Jennie and Riley left with Elyse, but Avelina wrapped her up in a tight embrace, and she sobbed into her arms.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ruari went to retrieve his own horse a short time after seeing Jennie and the others to the stables, but Aedan stepped in his path.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to see Juliana. If they have a message for her, I wish to hear it. I’ve given them enough time to speak with her privately, but I want to be with her if their message was difficult for her to hear.”
“You cannot go with them. Juliana is interested in taking her vows.” Aedan stood directly in his path, intentionally blocking him from mounting his horse. “I will not allow you to go over there and cloud the lass’s mind. She needs to make this decision on her own without any pressure from you.”
“Aedan, I am tired of you telling me what to do. I’m your brother, but I’m also a full-grown adult. Don’t you trust me to make my own decisions?”
“I’m warning you, if you interfere with what those lasses are trying to do for Juliana, you’ll regret it.”
“And what can you do to me? You can’t let me go from my position because you haven’t given me one. You sound like Mama, thinking I’m too young to do anything. If you’ll recall, I’m a man eight and twenty. But then again, mayhap you’ll threaten to banish me.”
Ruari pushed past Aedan and retrieved his horse. He mounted and rode for the gates.
“Ruari, if you ignore my warning, I will banish you from Cameron lands!” Aedan shouted after him. “Don’t push me. I will do it!”
He turned his horse around, leaped down, and charged over to his brother, giving him a shove. “There. I pushed you. Now what?” He was so tired of being belittled or ignored by his brother. He’d had enough. “What are you going to do about it, Aedan?”
“You want my worst? Fine! You’re banished. Leave and never come back.”
Ruari paused to catch his breath, his hands on his hips. “I guess I just learned your true feelings for me, brother.”
Aedan’s cheeks were dark red, and he could see how upset he was just by the clenching of his jaw. But it didn’t stop his brother from speaking his mind. “I do this because I care about you. I don’t want to see you throw your life away. Haven’t you ever wanted more? You roam around like a lost dog. Now you’ve had a nice conversation with a beautiful lass, and suddenly you want to incite a clan war? Force the nuns to hate you? What is your purpose in this? It took Jennie and me months to fall in love, to know we were right for each other. After one or two conversations, you think you’ve found your future wife. You are always making rash decisions, and this is another one.”
“To hell with you,” Ruari mumbled, heading back to his horse. Aedan’s words had been like daggers piercing his flesh.
“Don’t do this!”
He was about to mount his horse, but he stopped, clarity finally seeping into his soul. “Aedan, you’re so old you’ve forgotten.”
“The hell I have.”
Ruari threw his arms over his head. “Then why don’t you remember what it was like to fall in love?”
“I remember it well, but it doesn’t apply to you. It’s happened too fast.”
Ruari leaned toward his brother, bellowing at him loudly enough for the monks to hear. “You don’t hear me because you refuse to. Listen well. I love Juliana Clavelle with all my heart. Something I thought I was incapable of because of my first marriage. A marriage full of lies. I don’t want lies any more. I’m choosing to go after the love of my life, to try to convince her to trust in my feelings. She’s lost and she needs me.”
Aedan tried to speak, but he shushed him.
“Nay! I don’t wish to hear your empty words anymore. I am going after her because I will follow her anywhere. She means more to me than anything. Can’t you see?”
His brother stared at him, an odd look on his face.
Ruari turned around slowly and made his way back to his horse. Arguing with his brother was useless. If Aedan truly wished for him to leave, he’d do it, but he was going to see Juliana first. He mounted and reached for the reins, but Aedan called to him.
“Ruari, wait.”
He paused, not bothering to look at his brother—only for Aedan to run out to stand in front of his horse.
“Please tell me you’re not trying to stop me from leaving. You can’t.”
