I thought back to the day that Gareth had first seen me here in this very room. The memory helped me decide what to wear and I lifted out the pale blue dress I’d been wearing on my arrival that day. I then lifted down the blue bonnet which matched the gown, and handed it to Pru.
‘I know why you’ve picked this, Miss,’ she said, helping me into the silk dress, Tut it’s not my place to make a comment and that’s a fact.’
‘You are right in your assumption, Pru, and I am quite happy for you to say whatever is on your mind,’ and added, Tor today at least.’
‘Well Miss, if that’s the case I’d just like to say I hope you and the young gentleman can put things right and very soon,’ Pru bravely answered.
‘And so do I, Pru,’ I acknowledged adjusting the skirt of the dress and flattening the lace collar. ‘I’ll wear my cameo brooch today for Grandmother gave it to me when I admired it as a child.’ At the words I had another fleeting thought about the events of yesterday and tried to dismiss it from my mind or I would start weeping again.
After Pru had arranged my hair, I went down to breakfast, for the first time Uncle William, Aunt Rachel and Gareth were sitting at the table, they all looked at me as I entered the room. I took a seat which Gareth held for me, quite the gentleman I thought. However could I have doubted his intentions, I so desperately needed to talk to him but needed to wait until we had visited the graveyard.
Little was said at the breakfast table other than Aunt Rachel asking, ‘How are you today, Silvia?’
‘I feel a little better thank you, Aunt,’ I responded quietly. It was true in as much as I wasn’t spilling tears everywhere, but inside I felt as if I had a huge knot in my stomach.
I’d fetched my bonnet and Pru had laid the cream shawl around my shoulders. ‘Just in case you feel cold,’ she had explained. The shawl caused me to think of Gareth and the bluebell wood. More unpleasant thoughts and question came into my head. Where is Jared?
We stepped into the April sunshine and I could see a very handsome landau with the roof folded back had been brought to the front of the house. Aunt Rachel and Uncle William seated themselves inside and Gareth indicated for me to do the same.
‘One moment, Gareth please, I wish to pick some flowers for our grand-mother,’ I explained.
‘I’ll come with you,’ he said, following me to the flower border. The primroses were turning their pretty yellow heads to the sun and I felt almost cruel as I picked about twenty and arranged them in a small bunch which I asked Gareth to hold while I tied them with some pink ribbon I had found in my work basket.
‘Silvia,’ Gareth caught my arm gently as I was about to walk back to the carriage, his deep brown eyes looked at me appealingly, ‘when we return to the house I need to speak with you alone,’ he confessed.
‘We are of the same mind, cousin,’ I said with some relief, for he had saved me from broaching the subject myself which could have appeared quite unladylike.
Comfortably sitting in the carriage next to Gareth for all of our journey, I could see Culmoor Church perched on top of the hillock. My thoughts were in disarray, Lizzie, Gareth, Jared, Estelle and my wedding gown were all jumbled up in my head, and as hard as I tried I could not separate one from the other. We stopped near the graveyard as in that first day and my thought was that I had come around in a full circle in just over three weeks. The difference being that today instead of an icy wind a cool breeze blew pleasantly across my face.
Gareth by my side, we entered the graveyard following Aunt Rachel, with me clutching the posy I had picked for Lizzie. We walked among the grave-stones to the far side and I could see Aunt Rachel unlatch a gate in the corner which I hadn’t realised was there. We followed her through it and she led us behind the wall where halfway along I could see a mound of earth.
Thankfully the sun shone through the trees on to the grave which made me feel a little more at ease. I loathed to think of my grandmother lying in the cold earth away from the sunlight.
Gareth gently squeezed my arm to give me comfort. I noticed a small varnished wooden cross had been placed in the earth at one end, as I bent to look at it I could see the name, Elizabeth, had been lovingly carved into the wood with the date 1851.
I looked at Aunt Rachel. Now Grandfather is gone and has no bearing on this grave anymore we should place a small headstone here, Aunt.’ I’d made a statement which I felt very strongly about, for this lovely lady who was my grandmother, had taken her life because of a grandfather who caused her nothing but pain.
