Picking Up The Pieces

by Brenda Adcock

  “How did you get in?” Lauren asked with a frown.

  “The sheriff stayed until I arrived and let me in. Next question,” Pat said. “This is almost ready if you’re hungry.”

  “I need to—”

  “You need to rest and get your energy back,” Pat said as she opened cabinets, searching for a bowl. “Sit down.”

  “Pat,” Lauren said, unable to look at her.

  “I’m only here because you shouldn’t be alone,” Pat said. “The sheriff said to tell you that someone named Bridget will be here with you this evening.” She paused when she found the bowls. “I’m your friend, Lauren. That’s all. Let me do what friends do.”

  “Can I at least get dressed?”

  “You have five minutes,” Pat said with a warm smile.

  Lauren quickly changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt after washing her face and running a brush through her disheveled hair in an attempt to look presentable. She joined Pat at the dining room table and sat, drawing a leg up beneath her. She stared at the glass next to the steaming bowl of chili. “Milk?”

  “Well, the chili might be a little spicy and milk’s the best thing to put the fire out,” Pat explained with a grin.

  “It smells good,” Lauren said as she dipped a spoon into her bowl and blew on it.

  “I didn’t have the recipe in front of me, but I’ve made it so many times that I think I got it right.”

  Lauren brought the spoon to her mouth and cautiously tasted the chili, letting it remain in her mouth for her taste buds to absorb the flavor. She nodded and pointed to the bowl with her spoon as she chewed and swallowed. “This is really good, Pat. I need your recipe. Athon loves...” she said with a hitch in her voice.

  Pat didn’t comment and continued eating, crumbling crackers to mix with the chili. “Maybe a little more chili powder,” she said around a mouthful of food.

  They continued to eat silently until their spoons scraped the last bite out of their bowls. Lauren looked embarrassed when she asked for a second helping. She sat back as Pat carried both bowls to the stove and filled them again.

  “I don’t even know where she is,” Lauren said when Pat set the bowl in front of her.

  Pat rested a hand on Lauren’s shoulder. “They’ll take care of her,” she said.

  “I’ll be back at work tomorrow,” Lauren said.

  “Take whatever time you need,” Pat said with a shrug.

  “I can’t sit around here feeling sorry for myself,” Lauren said with a hint of anger in her voice.

  “Whatever floats your boat,” Pat quipped as she shoveled another spoonful of chili into her mouth.

  “How can you treat this all so...so lightly?”

  “I’m not, but I know a war can’t be won in a single battle. You have to take it one battle at a time. Otherwise, you drive yourself crazy.”

  “Do you think Athon is crazy?”

  “I didn’t say that. She’s definitely lost. For your sake, I hope they can help her find the path home.”

  “GOOD MORNING, MAJOR Dailey,” a tall, distinguished-looking man dressed in civilian clothes said cheerfully. “Did you sleep well?”

  “I guess,” Athon said coldly.

  “No nightmares?”

  “No. When can I leave?”

  “What do you remember about Tuesday night?”

  “Last night?”

  “Actually Tuesday was a couple of days ago. What do you remember?”

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m Dr. Chambers. You don’t remember me?”

  “If I did I wouldn’t be asking who the hell you are,” Athon snapped.

  “Then we’ll start from the beginning. I’m Dr. Leo Chambers, your primary physician while you’re here.”

  Athon started to raise her hand to rub her face, but it was attached to the rail of her bed. Chambers saw the panic in her eyes and said, “I think we can remove these now.” He watched her eyes dart around the room as he released the first soft restraint from her wrist. “We spoke for a few minutes Wednesday morning. Frank’s fine, by the way. I spoke to him Wednesday evening. He said to tell you that he had your back and to quit worrying.”

  “He told us it was safe to make the pick up! He lied and they’re dead! My whole fuckin’ crew is dead.”

  Dr. Chambers showed no reaction to Athon’s outburst and waited until she calmed down. “I’ll let you get settled and have breakfast before I introduce you to the team that’ll be working with you.”