Aedan laughed and stared up at the sky. “Nay. I’ll not stop you. Look up. Can you not see the moon peeping out between the clouds, even during the day? ’Tis so bright, yet the stars steal its glory. And the more you stare at the night sky, the more bright beacons of light you’ll see around the moon. Jennie and I like to compare the differences in the stars based on the shape of the moon.”
“This is hardly the time for star-gazing.”
Aedan laughed again, then strode over to stand next to his brother’s horse, his hand petting the beast’s withers. “Nay, ’tis exactly the right time. My thanks for reminding me of all the reasons I fell in love with Jennie Grant. ’Twas a long time ago.” He paused, rubbing the horse’s muzzle. “Seems I did indeed forget. I apologize for my foolish remarks. You’re my brother, and I support you in this. I hope you can convince Juliana to marry you.”
Ruari said, “Many thanks, Aedan. I hope to give you good news upon my return.”
“You deserve happiness. Godspeed. If you need anything at all, I’m here for you.”
He’d told himself Aedan’s opinion didn’t matter, but the emotion clogging his throat said otherwise. His brother’s support strengthened his will.
When he finally made it to the abbey, he left his horse at the stables. Jennie and the young lasses were exiting the abbey as he approached it, and his sister-in-law strode over to speak with him.
“My thanks for not coming until we were done. Juliana needed to hear the message without you as a witness. I asked Aedan to hold you back, although I wasn’t sure how he’d do it.”
“He came up with a brilliant plan,” Ruari said bitterly. “He told me he’d banish me from Cameron land if I interrupted your visit.”
Jennie was clearly taken aback by this declaration. “Banish you? He said that?”
“He did at first. We came to a better understanding before I left, but not before there were some unkind words exchanged.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Jennie said, her voice insistent. “Aedan loves you dearly. You are his only brother. He thinks verra highly of you.”
“Thank you for saying so, but if he thought highly of me, he would have made me his second long ago. But I’ve accepted it. After making a big show of arguing, he gave me his support in this endeavor.”
“Which endeavor is this? I think I know, but would you mind clarifying it for me?” She gave him a sideways smirk.
“I wish to make Juliana my wife. I love her more than I thought I was capable of, and I’ll not be a fool and walk away.”
“I wish you much luck, though it may be wise for you to walk away for a wee bit. She may need some time to absorb the information she just received. I think she’ll come to the decision you’re hoping for, but I’d let her come to that on her own.” She kissed his cheek and walked away from him.
“Jennie,” he called out after her.
“What is it?”
“I want to support her, to help her through this.” He needed to see her—needed it with a ferocity that shocked him. “I’d like to see her.”
“I wouldn’t go in there just now, Ruari. She was crying and Avelina was with her.”
Avelina did have an unusual gift for comforting others.
“I would give her another day or two,” Jennie said softly. “Please, Ruari. Come back later. She heard a difficult message and she must sort it out on her own.”
He had no idea what was going on in the abbey, but Jennie had never failed him before. She was probably right. Much as he hated to do it, he’d walk away.
Though that simple act
was more painful than he ever would have guessed.
***
Two days.
It had been nearly two days since Juliana had learned the truth about her sister’s wishes. She’d spoken with the abbess, who’d asked her to spend at least a sennight in contemplation before she made her final decision.
The truth awakened her late in the night, after all the nuns and the abbess were abed.
She needed to speak with Ruari at once.
She crept down the long passageway, removing her worn slippers so they wouldn’t make any noise on the cold stone, then put them on when she stepped into the dark, cool night. Huddling in her mantle, she stood for a moment in front of the abbey, saying a quick prayer for the Lord to guide her to do the right thing.
She took a deep breath and moved forward, heading to the stables, where she promptly ran into two guards, both friends of Ruari’s. These were the guards who’d brought her his little gifts.
“Good eve to you. Would either of you be able to escort me to the Cameron keep? I need to advise the Camerons of something.”
“Aye,” one of them said. “Ruari gave me strict instructions that if you ever needed him, I was to assist you in any way possible. I’ll take you there, my lady.”
