun.”
She pressed the button on his phone and answered the call. “Hey Kate, it’s Mackenzie.”
“Hi, sis,” Nathan said at the same time.
There was a heartbeat of silence, then, “Hi guys.”
Mackenzie heard the mix of confusion and curiosity in Kate’s voice. She laughed loudly. “Hey Kate. I’m with Nathan. He’s driving. You’re on speaker phone.”
“Oh! You two obviously managed to meet up. Why didn’t either of you tell me?”
Mackenzie snuck a quick look at Nathan. What was he going to say?
“Can’t tell you all my secrets, sis,” he said with a smirk. “So, what’s up? What advice do you need this time?”
Mackenzie laughed again. She knew Kate always used the ruse of calling for advice when she wanted to catch up with her brother.
“Well …” Kate drawled. “Maybe you and Mackenzie could give Joel and me some advice on baby names!”
Mackenzie looked across at Nathan as understanding dawned for both of them at the same time.
“What did you just say?” Nathan asked.
“You heard me!” Kate giggled down the phone line. “I’m pregnant!”
Mackenzie let out a small shriek and clapped her hands together in delight. “Oh, Kate, that’s such exciting news. Congrats. Wow. You guys must be so happy.”
“I am,” Kate said, “although I must say it was a bit of a surprise. I didn’t think it would happen so quickly. I’m thrilled, but Joel, not so much.”
Mackenzie frowned and looked at Nathan. He was scowling too.
“What do you mean? Doesn’t he want the baby?” Nathan asked.
Mackenzie remembered Kate telling of her heartbreak after losing her first baby.
“Oh, no, don’t misunderstand me. Joel’s excited about the baby, he’s just a bit scared about becoming a dad so soon after we’ve got married. I mean this time last year we’d only just met.”
“You guys will be fine,” Nathan reassured his sister. “You love each other like crazy.”
“How many weeks are you?” Mackenzie asked.
“Thirteen,” Kate answered. “We had the ultrasound last week and everything looks good. The baby is healthy – ten fingers and ten toes.”
“And are you well?” Nathan asked.
There was a long pause. Mackenzie felt her pulse race in alarm.
“Hmm. No. Not really,” Kate said.
“What’s wrong?” Nathan asked, his brows furrowed again with concern.
“I’ve been as sick as a dog since day one.”
“Morning sickness?” Mackenzie asked.
“More like all day sickness,” Kate replied.
“But it should stop now you’re past the first trimester,” Mackenzie said. It was more a statement than a question.
“You’d hope so, but I’ve got hyperemesis gravidium.”
“Oh, you poor thing. That sucks,” Mackenzie said. Nathan glanced at her with another confused expression on his face. “Severe nausea and vomiting,” Mackenzie explained. “Like Kate Middleton.”
“Kate who?” he asked.
“Princess Kate,” Kate said with a chuckle at the other end of the phone.
“Who’s a princess?” Nathan said, shaking his head as he tried to follow their conversation.
Kate giggled. “Can you explain it to him, Mackenzie?”
“Sure. So, what are they giving you for it?”
“I’ve tried Maxalon and Ondansetron, but neither have worked. I’ve been hospitalized twice already for twenty-four hours of IV fluids.”
“That sounds serious,” Nathan said. He had paled significantly. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? If I’d known you were so sick I would have come home.”
“It can be serious,” Mackenzie agreed, “but I’m sure Kate and the baby are fine.”
“Is the baby okay?” he asked.
“Absolutely. The baby is doing great. However, at the rate I’m going I’ll have to use up all my sick leave. It’s added a lot of stress on Joel because he’s still trying to run the café in town and the farm too.”
“When are you due?” Nathan asked.
“Not until March. I’m due the same day as our first wedding anniversary. Of course only ten percent of babies arrive on their due date so I’m not counting on it happening then.”
“Do you think it will be a girl or boy?” Mackenzie asked.
“No idea, and we don’t mind.”
“Will you tell people when you find out, or keep it a surprise?” Nathan asked.
“I’d say we’ll probably keep it a secret,” Kate said. “And speaking of secrets, are you two keeping a secret from me?”
Mackenzie peeked at Nathan beneath partially closed lashes. He turned briefly to her and grinned before focusing his attention back on the road in front of him. What was he going to say?
“Um, no, I don’t think so. Kenzie are there any secrets you’re keeping from my sister?”
“Ah, no, no secrets,” Mackenzie agreed with a smirk.
“So what have you two been up to then?” Kate asked, fishing for more information.
“Today?” Nathan asked. “Or do you mean generally?”
“Well, no. Not just today. But what are you doing together right now?” Kate asked.
“Right now? Oh, we’re just driving around checking out the great Australian bush,” Nathan answered nonchalantly, trying to maintain a straight face. “Kenz wanted a taste of the real Aussie Outback.”
“Oh, stop teasing, Nath. Are you guys, like …” Kate paused. “Seeing each other?”
Nathan didn’t hesitate with his reply. “I suppose you could say I’m seeing lots of Mackenzie,” he answered with a poker face. “Right now she’s sitting right next to me!”