  Athon blinked hard as she stared at Chambers. “Am I...am I crazy, Doc?”

  He patted her shoulder. “Absolutely not, Major. You just need to learn a few coping skills.” When she continued to stare at him, he said, “We need to find ways for you to deal with stress, anger, grief, guilt, and other things that cause you to overreact to certain situations.”

  She rubbed her hands together and looked at them. “You’re not gonna get all up in my head, are you? It’s not a pretty place.”

  “Eventually, we may have to take a peek.”

  “Can I see Lauren?”

  “When you think you’re ready to see her we’ll schedule a visit.”

  “I don’t want her to see me like this.”

  Chambers smiled. “She’s already seen you at your worst, Athon. We’ve got a lot of work to do and it all depends on you.”

  FOUR LONG, EMPTY days and nights had crawled by. Now Lauren had a long, empty weekend to look forward to. The following week would be the last five days before students and staff were released for their Christmas break. It was the season she looked forward to the most, but she would be spending another two and a half weeks alone. There were people like Pat, Bridget, and Marty she could spend time with even though she knew she wasn’t much fun to be around. She wanted to see Athon, she needed it. She needed a way to distract her mind and body. Alone all she did was think. What could she have done differently?

  She jumped when the house phone rang shrilly. She picked up the receiver as she rested a hip against the couch. “Hello,” she said.

  A low voice, barely audible asked, “Lauren?”

  “Athon? Oh my God, are you all right?”

  “I’m okay. I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too, baby. When can I see you? I don’t even know where you are for sure.”

  “I’m in a rehab place in San Antonio. Lauren?”

  “I’m here, sweetie.”

  “I’m s...sorry,” Athon managed as her voice cracked.

  “There’s nothing for you to be sorry about, honey.”

  “Forgive me.”

  Lauren didn’t know what to say as tears rolled down her cheeks. She wiped them away and said the only thing she could think of. “Forever and always, Athon.”

  She heard Athon sniff and blow her nose. “If you want to, I can have a visitor tomorrow. I want you to understand.”

  “What time can I come?”

  “Maybe after lunch, if that’s all right. I don’t want to keep you from anything.”

  “There’s nothing more important to me than seeing you again. I’m sorry I took you there.”

  “No. You did the right thing. You had to protect yourself...from me, from who I’ve become.”

  “Do you need anything?”

  “No.”

  “Tell me what you’ve been doing there,” Lauren said.

  “Tomorrow. I gotta go now.”

  “Wait! I don’t know where you are.”

  She heard Athon speak to someone, but her words were muffled as if she was covering the handset. A moment later an unfamiliar voice came on the line. “Ms. Shelton, this is Abby Danner. I’m Athon’s day nurse. She’s in the polytrauma rehabilitation center at Audie Murphy Hospital on post.” She gave Lauren directions to the new facility and told her where to go to visit a patient. Lauren heard another voice in the background. Abby’s voice seemed to speak away from the receiver before she cleared her throat and said, “She wants me to tell you that she would understand if you didn’
t come.”

  Lauren’s voice was strangled as she assured the nurse she would be there and said goodbye. She tried to remember what little Athon had said as she cried. Athon hadn’t sounded like herself on the phone. Her voice seemed distance and unsure. Although it was nearly twenty-four hours before her visit, Lauren spent the afternoon deciding what to wear.

  LAUREN WAITED AT the reception desk and looked around the facility that was still partially under construction. It was light and airy, but she was impatient to see Athon again.

  “Dr. Chambers, Major Dailey’s primary, would like to speak to you for a few minutes before you see her,” the receptionist said. “He’s on his way if you’d care to have a seat.”

  Lauren walked to a grouping of upholstered seats nearby and checked her clothing. She had chosen a pair of light tan slacks and Athon’s favorite soft, forest green sweater. Athon loved to run her hands over the fabric, finding it soothing in some way. She didn’t know what she would say to Athon when she finally saw her.