“I’ll go along with you,” his companion said at once. “I’ll advise the others of where we are headed.”
She let out the breath she’d been holding as the first guard went off to find a horse for her. Soon they were riding away from the abbey, headed toward Cameron land.
Grateful for that small bit of time, she needed to figure out what she wished to do when she arrived. How did one go about telling a guard to drag Ruari out of bed?
She needn’t have worried.
Padraig and Ruari were seated in front of a small hut outside the gates, both drinking ales.
“Ruari?” she said as she stopped her horse. The sight of him lit something inside her, filling her with warmth.
“Juliana? Are you hale? I was coming to see you first thing on the morrow.”
The guard spoke up. “She asked to see you. Would you like us to wait for you, my lady?”
“Nay,” Ruari said. “My thanks for seeing to her safety. I’ll send my own guards to escort her back.”
Once the guards left, he moved over to her horse and asked, “Are you sure you are hale?”
“Ruari, I feel free for the first time in a long time. But why are you out here? Do you not sleep in the Cameron keep?”
“Most of the time,” he said with a shrug. “This is where Padraig sleeps, so I’ve decided to join him for a bit.” He helped her down and said, “Come inside and I’ll find you something warm to drink. No one will know you’re here.”
“Are you sure?” She peeked around the area, though it was a good distance from the other cottages.
Padraig stood and said, “I’ll stay out here and guard you from this chair. You speak with Ruari privately, my lady.”
“I won’t take but a short bit of his time,” she said, then stepped inside the door Ruari held open for her. It was a simple cottage. Two chairs sat in front of the hearth. The flames had died down, but Ruari put more firewood in it, sending sparks shooting into the air. A table and two chairs sat in the middle of the hut, and beyond them there were two beds separated by a chest. A couple of other chests, stacked with various goblets and daggers, completed the furniture.
“Sit, please,” Ruari said. It struck her that he sounded nervous, which made her feel less so. “How are you? I knew Avelina, Jennie, Elyse, and Riley visited with you, but I never heard what came of it. Jennie said she thought it was a good visit for you. I wished to come, but Jennie convinced me to give you some time.” He moved his chair so it was directly next to hers, then cautiously took her hand. “I hope ’twas helpful.”
“Ruari, it was so helpful. I am elated. My sister wanted me to marry you. Your nieces led me to the book where she’d hidden a note for me.” She explained how it had all come to pass.
“Truly? And she never told you any of this?”
“Nay. I don’t know why she didn’t tell me how she felt, but I’m so grateful she left me a message. The abbess asked me to think on it for a sennight, to pray for guidance from our Lord, but I don’t wish to wait any longer. If you’ll still have me, I wish to marry you.”
Ruari jumped out of his chair and tugged Juliana to her feet, wrapping his arms around her. “Lady Juliana,” he said, his voice thick with emotion, “would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
“Aye! Naught would please me more.”
His lips descended on hers, and she sighed, so pleased to be this close to him again. His tongue reached out to hers, encouraging it to dance, and she pressed closer and closer to him, melding her body against his until they nearly felt as one. She stopped and placed her hand on his chest. “When, Ruari? And where will we live? Here on Cameron land? In our own cottage or in the keep?”
Ruari said, “Wherever you would like.”
“You have not changed your mind, have you? What is it?” She gave him a puzzled look, surprised by his answer.
“I thought we’d live on Cameron land, but mayhap we should do something special, something different.” He pursed his lips and locked his gaze on hers. “Mayhap we’ll run away, marry at a kirk, and find our own place to live far from here. I have so many friends in other clans. We could live with the Grants or Ramsays. Perhaps Padraig’s brother would have use for me.”
“Are you certain? I love the thought of traveling for a time, but don’t you have responsibilities to your brother?”
“I have no true responsibilities here, and I’d love to visit with many of my cousins, introduce you to them.”