‘I agree with Silvia,’ Gareth spoke up. ‘The wooden cross is admirable but not enough.’
‘We will order one,’ agreed Aunt Rachel. ‘We should get back for I feel all of us have endured enough,’ she said quietly.
‘Could you please leave me here a moment?’ I asked tentatively, ‘For there is something I wish to say to Grand-mother alone.’
‘But of course, dear,’ said Aunt Rachel placing a cold hand over mine. She suddenly seemed more her normal self, perhaps bringing us here had been a trial for her, and now the deed was accomplished she felt more at ease. I stood amongst the trees, bending down I laid the posy of primroses on the sandy coloured earth.
‘I found you,’ I whispered, ‘and would never have stopped searching, I love you and Gareth also, please lead me on the right path with him and help me choose my words wisely.’ So saying I walked back to the carriage feeling a great sense of peace. Gareth was waiting to assist me as I climbed in and all the way back to Darkwood his hand lay closed over mine.
Stepping on to the path outside the house Gareth detained me while his mother and father walked on inside.
‘It is time for us now, Silvia. For there is something I want to say to you,’ Gareth’s words conveyed to me that he was as eager to say what was on his mind, as was I. We agreed to talk in the morning-room and, as we stepped through the door of this delightful room, I cast my mind back to the last time we were here together when Gareth had proposed to me and slipped the betrothal ring on my finger.
As if reading my thoughts Gareth said, ‘You are not wearing the ring today.’ As he spoke I removed my bonnet and lay it on the table by the door.
‘Only because I feared I may lose it,’ I answered as I sat in the armchair while Gareth turned his mother’s chair around to sit on.
‘Silvia, I don’t know why you said you wouldn’t marry me, but before you say anything, I’d like to explain myself if I may,’ he said questioningly.
‘Please do, Gareth, for I ardently wish to know your thoughts,’ I replied, impatience welling up inside me.
‘When our grandfather’s Will was read and I came to your room I was determined to dislike you, but at the same time determined to marry you for the sake of this house.’ He paused momentarily, standing up, arms behind his back, he started pacing the floor. ‘And then I admired you for your liking of Tennyson and Dickens, what I hadn’t expected was to fall in love with you.’
‘Oh Gareth,’ I exclaimed, ‘if only you had declared this before I cancelled our wedding, I was so sure you didn’t love me.’
‘And do you love me?’ he asked, stopping his pacing he stood before me.
‘Without hesitation I can say yes, I do love you,’ I declared.
‘And will you marry me?’ he asked, raising one dark eyebrow in question.
‘Yes Gareth, I will marry you,’ I agreed, breathing a sigh of relief that this conversation had gone well. He took my hand and pulling me to my feet drew me near to him.
‘Then let us marry on Saturday as arranged.’ The words he spoke made my heart sing and I was happy once more.
‘But the church is cancelled,’ I said with some alarm.
‘We can rebook it, the banns have been called.’ The words made me think of Estelle. Now what has distressed you, darling?’
‘It is nothing,’ I answered untruthfully.
‘I can tell by your face it is something.’ Gareth’s words showed how astute he had become at
assessing my emotions. ‘Now tell me for we must have no secrets between us.’
‘It is Estelle.’ My voice faltered. ‘What will become of her, Gareth? For she is so lovely.’
‘Dear heart, Estelle is being cared for by the nuns at an Abbey not far from here, it is for the best. My mother arranged it. Now smile for me please and tell me that you are happy,’ he coaxed.
‘Now let us go and tell my father and mother,’ suggested my husband-to-be, dropping a gentle kiss on my lips, nothing felt matter of fact or unemotional now.
Uncle William and Aunt Rachel were delighted. While Gareth went to Culmoor to the vicarage with Uncle William, I stayed to talk with my aunt.
‘So Silvia, you are now ready for marriage to my son?’ she asked seriously.
‘Completely and without doubt, Aunt, for I know the union is for love. It is such a pity Mother is not here, and what of Jared?’ I asked, anxious to know what had become of him.
