She shook her head and willed them to go away. She lowered her head and stared into the blackness surrounding her. She could see and hear them as they dodged behind the trees snapping in the wind. The ugly faces taunted her, tortured her, and refused to go away. Not even the downpour of rain that had crept across the field toward her could wash them away. The wind turned the raindrops into tiny cold knives that pricked at her skin. She slung her arms to knock them away, but there were too many. She wiped a muddy hand across her eyes to clear her sight; the scent of gun powder and oil filled her nose and she breathed it in deeply. She raised the revolver and aimed at those who deserved to die. Muzzle flashes exploded into the night, but the faces refused to go away, no matter how many times she fired. The faces laughed at her as she quickly reloaded, prepared to shoot until she no longer had the strength to pull the trigger. The more they laughed at her, the more her grief turned to rage.
LAUREN SPUN AROUND when she heard the gunshots, trying to determine where the sounds came from, but the wind tossed them away. She grabbed the cell phone from her robe pocket and pressed 9-1-1. As calmly as she could, Lauren gave her location and a brief explanation of what was happening. She knew she should stay on the line, but she had to find Athon. Without thinking she stepped from under the carport, cold drops of rain quickly soaking through her robe, chilling her skin. Her eyes scanned the wide field to the side of the house as she periodically wiped the rain from her face.
A flash of lightning illuminated the field for an instant and Lauren thought she saw something. Rushing forward, she stopped when she saw Athon on her knees in the mud, the rain forming small puddles around her. She was wearing only the t-shirt and boxers she’d worn to bed. She was slumped forward holding her head in her hands, rocking back and forth.
“Athon!” Lauren called out.
Athon jerked her head around. “Stop!” she called out as she brought her hand up. “Stay away from me,” she screamed.
In another flash of lightning Lauren saw the pistol Athon now had pressed against her head. Reflexively Lauren stopped and held her hands out toward Athon. “Athon! No!”
“I can’t live like this anymore,” Athon cried. “I don’t know who I am! Oh, Lauren, I’m so sorry.”
Athon lowered the pistol and pressed it against her chest, over her heart. Lauren took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. The moment was broken by the wail of a siren moving up the driveway toward the house. A minute later, a police officer, weapon drawn, ran across the field to join Lauren. Sheriff Raynelle Cosper stopped and took in the scene before her.
Athon raised her pistol toward the two women. “Get off my fuckin’ property!” she yelled.
“Take it easy, Athon. What’s goin’ on, girl?” Raynelle asked.
“Nothin’ much. Just a little problem-solvin’.” With her weapon still pointed at Lauren and Raynelle, Athon laughed, but there was no humor in it. She lowered her head and shook it. Then she jabbed the barrel in Lauren’s direction. “I promised to take care of her forever,” Athon said as if talking only to Raynelle. “If I’m gone, she can have the life she deserves.”
Shrugging off Raynelle’s hand, Lauren moved closer to Athon. “Without you, baby, I won’t have a life,” she said.
“Never took you for a quitter, Athon,” Raynelle said as she inched forward. “Long as I’ve known you you’ve been a scrapper. Pudge thought so, too, kid. But right now you’ve run into somethin’ that’s a lot bigger than you and just need a little help.”
“Please, baby” Lauren said gently.
Tears streamed down Athon’s face, mingling with the rain water. “I’m sorry Lauren. They won’t leave me alone.”
“We can fight them together. There’s nothing we can’t do together,” Lauren soothed.
“Make them go away,” Athon said as her face crumbled and she brought her hands up to cover it. Raynelle placed her hand on the pistol and Athon relinquished her grip on it as Lauren enfolded her in her arms. She buried her face against Lauren and sobbed out her pain.
Raynelle pulled her rain poncho off and wrapped it around the two women as she guided them back into the house.
Once inside, Lauren said, “I have to get her out of these wet clothes. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
“Okay if I make a pot of coffee?” Raynelle asked as she brushed raindrops from her hair.