Kate groaned at the joke and they all laughed.
“We’re actually on our way back from a weekend hiking and camping trip in one of the national parks out here,” Mackenzie answered.
“Seriously? Hiking and camping? You?”
Mackenzie laughed. “I know. Don’t sound so shocked. I know I’m not generally the outdoorsy type, but it was incredible.”
“It was awesome,” Nathan agreed. “I took Mackenzie out to Fortescue Falls and we went swimming in an endless swimming pool which would rival anything at any Hyatt hotel. We’re on our way back from Wittenoon Gorge now.”
“Sounds amazing. You said you camped overnight? Like in a tent?”
“We slept in swags,” Mackenzie said. “Separate swags,” she quickly clarified. Her cheeks felt hot at the realization she wished they had slept in the same swag. Maybe next time.
“So what else did you get up to?” Kate pressed. She was like a dog with a bone, as though she knew there was something they weren’t telling her.
“There may have been some kissing,” Nathan whispered to Mackenzie as he brought her hand to his lips.
She blushed to the roots of her hair and her stomach knotted in pleasure.
“What did you just say?” Kate demanded. “Did you say something about kissing?”
Mackenzie worked hard to stifle a giggle. Her friend was so pushy. No wonder Nathan hadn’t told his sister how much time they were spending together. Neither of them would have heard the end of it.
If Kate had her way, she would have them walking down the aisle by Christmas.
“Maybe,” he teased. “But sometimes the phone coverage isn’t very good out here, so you might not have heard everything.”
Kate laughed. Her final words before she disconnected the call was, “Mackenzie Jones, call me!”
Chapter 18
Mackenzie’s heart was heavy. She hated celebrating her birthday. She’d wanted to turn thirty-six without fanfare, but Nathan had surprised her by picking her up from work and bringing her back to his place for dinner. After making and devouring gourmet homemade pizzas, they cleaned up the kitchen and Nathan made coffee.
Nathan handed her cup to her before sinking into the couch. “I get the impression this hasn’t been the happiest of birthdays for you.”
She hesitated with the cup halfway to her lips. “I’m sorry, Nathan. I don’t want to appear ungrateful. Dinner was beautiful and it was so sweet of you spoiling me like this.” Mackenzie fingered the small opal pendant that now hung around her neck. She hadn’t expected a gift and was surprised by his generosity.
“But …”
“No buts.” She leaned back against the cushions. “Don’t mind me. Every year I get like this. My friends call it the birthday doldrums.” She forced a smile. “I just don’t like getting old.”
“You’re not old!”
She shrugged and willed herself not to cry. “Most people my age have been married for years and already have kids. My biological clock ticks loudly, especially on my birthday.” A flush burned across her cheeks. Staring down at her entwined fingers she mumbled, “I’m sorry. You’d think at my age I’d be old enough to control my emotions and not be so uptight about being single.”
“So what made you go into nursing?”
Like a swinging boom on a yacht, Nathan’s question almost hit her in the side of the head. She was so unprepared for the innocent enquiry that it made her totally forget about her birthday.
Mackenzie’s mum had been gone for nearly eighteen years, but for some reason Nathan’s question made the pain feel as fresh as though it was the day before. Mackenzie closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling and as she did, the memories instantly rushed up to greet her. The sound of her mum’s voice, never raised, the sweet fruity smell of her perfume.
“I decided to become a nurse after my mum died,” she answered softly.
Nathan looked at her in stunned silence. She rarely, if ever, talked about her personal life, but Nathan made her feel comfortable, as though she’d known him forever. She also knew if their relationship was going to deepen, it was time to trust him with her family secrets.
Nathan leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “Oh Mackenzie, I’m sorry, I didn’t know your mother was – um – had passed away. Was she a nurse too?”
“No.” It came out barely more than a whisper.
“What happened? Cancer?”
She shook her head.
He looked at her expectantly, eyebrows raised, the gold in his brown eyes more noticeable than ever.
She sucked in a deep breath. “I guess I should start at the beginning.” Tucking her legs underneath her, she searched for a more comfortable position on the couch. “I grew up in a little town in the middle of New South Wales called Willandara. You’ll be lucky to find it on any map, but basically it’s in the middle of the state, two hours west of Dubbo. With a population of a little over three hundred and forty-three people, you can imagine everyone knows everyone else. Come to think of it, everyone is actually related to everyone else!” She tried to laugh, but it came out sounding strangled. Nathan nodded, encouraging her to continue. “My father was the primary school principal, which was kind of ironic, given he didn’t like kids. Although to be fair, it wasn’t always that way, only after Mum died.”
She was jumping all over the place with her story but Nathan listened carefully. Mackenzie appreciated the way he didn’t butt in, instead letting her waffle at her own pace.
