“Where are you?”
“Iron Ridge.”
“Where? What?”
Mackenzie heard the confusion in Cameron’s voice. “In the Pilbara. Western Australia.”
There was a long beat of silence.
“What are you doing there?”
“Working.”
“Since when?”
There was hurt in Cameron’s voice and Mackenzie squeezed her eyes shut, once again bemoaning her lack of connection with her sisters. What sort of sister was she? It would not have been that difficult to send them a message to let them know where she was now living. She took a deep breath before she replied.
“I’ve been here since August. I was about to extend my contract for another six months.”
“But what about your job in Sydney?”
“I quit.”
“Why?”
“It’s a long story. What about if I fill you in later? It will probably take me a day or so to get there. There’s only one flight a day from here to Perth.”
Cameron’s reply was soft and full of dread. “I just hope he’s still alive by the time you arrive.”
Mackenzie heard silence and realized Cameron had hung up on her. She dropped the phone on the kitchen table and looked at Nathan, her vision blurred.
“I have to go home.”
Chapter 20
It took almost twenty-four hours to get everything in order. She’d only slept for five short hours since the phone call from her sisters and was functioning on adrenaline alone. Unexpectedly, and not by choice, not even three months since her experience in the Pilbara began, it was all over.
Once she had contacted the nursing agency and explained the situation, they helped arrange her flights back to Sydney and assured her they would find someone to take over her contract for two weeks until Doc arrived back from the UK. She said hurried good-byes to her new friends and stuffed her belongings into her cases, not taking any care with her packing. If there was anything left behind, Charlotte could keep it. Mackenzie had no idea if she would ever be back in Iron Ridge.
Taking the job was the best decision she had ever made, but the choice of what to do next had just been removed. She was devastated to be leaving. To some people Iron Ridge was simply a mound of red dirt swarming with tradespeople like ants, but she had loved every minute of living and working there. Most people had left their city lifestyles and headed there to make their fortune, but for Mackenzie it was more about gaining a new outlook on life. Her time there had done that. It had helped her get her focus back and taught her how to relax and take each day as it came. There was no pressure to keep up with the Joneses, no pressure to be constantly busy like there was in Sydney. Here she had found a place where she’d met real people in real Australia. Plus, it was the place she’d found Nathan.
Since the phone call from Bailey and Cameron, Mackenzie had deliberately pushed Nathan aside. One minute they were talking about a possible future together in Birrangulla, and the next minute she was preparing to fly east to see the family she didn’t want to see. She was heading into a time of massive uncertainty and there was no way Nathan could be part of that.
Nathan kept asking why she was being such a defeatist about the whole thing. He reminded her that Birrangulla and Willandara were both in the same state and they’d only be a few hours’ drive apart. In his opinion, they could “work it out,” but Mackenzie refused to consider a long-distant relationship. In the end she had no answer for him other than she didn’t want to burden him with her dad’s illness and all her family problems. Mackenzie was glad when he finally gave up asking her to try, but mostly all she felt was bitter disappointment that their relationship was going to end this way when it had just gotten started.
The doorbell rang and she jumped, even though she knew it would be him. She went to the door and he stood there, ready to take her to the airport. Sadness flooded her at the thought of having to say good-bye to him in an hour’s time.
“You could have come in,” she said quietly as she held the screen door open for him. She tried to smile, but it felt forced. “You know it’s never locked.”
He shrugged and gave her a look she couldn’t quite interpret. Uncertainty? “Are you ready?”
“As ready as I can be,” she said, indicating her suitcases, packed and standing side by side in the middle of the lounge room.
He grabbed them, picking them up effortlessly and not even commenting on how much they weighed. He walked silently past her out to his car. She followed him and stepped out the front door.
Half a dozen cows grazed on her neighbor’s front lawn in the early dawn silence. They looked up as one and then dropped their heads back down, ignoring her to continue to pull at the grass. Walking past them, Mackenzie realized how quickly she’d acclimatized to living in Iron Ridge in such a short period of time. There was very little about life in the Outback that made her raise an eyebrow anymore, and seeing wild cattle roam the streets no longer surprised her. She glanced again at the cows and sighed deeply. She would miss them.
Nathan loaded her bags before helping her climb into the cab of his car. She had to work hard to ignore the way the touch of his hand was so familiar. They traveled in silence for the entire ten-minute drive to the airport and never had the short trip taken so long, or the Outback seemed so vast.
A storm had passed through during the night but the rain had already soaked deep into the ground and there was no evidence of where it had fallen. Mackenzie kept her face turned to the left, staring out the window, taking everything in, knowing it was probably the last time she’d see the desert landscape she’d grown to love. The occasional tear trickled down her cheek and she wiped them away carefully, hoping Nathan didn’t realize she was crying. It was going to be impossibly hard to say good-bye – not only to Iron Ridge, but to him. Probably the hardest thing she’d ever done since leaving Willandara. She eyed the vast expanse of openness again and exhaled softly. That’s how her life would be now without Nathan. Empty. The way it had been for years.