“Of course, Sheriff. There’s a clean t-shirt in the laundry room. Throw your shirt in the dryer.”
Lauren led Athon into their bedroom and started the shower. Then she stripped off Athon’s clothes and her own and helped Athon into the shower, holding her in her arms as the warm water ran over their bodies. She rubbed her hands over Athon’s back and up and down her arms until the coolness of her body faded away. She kissed her tenderly as she dried both of them and guided Athon into a clean t-shirt and boxers. She pulled back the covers and snuggled close, holding Athon until she was breathing evenly and fell asleep. She slipped out of the bed and dressed quietly before rejoining Raynelle.
“She all right?” Raynelle asked.
“For now,” Lauren said as she filled the cup Raynelle handed her.
Raynelle adjusted her body on the couch in the living room and rested her elbows on her knees. “I’ll have to file a report about this, Lauren,” she said.
“I know,” Lauren responded as she sipped her coffee and glanced at the living room clock.
“Does that pistol have a permit?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll unload it and let you do whatever you think is appropriate with it, but I wouldn’t tell her where it is.”
“Thank you, Raynelle. She has an appointment with her therapist the day after tomorrow. I’ll call in and take tomorrow off to stay with her. I’m already off to take her to her appointment.”
“I know this has been hard for you, Lauren.” Raynelle cleared her throat. “No one would fault you if you—”
“I promised her forever. No matter what,” Lauren snapped.
“I know you meant it, but sometimes they just don’t come back. Somebody does. Just not the person who left.”
“It’s not her fault.”
“Don’t let yourself get hurt while she tries to find her way home.”
A tear trickled down Lauren’s cheek and she wiped it away. “I love her, Raynelle.”
“You love who she was. She needs a lot more help than you can give her. Acting like her personal punching bag won’t help her. You should call an ambulance and have her admitted to the hospital.”
“She hates hospitals! I can’t do that to her!”
“She hates who she’s become! The last thread holding her together broke out there in that field. If I have to I’ll swear she’s suicidal and needs to be committed.”
“You can’t do that to her, Raynelle.”
“I sure as hell can. I don’t want to be called back here one night and find her dead body next to yours.” Raynelle glared at Lauren. “Make the damn call!”
LAUREN FOLLOWED THE gurney as it was rolled quickly into the emergency room at the hospital at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio. She had been allowed to ride in the ambulance with Athon and gripped her hand tightly. Athon stared at the ceiling of the vehicle, refusing to speak or look at Lauren. When she was awakened by the paramedics, she became combative. Lauren didn’t know who Athon was seeing in her mind, but despite her hand-tohand battle with the two large men, she was subdued. Wrist and ankle restraints were quickly and silently applied. Once the gurney entered the ambulance a technician took her vital signs and drew a blood sample. The pricking of her skin caused no reaction.
The gurney stopped next to the emergency room desk as paperwork was exchanged. Eyes that Lauren didn’t recognize glared at her. “Don’t do this,” Athon said in a low voice. Unexpectedly, Athon raised her head and thrashed against the restraints holding her body on the gurney. “Don’t do this, you bitch!” she screamed. Just as quickly, tears rolled down the sides of her face and her
look became pleading. “Please, don’t,” she begged. “I promise to be good. Don’t hurt me again. Please.”
Lauren took her hand and brushed her other hand through Athon’s blonde hair. Her fingers ached from the force of Athon’s grasp as the gurney began to move toward an examination room.
“You can’t go inside,” the orderly pushing the gurney said. “The doctor will speak to you after her examination.”
Lauren nodded, but Athon refused to release her hand. Lauren couldn’t stop her tears as the orderly and a nurse pried Athon’s fingers away. As the gurney rolled into the room, Lauren watched Athon’s fingers clenching and opening as if trying to grasp her hand again. “Don’t leave me here, baby. Lauren! Please don’t leave me,” Athon’s voice continued to plead as the door to the room closed quietly. Lauren turned away and covered her face, releasing the tears she couldn’t hold back any longer.