She thought for a moment, considering his words. Although she didn’t wish to take him away from his family, he painted an alluring picture. Her father hadn’t allowed her to see much of the world. “Could we visit them each and see which we’d like best? I have not traveled much. I would love to go into the Highlands or anywhere new. It would be like an adventure, our verra own adventure as husband and wife.”
He hugged her close and rested his chin on the top of her head. “We’ll be so happy. I have plenty of coin saved.”
“When shall we leave? Are you sure you don’t wish to marry here?”
“Nay, I don’t wish to burden my brother. It is my second marriage, so a quiet ceremony suits me fine. We’ll have a celebration upon our return. I need to gather my things and say my farewells to my mother, Padraig, and a few others. You gather your sister’s things and pack a satchel. I’ll bring an extra horse to carry our things, and we’ll go off on our own.”
She hugged him tight. “I love you, Ruari.”
“I love you, my sweetling. I cannot wait to make you my wife.”
It finally felt like her life was going the right direction. Only one thing bothered her. Her sister’s secret. “Could I make a request? I would like to see my father before we leave. My sister shared a secret with me. I want to ask him about it. And I would like to tell him of our marriage.”
“Agreed, but not until after we marry. I fear he’ll attempt to change your mind.”
“Never.” She leaned against him and kissed him again.
“The day after the morrow. Break your fast, and I’ll come for you just before the sun is highest.”
“I’m so excited,” she giggled, jumping up and down a bit. “Seal it with a kiss?”
They did indeed seal it with a passionate kiss, one she felt all the way down to her toes.
She was to be the wife of Ruari Cameron. This time naught would stop her.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Although Ruari had settled his differences with Aedan, he was pleased with the plan he’d made with Juliana—a plan he didn’t intend to share with anyone but Padraig.
Perhaps he’d find a purpose with one of his cousins. He’d known for some time he wasn’t needed on Cameron land.
One more day, and he’d be leav
ing. He headed toward the tower room to see his mother, opening the door quietly in case she was asleep. She sat in front of the hearth, staring into the flames, her needlework abandoned on her lap.
“Ruari! I’m so glad you’re here. Sit with me a bit?” She pointed to the chair next to her. “I’m lonely this morn. No one has been in to see me.”
“Didn’t Brin stop? Or Tara and Riley?”
“Oh, they’re all busy. How do you fare? You have not been sickly, have you? I haven’t seen you for a few days.”
“I’m hale, Mama. I’ve just been busy. Listen, I may be gone for a few weeks. Don’t worry. I’ll be back to visit with you,” he said, glancing over his shoulders to make sure no one listening.
“Ruari, when will you stop comparing yourself to Aedan? I see you looking for him. You’re a fine lad, too. The stars determined who would be the stronger. Aedan was my first born, so he is the leader and also the strongest. You need not let it upset you any longer.”
“Mama, I don’t. I accept Aedan as my laird. Why do you keep saying that to me?” How he wished he could convince her to stop comparing him to Aedan.
“Oh, Ruari. I know how you think. You should go out to the lists to practice. I’m cold. Will you find another fur for me, please?”
He found two furs, tucked them around her shoulders, then kissed her forehead and left, still pondering why his mother felt the need to repeatedly mention that Aedan was the stronger brother. He hated that word. He’d made himself stronger than Aedan long ago by working so hard in the lists, but his mother hadn’t seemed to notice.
Padraig greeted him in the hall. “Any change in plans? Everything arranged so far?”
“Aye, I only need to collect my coin for the journey. I’m going to do that now, then I’ll bring my satchel down to our hut.” He climbed the stairs to his chamber, then split his coin into two drawstring bags—one small one to carry on his person and one large one to bring in his satchel. When he finished packing, he carried it outside to hide it in Padraig’s hut. Only he didn’t make it very far. Just before he strode through the gates, a small voice called out to him.
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