‘It is a shame about your mother. She left far too hastily and as for Jared, he’ll turn up one day like the prodigal son.’ This led me to believe that my aunt had experienced this problem before with the ruthless son of the ruthless Samuel.
‘Aunt Rachel,’ I said cautiously, ‘there is one thing about your mother I wish so much to know.’
‘Ask me child, for it will not distress me now,’ said my aunt.
‘Whereabouts in the wood was Lizzie found?’ The question had been burning in my mind since we had left the graveyard.
‘I can show you if it will not cause you any more pain.’ My aunt looked at me gently as she spoke.
‘I’d like that, it will lay the ghost to rest completely,’ I answered truthfully.
Aunt Rachel and I walked together in the sunshine across the bridge, stopping for some seconds to watch the river sparkling in the sun. As we neared the wood both of us looked at each other.
‘It is so beautiful Silvia, a carpet of blue, I can see why my mother loved it here.’ As she spoke we stepped on the path between the bluebells, as I followed Aunt Rachel I knew that we were following Lizzie’s last steps.
Passing the tree that Jared had pushed me against, I thought of that moment and how Gareth had stepped in to save me. We walked farther into the wood until I could see we were nearly at the other side.
Just as we were about to step into the sunshine, Aunt Rachel stopped and indicated the tree where Samuel had his portrait painted. I felt anger, anger at a man who could be so cruel as to stand where his loving wife had died and then have the audacity to hang the picture at the top of the staircase for everyone to see.
How I hated him and all he stood for and I vowed then that when I was Mistress of Darkwood in two days’ time that I would have the portrait burned and the blue walls painted in the green and pink my grandmother had loved. I would thwart him as Lizzie had, and with that thought in my mind I walked back through the bluebell wood with a strength I never had before.
* * *
The morning of my wedding day dawned and I hardly dared draw back the curtains, but when I did I could see that the sun shone for us in a cloudless sky. We were to be married at twelve o’clock. Before getting ready, Aunt Rachel asked me to go to the dining-room and on stepping inside I was astounded to see that, as if by magic, the walls had been painted a pale green overnight.
The wedding breakfast was laid, the table looked so inviting with an ivory cloth covering it on which had been laid silver knives, forks, spoons and serviette holders also pretty rose-coloured dishes and in the centre of it all was a beautifully-decorated two-tier wedding cake.
‘Aunt Rachel, thank you so much,’ I said kissing her on the cheek.
‘It is my pleasure, and here is a small gift from me to remember your wedding day by.’ As she spoke my aunt offered me a small oblong package. On removing the tissue paper I could see with delight it was a lovely hand-stitched book mark with Gareth’s name and mine in green and the date of our marriage the 15th of April 1865 in gold, underneath were the words, God bless you both.
‘I shall treasure it,’ was all I could say, for I suddenly felt an emotion, not sad but happy and I could have twirled Aunt Rachel round the dining-room, but a sense of decorum prevented me from doing so.
As we stepped back into the hall a familiar voice boomed out, ‘So Silvia, you’ve changed your mind again, most inconvenient as I was just getting settled, now here we are again.’ Before I turned in the direction of the voice I knew it was Mother, it could be no-one else, she had a bit of Samuel in her, not cruel but domineering.
‘Mother!’ I exclaimed and I thought my happiness would never end.
‘Come on, child, I need a hand or I’ll never be ready.’ As she spoke Aunt Rachel and I threw back our heads and laughed. ‘This is a solemn occasion Silvia and I’ll thank you to remember that, and you Rachel,’ Mother admonished with a rare smile on her face.
Isabel arrived full of excitement and Pru could hardly contain herself, not helping at all really just bustling about, my only hope was that she could keep still long enough to do my hair. Just before we got ready there was a tap at the door, it was Gareth.
‘You can’t come in, sir!’ shrieked Pru, ‘it’s bad luck.’
‘If you could just hand this to the bride and tell her it’s to match her eyes.’
I could hear Gareth’s deep voice, ‘And this is for her bridesmaid. Tell the lovely Silvia, I’ll see her at the altar.’ Pru shut the door swiftly and turned to us.