“MS. SHELTON?” A soft voice asked.
Lauren snapped her head up and stood quickly, looking at a young woman wearing light blue scrubs. “I’m Lauren Shelton,” she answered after clearing her throat.
“Follow me, please,” the woman said politely.
Lauren followed her through the doors leading from the waiting room into the emergency room. They walked past the room where Athon had been taken and turned down another long corridor. Maybe Athon had already been taken to a room, Lauren thought.
They stopped in front of a door and the nurse knocked lightly on it. When she heard a response, she turned the knob and smiled briefly at Lauren as she opened the door. “I have Ms. Shelton, Dr. Cortez,” she said.
Lauren stepped into the room to face a short woman with gray hair. She remembered Athon describing her as a grandmotherly type who was a good listener.
“Thank you, Karen,” Cortez said as she came around the desk and extended her hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Ms. Shelton, even though the circumstances aren’t the best. Please. Have a seat.”
Lauren joined Cortez on a couch that sat against a side wall. “Where is Athon?” she asked.
“The Major has been sedated for now.”
“She’s not in the Army any longer. She retired in July.”
“I know, but apparently she hasn’t left the military completely behind. I understand you are her partner, is that correct?” Cortez asked in a soft voice.
Lauren hesitated, unsure how to answer the question. She raised her chin slightly and coughed. “That’s correct.”
Cortez smiled. “I am a civilian, Ms. Shelton. Quite frankly, I have little interest in anything other than the welfare of my patients. The Major has been quite open with me about your relationship.”
“Can we drop the formality, Dr. Cortez? I just want to know what’s going on.”
The doctor leaned back. “Can you tell me what happened tonight?”
Lauren explained finding Athon and calling the police. Nothing unusual had happened before they had gone to bed. Athon had seemed fine through dinner and hadn’t told her anything out of the ordinary that might have occurred while Lauren was at work. “The only thing we did last night was decorate our Christmas tree.” Lauren frowned.
“What is it, Lauren?” Cortez asked.
Lauren shook her head. “While I was looking for Athon I found a broken ornament next to our tree. It was a little model of a rescue helicopter. Probably nothing. But then I found a shattered picture of her with her helicopter crew.”
“Do thunder and lightning upset her?”
“Not that I’ve ever noticed.” Lauren shrugged.
“I can’t tell you what we’ve discussed during our sessions in any detail, but she is aware she has upset you with some of her behaviors. What exactly does she do that upsets you, Lauren?”
Lauren began to feel uncomfortable. “Most of the things I’ve read on the computer. She yells, calls me names, she’s shoved me and pushed me around. She rarely touches me intimately any more or lets me touch her.”
“She makes you feel unwanted, sexually.”
“Yes. We’ve had sex periodically, but I feel like...I don’t know.”
“As if you weren’t there.”
“I suppose. Her body engages in sex and then she rolls over and goes to sleep.”
“No foreplay?”
“No.”
“Have you been with anyone else?”
Lauren couldn’t meet the doctor’s eyes and felt the burn of tears. Her voice sounded small and weak when she spoke. “Once. Last month with a woman I work with. Neither of us intended for it to happen. It just did.”
“Athon never suspected?”
“Not that I’m aware of. I’m certain there would have been a negative reaction if she knew. She’s accused me of having an affair in the past.”
Cortez patted Lauren’s hand. “Athon has apparently had a break with reality. From what you’ve described it could have been caused by a nightmare or a flashback to something that happened during her last deployment, or it could have been caused by something even further in her past. Perhaps the two events overlapped in some way tonight and pushed her over the edge.”
“What happens now? Can I see her?”