“I’m sorry,” Mackenzie said, once they pulled up at the airport. “I’m such an emotional mess.” She dashed at another tear that threatened to fall and embarrass her. She opened the door almost before the car had come to a standstill, ready to climb out when Nathan reached across and grabbed her hand.
“You’re not a mess, Kenz.” The look he gave her nearly melted her heart.
She was so conflicted. She wanted to stay, wanted him to come with her, wanted to go with him.
“You’ve got a lot on your mind. I’d say it’s pretty normal how you’re feeling right now.”
“Thanks, Nath.”
He didn’t reply, but released her hand slowly and pushed open his door. He came around to her side and helped her down.
“You don’t have to see me inside,” she said. “I’ll be okay on my own from here.”
“I’m coming with you.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I’m on the same flight. We’re flying to Sydney together.”
Still confused, she gazed at him. How had he managed to arrange that so quickly? “And then what?”
“We’ve got a few hours to come up with a plan.” He shrugged. “Birrangulla’s not far from Dubbo. Maybe …” He didn’t finish his sentence, but looked at her with a face full of hope.
She shook her head in frustration. How many times did she have to tell him it wasn’t going to work?
“No, Nathan. Please. I can’t go with you. First I have to get to Dubbo and then, depending on what happens there, I’ll need to go back home and make arrangements for Dad.”
That’s if he even makes it.
Her throat constricted at the thought and she pushed it aside. Now wasn’t the time to dwell on more negatives.
*
Nathan stretched his long legs out into the aisle and fell asleep within ten minutes of the plane beginning its steep climb into the clear blue skies. Mackenzie stared at his sle
eping form and at the long dark lashes that lay softly against his tanned face. His hair needed a trim. She wanted to reach over, touch his face and run her palms over his smooth skin, but she resisted. It was too late for whatever they might have been able to have together. He looked tired and she let him sleep, gazing instead out the window and reflecting on what was, and what was about to be. She must have dozed herself because when she woke, the plane was beginning its descent into Perth.
Hours later they arrived, tired and hungry, in Sydney. A light rain fell as the plane landed, running in rivulets down the tiny window and painting the entire landscape fifty shades of gray. Mackenzie didn’t care. The weather matched her mood perfectly.
Twenty minutes later she dragged her second case off the carousel and felt the heavy thump of it against her leg. After the quiet of the Outback, the noise in the airport was an assault to her ears. She had forgotten how busy the place was. They walked together slowly through the throng of people to the hire car desk, still hardly speaking. Mackenzie waited patiently while Nathan signed the paperwork for a small loan car. He had suggested they drive together the five hours from the airport to Birrangulla, then Mackenzie would drive another two hours on her own across to Dubbo. It wasn’t the most direct route, but it made good sense to travel together and share the cost of the hire car, and she’d agreed with him. She knew he was putting off the inevitable too. It was as though they both wanted to treasure every minute together.
Nathan allowed her to drive first and she drove carefully, negotiating the awful traffic through Sydney toward the Blue Mountains. In just three months she’d forgotten how much she hated driving in the city. It was a relief when she finally navigated her way through the hills on the outskirts of the city, but even then she couldn’t relax. The sun was setting and she had to keep alert, on a constant lookout for kangaroos.
The countryside was similar to where she’d grown up, and Mackenzie was filled with an unexpected sense of longing for Willandara. She clutched the steering wheel and stared out the front windscreen. Everything around her seemed familiar, reminding her of home. From the dirt driveways winding their way toward old farmhouses, to the rusty sheds, windmills, dry paddocks and all manner of dusty farm equipment she could see – even the group of horses that stood together, waiting patiently at a fence to be fed – everything jogged her memories of the past. For the first time ever, she couldn’t wait to get back to the old town she’d run away from and see if it had changed.
Sadness threatened to overwhelm her and she deliberately had to stop the direction of her thoughts. Pressing one of the buttons on the dashboard, music flooded the car. It was one of her favorite songs – by Coldplay – and she hummed along, not even caring if Nathan laughed at her terrible singing voice.
Seconds later he turned the volume down. “Don’t give up your day job, sweetie!”
“I’m not that bad.”
“You’re not going to win Australia’s Got Talent.”
He was trying to keep the mood between them light, but it wasn’t working.
There was a long stretch of silence before Nathan cleared his throat. “Can I say something?”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re going to anyway?” she asked.
“When you get to Dubbo you need to get all this stuff sorted out between you and your dad and your sisters. You know, talk to him and ask him why he blames you for your mum’s death.”
Her jaw tightened as sudden annoyance rose within her. Talking about her father always left her with an unpleasant taste in her mouth and a strange pain in the center of her heart. She gripped the steering wheel tighter, her knuckles turning white. “It is sorted.” She kept her eyes fixed to the road.
“Really? Are you sure?” Silence filled the space between them. The only sound was insects hitting the windscreen and the road noise of tires against asphalt. “I’m no psychologist, Kenz, but you’re holding onto all this pain from your childhood and it’s suffocating you. I think that’s why you’ve got these issues with how you see yourself. It’s not healthy. You need to let it go. I know you’re still hurting over your mum’s death – and Reuben’s – and I get that. That’s why your dad’s illness has knocked you for six. I think it would do you good to talk to someone about it. Maybe your sisters? Or you could talk to me.”