‘Oh look, Miss,’ she said and broke into tears, ‘it’s so lovely, it really is so lovely.’ I looked at what Gareth had handed to Pru, for me a posy of violets wrapped in lace with an ivory silk ribbon and for Isabel a posy of white primulas also wrapped in lace with a blue ribbon.
We stood ready Isabel and I, complimenting each other on how we looked, as we glanced in the mirror the reflection looking back at us appeared so different from the other day in as much that it really looked like me, the lace veil was exquisite and I could see my black hair shining through it.
I looked down at my feet and the dainty half-boots of silk, and said to myself, ‘Enjoy this day for you will never look or feel like this again.’
Mother wore a light purple gown with a matching bonnet and I noticed she carried a white lace handkerchief. Aunt Rachel wore a dress of pale rose-coloured silk with a rose pink bonnet, Pru had been told she could attend the service and wore her best outfit, a pale green dress, her mop of red hair escaping a matching green bonnet.
As Isabel and I walked down the staircase my thought was that when I walked up it next time I would be Mrs Hunter.
I clung to Uncle William’s arm as we walked up to the church gate, Isabel close behind us also I suspected savouring every moment, she did indeed look like a brightly coloured butterfly, the moth had disappeared and I intended it to stay that way.
As I walked down the aisle on Uncle William’s arm to meet my bridegroom, the sun’s rays slanted through the windows and every few steps we were caught in a beam of light which momentarily obscured my vision. But as I reached Gareth’s side my heart skipped a beat for he looked more handsome than ever, his coal black hair and dark eyes shining, dressed in a black jacket, trousers and waistcoat with a white ruffled shirt that suited him perfectly and I notice through a haze of sudden brief tears that he wore a violet in his lapel. As he looked at me and smiled he whispered, ‘You look captivating.’ And then I heard George Poulter’s voice.
‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered...’ And I knew today there would be no interruption.
We stepped out as man and wife, rice was thrown and a voice held our attention for a moment.
‘Good luck, brother.’ It was Jared, I looked at him and thought of what he needed to be told, but not today and I felt some compassion for him in spite of the incident in the bluebell wood.
Much later I said to Gareth, ‘I desire to walk with you in the fresh air, husband.’ He smiled an engaging smile.
‘Whatever my beautiful wife wishes
,’ he replied. So we walked to the bridge, it was a warm night and as we stood there together I looked back at the house, moonlight bathed the walls and I knew Darkwood was at peace having relinquished its secrets.
I turned back to Gareth, ‘I have something for you.’ And out of his pocket he took a small book, on looking at it closely I could see it was a red leather bound volume of Tennyson’s Lady Of Shallot.
I was lost for words, but not my husband, Tor when the moon was overhead, came two young lovers lately wed,’ so saying he took me in his arms, I looked at the window of the master bedroom and thought with some joy that tonight I would share it with my husband whom I loved with all my heart, and reaching up to him our lips met in a slow lingering kiss and I knew Grandmother would have approved of our love for each other. We drew apart and walked back to Darkwood to start our lives together for always.
If you enjoyed reading Darkwood, you might be interested in A Strange Affair by Rosemary Smith, also published by Endeavour Press.
Extract from A Strange Affair by Rosemary Smith
1
I first met Kieran Alexander on an autumn day in Shrewsbury in 1883. I’d been looking out of the long glass window of the library at the scene below. I could see Shrewsbury Castle opposite me. Its red walls mellowed to a warm orange by the early afternoon sun matching the autumn leaves which covered the ground on this late September afternoon.
I had little to look forward to, no family and no friends except for Clarissa who taught at the Academy as I had done until two weeks ago, when I was dismissed for taking a pupil’s side, when to my mind she had been treated unfairly. What path lay before me now I had no idea, a post as a governess perhaps, but with no recommendation I doubted whether this would be possible. So I spent my days in the warmth of the library reading books about Elizabeth I and the Tudors, a subject I was avid about.
It filled my days and then the evenings were spent alone in my dingy room except for an hour or two which Clarissa managed to share with me. Thankfully I was surviving on savings I’d accumulated while working and living in the Academy.
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