“I’ve had her transferred to a treatment facility. You won’t be able to see her for...a while I’m afraid. Just know that she will be taken care of. Right now I’m concerned about you. The spouse or significant other of a Wounded Warrior suffers just as much, but in a different way. For years the military has denied that something like PTSD even existed. From the number of cases I’ve dealt with over the last few years, I hazard to guess they are incorrect. They are only now beginning to do anything to help these men and women and their families.” Cortez stood and went to her desk. She wrote on a pad and handed it to Lauren. “That is the name and phone number of a military wife who has formed a group that meets periodically to discuss problems associated with PTSD and TBI. You’re not alone, Lauren. I know you love Athon, but no amount of love can make her problems go away.”
As Cortez walked to the door Lauren stood. “When will I know something?”
“Soon. Her mental health care providers are already putting a treatment plan in place.”
Lauren joined the doctor at the door. “So I just go home and wait?”
“For a while.”
Lauren took a deep breath and prepared to leave. Cortez stopped her and smiled. “Just so you know, she loves you too and hates herself for what she’s doing. She knows she’s doing things that hurt you, but cannot stop herself.”
Lauren smiled down at the diminutive woman. “Thank you, Doctor.” She walked down the corridor, distracted by looking for her cell phone and trying to find her way back to the emergency room exit. She heard someone call her name and turned to see the orderly who had taken Athon into an examination room walking toward her.
“Ms. Shelton?”
“Yes.”
“Could I speak to you a minute, outside?”
She nodded and followed the middle-aged man into the waiting room and out the hospital exit. As soon as he was outside he shook a cigarette from a pack and offered her one. She shook her head and waited as he lit his and inhaled the smoke deeply, exhaling it in a long, gray stream. “This might not help, but there was nothing you could have done to prevent what happened to Major Dailey tonight. You did the right thing by having her brought in,” he said.
“I hope you’re right,” Lauren said, shivering slightly from the cold damp air.
“I’ve been in the military and served as a medic with a combat unit when all hell broke loose over there. I want you to know that just last year, that was me in that room wearing restraints and my wife was standing where you are right now. Now take a bunch of deep breaths and do that every time you start to doubt you’ve done the right thing. She’ll make it.”
Lauren moved closer to him and hugged him tightly. “Thank you,” she said. When they separated, she was surprised to see Raynelle Cosper ambling across the parking lot toward her.
�
��I figured you’d need a ride home sooner or later,” the sheriff said.
Lauren nodded and followed Raynelle to her patrol car. The earlier downpour had tapered off to a light drizzle, but Lauren didn’t seem to notice. She settled into the front seat and fastened her seat belt as Raynelle started the engine and backed away. Lauren was exhausted and was glad the sheriff didn’t feel the need to ask questions. She closed her eyes, still seeing the tortured, panicked look on Athon’s face.
Lauren gasped when a hand on her shoulder snapped her awake. She ran her hand over her face and looked around to see where she was.
“Do you have your keys?” Raynelle asked.
Lauren found her purse on the floor of the patrol car and rummaged through it. “I left in such a hurry,” she mumbled.
Raynelle got out of the vehicle and walked to the back of the house, returning a few minutes later to open the car door for Lauren. “Back door was unlocked,” she reported. “I checked inside and it’s okay.”
Once they were back inside the house, Raynelle said, “Get some sleep if you can. I’ll let your school know you won’t be in today.”
Lauren didn’t have the energy to argue as she removed her coat and hung it in the closet. She changed into a long sleep shirt and crawled into bed, pulling Athon’s pillow against her body for comfort.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Duvalle, Texas December 2010
A SMELL BROUGHT Lauren out of a deep, dreamless sleep and she rushed from the bedroom toward the kitchen. She must have left something cooking on the stove. She grabbed the door frame to stop her momentum when she saw someone standing in front of the stove, stirring a pot. Pat looked at her and smiled. “Thought you might be hungry when you woke up,” she said. “I make a dynamite chili even if I do say so myself.”
“What are you doing here? What time is it? The school—”
“Will survive in my absence. It’s out already anyway. I received a call from a Sheriff Cosper this morning. She told me you wouldn’t be in due to a problem at home. There was only one problem I could think of so I left at noon to make sure you were all right.”
Picking Up The Pieces Page 23