She exhaled in frustration. Trapped beside him in a small car traveling at a hundred kilometers an hour, there was nothing she could do except listen to him.
“It’s complicated, Nathan, and quite honestly I don’t want to talk about my father. Best to let sleeping dogs lie, especially now he’s sick. I’ll just get to Dubbo and decide what to do then. But I can tell you I’m not interested in re-hashing the past with him. I can’t see how it’s going to change anything.”
“How is it re-hashing the past? You told me you’ve never even brought it up with him the first time. You left after your mum and Reuben died and you’ve never been back home. You’ve never given your dad the opportunity to explain.”
“He’s had plenty of opportunities over the years.”
“But what if he dies and you’ve never had the chance to hear him say he’s sorry?”
“I don’t need to hear him say he’s sorry,” she snapped.
“Is that so?”
Mackenzie thought about his question. The truth was, she’d spent all of her adult life wishing she could turn back time. Wishing her mum and Reuben had lived. Then wishing her father had said he was sorry. How was talking about it now going to change things? It wouldn’t. Too much water had passed under the bridge and now pride and stubbornness would stop both Mackenzie and her father from moving toward each other in forgiveness.
She sighed heavily. “You’re probably right, Nath, but I don’t want to be the one to initiate the discussion, that’s all. Anyway, it hardly seems worth it after all these years. I’ve moved on and I’m sure he has too. I just have to focus on helping him recover.”
Neither spoke for another ten minutes. If it wasn’t for the fact that she heard him moving around in his seat occasionally, she would have thought Nathan had fallen asleep.
“Will you spend Christmas with your family this year? Maybe it would be a good time to talk to everyone then,” he said eventually. “Your dad will probably be much better by then.”
“Christmas is the worst time of year for our family,” she retorted, before immediately regretting her tone of voice.
“Oh, Mackenzie, of course. I’m so sorry. I forgot.”
She heard his remorse and again felt bad for snapping at him. “That’s okay,” she said, deliberately softening her voice. “Over the years most people have forgotten anyway.”
“What do you do as a family on Christmas Eve? Do you remember Reuben and your mum in any special way?”
“Not anymore. For the first few years after I left home I always spent the night quietly reflecting and going over photos. As the years passed and the memories of that night faded, I kept myself busy, usually working.”
“And Christmas Day? Do you ever celebrate with your family?”
“On and off over the years we have been together, but lately I’ve used work as an excuse. If I work, I can’t make it from Sydney to Dubbo for lunch or dinner. I doubt it bothers any of my sisters. They certainly haven’t complained about me not being there.”
There was another long stretch of silence between them filled with the haunting sounds of the music. Mackenzie wished she’d picked a more upbeat station.
“Kenz, would you spend Christmas with me this year?”
His request was so sweet.
“I don’t think I can, Nath. I don’t know where I’ll be at Christmas. You don’t know where you’ll be either. I could be anywhere and so could you. What if I’m back in Sydney and you’re back in Iron Ridge?”
“Then we pick a point directly in the middle and meet there for Christmas.”
He made it sound so easy.
She smiled despite feeling as though her heart was
splitting in half. “My sense of geography isn’t great, but halfway is probably Alice Springs.”
“So we’ll meet in Alice Springs if we have to. I would really like to spend Christmas with you. Say yes, please,” he begged.
She didn’t know why she was being so reticent. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to say yes and agree to spend Christmas together. It was still over a month away.
“All right. I promise to spend Christmas with you.”
Nathan reached over and caressed her cheek with the palm of his hand. “And I promise to help make it a Christmas you will remember forever. For all the right reasons.”
Chapter 21
It drizzled rain for the entire five-hour drive. Finally their headlights lit the large green road sign. They were almost in Birrangulla. The road twisted its way deep into a valley and Mackenzie got her first glimpse of the town – pinpricks of streetlights through the hazy mist. They crested another hill and then the road flattened out into a long stretch beneath massive elm trees that formed a long Avenue of Honor. Mackenzie recalled this strip of road from when she’d driven from Sydney to Birrangulla for Kate and Joel’s wedding. It seemed like just yesterday. Branches formed an archway over the road and small metal plaques at the base of each tree had been placed in remembrance of those who had fought or died during the Great War. As they came through the end of the planting of trees, Mackenzie caught sight of the small, white-painted timber cross – a sad reminder of the place where Joel O’Connor’s fiancée Rebecca was killed in a horrific hit and run four years earlier.
“Well, I guess this is it,” Mackenzie said five minutes later as Nathan pulled up at the motel he had booked and engaged the handbrake.
It was completely dark now and the temperature gauge on the car indicated it was only fifteen degrees outside. So much for it almost being summer.
Nathan reached over and turned off the music, plunging the car into sad silence. “You know it doesn’t have to be.”
Mackenzie rolled her shoulders where she was stiff from sitting in one place for so long. “Don’t say that, Nathan. Please. This is something I have to sort out for myself. I don’t know how long it’s going to take to get my father better and I can’t make you any promises about the future.” How many more times would she have to tell him?
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