  “Ms. Shelton?” a deep voice said as a man took a seat caddy corner to hers. He reached out to shake her hand firmly. “I’m Leo Chambers. My team and I have been working with Athon since her arrival.”

  “How is she?” Lauren asked.

  “Probably different than you remember,” he answered. He laughed, “Certainly not like the last time you saw her.”

  “I was surprised when she called last night,” she said.

  “It was her decision even though we weren’t sure she was ready to see you yet.”

  “Will she be all right?”

  “Eventually.” Chambers leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “We see patients who are dealing with post-traumatic stress disorder on a daily basis and many who have also received a traumatic brain injury. Fortunately, Athon’s TBI has been diagnosed as mild. Also fortunately, the treatment for her TBI is pretty much the same as the treatment for PTSD. The two of them together account for many of her problems.”

  “But not all of them,” Lauren said.

  Chambers shook his head. “What do you know about her childhood?”

  “Not much. She doesn’t like to talk about it. She told me her parents were dead. Her mother died of a drug overdose, I think, and the man she thought was her father was murdered.”

  “You never met them then?”

  “I saw her father once briefly, but never met her mother. Why is this important?”

  “It may not be,” he answered with a smile. “Sorry if I seem to be picking your brain, but to help Athon I have to know as much as possible about her. She’s remained fairly quiet during our sessions, especially the group sessions.”

  “She’s never been comfortable talking about herself and definitely not in front of other people.”

  “Has she ever discussed the time she was captured?”

  “Never. All I know about is her rescue. She was in a coma after that.”

  “Have you contacted anyone in the group Dr. Cortez recommended yet?”

  “No.”

  “You should. The women and men in the spouse’s group have all experienced much of what you have. It does help to be able to discuss it with someone who’s been where you are now.”

  Lauren looked at him. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Going to work every day, not knowing where she is or how she is, is tearing me apart.”She sniffed as she tried to fight off the tears building in her eyes. “I don’t want her to see me upset.”

  “But you are upset and she’s the cause. She needs to know the effect of what she does and learn how to prevent it before it happens. You can’t be afraid of letting her know how you feel. She’s responsible for her actions, not you. She has to learn to deal with her pain and not shove it onto anyone else. When you see her act normally.” Chambers stood. “I’ll have you escorted to the visitor’s room. And make sure you contact that group. No excuses.”

  Lauren followed a friendly candy-striper type to an elevator and then down a corridor that overlooked a covered area that held bench seats and picnic tables. Although she was anxious to see Athon again after abandoning her in the emergency room, she was just as afraid of Athon’s reaction to being abandoned. The volunteer pushed open a door into a large room. Lauren looked around for Athon.

  When she finally located her, she wanted to turn around and leave. She almost didn’t recognize Athon, who was standing in front of a window, gazing at something outside. She looked thinner than Lauren remembered and her cheeks seemed to have sunken in. Act normally, Dr. Chambers had told her. She tried to force her face into a pleasant expression as she approached Athon. Her sneakers made a grating squeaking sound as she walked, drawing Athon’s attention. When Lauren saw Athon’s eyes she increased her pace and didn’t stop until she held Athon in her arms, embracing her tightly. A few seconds later she felt arms encircling her as Athon buried her head in her shoulder. They stood embracing on another and rocking slowly from side to side for several minutes before parting. Athon rested her forehead against Lauren’s and kept her eyes closed.

  “I love you. I’m sorry,” Athon murmured.

  Lauren ran her fingers through soft blonde hair and kissed her cheeks and down to her neck. “I love you, too, baby,” she said softly.

  They located seats at a nearby empty table and Lauren entwined her fingers with Athon’s. Athon choked out a sharp laugh. “I don’t know what to say. I had so much to talk about until I saw you.” She looked up. “I wasn’t sure you’d really come.”

  “Nothing could have kept me away,” Lauren said. “How are you doing?”