“Sorry. I’m not explaining it very well. My parents met when Mum took a position at the school as the kindergarten teacher. It was her first teaching job. She was from nearby Condobolin, about an hour and a half away. He was a third generation local. Born and bred in town and by then the town’s confirmed bachelor. He was a forty-one-year-old man who had never been in love. She was a fresh-faced twenty-two-year-old, straight out of university. It was supposedly the love story of the century. They met, fell instantly in love, married within weeks. I was born nine months later. Thirty-six years ago today. Mum returned to work soon after I was born. It was another eight years later before my sister arrived. By then I’d started school myself.” She let out a half smile. “You should see the photos. I was the cutest little kid back then!”
“That doesn’t surprise me. You’re still pretty cute.”
Nathan nudged her legs with his foot and Mackenzie blushed. She still wasn’t used to receiving his compliments.
“Anyway, my father always wanted a boy, but Mum kept having miscarriages. After I was born, she had seven miscarriages. I didn’t find that out until years later, after she was gone. You would think she would have given up trying, but she was desperate to give my father the son he wanted so badly. When Mum stopped teaching she found out she was pregnant with my sister. After that, the next four babies came in quick succession every two years, almost to the day. Her pregnancies were difficult though, and I remember she spent lots of time resting in bed.”
Nathan looked at her, eyes wide, shaking his head slightly. “Ah, that’s right. Now I remember you saying you had lots of sisters. What are their names?”
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Her father used to line them up in order of height when they were little and introduce them, like the Von Trapp family. She’d always resented it. She counted them on her fingers, reeling off their names in order.
“Well first there’s me. Then Cameron. She’s been married to Ned for about ten years. And Riley, married to Will. Jordan is married to Angus. Then there’s Taylor. She’s married to Blake. And finally the baby, Bailey. She only recently turned twenty, so there’s a big age gap between us. She got married last year to Alexander. I won’t give you all their kids’ names – there’s too many to count.”
Mackenzie saw him frown in confusion. He was about to speak but she cut him off. She knew exactly what he was about to ask. “Yes,” she drawled, with a half smile. “We all have boys’ names.”
He chuckled and gave a slight shake of his head. “I was going to ask.”
“Yep. Cameron, Riley, Jordan, Taylor, Bailey. And me.”
“So, no boys after all that?”
Mackenzie sighed deeply, debating how much more to tell him. “No. Dad never got his son.”
Nathan reached out to touch her arm. “So what happened? How did your mum die?”
The way he asked was like a soothing balm to her wounded soul.
“Mum had a post-partum hemorrhage.” Even as she said the words, the dull ache of pain squeezed her heart again. “She bled to death. The baby was stillborn.”
Nathan’s face paled. There was a heavy silence between them.
“And let me guess. The baby was a boy?” he eventually asked.
Mackenzie nodded. “Yeah. My father got his boy. But in the process he lost both his son and his wife.”
Unable to keep looking at him, Mackenzie stood, feeling hot and trapped in the small room.
“That must have been so hard on your dad. And on you.” His voice was gentle.
She stood stock still, staring unseeingly out the window with her back to him. She was not going to cry in front of him. She heard him change position on the couch but didn’t turn around to face him.
“It was Christmas Eve,” she said softly, remembering it as though it was only the day before. “Mum wanted me there at the birth. I had recently turned eighteen. Cam was only ten, almost eleven, Bailey hadn’t even turned two. My baby brother was nearly four weeks early and bl
ue when he was born, the cord wrapped tightly around his tiny neck. Mum started to bleed and the nurse couldn’t stop it. She went into shock and died in her bedroom.”
She sensed movement behind her as Nathan got up from the couch and came to stand behind her. His hands rested loosely on her shoulders. She didn’t pull away as he began to massage her neck and shoulders. She felt the warmth of his breath on her skin and inhaled deeply. The story wasn’t over and his gentle touch was giving her all the encouragement she needed to continue. It would be the first time she’d ever told anyone what had happened that night.
“They didn’t have an airstrip in Willandara back then. There was nowhere to land a plane, so there was no point calling the flying doctors. They never would have made it on time anyway. Certainly not for my baby brother and probably not for Mum. She died in her own bed surrounded by a pool of blood and my father’s tears.”
Nathan’s fingers and thumbs continued to knead her tight muscles and she willed herself to relax and keep talking.
“My father blamed me of course,” she continued, and heard Nathan’s sharp intake of breath. “Not the local nurse who acted as the midwife. Me. Because somehow I should have been able to deliver a baby and keep my mother alive.” She was aware of the sarcasm in her voice and hated herself for it. “After they died my father threw himself into campaigning for an airstrip to be built in town. He succeeded of course, but it was too late for Mum.”
Nathan turned her gently by the shoulders so that she faced him. Before she knew it she was crushed to his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. The rhythmic “lub-dub” beating of his heart beneath the thin cotton of his shirt made her feel safe and protected. The shirt was soft and smelled of washing powder mixed with the subtle smell of his aftershave and she inhaled deeply, taking it all in.
He pressed a kiss on the top of her head and his fingers smoothed back her messed up hair. She stiffened when she heard his intake of breath. What was he about to say? She’d never told anyone the whole story before. Had she shocked him? She held her breath, waiting. She didn’t want his sympathy.
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