  Athon took a deep breath. “They keep me busy,” she said, leaning back in her chair.

  “You look thinner.”

  Athon shrugged. “I haven’t had much of an appetite.” One corner of her mouth curled up. “Food at home is better.”

  “I’ll fix all your favorite things when you come home. Have they given you any idea when that might be yet?”

  “I think soon for maybe a furlough over the holidays, but I might have to come back.”

  Lauren beamed. “Then you might be home for Christmas.”

  Athon looked down at their hands and tightened her grip. “I might not ever be the same. If you want to leave, I’ll understand.”

  “Do you want me to leave?” Lauren asked.

  Athon shook her head. “No, but I won’t blame you if you do.”

  “What have you learned here so far, honey. Can we talk about it?”

  “I’m learning how to cope with my anger before it gets out of hand. They say I’m doing pretty good so far.” She looked at Lauren again. “I’m trying really hard.” She laughed slightly. “It’s exhausting being me, you know. How’s school?”

  Lauren rolled her eyes and smiled. “Exhausting! The kids get out for Christmas at the end of next week and it’s like trying to herd cats.”

  Athon chuckled. “Have you talked to Bridget?”

  “She calls every day to ask how you are. Tonight I’ll have a lot to tell her. If she knows you’re coming home for Christmas, I’ll have to change the sheets in the guest room.” What Lauren thought she saw in Athon’s eyes hadn’t been there in a long time. She glanced around the room before leaning closer to Athon and kissing her soundly. When she moved her lips away, she breathed, “I hope that wasn’t against the rules.”

  Athon pulled Lauren into her lap. “Who gives a shit,” she mumbled as they embraced. “God, you feel so damned good.”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  San Antonio, Texas December 2010

  LAUREN ARRIVED AT the rehab center two days before Christmas. She was excited about having Athon home, but worry nagged at her. She had met with a group of women a week earlier. She recognized the things they described. Athon’s descent into the terrors of her PTSD had occurred quickly, almost as soon as they returned to Duvalle. Many of the other women described how they coped with long-term, undiagnosed PTSD, some going back as far as the Vietnam period before manifesting
into recognizable symptoms. The symptoms had always been there, of course, but hadn’t reached their point of explosion for many years. They all believed that Lauren was fortunate to deal with her partner’s behavioral changes so soon, but they all warned her that it could still be a long time before the interventions Athon learned at the hospital ended. It was an ongoing problem that would have to be continually fine-tuned. For her own protection they advised her to open a separate bank account in case she had to leave to protect herself. They recommended she purchase a second cell phone in case she needed to call for help and keep a weapon hidden, just in case. Lauren considered what they told her to be ridiculous. Athon would never hurt her physically. But what if she did? She hated thinking it could happen, but still visited her bank and purchased a pay-as-you-go phone, entering three numbers on speed dial. She felt guilty about not trusting Athon completely.

  It was unusual in the San Antonio area, but a cold front moved across the region the day Lauren drove to take Athon home. She ducked her head as she hurried into the front doors of the rehab center. She was surprised to see Dr. Chambers lounging against the reception desk. He stood up erectly when he saw her.

  “I hope we make it home before the streets ice over,” she said as she shook sleet off her coat.

  “I hope I can make it home after my shift,” Chambers said with a laugh. “Looking forward to having Athon home?”

  “Looking forward to a peaceful week lounging in front of the fireplace,” she answered with a smile.

  “Can we talk for just a minute?” he asked. “I promise not to delay you long. Her nurse will bring Athon down in a few minutes.”

  “Is there a problem, Doctor?”

  “Athon is doing very well. She’s adapting to the coping skills she’s learned quickly. However, we haven’t been able to get her to open up about her childhood or her captivity in Afghanistan. Oh, she’s spoken about her treatment by her captors and her rescue, but we feel she’s not divulging some information that could help her. One of her doctors believes something happened during those four days that brought back a painful memory from her childhood that she’s not prepared to deal with yet.”